Thread: So many trials, and so many blessings

5:30 on a Tuesday night. With no kiddos to care for, you'd think I could have gotten to today's blog MUCH earlier. I even got here to work an hour early, nonetheless. Nope. Meet Ms. Chicken-Running-Around-With-My-Head-Cut-Off. That whiz of fresh air you felt flying by you today? Most likely, it was me.

If it can happen to someone, I'm learning it will likely happen to my ex. I was a bit panicked by last night around 9, when I tried to call my kids for the second day in a row and got no answer. So I let my ex have it in a not-so-nice tone of voice, because being that the boys are with him for the next month, I can't go without talking to them at least!

No sooner did I tell Ryan that "I know God is watching over them" and Voila! He called. Whew.

As it turns out, the local Kansas police department arrested him on a warrant, just as he was loading up the truck for the final load here to Oklahoma. From what I understand, he paid a ticket with a check that a particular city I grew up in couldn't figure out how to cash, and rather than calling him, they simply issued an arrest warrant. I don't know if this is really why he was arrested....as it does seem a bit, well, odd.

I also have seen evidence of my ex's temper when he gets around authority. Especially police officers. So it was no surprise when he told me that they tried to charge him with resisting arrest. And they maced him. Three times. In front of our kids.

Now here's the part where I have to tell you, my oldest is already scared to death of the police (why is another very long story I haven't time to recount). So this episode definitely didn't restore his faith in local law enforcement. Poor kid.

I am, however, thankful that I knew God already had protection around these kids. Because the PD wouldn't let him call me since I was a long distance call. And they were planning to put the boys into State Protective Custody until he managed to get out of jail. Thankfully, my ex was able to get ahold of his brother to keep an eye on them until he got the situation straightened out. I could only imagine the nightmare that would have created. Glory to God and Praise His Name for the entire host of angels that surrounded them Sunday night! I know my ex sees this as a horrid experience. I see it as another way God is trying to get his attention.

My gas bill is paid. A good friend of mine is working on my insurance bill and gas money. I am thankful for the wonderful blessings of friends that I have!

Say a prayer for Ryan (he's in my friend's list). I know that he and I have been called to work in Ministry together. He's just not so sure of where he's supposed to start. Pray for God's direction in this matter. And pray for me to continue to encourage and uplift him when he needs it the most.

On another note, I filled out my FAFSA, got the results back and have applied at a local college to finally continue my schooling towards a Christian Counseling Degree. I'm guessing in about 6 years, I should be done. I'm still a bit nervous about how this is going to work, but I know by God's strength, I will accomplish every last thing He purposes in me.

You know, the other thing I've been praying about (along with protection for the boys, which is there, praise God!) is what God has planned for them. I know God can't reveal those purposes to me at the present because I would never be able to let them go. So, realizing the wonderful gift God has given me in my boys, I've given them back to God. Even if it means I have to let them go for His purposes, I will, because they were never mine to begin with. I simply was given a blessing straight from Heaven. Jesus's mother wept for him, though she knew what task lay before Him. I was given an honor to be called their mom. But every part of me has to belong to Him, including my kids. I love these boys with all my heart, and I want God's purposes fulfilled in them. I sense that this journey may very well be a struggle for me. I have prayed so many times "all of me for all of you Jesus" and it's time I lived that prayer out in my own life.

I am so moved and changed by what happened at church last night, that I hope it will greatly bless and encourage those of you who read my blog.

I am a worshipper. I cannot help but fall on my knees when I worship. The words I have can't even begin to express how worthy God is of my Praise! And I challenge each of you. Do NOT let the rocks cry out before YOU PRAISE HIM. Praise Him with everything in you, as though it will be your last time on this earth to Praise in this mortal body.

Praise and worship is where the Holy Spirit took the 15 of us who were at church last night. I can't even remember most of the songs that we sang. But the last was "I Exalt Thee." Just after the song ended....oh the sound! Everyone was crying out in worship to God. It was the most beautiful sound I've heard in my 30 years of life! So beautiful, so harmonious, that it was as though we were worshipping right along with the angels in Heaven! I've never heard anything like it, and I wish I could even begin to describe it to you. It's a day later, and I can still hear it in my head.

