FEEL FREE TO POST ANY COMMENTS HERE IN MY JOURNAL. I DON'T MIND
Why is it then, that I'm not feeling too blessed?
Well, perhaps it's because this little one is my ex husband's baby. Because we've been divorced since late February. And it was a totally messy divorce. Cost me $17K and a lot of heartaches.
I was 7 mos pregnant with Caleb (who is 8 mos old as of this date) when my ex decided to have an affair with my then best friend. What kind of man does that to his wife? I left in October of 2005 and have been on my own ever since. And to somehow justify his affair, he began accusing me of having an affair with my then boss, saying that Caleb wasn't even his. It was my sheer joy to inform him that there was NO way Caleb wasn't his...my boss had a vascectomy 4 years ago. What an idiot. And God has a sense of humor, as Caleb looks exactly like his dad.
Maybe it was the Vicophrophen I was on July 29th, who knows. But I made the choice to have sex with my ex. And after all the miscarriages and TTC headaches, it only took once. And here I am, pregnant again.
This is baby #9, although I do have 5 angels. And 3 wonderful little boys who are the pride and joy of my life.
I am scared to death to have to tell my family, who will NOT be happy with this and who will in large part be so disappointed in me, that I'll probably be disowned as they all dislike my ex.
Not to mention, I have a high risk pregnancy to deal with all on my own. I already feel so abandoned. Two of my friends have walked out on me because of their disappointment in me. That hurt. Just when I need people the most, they're abandoning me.
And my new OB office called today and rescheduled my appointment for tomorrow. If I don't get on Prometrium soon, this baby will not make it.
Good thing I KNOW that God never has and never will abandon me. Because He is the only One I know I can depend on right now. Everyone keeps saying that this baby is a blessing. That God does everything for a reason. I just don't want to do this alone...