Ok..so, yeah, I'm trying this journal thing again. I suck at keeping a journal, but there are so many times I want to say something, and I either don't know where to share it, or who to share it with, and I like feeling listened to, so maybe this will work. I guess I just don't know why anyone would want to sit here and read about the mundane things that go on in my life...then again, I think of how I look forward to the updates in other people's journals, so maybe people would be interested in my pointless rambles.
Today has been an extremely LONG day, as evidenced by the fact that it's 1:30 in the morning, I'm still up, and I got nothing accomplished today. Well, that's not entirely true, but I got nothing of substance accomplished today. I desperately need to do laundry and dishes, but hey...I vacuumed. Of course, if I hadn't, the crumbs would have reformed into a giant ring-shaped butter cookie and attacked while we sleep, but at least it got done.
Abby makes me batty. I know she doesnt' mean to, but it truly pisses me off the way she always has to get in the last word in an arguement. True enough that after I carried her downstairs, and she told me to put her down NOW, that i shouldn't have dropped her on her butt, but sometimes, you just have to. I keep telling myself that the only way to end this game is to quit playing, but it's really hard when she goes out of her way to press every single button I have.
Y'know, it's really nice to just take a little time and unwind. I feel like Natalie has been on me in some way, shape or form since last night, and in a lot of ways, it's true. She was either in my arms, next to me, nursing, or sleeping on me for the last 24 hours non-stop. It feels really good not to have a sweaty little body pressed against me or sucking on me. I don't for a minute regret my decision to nurse her, but for the love of Pete, give a mom a break! I'm pretty sure most other breastfed babies can and do sleep in their cribs for at least four hours at night, and won't scream bloody murder when you have to pee. I can't figure out what I did wrong with her, but I do know that when Dr. Sears called it "attachment parenting", he should have given the disclaimer that it means "attached physically 24/7 for the entire duration of the first year." I'm so tired of being hung on. I love my baby, but I need a break.
On the upshot, I may be taking a scrapbook class next Saturday. It's on beads and sewing. I think I may not be experienced enough for that class, but it sounds fun, and I like the idea of actually DOING something and learing something I can use, instead of slapping together a kit in an hour and sticking it in a book. I've decided I just don't like the make and take type class. I want to learn HOW to make, not how to glue togehter something someone already did most of the work on. There's a vellum class in May I'm interested in because what you make is an idea book. It's a cool concept - come to class, learn a bunch of new ideas, and put the things you make in a booklet with the how-tos so you can do it later in different ways.
Ugh...I am falling over at the keyboard. And tomorrow, I get to look for fun Easter-y things to do with my Girl Scouts. Screw the scrapbook classes...I need a nice, quiet room with padded walls where I can just be alone for a while!!!
Ugh...I am so tired! It is so hot and muggy in this house. You'd think the rain would cool it off, but no. It's just humid and nasty. I have a headache from my Girl Scouts. They were driving me to drink tonight. Literally. I never drink before the kids are in bed...tonight I came straight home and poured myself a margarita. I think it's just all getting to be a bit much...I have hit GS burnout in a big way. Thank God there's only four more meetings this year!
I'm yakking with Robyn on IM...it's really weird now. She used to be my other half, my lifeblood, my soul mate...now she just seems lonely and shallow. She wants to belong and fit in so bad, and she wants to be herself, but she's chasing after a ghost of someone she was 10 years ago. It's just sad...I think with her family and all, she doesn't know how to just be normal. Not that I'm normal, but my family is very tolerant of what I want out of life. I think she's still fighting "I'm not good enough" syndrome. *sigh* She could be everything, if she wanted to be, and she doesn't seem to know how to be anything at all.
Went to the LSS today...got the purple Bazzil Basics Monochrome pack...the small one. In purple, for my crocus pics. I want to see if this stuff is as great as everyone is saying. I got some purple burlap-like stuff for that page, too. It was the obvious subject for the lyrics and stickers challenge on the Scrapbook board, since the pics are of the In Honor of Dar Crocuses. I even found some vellum crocus stickers! I think I'm going to put those on the title block and leave it at that.
It's only 11:15...I could actually start on that l/o tonight...think I'm going to go do that.
Today has been a very LOOOOONG day. I woke up in a GREAT mood...lasted basically until I took Brendan to school. Then Abby got going...and she's still in a completely foul mood. This has been going on for almost a week, and it needs to stop. I am so not amused.
