Troubled Heart: From Stable to Broken

It has been a crazy week thus far. A journal entry and then I need to get off the computer for the rest of the day so I can spend some time with hubby. I have missed him.

Tonya is incredibly sick and I am so worried about her. I have not really talked to her since Friday. I did call to see if Mom was home from the hospital yesterday and she is, but Tonya has not gone back to the hospital yet, which infuriates me because she is just that sick. It is like she is giving up, between all her female issues, between this horrid pneumonia and between the liver issue, it seems like she can't win for losing. I just don't know what to tell her anymore or what I can do for her anymore. Someone give me a answer. Talked to my other friend Jill this morning about it and she asked if Tonya had been eating and I told her no, the only thing she has been eating is orange push ups and mac/cheese. She is getting no nutrition, AIRBORNE and Vitamin C are not going to take this away and the best place for her right now is in the hospital getting better. Her excuse, I CAN'T MISS ANYMORE WORK!! Well if you don't get well, you are going to miss a whole heck of a lot more, YOUR LIFE. She can't breathe. What could possibly be worse than that feeling? Nothing I can think of.

Quinlan has a dry hacking cough and I really think he has asthma or severe allergies. Poor baby, I wanted him to look like me, but not act like me. Anyhow, he is down for his nap, so I am going to spend some time with Hubby. More later, I am sure.

Add me to the list of sick people now!!

This totally sucks. I have severe left sided pain. I was told by my doctor that I have fluid in my uterus and an infection in my tubal site of my left ovary. I am on two antibiotics for it right now along with another antibiotic for bronchitis. He told me that if the infection in my uterus did not clear up in two weeks then I would have to have a D and C to see what else is going on. I don't need or want more surgery right now. I have enough going on without worrying about another recovery. Though I know it is a minor surgery, it is more for us to worry about at this point. No thank you! WORK MEDICINE WORK!!!!!

I am extremly upset with my best friend. But with a screaming baby, I will have to update this more later.

Why am I getting the feeling that all I do is complain about how I am feeling, about my husband's job, about everything. I posted an update on my pain and that I was going to the ER to be checked out and was hurt by a person who replied to it. And I love this person, I think she is an absolute sweetheart and I don't think she meant to make it sound that way, but maybe she did. I don't know. Anyhow it hurt, so I added my own smart reply back to it. My feelings are if you cannot reply nicely to someone's concern or comment, then please do not reply at all. I love and trust everyone on my board and try not to take offense to some of their replies, but I also expect a certain amount of sincerity, the same sincerity I show them. Anyhow, just awaiting Eric's call and then I am out. I just need to figure out what is going on so I can care for my kiddos pain free.

And other chipper news, here it is:

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c2...4/100_0767.jpg

He finally smiled for the camera and I could not be happier about it. He is sick with Bronchiolitis, not Bronchitis and has to finish up his Zithromax along with starting a new regimen of breathing treatments. I am not happy about him having to be on albuterol treatments, but again, as long as he gets better, what else can be done.

Today is shaping up to be a decent day today. The weather is absolutely gorgeous outside, no wind, and so far the kids are great. About to lay Shaylah down for a nap and Keegan and I are going to watch a movie together. Quinlan is content right now for the most part, so that is a very good thing. Eric is on an overnight tonight and I am not stressing about it too much right now. I think by tomorrow I will be ready to pull my hair out, but right now, I am ok. I feel like I am running a daycare right now, with all the running around and messes. :) Anyhow, need to switch out laundry and wait for a phone call about Quinlan's nebulizer.

I am having a freakin anxiety attack and it sucks. What in the world? I was sitting there, listening to Chris D sing on American Idol and my heart starts jumping and I am going crazy with its skipping beats. I think it stems from my worry about Quinlan. I hate when he coughs and can't catch his breathe in between. His read face makes me feel so horrible for him. I just want him well.

