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Thread: So many trials, and so many blessings

  1. #81
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    Ok, this has got to be one of the rougher valleys of my life. I know that just beyond this lies my promised land. To get me there, God has literally yanked out my foundation from underneath me. My job security is gone. The man I love is not a part of my life right now. And things have blown up with the ex AGAIN. However, my foundation is firm beneath me. In all of this, I am wondering, though...where is God? He carries me...I know He does...but He, like everyone else important to my life, seems to have disappeared...God, you have got to show me You in all of this. I cannot bear any of this. The strength for the journey is waning. I need more of You. I need Your joy, Your strength, Your peace, Your hope. Where did the blessed, calm assurance go?

  2. #82
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    I wish I could begin to even write out what has gone on in my life since August 17, 2007. I don't much know where to begin, or even where all of this began. Maybe perhaps it's just because it's only something for my heart to know and remember, to be shared later on after God has worked everything out. I don't know. But right now, silence is bliss. It seems a lifetime ago of heartache. It seems like a presence of current heartache. I will survive. I will fight. I will live. I will feel joy again. Someday soon.

  3. #83
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    Default Ok so my news...

    After a lot of praying, a lot of waiting, and a lot of struggles, God has totally blown me away. Again.

    Ryan and I figured we'd be waiting a year or two to get married. Especially after the separation that had to happen. But it's time to get married, and soon. So as of March 22, 2008, I will officially be a Mrs. again. This excites me and scares me all in the same breath. We never really expected for God to do this so quickly!
    In just over 5 months, I'm going to be married to my best friend in the world. Wow.

    Ryan has been promoted to a position similar to Associate Pastor at our church. He's preaching for the first time tonight, and I couldn't be more proud of him Wow again.

    There are so many more things I wish I could share, but some are meant for me to ponder and treasure in my heart.
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

  4. #84
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    I have found God’s Favor!

    I have to agree with a friend of mine at church, Megan. I am the luckiest woman alive! Ryan preached, and my word, he blew me away! The pastor came over to me after church and simply gave me a hug, and without a word, he gave me a particular look, and I could only nod YES! What an annointing he has on his life to preach and teach the Word. Which reminded me of a desire of my heart from when I was a little girl. I always thought how neat it would be if I could marry a pastor. Granted, Ryan and I's goal (which is God's vision for our lives) will eventually be to open up a college to train pastors and provide pastoral care for those who are burnt out, but wow. When he gets up to preach, the Spirit just flows. God showed me when we first met the man he was going to become. Yesterday, I saw that fulfilled in him. He has fully become that man. A Spirit-filled man who is ready to lead a family, who posseses a mighty strength from the Lord! I'm just blown away and immensely blessed because my soon to be husband is a true gift from the Lord. Even beginning to thank God for giving me my heart's desire and then some...wow. Our ministry has begun, but won't really take off until we're married. I'm just blown completely away. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that God would give me a husband such as this!
    I take that back. I'm not lucky. I have found God's favor. And so has the love of my life and my best friend. For "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)

  5. #85
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    One of these days, I'll get around to writing our love story. The one that God has written for us and the one that still to this day has left me in awe of the God that I serve and love. But not yet. That story will come after our wedding date, because it's not quite done yet. Being that there's 5 months and two weeks to go, I imagine that there's going to be even more exciting things that happen in our relationship between now and then. We moved the date back a week to March 29, being that both my mom and sister are music directors at their churches and Easter Weekend wasn't a particulary good date for either of them. So much to do, so little time.
    One of our dilemnas has been the size of our church. We didn't want an American Express event or anything, just something simple. But I can only invite up to 100 people, because that's all our sanctuary will hold at the present time. My family takes up a good chunk of that number. It's going to be so difficult to pick and choose who we invite, because I have so many friends! That's an awesome realization. (And Kathryn, yes, you're on the list, just so ya know.) Our church only has a sanctuary and two classrooms. Which makes me wonder how we're going to get to the reception part of it with the cake. Where do we seat everyone? I'm sure it will all work out.

    Hopefully, we'll meet with the Pastor this week as he promised. There's so much to discuss. Woah.

    There's growing pains going on in our relationship as well. What I was missing in our relationship is the time we have spent digging into the Word and studying it together. Separately, things happen when we pray, but when we get together, we're a force to be reckoned with. We were able to spend time together this weekend doing a lot of Bible study and prayer. We've both had so much going on in our lives that we didn't make the time for us to share this much needed part of our lives. What a time we had.

    It was also really strange to be sitting on the front row at church. We may not be married yet, but the pastor looks at us as though we are, since we're in the betrothal (engagement) period in our relationship. It feels uncomfortable for me, but maybe it's because I know people are watching me. I know my part of our joint ministry will take off in about a month, but waiting sometimes is the worst. Yet I am excited about what God has brought me from and is leading me into.

    I feel like I'm living in some sort of dream...
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

  6. #86
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    After nearly two months of waiting, one door in the life of the man that I love is finally closed, Praise the Lord! I can't share details, but please, praise the Lord with us for God's mighty hand working. We both know none of this could have happened without God's hand working and moving in this situation!!!

    We wait in anticipation for more great things to happen, as 2007 is a year of completion. (7 is the number that means completion). We expect more miracles to occur as the year closes not only in our lives, but in the lives of those in our church, and for our church itself. How exciting to see the working of the Lord's hand!

