waiting for answers
Well, I think I will try this now because I think that many of the people on my favorite board are getting sick of hearing me whine about it... I am as always, waiting for some answers...
I'm sick again. I'm not sure when this all started happening to me. But it almost seems as if I have always been sick with something. For anyone reading who doesn't know, I have MS. I was diagnosed with it in September 2002. And I have lived in fear of another flare up ever since. So far so good. *keeping my fingers crossed on that one* But I have dealt with my share of fall out from that. Chronic nerve pain, constant headaches, pills, pills and more pills... Something I have to deal with and live with for the rest of my life. As if life wasn't unfair enough already...
I now have another health issue that isn't getting better. It doesn't seem as if I will ever get rid of this problem. Someday soon, I hope to have some answers... More on this later...
so anyway... I kind of feel like i left it hanging here... I know this isn't an interesting topic or really anything anyone would want to hear about... But I have to whine about it somewhere...
In October I stopped taking my BCP because I didn't need them and it was just one more pill to take in the 15 a day I was already taking. So, I said screw it and stopped taking them. Well, I have ALWAYS had irregular cycles. I would sometimes go for months without a period and that didn't really bother me. Actually, I liked it. Who wouldn't? AF is a pain in the ***. Only this time it was different.
In November I had soem spotting but no AF. No worries. I knew that when you go off them it takes a while for your body to adjust to being hormone free. Only problem is that December came and went. January came and went. February came and went and still no AF. This wasn't unusual for me before I had AJ so I wasn't terribly concerned. Then March came.
March 16th... AF started. Started out bad. I had cramps. I have never had cramps. Never. My face started breaking out. I have never had acne. But there I was looking like a teenager with skin problems... The April came and AF was still hanging on. Still having cramps. Skin still looking awful. So, I called the ob/gyn. Which I now know you can't see without a refferal from your regular doctor. So I went to see them. They put me on BCP again. (oh boy and I had thought I had gotten rid of them) But that didn't work. So she increased the dosage. 3 a day for 3 days. Then 2 a day for 3 days then down to 1 every day. But that didn't work either. There we were at the end of April and still.... nothing. AF was still haunting me.
At the end of April I started seeing a different person at the doctor's office. This time, it was an ob/gyn nurse practitioner. Love her. She was great. First person to actually listen to me and try to help me out. She changed my BCP's to something with a different level of hormones. Although they didn't really do what we wanted them to do they did slow AF down. Just didn't stop it. She had to increase the pills at one point to 2 at a time. And that actually worked for a while. I mean, I had no flow. Just some spotting. But then I started developing bad side effects. Extreme nausea. I would be up all night feeling the need to throw up. I seriously felt like I did when I was pregnant. Not vomitting... Just feeling the need to. Then I developed this leg pain. And I am not just talking about a cramp. We are talking serious, making it impossible to walk pain. I would lie in bed crying at night because the pain was so intense. There was this fear of a blood clot in my leg. But the pain is now slowly going away. I also developed very high blood pressure. High for me anyway and I already have HBP. I was getting in the 160/100-180/100 range even with my HBP medicine. Finally, she told me to just stop the BCP and see if every thing stabalized. I stopped on Wednesday of last week. My BP is back to normal (around 123/82 now). The leg pain is going away. and I am no longer feeling the need to throw up. But the trade off is that AF has come back with full force. I am having cramps like never before. My severe headaches are back. My nerve pain from my MS is worse. (it's always bad when I have AF) And I am so worn out. I can sleep 8-10 hours, get up and an hour later I am exhausted. I have no energy to do anything. I am moody and can fly off the handle for no reason at the drop of a hat.
