Friday evening the girls and I took someone from our church to pick up a friend to go to Judgement House. Have you ever laid eyes on someone and you instantly know that you better cover yourself and your children in the blood and surround yourself with God's protection? OMG. This was one of those moments. I saw this person and I was speaking our protection right then and there. As it turns out, my discernment was correct. As the night wore on, things got progressively worse, and the whole situation ended up involving me, my husband, and our pastor's wife and these two people. As my husband went to the church to take these two people home, God woke me out of a deep sleep with a vision of my husband having a gun held to his head. I knew right then and there that I needed to begin interceding or my husband was going to die. It wasn't even a minute later that my husband texted me and told me I needed to pray right now. My husband came home that night (praise God!) and told me that there was definitely a demonic presence in the friend that we had picked up earlier. I thank God right now for His protection from the enemy. I, up until this point, had never come in direct contant like that with the enemy. It shook both me and our pastor's wife to the very core. I am very thankful that I have the Word to stand upon in moments like this. It was crazy. I know I'm keeping the details vague but I don't want people thinking I've gone off the deep end. Even those of you reading this may not understand.
So God today, I thank you for my life. I thank you for my husband's life. And I thank You above all for Your protection.
There are other things I'll likely blog about tomorrow, but for today, I leave it at this.
Last edited by ShiningLight; 11-03-2008 at 12:15 PM.
We had to make one of those decisions this week. It was either pay our rent and not have to move, or pay our tithe and face eviction on our house. We were all set to pay the rent, but Saturday I was telling Ryan that I felt absolutely horrible for not paying our tithe. Sunday morning, God must have hit him with this revelation, because he said we needed to pay our tithe. So we wrote a check for the tithe, and two checks to cover our rent. Thankfully, our landlord was okay with this arrangement and agreed to hold off depositing the second check. God is good.
I went to get gas yesterday in the SUV and the sign said $1.91. However, I got an unexpected blessing in that gas was actually $1.87. God is good.
Saturday we got approved for financing on the 5 bed, 3 bath mobile home we've been looking at. We're just waiting for a company to pay our down payment also. (There are companies that will give you a down payment and you don't pay it back.) I know this house is ours, and I fully expect to move by the end of November. The other great news is the park that we're planning to move into gives us $1500 in cash within a week of us moving in. Christmas money! God is good.
Last, but not least, Ryan about got himself smacked for joking with me yesterday. I make a decent salary, and I've been praying that God would bless him with favor in his new job so he could make at or above what I bring in right now. So, on the way home he tells me that he's got bad news. I'm thinking they were going to pay him even less than what he made before he got this job. As it turns out, he was joking! They are paying him $1.50/hour more than they told him he would make! We now have equal paychecks. God is good!
The result of last night's election actually brought tears to my eyes. In year's past, when I voted, I wanted my candidate to win but even if the other guy won, it wasn't that big of a deal. I'm not here to start a political debate, and you're entitled to your own opinion. This, however is my opinion.
However, I had a feeling that Obama was going to win. We're McCain supporters. My husband and I were both praying that God's will would be done in this election. McCain had a very eloquent speech for his supporters. There is, however, a sinking feeling way down deep in my spirit that this nation has been deceived, that we've elected the wrong man. I don't know what is going to happen, but I know it's not going to be good. As soon as I saw Jesse Jackson crying, along with several of the McCain supporters, I knew that they knew what I was feeling. We weren't crying because of the defeat. We were crying because we knew our nation will soon be controlled by a man who isn't submitted to Christ...
God bless America, because we are all going to need that blessing and protection.
I have the same feeling with his election, I can't explain it but I've just not felt right about him from the beginning. At least I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, lots of prayer will be needed.
So today God, I thank you that I smashed my pointer finger on my left hand in the glass rear door of my vehicle. I'm even pretty sure I broke the very tip of it. So I'm typing with 4 fingers on my left hand. Playing the violin at church is out for a while. As soon as I did it, I wanted to utter every expletive known to man. I sat there with tears in my eyes and downed some Tylenol. I'm pretty sure my husband accidentally opened the glass part of the door when he'd gotten something out to take to Rachel. I am not blaming him-I know it was an accident. But when I mentioned that to him, OMG. He exploded. Again. About how it was likely my fault when I went to open the access door to make sure it was closed. How I always blame everything on him. How I'm always criticizing him. I don't know how much more I can take of the occasional angry explosions. I am really trying here to be a wife of I Peter 3, but in truth, all I want to do right now is kick the man to the curb b/c he can't seem to curb his anger. I really feel like this is a problem on the inside of him--I know he's dealt with a lot of criticism in his life, but I'm not every person that has criticized him, you know? I feel that I've been supporting him through a lot, and have been quite patient. If it's a problem with me God, let's fix it. I'm not sure how many more of these outbursts I can handle. It's 2 hours later and I'm still choking back tears from it. Well, that and the pain from this finger. Ouch.
We went to Abigail's school yesterday to begin work on her IEP. The gal doing the testing thinks she has Autism-more specifically, a form called Asperger's. This testing is a welcome relief. We've been trying to figure out exactly what was up so we know how to help her through her life. So, today begin's my research to find out what things manifest with autism and how to help her as much as we can while she's at home. They're also testing her for ADHD to see if it's a factor.
