stinks, LOL! Don't lose hope on the wedding. If it's supposed to be before the end of the year then it will be. I don't know the exact situation but I cannot imagine why the man of your dreams would postpone the wedding (again) when you have no doubt been going through all the trouble of wedding plans and getting a dress (not an easy task on a regular day, let alone when you have a baby to account for in there!). Ryan already knows you are "the one" and that you will be married. You both know God has brought you together. God has forever united the two of you with this child. If you both still feel that you will be married eventually, then I hope He will lead Ryan to just DO IT ALREADY. More (((HUGS)))
I wish it WAS Ryan, but it's not. It's the state of Oklahoma and CPS involvment with his daughters. Long story short: he and his ex wife were homeless and didn't want the girls in that situation. So they went to CPS for help...and now CPS has terminated their mom's rights and keeps finding the most insane reasons to keep the girls from coming home. So we've hired an attorney, because we've both had enough. Oklahoma's DHS is already got several federal lawsuits, and the horror stories from people involved with this state's DHS are many. So be praying. God has to intervene here because it's all we're waiting on to get married. I've had to make myself content with waiting. We don't want to risk putting my kids in custody. Or Hannah for that matter. We were living under the same roof, but he felt God telling him to go back home so we could get this crap behind us. Which to a person who has dealt with a lot of rejection...I think I got depressed for a couple of days more because this has been God's way of having me deal with a lot of past hurt and it really had nothing to do with him obeying God, KWIM?
Ryan's being most supportive of me right now. It's like dealing with a first time dad. NOTHING is too good for his daughter...and it's not even his first daughter...he's got everything picked out that we're buying this week. He cracks me up. But it makes me smile We'll have a lot of pink come Friday. Yay for tax returns! We're also going to buy bunk beds for his girls, new bedding for Hannah, a camcorder/digital camera, a new laptop, and we're paying some bills and hopefully have plenty left to save. Some friends of mine haven't even sent me clothes yet that they're sending and the closet is already 3/4 full. We couldn't pass up buying some Easter dresses that were on sale. Ryan's even making sure my brakes on my van (that went out AGAIN, grrrr) are fixed properly and my tough beastie keeps running for another year.
Wow, the weekend with his girls was rather interesting. I have a sinus infection that won't go away so I'm not sleeping well. His oldest daughter has ADHD and was soooo tired on Saturday that when she went to wash her hair, she got soap in her eyes and screamed so much and worked herself up into such a tizzy that she threw up everywhere. That was not fun. I wish her caseworker would allow the school to test her for ADHD and get her counseling. She's reacting to not seeing daddy as much in bad ways--leg cramps, intense breakdowns, and she's not doing well in school. I feel for her. Both of his girls have a need for a lot of cuddle time with both of us right now. I can only imagine what it must be like for them. As soon as we get DHS out of the picture, I'm adopting them as my own. It's so difficult to watch both Ryan and the girls go through all of this. They're wonderfully vibrant little girls who need to come home.
We went and took all 5 kids to a free baseball game and Jeremy Camp concert. Spent $40 on food alone, and after a 4 hour game, the two youngest would not sit still, so we had to leave and missed the concert. We decided next time we do this, we'll take the 3 older ones and leave the younger two with a sitter. I can still see his oldest daughter falling asleep in the chair she was in. Poor girl. And his youngest for now daughter can reaaaaallly make a mess out of cotton candy! LOL
I got enrolled for the fall semester of school, and thankfully got all my classes online. I've got 10 hours, and with a new baby, I figure that's about all I can do. The following semester, I have 11 hours I need to take and I'll finally have my associates degree. I'm so excited. Right now I have two tests to take and 3 papers to write. May 15th, here I come! I'm so ready for the end of the semester! I need a break over the summer.
Ryan started his CLEET certification last night. He's so excited, as am I. This will get him a better job with better pay. He went out to a different casino last night and found out that they start at $11.50/hour with a 3 day on/4 day off workweek, which will be perfect for him starting a security company as a one man jig for a while. I know God will guide him through this. It's amazing me how quickly things are falling together, and I'm excited to see him doing something he thought he'd never get to do. I know it makes him feel like he's moving forward with his life finally after so many years of indecision.
The thunderstorms last night were something else. I don't think I've ever heard thuder so loud, and I'm amazed the boys slept through it! Thankfully, nothing severe but those angels must have been having one heck of a bowling tournament last night!