And I want this damn mouse out of my house. He is behind the refrigerator right now. I love being on the back half of Olney, but I hate being right by the field too. The snap and trap is set, so all I need for him to do is walk right to it so it will trap him inside and I can be rid of him. BRING IT ON JERRY JR, you are going to go away tonight if I have to stay awake all night to coax you, smart Bugger, but I am smarter.

Anyhow, kids are asleep so I am actually able to have some mommy time right now. I need to start that book tonight, but I may wait until their naptime tomorrow. I am so freakin tired but my anxiety is keeping me awake right now. I just really need my little man to be better and I am missing my husband right now and so far, I am still calm with him being away, but maybe my anxiety is also a by product of that as well. Having to cope with a sick baby and my husband being on an overnight. I am counting the hours until I can see him again. 22hrs and counting. UGH, makes no sense, does it, to be counting the hours when hubby is away for only one night.

I have been having this pain on my left side for over two weeks now. It is hard to the touch and tender. I had to drink this stuff to clear out my tummy and that seemed to work until I started to eat again and now the pain is back and getting increasingly worse again. I am at a standstill until I see my OB on Mon. I had an Xray done a week ago and I don't have the results just yet. I will not get them until I see him on Mon. He may actually release me from his care then and refer me to a GP who will then run further tests. Vicadin does not even take the edge off now.

That is not my concerning point right now. I have found a lump that has appeared within the last two weeks too. Not sure if this is related to my left sided pain or not but I need some answers and soon. It is located right under my left breast right on top of my rib cage. It could be a lymph node and it could be nothing at all. Not sure. I try not to worry about it, but I do. I don't need bad news right now and I need o get better for my children's sake. At least my spirits and attitude are great right now, even if my body is wanting to fail me. :)

Amber can be so sweet when she wants to be. Just a bit of background so this will make sense, we have never been close. At all. There has always been a competition between the two of us it seems, who could do better in school, who can get married first, who has the better children. And sister's should never act like that. It seems when I would do something, she tried to be better at it. Does not make sense, but that is how it was, all the time.

Now I have moved from Amarillo and we don't see each other much anymore. We try to talk online daily and talk by phone once a week because of long distance. She admitted to me tonight while online together that she misses me. I replied with a Hmmmm? That is a first!! She said that she always misses me, but she never tells me and needs to start doing that. She even told me she loved me before she hung up with me tonight on the phone. I told her that I needed to hear that from her more and that I miss her alot too. She said that she was going to cry and I told her that it sucks that we never acted like sisters and spent much time together when I was still in Amarillo and she said, yes, that it did. Thank goodness for new door opening up, ya know. Things are finally being repaired with my family. And you know what, it feels great!!! So I send lots of Thank Yous to my sister in Amarillo who I love very much. She made my day!

Thank you God for the rain we have been getting the past 24hours. We have needed this so bad and allergies are finally calming down some because it is not as dusty outside now.

Baby Q calls, will update this journal later on.

I have made the decision to start a Fitness/Weight loss journal. As of yesterday, I am on two medications to help me with this as well as a modified diet. I am SUPER Estatic about this.

Potassium got a bit low last night. It felt like my legs were trying to seize up and my heart started to pound. I got up, popped me a multivitamin and ate a banana and it seemed to help. I have to remember when taking this dieretic that I have to eat tons of foods that have potassium in them or keep up with the multivitamins.

Slept from 12-3, woke up to Quinlan having a major gagging attack. With it, alot of really thick clear stuff emerged. I want to think he is getting better, but I really don't think he is. He is next appt is this next Mon. I am a bit worried about him going into the hospital, praying he doesn't. The breathing treatments help some, but not alot. He sounds alot more congested in his lungs again. I am so worried about him right now. He is too little to be going through this. Unfortunately, his insurance does not cover Xopenex treatments, so he has to use Albuterol which is hard on your heart sometimes. UGH!!! Anyhow, fell back asleep about 3:15 and slept until 7:15 this morning. Can't complain, got some really good sleep. Maybe it was because Eric was not here last night to take up half the bed. LOL.

He is crying now so I better make a bottle and get him up for the day!