Natalie's got baby-on-the-go syndrome. She must get bathed in the morning, becuase I just noticed that her hair vaguely smells like trash. She was trying to pull up on the trash can, and it tipped over. No sooner did I get that cleaned up when she tried to pull up on a kitchen chair and it flipped over, leaving a small (about the size of a penny) bruise on her temple, and another on her cheek. Abby doesn't get it when I tell her I don't want Natalie playing in the kitchen. That child has got to learn that I make rules for a REASON!!!
Tony took Brendan to church tonight. I feel bad...it's Holy Thursday, and I bail. Plus, Bren was upset because I thought the kids were processing in, and then sitting with their parents. Turns out, they were sitting up front as a class, so he's upset because I "lied" to him. I don't think we'll go to church tomorrow. Good Friday is my least favorite day of the Liturgical Year. I don't think anyone really digs it, but I don't think they dread it the way I do. I won't force my kids to kiss the feet of the cross. I've done that exactly once - in eighth grade - never agian. It was very disturbing to me. It might be nice to attend Stations, since I haven't done that since eighth grade, either, but the kids aren't mature enough for that yet. Quite frankly, I was upset at Mass on Sunday when they sang that damn "Were You There" song. I can still remember the first time I *got* that song...in Queen of the Rosary, with Mare and Bob and Nora...and I almost threw up. I can't put myself and my kids through that by choice. It's my first full year back being Catholic...I'm easing into it. Last year, I went to church regularly. This year, I'm giving up meat on Fridays, following the observences, teaching my children to be prayerful. I know it's not required for me to go, but I feel like I'm setting a poor example. I just know that emotionally and psychologically, I can't handle it.
We're going to dye eggs tomorrow. I got 36 eggs. I think that's plenty!!! I need to dig in the basement and find all the plastic eggs and the baskets for Saturday night. I don't want to be starting that at midnight and find myself short somewhere. We have carrots in the house to leave for the bunny. I just need to buy some cinnamon rolls for Easter morning. Mom always makes cinnamon rolls for breakfast for Easter and Christmas. She does the yeasty kind. I like those, but I think we might do canned ones, because I like to cut half of them in half, and attach those to the whole ones so the rolls look like bunny heads.
I got my layout done for the scrapbook board lyrics and stickers challenge, and if I do say so myself, it's the most beautiful layout I've ever created. I"m not sure I want to wait until next weekend to show it off. I just hope the dark colors scan well. I might do that tonight still just to play around with it and so once I have it in the album, I won't have to take it back out. It's just cardstock and some stickers, and a little woven stuff, but it looks amazing. I am so proud.
I need to go clean off the kitchen table. TOny has to be up for work in two hours, and if he spills coffee all over my stuff because he's exhausted and I didnt' clean up, I will never forgive myself.
Wow....I'm on a roll here. I'm almost getting used to making an entry a day. Go, me! Today was *exteremly* long. I can't wait to have a day that doesn't feel like an eternity again. Let's see...there was no school today, so we slept in. Tony had to be at work at 5 am, so he came home for breakfast at 10. Went back to work...kids played outside for a while...then they found a dying squirrel. One of the neighborhood kids was holding him, so I got a shoebox and a dish towel and made them all go wash their hands. I called Animal Control - They say call County Animal Control - They say there's nothing they can do, so just throw it away. It's still breathing, for Pete's sake! We sat with the poor little guy until he died, then put the lid on his shoebox, and taped it shut so the neighborhood kids wouldn't mess with him. Tony came home, and took care of it from there. He's good like that, but I don't know if he would have been had he seen the little guy.
While the drama with the squirrel is going on, Josh, Jerrid, and Nathan stop by. They're my little brother's best friends from high school, and they're moving in down the street. We yak for a bit, and they go to load up trucks.
Then we get into a knock-down, all-out fight with Abby, who was being her usual rude and disrespectful self. I swear, that child needs anger management classes. Tony got that resolved, and at 3, we're just sitting down to lunch of grilled cheese and potato soup with cheddar and broccoli. Abby and I go to the store and get stuff to make pasta con broccoli for dinner tonight and quesadillas for dinner tomorrow, along with cinnamon rolls for Easter breakfast. We get back, and Tony hasn't done one lick of the dishes I asked him to do while I was gone and Natalie was napping....Jerrid had come back, and they were talking electronics, which was great, except that we had to be at my mom's by 6, and it's a quarter to five already, AND I needed to hard-boil eggs if we were going to color them tonight. So he does dishes and yaks while I slice mushrooms, and get dinner going. We wolf down dinner, and go to Mom's for Kevin's birthday. My brother is 20 today. We eat cake, he opens presents, and my parents and sisters head off to church.
