Troubled Heart: From Stable to Broken
In a few short weeks I will be the mother of three small children. Our family is growing and stopping at the same time.
This pregnancy has been a marvel for me. All the ups and downs, all of the aches and pains, all of the committment to introducing another child into our lives coupled with Keegan's situation and Shaylah's increasing independence. What happened? When did they grow up? When did I stop considering them tiny to considering them grown? I am just totally amazed by all of this. With this being my third and final pregnancy, I can only reflect in the bittersweet moments and longing that come towards the end of pregnancy. In a way, I long to slow it down and then again, I can't wait to hold him, finally, from the safe confines of my belly to the warm protection of my arms. I can't wait to nurse, rock and bathe him. I miss being able to do that with my other two children, miss their dependency and angst for me to do for them immediately instead of later on. WOW!!
Even as sick as I feel right now, I needed to sort through some feelings. I needed to open up about somethings. I just want to be heard, without the actual advice that comes with being heard.
The life that has become my own is stretching now, opening up to new possibilities and endless opportunities. Our new start has finally happened, Eric and I are finally happy in our marriage and the kids are alot more settled. Thank goodness for the richness of love, patience, kindness, and devotion that comes with family ties.
I must retire to bed now, my eyes are heavy, my tummy in knots. But I cannot wait to fulfill this journal with more of my thoughts when I am able to think straight.