Usually when I speak in tongues, it is quietly. I worship quietly. Apostle Brown, while I was sitting in my seat praying quietly after this, told me that I needed to go up front and be prayed over. He asked me if I'd ever spoken in tongues before, and I said "yes" without hesitation and he said "then speak." Without delay, the Holy Spirit took over and the words just poured out LOUDLY. I couldn't be quiet! And I heard Apostle Brown speaking in tandem with me and again, I was in awe again at the beauty of the words. I don't know what the Spirit was speaking. But the beautiful sound...oh, the sound!

I groaned as I rolled over in bed. Ugh. 5:42. Wait, 5:42?!?! I get up and slowly pad to the bathroom, and then slowly pad back to my bed. And crawl right back under the nice, soft covers and find a happy place. God, I say, if you want me to go to this prayer meeting, you're going to have to get my butt up and out of this bed! I know the Apostle asked me if I'd start coming to these things, but he's not here today. So what if everyone else questions why I'm there? I'm not part of the church leadership yet. What if they tell me I have to leave and I'm not welcome?

RACHAEL GET UP AND OUT OF THIS BED!!! The voice I know so well shakes me to my very core, and five minutes till six, I'm up and out of bed, getting dressed, brushing my teeth and out the door by 6:15. I'm still fighting with the what if's of this prayer meeting. Wait a second. God doesn't give me a spirit of timidity (fear) but a spirt of POWER, of LOVE and a SOUND MIND. Aha! A light bulbs goes off in my head. The enemy is trying to put this stuff into my mind so I won't go and won't get a breakthrough. The enemy knows what God is doing through Dominion and he doesn't like it.

6:25 my van groans and creaks into the parking lot. Good. There's a couple of cars here. So I grab all my stuff and head to the door. It's locked. I knock, and I wait, shivering in the mild chill of the morning. No answer. So I head back to the van, and begin reading Proverbs 8 and Psalm 38. And then continue reading in Acts 12 where I left off yesterday. My heart jumped when I realized someone was getting out of the car next to me. I hadn't even seen it. But thankfully, she has a key to the door

Slam. I shut the van door and hear the automatic locks. Oh no. I bang my head against the glass. I've just locked my keys in my van for the umpteenth time. No matter, I'll worry about it later. I did call Ryan to ask him to come and be my night and shining armour. Bring a screwdriver and a metal coathanger if you've got it, I tell him.

And so I enter into the house of the Lord and join two other women who are praying. And yet, the enemy is still attacking me. I'm listening to them pray. What power, what Spirit-filled praying it is! The words I utter while praying, even when I begin speaking in the Spirit, seem so small, so insignificant to what I am hearing. So I begin agreeing in prayer with the other two while still allowing the Spirit to speak through me. Oh, for the joy of the Lord, what a task and a privilege it is to pray for the church that is my home, to pray for souls to be won, to pray for the leadership of the church. The burden is heavy. But by the end, I could sense His nearness and His peace.

About 7:45, I was back out in the parking lot. Thankfully, one of the ladies lived nearby and brought me a screwdriver and a coathanger. And my night in shining armour showed up on his galliant white horse (ok, so it was an '88 white GMC Safari). We worked for a good half hour to try to get the coathanger maneuvered inside the door and to either pull up on the automatic locking mechanism or the lock itself. But the coathanger was too flimsy to do either. Then I remembered the verse about how something braided together is stronger than a single strand of that something. So, at the end of the coathanger, I made a double twisted hook. And then I prayed, telling God that I KNOW nothing is too difficult for Him, not even getting the door unlocked to my van. A few minutes later, Ryan maneuvered the coathanger just enough and when I heard the CLICK of the van unlocking, I rejoiced like no other! Ryan said he found it rather amusing that I had a grin from ear to ear this entire time....how I've taken something that could be stressful and rejoiced the entire time anyway. And then, wouldn't you know it, a guy pulled up in a blue car and said he'd just called his friend who has an unlock kit and that his friend was on his way.