We come home, and it's a quarter to 8, and I'm just putting the eggs in the pot to hard-boil. My friend Laura had called, and we haven't talked in over two years, but I had run into her at Wal-Mart yesterday, and gave her my number. At this point, Tony and Kevin have retreated into the basement to watch the hockey game, leaving me with three spastic overtired kids who want to dye eggs. I get Tony to take Natalie so I can dry eggs, and Laura shows up. She wants to catch up and dish. OK, that's cool, but she totally cannot relate to life with kids, seeing as how she's very single and into the singles scene, and I'm trying to get pictures of my kids coloring eggs and not be rude while my husband and my brother are wanting to watch hockey. Brendan and Abby end up coloring eggs in the kitchen while I'm in the living room, and yes, the rooms are adjoining, but I wanted to color eggs with my kids, dammit!
So I get the kids to bed at 10, and I'm exhausted, but Laura sticks around until 11, and Kevin doesn't leave until a quarter to 12. At 11:30, Tony decides he's exhausted (ok, the poor man's been up since 4 am, worked all day, and the Blues lost) and goes to bed. I get Nat to sleep, and after Kevin gets done *****ing about his shoulder injury and goes home, I get her snuggled into bed with Tony. I check the boards and end up here.
You know, writing all that out makes me feel justified in how bone-tired I am. I deserve to feel exhausted after all that. I'm entitled to my corn chips and root beer (the favorite foods of the Moms Who Don't Do Anything! ) and some screen time. And tomorrow's going to be SO much fun. We have the Easter Egg Hunt at the park, Jenny (my SIL) is coming for lunch, Tony has to work 2-midnight, we have to make egg-shaped cupcakes and decorate them for Sunday's dessert at Grandma Jane's, the kids will all need to be bathed, and hey....maybe *I* could even work in a shower for me. Like that's going to happen. I haven't gotten to shower since Tuesday, and it shows. I don't want to wake up the whole house by showering this late, though. The back wall of the shower is the back wall of the kids' room, and the minute I take off my shirt, Natalie wakes up. God, I wish I could night-wean her. I just don't see how it's possible to do it without her screaming for hours. The one time we tried CIO, she was terribly clingy the next day and I got mastitis from not nursing for 8 hours and sleeping on my stomach for the first time in over a year. I'm just so tired, and I need a break so bad. I'm really looking forward to my scrapbook class a week from tomorrow. I got my $15 gift certificate in the mail today, for spending $150. I don't know if I want to admit I've spent $150 there since December. Plus the albums, plus eBay, plus the almost full punch card to the other LSS...god, if Tony ever actually balacned the checkbook, I'd be so screwed.
Ugh...have to go to sleep. Seeing Laura makes me feel all weird inside. My life has changed so much. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle, but she makes me miss making time for myself, and being able to, as she describes herself, be "a vain little ****". I'd like to change shirts because I'm cold, not because I was recently vomited on. OTOH, I look at the pictures I took today of Natalie fingerpainting with mango kiwi baby food and ask myself how I could want any more out of life. It's tough...I love my life, but I miss the old me, too. I don't want to go back, but it's a tough life to revisit.
Wow...I've been a slacker. Almost got bumped to pg. 3, and we can't let THAT happen!!! Something very odd happened to me tonight, and I'm not sure how it makes me feel. We had to wipe the hard drive and start over last night, so when I was downloading all my messaging programs again, I decided to download Trillian. I haven't touched my ICQ account in over two years. I still know my UIN, so I plugged it in, figuring that no one still has me on their lists after that much time, but there was a time when it was a REALLY big deal to have a 7-digit UIN (as opposed to , so I just always kept it, and the number was always really easy to remember because it's similar to my mom's phone number. At any rate, I fire this thing up, and my friend Cat *pounces* on me. I haven't talked to Cat since we first moved out to Warrenton, and that was in early 2001. Then, Jer jumps on me, too. It's been *eons* since I've had three chat windows going (I was also yakking with my brother about Homestar and Strongbad - "The Cheat is not dead, I'm so glad The Cheat is not dead."), and I was trying to read the boards, too. I gave up on the boards for a bit and yakked with Cat and JL - it's been forever, and the me they knew then is barely a shadow of who I am now, but in a lot of ways, they made me realize how little I've changed in some ways. We all used to hang out in a chat room on a website called the Park. I first went there the night I met Dave, and met Cat that same night. If I had never gone to that chat room, well, let's just say that I probably would never have ended up separated from Tony. Turns out that after all this, Cat and JL ended up hooking up, and even though she's still in Canada and he's in Ohio, they're pretty damn happy. Good for them.