Men. Totally insensitive comments come out of their mouths sometimes. Like: "Honey, I can't wait until you have this baby! I miss the old, spunky you!" Um, hello? I have a sinus infection right now. I've been pretty 'spunky' up until now. YOU try carrying around 40 lbs of extra weight and let's see how YOU feel!!! Ya don't think that I might miss the old me too?
Some of the stuff has been arriving...this is soooo exciting. Pink everywhere!!!
I'm trying to stay in lurkdom mode. I'm not understanding why exactly, but I'm so stressed right now with everything going on that I'm working on getting myself into counseling. I need to work through a lot going on in my life.
God keeps giving me little reminders that He's here. Like my spiritual father telling me last night that I've got to remember that even though it feels right now like God is so far away, He's nearer than ever because it's times like right now when He's carrying me. And Ryan emailing me last night and letting me know that God knows right where I am and how long I've been waiting. With every little reminder, it starts the tears back up. Not sure if it's related to hormones or what, but I'm crying so easily these days. I sat in a counseling class last night and I started getting teary-eyed over something we were discussing. I just have a few more weeks to make it through in class and then I can take a nice long summer break. A much needed one I might add.
Hannah is growing well. No abnormalities and her heart is perfect. She was quite the entertaining one at the u/s. Opening her mouth and sticking out her tongue at as. I think she's got her daddy's feet though. She flipped head down and weighs 1 lb 1 oz by estimates. Her favorite time to wake up is between 3 and 5 a.m. She's kicking and punching so hard now you can see it easily.
Bella Bands...what a joke. They don't hold pants up well when you've got an active little one on the inside. I may wear them even after she's born though, for that in-style, layered look. Oh, to fit into my clothes again....
The baby bedding arrived and is even more adorable than I thought. So the girls and I will be pledging and lysoling the baby bed this weekend and then I'm going to teach them how to make the baby's bed.
Things are turning around rather quickly with the whole DHS thing. Waiting on God, my word it's difficult sometimes. But I'm feeling more optimistic.
Today my lawn mower arrives. Got my new cell phone yesterday. We decided to make a family trip to the zoo this weekend, so rather than spend a bunch of money, we paid the $55 for a family membership. Totally worth it for a family of 8. I think I'll plan ahead and prepare a picnic lunch so we don't have to eat at the zoo cafe. It's supposed to be 81 and windy on Sunday, so should be a nice day at the zoo.
Ugh. I'm :sleepy: today...
Got a 96 on my test in developmental psych and a 67 on my test in personality theory. Go figure. Thank goodness for redo's!
That nursery bedding is adorable! I bet that is so exciting to be setting it all up in preparation for your little blessing. And I'm SO happy that things on the DHS front! Post a pic if you are able of the nursery when you get it all done
WTG on your psych test. Don't sweat the other one--nobody's perfect!
We had all five kids at the house this weekend. What a flurry of hustle and bustle that was! They were all reasonably well behaved and I'm proud of them for pitching in to help clean the house when asked, well...for the most part, anyway. This warrants a trip to the zoo next weekend.
Sunday night I had a heart attack moment. Chase was flying around the clothing section at Walmart (I still don't know what posessed us to take five kids clothes shopping!) and he abruptly stopped and Caleb flew out of the cart. He bit into his tongue pretty hard and he kept crying and holding his head and saying "ow ow ow." I took one look at Chase and told him to find something to do before he got the worst spaking of his life for not listening. I hate moments like that as a parent. I just needed Chase to walk away so I could calm down emotionally and calm Caleb down. Caleb, of course, is fine today and is back to his happy, silly two-year old sef.
We went to visit the pastor of our old church yesterday, and he's saying we should get married again, before Hannah is born. I'm not saying God can't do anything, because I know He can, but we're both a little apprehensive about trying to set another date, because something always seems to happen that stops it from happening on that date. I don't know if I can handle another disappointment of watching a wedding date go by. We're ready for a wedding as everything's been bought, but this stupid situation with DHS is still looming in the background. We're meeting with the pastor today to talk things over, so I guess it's more a wait-and-see kind of deal. Yes, I want to get married, but the question really is when it's God's time for it. The pastor says it should be before Hannah is born, but as time goes on, the more miserable I feel due to the usual pregnancy aches, and it wasn't how I pictured getting married. Sigh. We'll see. We'll just have to wait and see where all of this goes.