I'm just going to start at the beginning. I always end up half *** doing things, so this journal may or may not get updated alot. I seem to take my writing in spells.
My name is Ashley. I'm often called Ashe instead. I am 20 years old. I have been married to Aaron, who is 22, for three years now. We have two sons. Adrian was born January 20, 2001 and Jared was born September 14, 2002. I am pregnant again. Totally unplanned and unexpected, but I guess that three children were in the cards for me. This baby is due anytime between December 29th and January 9th.
Adrian(7) diagnosed Tourettes, ADHD, OCD and GAD 03/2008
Let's see... compared to some I lead a rather dull and boring life. I stay at home with the kids 24/7 so I rarely talk of anything other than the daily things going on. Even though I am at home and am fortunate enough to have my own car now... we rarely see anything other than these 4 walls we call home. I'm really not a social person to begin with, and lugging around 2 young kids and my preggo belly is not something I like to do often. Take for example Friday night. My sisters and mom were in from out of state. The county fair is going on. They offered to pay mine and the boys' way in if we'd go with them. I don't see my sisters all that often... twice a year usually. I could have spent the evening with them enjoying the fair... but instead I came home, bathed the boys and got them in bed and sat here alone watching TV until I fell asleep on the couch. I don't feel like doing things anymore. I don't even feel like doing things with my husband. We used to enjoy going out to the movies and dinner. That used to be the highlight of things going on in my life. I don't even want to do that anymore.
Things in my life just keep spiralling downwards. I feel like I hit my peak at 17 when I was newly married and thought I had the world ahead of me. I am just 20. By the time I'm 21 I will be a mother of three. Most of my friends are just starting their junior year of college. Instead of hitting the books to study for college exams, I'm hitting the fridge at 2am to get a bottle ready for a crying baby. Instead of spending my Saturday nights out partying I'm reading bedtime stories, changing dirty diapers, and arguing that just because Mommy isn't going to bed doesn't mean that Adrian can stay up.
Being a parent scares me. I keep thinking I'm going to screw up my kids' lives just like my parents screwed up mine. I love my children with all my heart... but the responsibility is overwhelming. I know... I've been told countless times that if I thought that having a kid was too much responsibility that I shouldn't keep on having more. I guess I can thank Ortho Evra for this one.
Anyway... this post is getting to be quite long winded so I think I'll leave it as it is. Maybe I'll get around to updating again sometime soon. No promises though... as I half *** do everything these days.
This guy from a prison here keeps calling me. It's starting to freak me out! He first called about 2 months ago and I dismissed it thinking he'd gotten a wrong number. He called again about a month ago... once again I thought "poor guy... he just can't get things right" Well, the past week he has called here 9 times!! It is a collect call that says I'm recieveing it from a Correctional Facility and the guy says his name... but I always hang up on him. He is being quite persistant though!! Wednesday night he called twice within 15 minutes. Friday night he called twice. Yesterday once. Today three times in a 10 minute time frame. I'm not comfortable with being harrassed... let alone being harrassed by a MAN WHO IS IN JAIL!!
For those who wanted to know, I called the Correctional Facility and had them put a block on our number so we haven't had anymore calls from that weird guy. *phew!*
And now onto today... the day that just didn't want to end. Adrian broke yet another baby gate this morning. That makes four he's broken. Of course he didn't want to let me know he was awake, so he was quite the sneaky one. I woke up to find him sitting on the couch in an entire box of Cheerios he'd dumped there and a spilled Pepsi beside him. That scares me!
After I got the Cheerios cleaned up and threw the couch cushion covers into the washer things went pretty smooth. Flash forward to 3pm. I started getting heartburn and feeling queazy so I woke Aaron up to look after the boys while I laid down for a bit. He woke up while I fell asleep in our room. I had only intended to lay down long enough to get the queazies away... and ended up sleeping until 5pm. I was woke up by Adrian nudging me to ask where his purple Dodge truck was. When I came in here and found Aaron snoozing away and Jared sleeping in his playpen I also found that Adrian had dumped an entire box of family size Mac N' Cheese in the floor and taken the powdered cheese that came with it and smeared it into the carpet and on the TV screen. And in attempts to clean his mess up and not get put in a time-out, he had wasted two brand new refill packages of baby wipes. I put him in a time-out so I could clean up his mess, and he managed to sneak out of his room. Straight to the bathroom he went where he decided to take one of his sand bucket and empty out the toilet water into the floor. No sooner than I got the first mess picked up, I had to head to the bathroom to mop up water and bleach down everything. That was my last straw. My breaking point. I was so furious over the mess, and the fact that I thought my husband was watching the boys and found out he had been sleeping probably the entire time... I couldn't see straight. And then we get a knock on the door. Company... just great. It was Aaron's cousin, and he stayed until 8pm. By the time he left the boys were getting tired and agitated and we still needed to head to town to get another gate. So I got the boys and myself ready and waited for Aaron to get ready. We left the house at 9pm and got almost all the way to town when Aaron realized he had forgotten the checkbook at the house. So we turn around and pick that up and get to Wal-Mart...... where Adrian proceeds to throw the biggest most ugly fit he's thrown in his entire life the whole time we were in the store. I have no patience left today. I think all of my patience has been used up for the entire rest of the week and part of next week too.
And on that note, I am heading to bed. Finally got the boys to sleep and I'm ready to do the same.