It just makes me feel weird inside...I'm just going to be me, because there's no point in being someone I'm not, but it's strange to talk to people who knew me when I was doing some pretty lousy ****. I mean, these were my best friends and confidantes when I was trying (and succeeding) to steal another woman's fiance right under her nose! (Granted, she was in the Navy in Iceland, but on the Net, that's kind of a moot point.) I should ask Cat if she still posesses the Flying Bean Bag Chair of Knowledge...I haven't thought about that in years, and for some reason, it makes me sad. I'm married to a great man, who I love completly and totally, and it makes me sad to think of some weird thing that my ex-boyfriend dreamed up in a chat room, and that makes me sad, too, because I never really felt sad about me and Dave before. I think that when I got involved with Jack, I just pushed it all under the rug, and got mad, and then tried to forget. I don't think I ever let myself be sad. I should be sad about those things...I should be sad about taking him away from Christal...I should be sad over the baby...I should *not* be sad over the stupid Flying Bean Bag Chair of Knowlegde that never existed in the first place!!! It was a figment of CHAT, for pete's sake...but I MISS that. I miss the intellectual bull****. I love my husband to death, but by god, I'm starved for abstract coffee-house philosophizing. I miss that so much. I have no one I can talk New World Order and Technocracy and psychic ablilites and Plato and Nietzche with any more. But I'm safe. And secure. And nothing can hurt me anymore. And I love that. And I love my family, and I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything. And I have my scrapbooking. And my Girl Scouts. And church. And room mom stuff. And I'm so FREAKIN' bored!!! I'm dying from lack of good conversation. I'm happy, but I'm so lonely. On the flip side, if I'm lonely, that means I won't put myself in a position to cheat on my husband again, and that's a good thing, because I have poor choice in male friends that way.
We're meeting with Father John tomorrow about sanctifying our marriage in the Church. I'm excited, but nervous. I do not want to have to publicly admit that I cheated on my husband for three years, and he still loves me, so we're good to go. Tony says he loves me that much more for having the courage to do so. I appreciate that. I respect that. I know I have ministerial confidentiality. But it's weird at the same time. It's hard to go through life being normal and ordinary when I know I'm anything but. On the up side, I don't have to fight to keep what I love anymore, and I know that I'm a homebody because I choose to be, not because anyone is forcing me to only be friends with their friends and so on and so forth. I know I'm safe, and that what I have now is real. But there are times when I miss who I was. I don't usually let myself think about those times. I've tried and tried to journal about it, and for some reason, I can't. I don't know why I can talk here. For some stupid reason, I feel safer herre at pg.org than I do writing on paper in my nightstand. How dumb is that?!?! Even Brendan will tell people that the only places his mom goes to on the internet are pregnancy.org and eBay!!!
I have got to stop chugging root beer. The can I just killed was #3 today. Since when do I consume that much soda on a regular basis?!?!?
Nat's asleep in our bed. I should go to bed. Tony's working an overnight tonight for the overtime, and it's hard to sleep when he's not here. *sigh*
The boys took the Ugliest Cake award in the Cub Scout Feller Cake Bake tonight. It wasn't the most perfect cake, but it was by no means UGLY...just a liitle on the plain side. They made a 9x13 rectangle, and set 8 cupcakes on top to look like a Lego brick, and they iced the whole shebang bright blue. Not ugly, just simple. I shouldn't be so pissed off about it, but for some reason, it really bugs me. The kicker is that Brendan actually WANTED the Ugliest Cake award, so he was happy, I guess. I'm so proud of him...he's really a cool kid. I just wish he'd stop being so overly sensitive. He needs to learn to let things slide off him a little better. He's turning into a pouter, and that bothers me. I think there's one or two kids in that class that say stuff just to see if it will upset him. I'm trying to let him choose his own battles, but it's really hard!
OK...despite the sugar, I'm having trouble focusing, so I guess I"m off to bed.