I know this may seem so insignificant to you, but either way, I rejoice! For God provided what I needed, when I needed it, and on the chance it didn't work, HE sent the calvary to rescue me. And that, my friends is totally God!!! It's how He works.

I have even more for which I can rejoice today! The financial blessing I received yesterday from both a friend and a COMPLETE stranger was nothing short of God's doing! With that gift, God provided for gas for next week, my insurance payment, and the rest of my Gas Bill. Oh Glory and Praise to Jehovah Jirah (the Lord is my Provider)!!!! I'm down to $135 left, and my bills will all be paid that I had no idea of how they would be covered. I'm not even worried about God providing. I know He is faithful to his children. The money will come.

On the college front, I called the college that I'd applied to, because the application fee hadn't cleared my bank, and I wanted to make sure they got it. They had received it; they were just behind because of fall enrollment. So I went up to the school later on after I got off of work, so I could turn in the rest of the paperwork. When I got to the admissions desk, the gal asked me if I was planning to enroll that day. Wait. "Enroll?" I asked. "I didn't even know that I was accepted!" "Yes," she says. "Give me about 45 minutes and I'll have you in the computer and then you can go over to the Advisement Office and get enrolled." Wow, God, wow. But wait, this gets even better.

I am a single mom with 3 children and working full time. So this isn't condusive to sitting in a college class. I needed all on-line courses. So, working along with the advisor, we figured out a class schedule. In that time, I was able to share with her why I was there, changing my major for the 5th time. She was absolutely shocked when she submitted my schedule and all 5 classes were approved-and all of them ONLINE!!!! I told her it was totally a God thing She said in all the time she's been there, never once has she seen ANYONE get their class scheduled succesfully approved with everyone online. Totally a God thing, I tell her again. Hallelujah! God has met a great need so I can still be a mom, a Marketing Director, and support my church and still fulfill His incredible plan for my life.

And, the last Praise for the day. Tuesday I went and weighed for my weekly weigh-in. I have OFFICIALLY lost 100 lbs now!!!! I know that even this is of God, and I am so thankful and give the honor and praise where it is due-straight to the Throne! Hallelujah, Glory to God, Praise HIM!!!

God's really been impressing something upon my heart...and that something is going to require me to take a vacation from MySpace, Yahoo, Pregnancy.org, AIM, JCFaith, all of it. I assure you nothing is wrong. If you don't hear from me, I'm not ignoring you. I'm taking a cleansing breath for the next month.

See you all then!

Ok, I know I said that I was going to go on vacation, but God has now burdened my heart with a new intercession. I want to draw your attention to this, so many more are NOT deceived. I am THAT disturbed by what is going on here!

This is called the Blasphemy Challenge, and it's two people leading this game of lies. Their basis comes from Mark 3:29:

But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.

Here's the Rapid Response Team's video challenge:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7QVbJnSPQE

I am here to tell you DO NOT TAKE THEIR CHALLENGE!!! If you are a former believer, do not believe what the enemy is trying to do here! If you have never believed in Jesus Christ, then please, I urge you, find a local pastor, find me, find anyone you can! I cannot even begin to tell you how my heart has broken for those who claim to have once accepted Jesus Christ as savior only to deny Him! The sorrow is great. Oh, how God longs that none should perish, but that all may have eternal life!

My burden is not for those who have already taken this challenge. My burden is for those who could be sucked into this whole scheme. I am here to tell you myself that GOD IS REAL. JESUS IS REAL. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS REAL. Each one of us is on this earth to fulfill the purpose God has given to us. Not everyone accepts that purpose. For those of you who have made the choice to deny Christ even after claiming to be a Christian, you have been fooled by the enemy! And my heart is broken for you. God's heart is broken for you.