Today, Rachel is 5 years old. She is going to be treated to a Strawberry Shortcake Cupcake Cake at school this afternoon. Happy birthday, hon!
Ok, the update on the finger....I didn't break it but I smashed it pretty good. Today it's still swollen and my nail is a lovely shade of purple. Things like playing the violin will not happen for a while. Typing isn't much fun either. I've started a lovely mental list of what I can and can't do with my smashed finger. I can still pray. I can't get on my running shoes without some help. I can still wash dishes. Doing my daughters' hair isn't too easy. And so on.
Since I can't play my violin for a while, I won't be playing it during praise and worship. So, they have me singing. I love to sing. So it's a nice change and I like this.
Yesterday morning, Abigail went through a day of cyclical vomiting. This is her fourth bout of the 'flu' since August 18th. Poor girl. My husband and I had talked about who was going to stay home from church. Since he had a meeting after church, I opted to stay. In truth, though, I wasn't happy about it because I'd already missed services for the past week. God knew my heart-because he told our Pastor to tell Ryan to stay home with her so I didn't have to miss out on another church service.
Yesterday's service was something else. We have a service once per month on Wednesday nights called Three Speaker Night. I was asked to be one of the three. God, a few days ago, really began to put on my heart I Corinthians Chapter 1, so I would imagine this is the direction God wants me to go with my part of it. But I leave it up to God to make certain the path I should go, subject to change at any moment.
I had a dream the other night that God was so angry with me that He wanted nothing to do with me. This has really affected my spirit. I'm guessing that this is the enemy again, trying to keep me from doing what God has for me to do. Either way, I'm really beginning to seek God in this-I want to know that I am in right standing with Him.
I'm still uncertain as to what to do about my husband, besides pray. I do love him, but at the moment I feel distanced from him because of his anger. My old nature is coming up here, that's for certain. I guess it's time for me to dig out my Power of a Praying Wife book, because it begins with me changing as God would change me.....
I am frustrated to the very core right now. My attitude totally sucks because of the frustration I have to keep buried. My relationship with my husband is being sorely affected b/c of my frustration. The "D" word keeps floating around in my head, although I will never, ever say it. Just the old flesh coming to the surface again. I know my husband notices it because he asked me just yesterday if we'd fallen into the old married couple routine. All I could tell him is yes, we most likely have. Truth is, we really haven't. It's me. It really is. I want to share what is on my heart with him, but I really can't b/c I risk envoking his angry response. But I couldn't help thinking last night, rather selfishly, that I wish sometimes that it was just the boys and I for a while. My house used to feel peaceful and it used to stay clean. Now I'm dealing with a new husband, and two daughters who aren't biologically mine who have some issues I'm having trouble dealing with. Rach has a habit of whining and throwing a temper tantrum when she can't do something like button her pants (which I know she's done a million times for herself), or when she's lost something like her shoes or backpack b/c she's not put her things away where they're supposed to go. I know Abigail's issues lie in the Asperger's, but still, I'm having trouble dealing with the constant questions and the crying when she doesn't understand her homework. My husband seriously needs to loose weight but doesn't really want to yet...and then there's the anger. Not to mention my boys. Chase is constantly backtalking both Ryan and I and is doing a poor job when it comes to his chores. Hunter is constantly arguing with everyone. Caleb is throwing temper tantrums as soon as he doesn't get his own way. I'm sure this is a common problem when you're blending two families together, but there are days I'm certain I'm not cut out for it. Argh. I'm not cut out for all of this.
Rachael, I just want you to know that you are where you're supposed to be right now. You are an amazingly strong woman. I know days are hard, how can they not be in some situations, right? But keep fighting, girl, I believe in you!
It's a day I'm having to work hard at hardly working. 45 looong more minutes to go. It's quiet here at work, so now I'm killing time.
I know it's Thanksgiving and I do have a lot to be thankful for, but not at just this time of year, you know? I could also write about the rage I feel right now towards my ex and how it's affecting Chase, but I'm going to pray on that.
45 more minutes and we pick the kids up from daycare and get everyone's stuff packed and loaded into the car. I have my list for each person so I don't forget anything. I actually accomplished getting the pecan pie, peach cobbler and cheesecake made last night and I got the car cleaned out. Cindy, I'm glad you wrote about the deviled eggs 'cause otherwise, I might have forgotten them.
Anyway, we're going over the river and through the woods to my grandma's house. I really love it there. She's a foster parent and has a huge house and a huge, wide open yard. I'm looking forward to it for two reasons: a lot of room for the kids to run around, and all the adults who love to dote on the kids and give Ryan and I a break. And, of course, there's also family that I don't usually see that's fun also. My grandma had seven kids so it's always loud and crazy and good. And the bedlam game is this weekend-OU vs. OSU. My husband and I are for OU, and my grandpa is OSU. So the usual heckling will ensue, I'm sure. I wish we didn't have to drop the boys off with their dad on Friday morning, 'cause I know they need the vacay as much as we do. That's one of the suckier sides of divorce.