Whew...haven't updated here in a few days, because I've been waiting for the world to slow down. Here's the lowdown from Thursday to today, in no particular order:
Tony and I are getting married in the Church, and he's getting Confirmed - yay! - but we weren't expecting this to all go down in three weeks. We thought we had a month or two at least.
I cut my finger on a can of green beans last night cooking dinner. Ouch. It rather sucks.
I learned to knit! I'm working on a little piece of... something. It's variegated royal blue, navy, and teal. Very pretty. Now if I could just figure out how I started out with 96 stitches and now have 156.
I took a sewing class at the LSS yesterday, and made a really pretty one page layout with an embroidered daisy and spiral on it, and a beaded heart. It's really pretty, and I got more paper to make a second page for it. I'm thinking outdoor wedding pics, since the page is sage green and kraft paper brown.
Brendan is riding on two wheels!!! WOO HOO!!!
Abby thinks the rules apply to everyone but her. What else is new?
I got three picture frames for a buck a piece at Target yesterday, and I'm starting to play with the decoupage stuff I bought from Carrie...wait, excuse me, ARTSY COLLAGE. They've been decoupageing since Victorian times...it's not like people have never done this before. I love the gel medium so much better than good ole Mod Podge, though, and it's way more fun to use scrapbooking papers. The skills I've acquired from scrapbooking are carring over into the other crafty arts, and I'm loving it!
Katie and I went shopping for a wedding dress. I'm not 15 - I don't fit in Juniors. I'm a nursing mom - I don't fit in petites. I'm not 50 - I look silly in Misses. I'm not a lawyer or a corporate accountant - I don't need Career Dressing. I just want a nice, pretty dress. Something long, something spring/summery. Something not black, by request of the groom. Something that doesn't have a seamed bust and could possibly be hemmed, to accomodate my 5' 5", 140 lbs., 32 G self. Is that TOO much to ask??? Y'know, in the grand scheme of things, needing to find a dress seems pretty trivial compared to what some of my friends here go through. I feel kind of bad griping about that when other people have real problems they need to talk through in journals. I told you people I have the most boring life!!!
I forgot to pick up Tony's Ritalin prescription on Friday. Doctor's office is closed until Monday, and he ran out after his first dose Saturday. I now remember all the reasons I always say that Ritalin saved our marriage. He can't even believe we lasted as long as we did with him like this all the time. The only nice thing about it is that he didn't have night sweats last night. I can live with that if it means having my husband back to normal.
That's about it. All the news that's fit to type. :P Off to tackle the mountain of dishes!
OK...I have gotten so bad about this!!! I haven't updated in almost two weeks...I'm down on page 3 with the people who created journals and have posted zero replies. Yikes!
Life has just been kicking my butt again lately. I keep telling myself things weill slow down once school is out, but somehow, I don't see that happening.
Here's the recap:
~Natalie is sick. Her nose is running like a faucet, and she's got an ear infection. They prescribed her antibiotics, which means two weeks of diarrhea from hell. Fun. Tony's happy because that means he'll get to eat YoBaby with her. Glad I kept all the triple paste diaper rash cream from last time! (This just happened today, BTW.) She's up to 18 lbs., 13 oz.
~Made the appointment for Brendan's ADD assessment while I was there, for better or worse. Just what I need - another Ritalin-dependent man in my life.
Natalie says hi.
~Abby has been pissing me off for the last two weeks non-stop. What else is new?
~My house is a mess. What else is new?
~Tony is the King of Overtime. Money's great, but I miss him. At the same time, I'm kind of glad he's gone so much. He tends to piss me off when he's home a lot, because he seems to think that day off = do nothing but watch TV and play computer games.
~Girl Scouts is almost over. Yay. I'm ready to take a break from it all.
~I found a dress to get re-married in. $25. Yay! Still need shoes, and damn...I forgot to order my flowers yet again. I decided to go with simple, hand-tied boquets of small calla lillies. Mom'll probably have something smart to say about the bouquets. Then again, maybe not.
~I'm turning into a grouchy person who yells a lot. I don't like that so much.
~Natalie is totally digging Alpha-Bits. That makes me happy. They were my favorite cereal as a kid.
~Got half the mother's day gifts made. Too damn tired to do the rest lately. Still need to mail out the ones that are done.
~Not happy about how crabby even this post sounds. It's so hard to sound chipper all the time, but I just don't feel like the regular boards are the place for me to ***** and moan about how bummed I feel all the time. I'm not Eeyore, for Pete's sake!