John 3:16-21:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

The Bible even predicts that things like this will happen! From 2 Timothy 3:

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.

If you're going to respond to this Blasphemy Challenge, then respond the way some others have! Confess the Lord God Almighty!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsD4T3QLWNk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PokiBuLLPgQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oslNtDGSFCY

I am here to tell you that I will confess with my mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord! And I am here to tell you that there will come a day when every knee shall bow, every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!!! Every single one of these people now blaspheming God will bow to Him. And on that day, you will see the tears that fall from His eyes because you made the choice not to turn to Him. God is a God of great faithfulness, love and mercy!

How stupid I was to think I had dealt with all of this already. How amazingly stupid I am. I should have known when I prayed

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

that God would begin to show me. That God would begin to pull out of me everything that isn't like Him. That I would begin pouring out things I thought I'd already dealt with and moved on from. Those things that I actually buried deep within the recesses of my being because I had no choice but to slap a smile on my face and be strong for my family. I had no idea the things this Spiritual Surgery was going to pull out...

The years of rejection...the rejection that goes back much farther than my marriage gone wrong. The anger, the bitterness, the unforgiveness, the envy, the strife, the fear of being rejected again....

I've felt under attack for so long from the enemy. It took my pastor confirming that feeling to realize that the enemy has attacked me even before I was born. He tried to take me out through a preterm birth. He knew what great plans God had for my life, and he's done nothing but purpose to destroy God's plan for me. He tried to take me out through my own parent's divorce. He tried to take me out through a rape and molestation when I was 12. He tried to take me out through depression. He tried to take me out through several bad dating relationships and friendships. He tried to take me out through getting married. He tried to take me out through loosing several pregnancies. He tried to take me out through my divorce. He tried to take me out through all the trials that have happened since my divorce. He's tried to take me out through a constant stream of rejection throughout my life, from friends, from family, even from church leadership. He has constantly come against me my entire life. Which tells me God's plans for me are going to do great things for God's kingdom.

So I am here to tell you, Satan, that every weapon you have formed against me has not prospered. You may have tried to take me out, but you have been unable to knock me down. I have stood through all of this. Even when I didn't acknowledge God as my Savior, He has been my strength and has upheld me through all of this because He has great plans for me. And I'm here to tell you now....that your weapons will continue to fail. You have no power over me, or over my life, or over my family, because greater is He that is in me than you will ever hope to be. So step off! You are not going to continue to plague my mind with the hurts of the past. You are not going to make me feel dejected, deserted, without hope. By His stripes, I AM HEALED. This means internal healing. I am set free by God's love, by His power, by His grace, by His mercy!

No longer do I choose to wonder why I'm struggling with my finances while my ex seems to live in the lap of luxury, being the Disneyland dad. Because God promises me that He will supply for all of my needs, according to His riches in glory. No longer will I wonder how my ex could have loved me so little. God’s love for me is unconditional and unfailing. He has such great love for me that He laid down His life just for me. No longer will I allow myself to feel rejected by my ex, by people in my past. Because if God is for me, who is against me? It is better to trust in God than to put my hope in man. No longer will I feel the pain of not being able to give my children what they want. God knows the desires of my heart; that I wish to give them good things. When I trust in the Lord with all my heart, He gives me the desires of my heart. You, Satan, have no more power to make my mind confused. God keeps in perfect peace the mind who trusts in Him. No longer do you have the power to make me feel tired, like I can't do anything. Because NOTHING is impossible with God. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. God is my strength and my shield and He upholds me with His mighty right arm.

