So many trials, and so many blessings - Page 44
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Thread: So many trials, and so many blessings

  1. #431
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    Okay, so everything is in the works for DH to go through Anger management counseling. Still looking for a job. Window washing is helping with income right now since I can't access anything out of our bank account. Gah. I pray this gets back on track soon. It sucks that all my contractor direct deposits are going to this negative balance.
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

  2. #432
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    Something feels like it's breaking in me. I miss my boys like crazy, I know that. I spent the morning bawling my eyes out, just praying... releasing a lot of hurt, anger, bitterness... then there's the part of me that wishes that we were at the end of this trial and that my DH was already at the place where I know God has created him to be. This is going to take some patience. DH and I did a lot of praying together this morning. Hopefully soon we can take a getaway and do some fasting and praying for the weekend. I'm also cautiously optimistic. DH is working to change, but there's the cautious part of me that wonders if it's too good to be true.

    Thanking God for taking care of us. We went out window washing with the kids yesterday. The gas tank got down on E with no window washing in sight for the hubs. Then God blessed us with $10 from a gas station employee. Then a woman came and knocked on my window and asked me if we needed funds for gas. I was astounded, telling her we were just praying about that very thing. She said God was telling her she needed to give us money for gas. I thanked her profusely and I'm asking God to bless her. I turned to my husband, who had been very apprehensive about it, and said SEE??? YOU CAN'T TELL ME GOD WON'T BLESS US WHEN WE HONOR HIM!!! Right after that, he got another job to wash windows, of course.

    DH has two interviews set up next week, one with DLO and one with Conn's. Both pay decent, so I pray he gets one. We need a steady income from him so I can let up working on my end for a bit. I'm tired today. I may just take a nap here soon.

  3. #433
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    So I'm thinking it's time I begin to chronicle my life as a wife of a husband with learning disabilities and ADHD... and a mother of a daughter who is mildly mentally retarded and has learning disabilities... and a mother of a daughter who is ADHD and has some emotional issues going on. I do hope it will help me begin to heal from my many frustrations and heartaches, as well as begin to find strength in Christ just to deal. These are the issues that I married into, none of which I ever expected to find myself dealing with in life. These issues have spilled over and affected me and my bio-kidlets. But I'm all grown up now, so I can't throw a temper tantrum or scream "It's not fair!" at the top of my lungs. And maybe one day, another woman out there who finds herself in a similar situation, who can't keep going, will somehow find the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other in the midst of what feels like a sinking ship in a raging storm.

  4. #434
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    If you've been following my journal for any length of time, then you know how and when I met my husband. I was attracted to him because of his heart after God. I'd never met anyone who knew the Word so well and through several conversations, so many of the questions I'd had about God were answered. I was already a Christian when we met, but my walk grew even closer as we shared our lives with one another. And that's where the fairytale part ends.

    I still remember our first date. I met him up at his work and then we went down to Bricktown. As we were walking along the sidewalk, he put his arm around me. I was like, "Oh, my gosh. Why is this guy even doing that? I barely know him!" And that was back when his hygiene habits were less than stellar. We continued talking, but we didn't really go on dates except at church because on that first date, we had sex. I don't even know what I was thinking.

    This part is difficult for me to write because I know that sex before marriage was wrong/is wrong. But I also hear the heart of my Father. I need to be truthful here. I don't know if it was loneliness or what, but I gave into desire. And the guilt and the shame that came with it is still there because I'm feeling it as I write it. Well, the shame part anyway. I know I'm forgiven, but I'm not too proud of myself. And that first date wasn't the last time, either. But I'll share more about that later.

  5. #435
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    Today marks 15 years. Had you asked me that day in the hospital, as I held my dying baby in my arms, I would have never thought that a day like today wouldn't rip my insides out. Born 19 weeks too soon, Brenden had no lungs and couldn't survive. But with only the smallest bit of sadness left, I remember his birthday today with way more joy. He didn't have to live in this crappy world. He's being held by my Daddy God, raised in no heartache and more love than I could ever give him as a parent. Yet my Daddy knew that one day, my quiver would be more than full. I have 7 kiddos, and I'm more than blessed. My joy is complete.

  6. #436
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    I'm amazingly watching God literally turn my marriage around. Our marriage counseling yesterday was absolutely amazing and unexpected. We've been setting a lot of boundaries in regards to what we both feel can and can't happen in our family. We've been praying together, sharing the Word together, communicating with each other over things never previously shared. God has begun the process of healing my husband from the inside out, and although I know it's still a process, it's happening. I have hope.

    But what really surprised me was just as we were talking about a really uncomfortable situation that happened with Ryan and in the middle of it, he came over to my chair, got down on his knees, and asked for my forgiveness because it hit him that he'd treated all of us like we never deserved to be treated and had been angry and mean to all of us, and that I've stayed even though he'd given me many opportunities to leave, and that he didn't deserve any of us. That had to take a lot of humbleness, especially to do that in front of our pastors.

    But it went even further... I found out just how far away God seems to him. He couldn't even imagine that Jesus would be so excited to see him and could love him. It was like he and God were on a road, but God was way far off in the distance. So I'm asking that if you're reading this, and you're someone who does pray, please pray for him. I know that once he sees Jesus as someone who loves him, is excited to see him, and just how much Jesus actually likes him, and that Ryan is his favorite (we all are!)... it's going to be life-changing for him.

  7. #437
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    God, I am frustrated beyond belief. You've got to do something about my ex and my two older boys... at least give me peace and joy... I could sit here and cry, but what good would that do? I have nothing but You to work in the situation, in this moment.

  8. #438
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    It just. keeps. coming. God, help me see You in what we're facing right now. I know you're here.

  9. #439
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    I know I need to journal about everything going on in our lives. I do. It's so much, but right now, I've got to let God carry our cares. That's the way I live inside of His peace and joy. So maybe after I've got my transcription done tomorrow, I will, just so I can show myself that He is Faithful and True to His word yet again. But for now, I will speak life over us and our finances. And I will speak to Fear, Doubt, Worry, Stress, Strife... Jesus told me you would come. But I've come to tell you that He's already overcome all of you!

  10. #440
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    Today... God did something amazing. Got a contractor payment I wasn't expecting, and my hubs landed an 8-5ish, M-F job with insurance benefits. Huge. load. off.
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

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