~Making a frozen pizza and a pre-fab quesadilla kit for dinner. Yum. I should have made something "real", but I'm too tired from the pedi visit today. Yeah, that's a plausible excuse.
~Hoping Marie got her package today. Praying the cake pan didn't get messed up by being shipped in a bubble mailer.
~Need to get my swap stuff sent to Amy. It's ready, and in a mailer. I just haven't gotten to the post office yet. I feel bad...I had told her I would send it Monday, but I didn't have a mailer. Got one at the post office when I sent Marie's package. Haven't made it back up there yet.
~Market research rules! Planning to get added to a few more of the local firm's databases, because where else can I b/s for an hour, get lunch free, and get handed an $80 check at the end?!?!?
Have I mentioned how tired I am? There are toys and stuff everywhere. Two loads of (folded, at least) laundry on the couch. Visible crumbs on the floor. And I don't care, which sucks so much. I wish I could find a doctor that would give me the go-ahead for at least a mild anti-depressant while nursing, but so far, both my regular doc and my ob's office said no. I was doing better for a while, but this last week or two is just really rough.
Nat's screaming --- bbl.
My borther is an ***. So what else is new??? I have three brothers - Michael, the oldest of the little brothers, would give you the flannel shirt off his back. He's goofy, he's funny, he's intelligent beyond words. (Yes, in fact, he *is* a rocket scientist! Really. ) He makes goofy faces at my baby. He's my Stinky Cheese Man...always has been, always will be. Kevin, the middle brother, used to be a lot of fun, but he's turned into an arrogant *** as of late...actually, for the last couple of years now. He's going to school to become a DJ - and he is the epitome of that line from Top Gun - "Son, you're ego's writing checks your body can't cash." He's the one I'm pissed at - I'll explain in a bit. Brian is the youngest of the boys, and Natalie's godfather. He's the one that converted me back to Catholicism. Yeah, the year Tony finally "gets it", and buys me the new Witches' Calendar, wraps it up, and gives it to me ON YULE, my brother converts me back to Christ. There's got to be some irony, some wacky O. Henry-type story in there somewhere. He and I got really close when I was living at Mom's, and we've really stayed that way. I should scan his Senior picture and share it with you nosy people (you know I love you, JD! ) - he just got them back last week and they're GORGEOUS! He's just kicked back, in jeans, a tee shirt and a flannel, standing on a wooden deck, with this huge weeping willow in the background - it's just a kick-*** picture. Just to flesh out the Cast of Characters - My sister Molly is about the nicest person you'd ever want to meet, and she's funny and goofy and an awesome swimmer - broke another school record yesterday - Go, Molly! - and she was exhausted tonight and was still making faces and doing the Hokey-Pokey to make my sick baby smile. And my sister Katie, who's in 8th grade, is a wanna-be punk (PUNKS DON'T SHOP AT FAMOUS-BARR!!!) in a gifted/talented class with a serious case of "too cool to care what other people think." She's going through "I'm not Molly" syndrome, which I appreciate, truly I do, but she's 14 - it's a tough age no matter what you have to live up to.
Anyhow - Kevin IM's me tonight. Katie's been working on her huge Exploratory project that all 8th graders are required to do. She's doing hers on this cross-cultural student exchange that our high school has been doing with a band from Bavaria, and basically how it broke down pre-concieved notions, that teenagers are teenagers no matter where in the world you live. Kevin's been to Germany, twice, to visit with these people. He's an honorary citizen of Dingolfing. (Yeah, our kids and their kids are that tight.) Katie's paper got torn to shreds by her teacher, so she was really upset. I've been avoiding Kevin because I knew he was itching to rip on her paper. I forgot I was running Trillian tonight, and he IM'd me. (I've been hiding from him on AIM - Alternate S/Ns and Away messages are a beautiful thing! ) He wants to know what Tony's work schedule is for next week. I tell him. He wants Tony to help him finish moving out of the dorm back home next Friday. OK - we're getting married on Saturday at 10 am. I have a VERY clingy baby. I have to arrange flowers, do all the ironing, bathe three kids, make a cake, and so on and so forth. My husband has to go to work at 3 pm, leaving me to do most of this by myself with three kids. Does my brother get this??? HELL NO! He thinks I'm going to volunteer my husband to help him move (because he can't carry stuff down the stairs to his car with his screwed-up shoulder, but that's another story...) OK - It's the day before the WEDDING...Tony's not even HOME...and I'm going to say, "Sure, Kev, no prob. What time's good for him to meet you?" Um....NO. Get a clue, buster. We have a family of our own, that takes precedence over you. I know that between Mom and everything else, we'll probably end up having to help him out, but how freakin' presumptous is it that he thinks the whole world will drop everything for him because he's Kevin????? OK - - - done *****ing now.