ABBA, my Father, my Deliverer, my Reedemer, my Friend.....I pour all of this out to you and cry out for deliverance. I don't want to feel any of this rejection, the anger, the bitterness, the unforgiveness, the envy....none of it! Take it out of me, Abba, for I cannot handle it. Forgive me for trying to handle everything in my own strength and not trusting in Yours. TAKE this cup from me, God, because I cannot handle it and I know longer want it! I want delivered from my past!!! I don't want to feel the intense hurts I feel inside any more. Please, Abba, I beg of you, take this from me....take all of it...fill me up with nothing less than YOU. Take the emptiness and fill it with your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. I will do nothing less but continue to pour out my spirit to You until I feel this is taken from me. Until I feel the deliverance. Until I feel that peace that passes all understanding. I am a stubborn child, God, but you know that. I have wanted to handle my life my way and it stops here. My life is in disorder, and I am so tired. Bring order to the chaos that is my life. Give me strength. I am tired, I am so very tired Abba. I have not been able to truly rest for almost two weeks now, as you have been dealing with my heart on this. God, how I long to truly rest in you...

Abba, hold me now. Cradle me in your arms and love on me in a way that you never have before. Don't let go of me, God please don't let go of me right now. I need you. I can't do anything apart from you. I long for healing, for wholeness.

You have brought Boaz into my life, Father. I don't want to poison him with all of these things that have been part of my Spirit for some time. God, in the moments in our friendship where something feels eerily familiar to my past marriage, break down that lie, break that stronghold. He is not my ex husband and he never will be. He will never belittle me, treat me with disdain or reject me. God, help me see him with eyes that are clear. Help me see him as You do. God, give me the words so I can share with him what is on my heart. I am so afraid to share with him sometimes for the fear of being belittled...of being rejected....he is a man after your heart. He has done nothing but love me. God, I do not deserve this man...and yet, in your Wisdom and Love for me, you brought me the one man my heart truly needed. You brought me the one person that completes me. I am amazed by him. You knew what I needed God, and I cannot thank you enough for sending him into my life. I cannot thank you enough that you allow him to see past me, past all the hurts, and into my soul. I know that so much healing has to happen before we can begin in ministry together as husband and wife. But God, whatever it takes to get me to the place of wholeness and healing, get me there. I long to truly be his helpmeet, friend, lover, wife, companion, soulmate...but I know that until you have carried me to another point along the path to completion...I must wait patiently for him, the one who my heart truly loves.

I come to you, Abba, weary and burdened. I cry out to you with all that I am. I choose to look beyond my circumstances and look to you. I need you as Jehovah Rapha right now. I look to the hope and strength that is in you. Oh God, I come to you weary and burdened, and I cast my cares upon you...I need your perfect peace....I need Your rest...I need YOU. Only you.

Jehovah Nissi-God is my Victory!

Trust me, I know I have a long, long way to go before I will EVER reach the day of completion in Christ Jesus. But I press on towards the goal. I keep pressing.

What I wrote Friday, a good friend of mine told me to print it out and claim it over my life each and every day. So I've been doing it. I've been telling the enemy to step off and step back and get out of my life. I'm already seeing a change in how I think and suddenly, how my life has order to it again. I actually cleaned my house this weekend. Really cleaned it from top to bottom, save for my oldest son's room (but that's another blog in and of itself, lol). When I first met Ryan, he saw my house clean. But since that time, I've grown more and more tired and it's stayed cluttered. It was kinda sad when he said the other day "Wow, this is the cleanest I've seen your house since we've met!" Didn't mean it in a bad way, and in truth, it's a testimony to what God has been doing to bring my life back into order.

It's stressful to find out that you're $300 short on bills for the week, and you just put your last $7 in the gas tank (for two weeks worth of gas!). I refuse to worry and I allow you, God to work and move in my life as You have been. I refuse to allow the enemy to gain a foothold here, because I KNOW that You promise that you will supply for every need that I have. You have promised that You will never let me stumble or fall when I place my trust in You alone. I step back and allow you to amaze me in how you're going to provide for every single need I have. However You can be glorified in this God, be glorified, exaulted and praised! This is not about what You can give me. This is all about what You choose to do THROUGH me. I'm not gonna be a gimme girl anymore. You know my needs, and you know that they're going to be met. You've already provided enough to get me through Wednesday. You will keep providing, I have no doubt. You clothe the lillies of the field. You provide for the sparrows. My life is valuable to You. Oh, Father God, I am still YOURS.