Well, Thursday came.. And I had to see my new primary care doctor because my doctor's office is closing. COMPLETE *****! Yep, *****. I hate her. I have to see if I can find someone else. Even if I have to go to another town to find one I will. Anyway, She walks in and looks at me (she doesn't have my chart because it hasn't been sent over yet) and says, "Sounds like we will have to take that uterus out." Excuse me? "take that uterus out"? Are you ****ing kidding me?!?! I seriously felt like breaking down right there. Then she started asking if I was done having kids and so on and so on. The ***** was talking about a hysterectomy and she hadn't even spoken to me about the problem and I haven't even been able to get in to see my ob/gyn yet! I'm 28 years old. (29 next week) I'm not married and although I seriously doubt I will ever get married, you never know... I am so frustrated and sick of it. I feel like crying every day. And at the moment I could break down right now...
I finally got an appointment with my ob/gyn. But it's not until June 30. So I have another month of this crap. I don't know if I will make it another month. I am ready to just give up at this point...
So, now that we know what is happening but not the cause... I guess the important thing is how I am feeling about all of this right now... I seriously want to cry. I do. That is all I want to do. I feel like my body has just given up on me and is completely shutting down. I know things could be so much worse but I also know this is bad enough for me. I can't believe I have been dealing with problems with this body of mine for almost 4 years now. It seems like every time I turn around it is something new. I had an awful hard pregnancy. Too much stress led to depression which led to more stress which led to very high blood pressure. My joints still hurt all the time. I got my first "spider" vein at the age of 25. I now have about 15 little oned on my thighs. (probably from injection sites but they are still there) I suffered from optic neuritis (swelling of the optic nerve resulting in the loss of sight) when I was diagnosed with MS. That diagnosis led me back into depression. Then the nerve pain. It was so unbearable that at times I couldn't touch anything. Just contact made me cry from pain. I couldn't hold a pen or write my name. I couldn't do anything. Eventually that started to decrease once my stress levels went down. But it is still there. As I have gotten older I have developed severe allergies. Mostly seasonal allergies but I have them all the time if that makes sense. I have a ton of sinus infections every year. (I just got over one.. or at least I finished the meds last week) And now... this. I don't know what to think anymore. Easpecially knowing that at any time, the MonSter can rear it's ugly head. And I can have something else go wrong. Maybe permanent. The unknown is what is scary. I feel so... desperate for answers. I feel desperate for a bit of normalcy.
So.. good news for once... I just had my first day without AF! WOW I wonder how long this will last?!?! hmm stop the BCP and it goes away? Is this how it's supposed to happen? I'm not holding my breath that this is the end. For now, I'll just enjoy the one day without and hope for many more. Nothing seems to last in this world. good health.. good luck... and good friendships. Seems like all of them come to an end eventually.
Oh well.. at least no worries with AF today... the day is still young so anything can change.
what's next... I think I found another cyst. 10 years ago I had a cyst on my right shoulder. They removed it. It was non-cancerous. It appears that I have another one. In the same relative area. Right in the middle of the scar. I thought this couldn't happen again? I guess I was wrong
Well, no AF for 3 days now. What happened to make it just stop? I am not complaining. Believe me. I am so damn happy I could throw a party. Isn't it ****ing wonderful!?! :lol: I still have an appointment June 30 to see what is wrong with me and why this is happening. July 28 I am off to the neuro for my 6 month check up. I wish all my doctors were as nice and willing to get to the bottom of things as my neuro is. Oh well. Hopefully I will get some answers or something from the gyno. And hopefully, AF doesn't come back... I can't take anymore for a long, long time.
Next week... Maybe I will get answers then... Amazing how as soon as I got an appointment AF just stopped... Hopefully she stays that way at least until after the wedding...
Anyway, help a girl out.. click one of my links.. my girl is still naked... not good!
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Well, I went to the doctor yesterday. She wants me to have some blood tests and she put me on the BCP I was on before all of this started. Then I have to go back in 3 months to see if it regulated or not. She doesn't think I have PCOS but she wants to make sure so we'll see. But she was concerned that my cycles have always been screwed up. We got into a big discussion when she asked what happened with my ex. So I told her how it all ended and she said she wasn't surprised. Life is strange sometimes I guess.