Nat's really not feeling well - she's coughing like crazy. I sure hope the antibiotics kick in fast, and we dont' end up with diarrhea from hell like we did the last time. That took two rounds of antibiotics, and I don't remember which one it was that caused the diarrhea and diaper rash. Her little nose is running like a faucet, too. I hope she feels better soon.
Bleah...I hate it when Tony works overnights. He's pulling a 23 hour shift because he can't say no to overtime. Can't say I blame him...the money's good...but it's awfully lonely here. Never thought I'd see the day when I wasn't grateful to be alone for a while.
Thought of the night - "Why is it that as we grow older and wiser, the road signs point us adrift and make us afraid, saying 'You never can win,' 'Watch your back,' 'Where's your husband?' I don't like the signs that the sign-makers make. So I'm going to steal out with my paint and my brushes. I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street. It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin-Hood vandal, she goes out and steals the king's English, and in the morning you'll wake up and the signs point to you. They say, 'I'm so glad that you finally made it here, you thought nobody cared, but I did, I can tell.' And "This is your year" and "It always starts here" and "Oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh, you're aging well." I'm on a Dar kick in a big way again. I'm trying to pull together a Best of Dar CD for JD, and I can't seem to narrow it down to 70 minutes. Somehow, You're Aging Well always seems to put things in perspective for me. It should remind me of Jack, but it doesn't. I'm glad. He ruined a lot of things for me, but that's not one of them. I'm very grateful that Dar has remained pure, and untainted by all the **** that's gone on in my life.
I should go to bed. I'm exhausted. I'm running on virtually no sleep. I know I'll lay there and not be able to sleep. I'm praying I hear the alarm tomorrow, so Brendan's not late. I'm not used to being the one to get him off to school. I"m used to staying up with the baby and Tony doing the early morning stuff. I really hope all these cramps are productive soon, and that that will explain why I've been such a crab-***. Not that I want periods from hell again, but I'm on the PMS rollercoaster with no end in sight, since it hasn't come back yet. It's definitely a perk to nursing, but I'd really like to know what's going on in there. When your church advocates NFP but you're up three or more times a night with a baby, it's really hard to chart!
I'm rambling. I make the longest journal entries in the world. Grammatically correct, and properly spaced. I'm such the freakazoid. They were right in high school - I could have had a great career writing textbooks.
Going to try to go to bed...tomorrow is a new day, a better, brighter day...and I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO ORDER THE FREAKIN' CALLLA LILLIES FOR THE WEDDING OR I'M GOING TO BE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE WITH NO FLOWERS AND LOOKING LIKE AN UNPREPARED MORON AS USUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, pasting that into Outlook as well as leaving it here will trigger my overloaded brain to call the florist and order thirty small while calla lillies and a dozen hosta leaves, then go to Garden Ridge and buy the ribbon for the bouquets. If that all actually happens, AND I make it to the post office, AND some of the dishes get done, call Bruce Willis, because Armageddon is approacing. :P
Yeah...really...going to bed now. See how many paragraphs I start with those words. And I can't even justify sitting here at 12:30 at night by saying Tony's watching SportsCenter or the History Channel. Guess I'm going to grab the Scripures for the Nuptial Mass booklet and try to make some decisions on all that...the essays in that thing are sleep-inducing anyhow.
This has turned out to be a pretty great Mother's Day weekend. I HATE going out to eat ON Mother's Day, so Friday night, despite the exhaustion of working 23 hours straight, Tony took me and the kids to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. They were all good, and the food was awesome. I had a small steak, crab legs, parsley potatoes, veggies, and a virgin daiquiri. Yum. The "virgin" part kind of killed me, and Tony told me I didn't have to, but I just didn't feel right drinking rum at 7 o'clock in front of all three kids. I know it's dumb, but it's just kind of a thing. Then we went to visit at Circuit City (because its' right next door) and chatted with a bunch of people, and I drooled over the SLR style digital cameras for a bit. Then he took all of us to 31 Flavors for dessert. It was just all around a great night.
