January 15th (7DPO)
I'm am soooo not one for symptoms, I think every pregnancy symptom can be explained.
Having said that, I do have some cramping in my tummy today (which is probably because today is my cheat day and I've been eating like crap). My boobs are a tiny bit senstive (again, they might always feel this way, I just don't normally "check" how my boobs feel on a daily basis to know if there is a difference). I'm kind of achy in general, almost like a sickness (maybe I'm getting a cold). I'm going to end on that note. I just wanted to get a couple of "non-symptoms" on paper.
Ohhhh I totally won our first round of the BIGGEST LOSER competition in the TTCAL boards! WOO HOO! I'm down 9.6 lbs and 6.3% of my total body weight. AMAZING!! Here's a before and after pic from the competition!
I think I'm not going to be able to hold out till Monday to test. I think Friday sounds like a better day but I'll only be 8DPO....its too early, I know. Maybe Saturdday I could try and then if its neg, I'll wait till Monday to test again, my period should be here on Tuesday or Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed and PRAY for me if you're reading this! PLEASE!
Jan 16th, (8DPO)
So my non symptoms I was talking about yesterday are totally explainable. I forgot I had been holding Logan (a friends baby) the night before yesterday and when they came over yesterday and I picked him up again, I felt the soreness in my boobs I was talking about before.
Also I had forgotten that I worked out for over an hour the day before also which would would explain the overall body soreness.
You see...this is what happens when I don't think through things all the way.
Temps are still good, although I've been having to "adjust" them nearly everyday because I've been taking my lil brother to work each morning at different times....sooooo you just never know. If it's happened, it's obviously already happened so no point in stressing myself out over it.
I'm supposed to test on Monday, it'll be like 1 or 2 days before my period should be here....I just don't think I can wait. I might test tomorrow morn, IF I can hold out, I'm sure ill try it on Sunday!
Keep praying and sending thoughts my way please!
Sooo I was making my sandwich at lunch and a co-worker walked up to me and asked if I was ok. I said yah and she asked if I was pregnant. I told her, no not that I'm aware of.
She said she sometimes get a vibe about certain things and I had this "vibe" about me so she thought she'd ask. (she knows about my loss and everything, so I wasn't offended, we're close)
I don't really believe in these kinds of things but DEAR LORD if you are listening, please let this be my time! amen.
I am praying like no other....your chart is looking GREAT!
January 19th, 11DPO
I HATE TTC.
There I've said it. The gammit of emotions is most of the time just overwhelming and almost unbearable to take.
maybe if I had not suffered a loss I would fee differently, maybe it would be fun still, getting to practice and try and anxiously wait but now...its seems pointless and stupid and I do not like it one bit.
So your period comes, your totally bummed out (because your hopes for that entire cycle have just been dashed) everything you have been praying for and hoping for, talking and thinking about....gone. So now for a week or so, you bleed, you're crampy, fat, irritable, emotional and you know there is 100% chance you are not with child, so your period ends, the next 8-14 (in my case) days are spent holding your urine until you are about to burst, in hopes of getting a + opk, checking cervical mucus, peeing on opk's analyzing every single one, trying to see the beginnings of a faint line in hopes that you will soon ovulate. You DTD, even when you don't want to because "you just never know", you wake up early to temp, try to remember if your mouth was open this morning, did you turn the heat up or down, could anything be affecting your temps?
Then you ovulate :yahoo:. For one day (maybe 2) you go at it like rabbits, all your hopes and dreams riding on just these few days, you pray and pray and lay around with your legs in the air like an idiot just trying to help the lil swimmers do as much as you can. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders, THIS is what you've been waiting for.
The next 10-14 days you spend analyzing every single twinge and smell or feeling. Waiting (AGAIN) until you think its been long enough so that you can pee on some more sticks. analyzing AGAIN to see if you can see any faint inklings of a 2nd line or a + sign. Not drinking, avoiding almost everyone so that you dont have to talk about the TTC process, you're too scared to work out (because what if you are prego), you annoy even yourself by reading into every known and unknown pregnancy symptom known to man. You analyze your temps, Oh are they still high, high enough to mean I'm still in the game? was that a implantation dip? Almost every time, your hopes will be dashed again, when the witch show's her ugly face, time after time. You start all over again, every 27 days
So I say again...I HATE TTC.
This all just to start the worrying process, will I miscarry again? Will my body give out on me, will I ever have a child, will it be healthy? When do I tell people? when are doctors appts, is it still alive? am I doing the right things? Am I ready now? Is this "his time" or just another test?
wow girl - you just summed up my EXACT feelings right there!!! :)
January 20th, 12 DPO
After my huge temp drop this morning, again. I'm just waiting for the ol hag to arrive. Nothing yet but I'm really just hoping she comes today so I can start a new cycle and move on. If she comes in the next day or so my next EDD would still be at the end of October, so I kind of feel lucky to get 2 chances at October.
here's my chart so far....tell me that isn't deceiving, look at those nice high temps...just get higher and higher...all until the 17th, the day I decide to POAS...seriously.....it's almost cruel looking at it. blah.
alright well I'm ready to move forward and not dwell, when the time is right it will happen! I'll again just be trying double hard this coming month.
With Kylie's due date just around the corner 27 days away actually. I'm hoping I can get through the month without too much resentment. I will have to try extra hard to keep my faith and hope strong. Pray alot to help me get through this time and lean on friends and family who may or may not want me to.
Jen, loved your post about hating ttc, so poetic! I wish I was brave enough to post it on facebook or my blog or something, but then ppl would tell me I was obsessing. lol
January 22, CD1
so my stupid period came. :( It took longer than I thought it would have this month to come. I was really pretty bummed about it because it felt like a TON of things were lining up:
My cycle started on christmas
I got a +opk
our timing was perfect
I'd been praying
My temps were soo good for awhile
I would have ended my first trimester on my birthday
just so many outside and inside things really felt like this was the one....alas...I was wrong.
It's ok though. AF (aunt flow) is here....I'm ready to move on. There is nothing I can do to change the past only look to the future. This was not his time for me.
1 good thing is that I get to continue the biggest loser quest for another 2 weeks hardcore and then 2 weeks after that carefully but still to lose some weight and I think I might have some faith that I CAN get down to my pre-pregnancy weight by then which would be 135....soooo That's my goal. I need to lose 7 lbs in about 3 weeks time.
I have so many friends on pg.org that I feel are pulling for me and supporting me and encouraging me and praying for me. Eventually god will get sick of listening to all these prayers and just make it happen right? :)
I think that if I don't get pg (pregnant) by cycle #6, although it would be early in the process I would like to call my doctor and see what other suggestions she might have, either for testing or things to try, even if she wants to refer me to someone else. I can not wait 9 months or a year if it's not happening. I've been through too much to have to suffer that much longer. Just this next cycle feels like its going to kill me if we don't get it.
anyways....onto cycle #3 I guess.
Oh my next EDD (estimated due date) is October 29th, 2009. I should ovulate sometime around February 5th. IF that happens it would put me at like 11DPO for Kylies due date and I could POAS for her due date.