If you've ever read the story of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible, then my blog will make sense. If you haven't, to make a long story short....Ruth was married. Ruth's husband died, and her Mother-In-Law's husband died. So Ruth decided to stay with her MIL, Naomi, and go to a foreign land. Naomi was a wise woman and counseled Ruth on gleaning fields so they had food to eat. Ruth found favor in a distant relative's eyes (Boaz) and he treated her well and protected and provided for Ruth and Naomi. Naomi later revealed that Boaz was their relative, and he was a kinsman-redeemer. (Reedemer means to act the part of a Kinsman, of family, and to Redeem means to redeem or to ransom somoene.) So Naomi told Ruth how to capture Boaz's heart, and in return, her act of kindness would be rewarded. Boaz eventually bought Ruth and Naomi's dead husbands' land (which was bankrupt), and by that agreement, married Ruth and showed her great kindness and restored to her what was lost upon the death of her former husband. Boaz showed Ruth great kindness and protected her and loved her greatly. Boaz redeemed Ruth from the law, for she was a Moabitess. By marrying her, he redeemed her from any shame or harm that would befall her all because she belonged to a particular nationality and heritage.

So why, you ask, is this crazy woman explaining all of this to me? Have patience, my friends. I tell you all of this because God has brought into my life my Boaz.

God has begun the healing process from years of rejection and the emotional junk that has grown from the roots of rejection. I have been so hurt in the past, that I shut people out. I have been so hurt in the past, that it's difficult to trust anyone. So when God brought me my helpmeet, my Boaz, I was not ready to receive him.

But I want you all to know how in love I am with this man. How amazed I am by him. How he makes me feel. How I KNOW he's the man God has for me to marry.

See the primary picture in my profile? Ryan took that. What astounds me? Ryan says that I am the most gorgeous woman in the world in that picture, that my true beauty is shining forth. He took that picture Saturday night, the night of what we call our first 'official date,' as everything we've done has usually had 2 or more children attached to us. Saturday night left me speechless. It was like we were meeting for the first time. Neither one of us knew what to say. He was paying me some pretty high compliments, and made me blush with every one. I giggled every time we walked under a bridge along the waterwalk, because he'd whip me around, pull me close, and give me one of those 'have mercy' kind of passionate kisses. Ryan tells me that I literally took his breath away that night. He tells me he felt honored to walk alongside me, to escort me, like a Prince courting his beautiful Princess. Ryan tells me he noticed other guys looking at me as we walked along, but you know what? I didn't notice. My eyes and my thoughts were solely on him.

As God has peeled away layers and layers of my past and set me free, more and more of the beauty in my heart is coming out. I feel like for the first time, I am able to grow and blossom under this man's love. Whereas I used to get stepped on, made to feel like I was worth nothing...Ryan does just the opposite. He encourages me and lifts me up. Where I was always getting accused of cheating, Ryan tells me to go out and have fun with close friends. Where my ex would not notice when I was truly hurting and in need of a hug or a discussion, Ryan notices. He won't let me keep my hurt bottled up. He encourages me to share because he knows in the Spirit when I am truly hurting. My joy and my pain become his joy and his pain. He takes fault for his mistakes and I'm not the one always at fault.

I often take time daily to thank God for this man. I am amazed by him. I often just stop and think, 'Wow. God, what did I do to deserve such a man as this?' I look at him and know I am the most blessed woman alive. For this man loves me, he honors me, he cherishes me and protects me. I know without a doubt that I have truly found my soulmate. This is the man my heart loves. God long ago promised He would restore to me the years the locusts have destroyed in my life....and He's partly doing that through Ryan. This is what I dreamed about when I was a little girl, having a man who would love me like this. Ryan has become my Boaz, redeeming and helping me to heal from the past and to blossom and grow as a woman. God is giving me a new chance to love, and to be loved. And I am astounded. I am amazed.

I love.