Natalie is feeling better, but I have a terrible head cold. It was rainy and yucky all day yesterday, and the kids were aggrivated about being cooped up inside. It was Parent's Day at swim lessons, and I learned the hard way that Abby's scared to get her face wet. She does better getting her hair washed than she does bobbing down into the water for a second. Brendan was awesome - his arms and legs are all over the place, but he did a cannonball off the lifeguard stand, which was pretty cool. I made a new chicken stir-fry with a recipe I got in my e-mail, and it just rocked. Tony left for a bit after dinner, and when he came home, he had brought me Gatorade (yay!), but was kind of ticked off. Turns out he drove to a grocery store 20 minutes away to buy my Mother's Day cards and Gatorade because it's next to the LSS and he had wanted to get me a gift certificate, but he didn't know they close at 6 on Saturday and are closed on Sundays! I felt really bad for him, because he really tried, and I wasn't expecting that on top of dinner out anyhow. We bathed the kids and got them to bed, then watched TV until 1 in the morning. It was really nice just to get to be together.
Today - we were almost late for church because I waited too long to get in the shower. I ate first (I never eat breakfast before church because we're always running late) and then took a shower, and got out 10 minutes before we had to leave. It takes me a good 15 minutes to get my hair dry, so we left with me having still fairly damp hair. I personally think it's tacky to show up at church with wet hair, so it kind of bugged me, but we ended up sitting with all the siblings in the very last pew of the main section, so it was all good. I spent most of it walking with Natalie in the vestibule anyhow. We came home, and I got Mom's card made, and her gift wrapped, and Nat took a nap before we went over to Mom's. Tony dropped us off on his way to work, and we just kind of did family stuff. Mom and Rich barbecued, and Mom made potatoes on the grill with onions which I love (it's kind of hard to explain - you slice up a potato, but not all the way through, and tuck rings of raw onion in the slits, and wrap the whole thing up in foil that's been coated with butter, and cook in on the grill) and they also grilled two huge steaks and a bunch of boneless chicken in Mom's homemade barbecue sauce. Wow. It was SO good. Tony came over on his break, so he got to eat, too. Then we just kind of hung around and did the family thing some more, and my parents brought us home a few hours ago. All in all, it was just a really nice weekend.
Now, for a few comments - Marie, I'm glad to hear the baptism was such a great experience for you. If you didn't get your package, please let me know. The tracking stuff showed it was delivered Thursday, but if you didn't get it, I had it insured, so give me the heads-up. JD - If you gotta wean for 48 hours anyhow, be bad! Indulge! Eat ice cream in a bubble bath, woman!!! So glad you enjoyed your lobster! My kids kind of reacted the same way to see me tear apart crab legs, and that's not as scary looking as a lobster. I smoothed it all over, though, when I showed them how once you eat all the claw meat, you can play with the pincer. *LOL* I hope everyone reading this had a nice Mother's Day, and I can't tell you all how grateful I am to have had, for the first time in 8 years, a Mother's Day where I truly felt like my family appreciated all I do for them, and I hope you got to feel the same way for at least a little while. Love and hugs to all - I'm off to peruse the boards one last time and head to bed.
Today wasw busy, but fairly uneventful. I forgot to order the damn flowers AGAIN. I got the hallway cleaned out, FINALLY! I got the Christmas stockings put away, I got all the trash out of there. I got all my scrapping stuff put away and organized. I had no idea just how much craft supplies I have. The deacon's bench is full, I filled a Rubbermaid 4-drawer cart just with scrapping supplies, and I know I have at least two boxes in the basement full of sequins and hot glue sticks and yarn and misc. other stuff. I got the invites for the bridging ceremony layed out, and I just need Billie to approve the design and have her run copies off my master. The living room is picked up (not clean, but livable) and the kitchen isn't great, but you can eat off the table and the dishes are caught up, so I'll take it. It's been a pretty produtive day.
Tomorrow is the volunteer breakfast at school, so that will be nice. It's to honor the room parents. It feels good to have somebody recognize just how much work you put in to those class parties. Last year, I got a really cool insulated cup with the school district logo on it, and it ended up being my bedsise ice-water cup when I brought Natalie home from the hospital. I can't believe that was a year ago!!!
I forgot my knitting stuff in the car, which aggrivates me. I have the time to work on it, and it's not here. Grrr.
My sinuses are still plugged beyond belief, so I think I'm going to go put a hot washcloth across my face.