  7. #87
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    Have mercy, I am frustrated beyond belief with this job I have. Time to find a new one.
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

  8. #88
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    My children amaze me. How they can pick up on my mood. I've been feeling kind of sad lately, but maybe that isn't the right word.

    I am so thankful to God for answering prayers. I am seeing things fall into place that I never thought would happen. I am marrying my best friend soon. However, with the fires in San Diego, we may not be celebrating our honeymoon out there. Say a prayer for those people affected, who have lost EVERYTHING.

    I am watching the man I so dearly love come into the ministry to which God has called him! I am so excited for him...and yet my heart is saddened. For those women who have husbands in the ministry, how do you deal with it? The time you can't spend with your husband because his ministry work takes time away from family? I have a need to spend time with him every day, even if it's five minutes. I have a need to spend time with him in prayer and in the Word each and every day. It doesn't substitute for my personal time with Christ but when we get together, the Holy Spirit moves even more powerfully than when we're apart!

    And I'm also struggling with my priorities right now. We asked God mere days ago to bring Ryan's girls back home after his next court date on November 12th. Monday, it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon. Tuesday, it became a real possibility. That is definitely a praise God moment...because it wasn't by anything Ryan nor I could do, but by the power of God working in the situation. God did exactly what I knew He would do. There is no way I was nor am going to allow the enemy to destroy my family even before Ryan and I are joined as one flesh!
    With the avent of his girls coming back home, it's causing a struggle in my list of priorities. God comes first, Ryan second, the children third, ministry fourth, my job fifth (when I have one again), and me last. But it occured to me that a brunt of the parenting responsibilities are going to fall on my shoulders. I have a husband that is in ministry, and because of that, I'm going to be responsible for all five children. Which ultimately means that I am going to have to put away my desires to serve God in a church environment for the next ten years. There are days when I'm not sure how it's all going to work....being a full time mom and supporting my husband and taking care of the children so my husband can be free to minister as God has called him to do....being a full time student....working full time....it is beyond my ability to even imagine how God is going to give me the strength to bear all of this. This, too, makes my heart just ache right now, because here I am again, having to put my desires aside and do what I have to do to make sure five children and one husband are taken care of with the best of my abilities. So I'm praying for contentment and peace to do what I should do and not what I desire to do here.

    Here I've been praying for God to instill in me the virtues of a Proverbs 31 woman and it's true that God is working in me and His Word is not returning void. I just wonder how I'm going to become the wife that Ryan needs me to be. How I'm going to become the mother that Chase, Abigail, Hunter, Rachel and Caleb need. How I'm going to help support my family financially, as no job is appearing on the horizon for me. How I'm going to be able to handle full time schooling so I can fulfill the calling God has on my life. This all is burdening me and this is one of those times when I wish that someone would just point me in the right direction, give me a hug, and tell me everything is going to be ok....

  9. #89
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    So I'm standing over my kitchen sink this morning, mulling over a number of things and washing dishes, when I hear this voice.

    Rachael, you need to let me take care of you.

    Woah. Wait a second. Was that me thinking that God, or was that you?

    Louder this time.

    Rachael, you need to let me take care of you.

    And I just KNEW. That knowing that you have when you know that you know that you know that God has just directly spoken to your heart.

    I had to let go of my new job last week. Not getting paid and being asked to lie are against what I know is the Truth of God's Word. It was a scary decision to make being that I'm still a single parent for the next five months and all that I have to depend upon right now is my unemployment income, which isn't near enough to cover all of my bills for an entire month. I've applied for job after job after job and had eight interviews in that time frame. No job offers, which is an unusual occurence for me.

    In that instant of knowing, I had to stop washing dishes and go sit on the couch and just cry. Because in that moment, God became so real to me and began to remind me of who He is as my husband.

    So I've stepped out in faith, and I've told God that yes, I am going to trust Him to take care of me. Not that it doesn't scare me, but my mentor tells me that she's gone through this kind of experience with God. So while I'm a bit unnerved, I can't wait to see what God will do. Sometimes, it's difficult to let go and let God be who He is. I Am.

  10. #90
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    Round and round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows. Except for God, who is the one doing the spinning. The master potter, spinning and molding and shaping this broken clay pot into something more like what He created me to be in the first place.

    We're on week #2 of revival at church. I've not ever in my thirty years of life been so well, revived. God has answered my why's, shown me what's going on in my life, and has asked me to stay faithful, trust that He will take care of me, and teach me to hear His voice with absolute clarity. The Bible says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 37:23) That would be the order of my life right now. I can wake up and say, I'm going to do this and this and this, and take that to do list out the door, and then God will entirely change my day. It's never a dull moment, and it makes it more exciting to be alive!

    And Kathryn, I was reading your comment today about a blog I recently wrote. I was thinking the same thing. I wonder what it would be like to be able to be a stay at home mom and focus entirely on going to school. On top of that, God's put it on my heart to help take care of Ryan's parents, who are getting up there in years. So keep praying. I don't know where God's taking me. I've been wondering how...but I've been plagued by a spirit of the "I Can'ts" lately...but I know what the Word says, and that is I CAN DO ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength.

    But God, here am I. I don't know what You have planned but with absolute certainty, I will follow and obey, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me, no matter how absurd it may seem....I am not my own, and I am learning that fact rapidly. What a father and husband I have in you Adonai.

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