Keegan is in the hospital. I am heartbroken after listening to his tonight. He was hysterical and crying and said he did not care what he was there for because he wants us and misses us. He said they took blood from him, was not fair to him and I asked if they were nice to him and he said yes, they are nice. But that he is mad that we left him. I broken down tonight, going to go break down some more.
All things considered the freakin hospital cancelled Keegan's EEG.....AGAIN!!! They kept him up practically all night long but made the critical mistake in feeding him breakfast this morning so we were unable to sedate if needed and his doctor has strictly wrote the orders for NPO after midnight and light sedation if needed. He also hase to be fully sleep deprived to really see what is going on with his brain. I was FURIOUS when I left the hospital, but it was because of my concern for my son and even longer stay time in the hospital, where he needs to be, but I miss him. I want him home, in my loving arms when he needs me and this has been a life changing experience. I have always thought I was a decent mom and I even feel guilty for placing him there but now I don't know what to think anymore. I really don't. I know this is not my fault, but I still blame myself. My blood pressure medicine is taking effect, I can tell because I am so wiped out right now. I am about to go to bed because I have to work at 8 in the morning. I will update more when I have a more level head.
Keegan comes home today! We are picking him up in 30 minutes. We have mixed feelings because we don't feel like he is ALL BETTER and his mood swings have been really severe the last week but they seem to think he is ready to come home. I want him home, I miss him, but I am terrified. I am terrified that the vindictiveness and sneaking out and mood swings are only going to get worse again. We still don't have the results from his EEG so we don't have any idea what is really wrong with Keegan. Medicine is only short term therapy, family counseling and such is long term. We have not talked to his doctor since we took him in last week. We don't know his findings or what he really thinks. This is a mixed bag and we seem to only come up with broken pieces. I honestly don't know what to think right now and I am allowing myself to stress when I really can't stress right now. Eric and I both think we got the raw end of the deal for Keegan and that this was probably the biggest mistake we have ever made with him. Are they kidding us? Do they honestly think he is all better and 100% just because they upped his medicines?
More later after we talk to his counselor.
Where to start. I am sitting here in the quiet of my bedroom. My husband is asleep on the bed. The kids are still asleep. They have been napping for over two hours now. I think they are honestly really wiped, all of them. I got about an hour nap today. I woke up in my own drool(ick, I know) and realized how nice it was to just relax for a moment. We have been on the go so much in the last couple of months that it finally feels really good to just slow down for a while.
I out of training class incredibly early last night. They decided to let us leave after our final assessment and we will be starting final evaluations on Monday. Monday is strictly evaluation day and Tuesday we are on the phones from there. After that, come Wendesday, we are on our own. I can't wait and I have already been attempting to help Eric troubleshoot his calls when he is in limbo.
Ashley Maja, our cat, is going to a new home today. She is outta here. We are tired of her vindictive, hateful behavior and we are tired of her attempting to use the kid's rooms as a litter box because she is mad at them. She has a prestine clean kitty box and it is in a great location for her, but she still manages to bypass it even though she is completely litter box trained.
We are about to head out the door to a costume party in Seymour. The kids are incredibly excited and we cannot wait either. I think they will really enjoy it. We are possibly looking into moving down there soon, rent is cheap and the location is decent. We shall see.
Have to run, time to get ready to go. I promise to update more later. I have lots to say about Eric and I.
Our cat is at her new home and you know, I miss her, alot. I had the "phantom" experience last night. About midnight, I wanted a cup of ice water, so I walk into the living room. For just a moment, I expected her to jump down from her place in the window sill and meow at me. When I walked back to our bedroom, I imagined her coming out ahead of me and tripping me as I walked in the door. She was great at that. I know she will adapt to her new home and I know we will get to see her the next time we go to visit, but it is still hard. Keegan was depressed yesterday. He went up to Eric and told him that he wants his kitty back. We explained why she cannot come home and he started to cry. She was great for him and we promised him that when we move into a house, he will get a new pet, possibly a dog. He seemed relieved with that.
Going to go now. I am wiped and need to rest before class. More later.