It is SO one of THOSE mornings. You know, the ones where your alarm goes off, but you can't wake up. My alarm went off at 5:30 and I am *yawn* still sleepy. I couldn't wake up enough to read the Word this morning. That is enough to throw my whole day off. So, of course, we left a bit late this morning, two out of three of my children were cranky, I forgot my bank card so I could put gas in my van (it was sitting dangerously low on 'E') and by the time I got to Ryan's house I was throwing an adult version of a temper tantrum. And my head hurts. I was mopping the floor in Ryan's kitchen last night and I hit my head on a corner of the cabinet. Nice goose egg and bruise on my forhead this morning. lol I need to apologize to my kiddos for loosing it this morning. I really have to learn to control that. I'm so sleepy, in fact, that I just picked up a roll of toilet paper next to my computer, thinking it was my drink and about drank the toilet paper roll. *yawn* Yep, I'm tired.

But what I know is that this is the enemy attacking. I am beyond tired and cranky. So I tell you again this morning, to step off and leave me ALONE. I am covered by the blood of Jesus. I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength. I am more than a conquerer. I break down every stronghold in the name of Christ. I will wake up, I will focus on what I need to get done for the Kingdom today. Even the work of my hands for my employer will glorify Him.

On the better front, God is providing for my needs through extra work. So Praise Him, the bills are going to get paid! Woo whoo!!! Hallelujah!!!

I am also giving God the praise for daycare issues. I put my kids in a home daycare a few weeks back, and it was with a Christian woman, but some things weren't setting right with me. So I moved the boys to Ryan's daughter's daycare this week until I could get my boys into a Christian Daycare Center near my home. I have strong convictions about putting my children in a Christian childcare because they're not with me for 10 hours of the day, and I still want them to be trained up in the way they should go while they're young. I called this daycare a while back and left a message, but never got a call back. I had even planned to call them this week to get the boys on the waiting list. To my surprise, the director called me yesterday and they have openings on Monday for all three of the boys. THAT is God, I have no doubt. I'm still laughing for joy because I'm in awe that God would answer so quickly! When things like this happen, I know God is listening when I pray. To Him belongs all the glory, the honor and the Praise for everything happening in my life! He is so very worthy of my praise. He is so worthy of your praise. Like Paul, I pray that you will learn the secret of contentment in any and every situation (Philippians 4:12), as God is teaching me even now to be content and trust in Him no matter what my circumstance.

Remember the Bad, Horrible, Not So Good day from yesterday? It kept going. Ryan backed my van into another van, but thankfully, there was no damage. My two youngest kids were cranky and whiney and everyone was yelling in the van. That's 7 people!

And then suddenly, I noticed, there was QUIET and CALM. That was in answer to me praying for God's peace to be in our midst, and telling the enemy to STOP and go away. Yesterday was yesterday. Today is today. God's grace and mercy are new this morning, and today is completely a different picture from yesterday.

I had 17 kids in the church nursery last night. 17. I was exhausted by the time we left church, lol. We spent a good chunk of the night outside so they could run off the energy. But what fun it was, too. I haven't had fun like that in quite some time.

Needless to say, by the time I went to bed last night, I was saying to myself, "I know children are a blessing from the Lord, but right now, I'm not feeling too blessed." That is the moment when you have to not go with how you feel but lean on the instruction and wisdom of the Word of God.

My thoughts today turn to something the pastor of our church said last night. About how we are speaking words over our children like "they're bad." Or we're sending them outside to play rather than dealing with them. About the importance of speaking good things over them and praying the Word into their lives. It is so important as a Christian parent to pray over your children, to lead them, train them and guide them. If you need a simple prayer for them, turn to Psalm 91. I guarantee you your children will sleep much better at night.

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

So parents, I cannot stress enough the importance of speaking good things over your children. God does not expect you to be perfect when it comes to raising your kids. I can guarantee you I've made my share of mistakes. But as Christian parents, we need to train them up in the way they should go while they are young, so they will not depart from that training when they are old.

Are you ready to be a parent?