ok so i am crappy at starting journals and i hate the dear diary thing but here goes... I just need somewhere to vent...
TOday has been fairly trying.. I think it bit off a little more then i can chew babysitting my friends son.. He's not the problem it DD. She refuses to share. Takes all the toys away every time landon wants to play . She is constantly screaming no at the top of her lungs to him .. Makes me feel bad for the poor guy. on top of it Micah has been super fussy.. I can't wait till this day is over
It feels like it never going to end!!! all three of them are going off . Not to mention that it is the craziest time of day!!! I can't wait till Landon's mommy gets here.. that way i have one to put to bed and the other one i can enjoy!!! it's almost 8 isn't it !!!
TOday is definitely better. Landon is still crying but It's just the separation anxiety.. Both My LO's are doing better today .. I think that yesterday was just an off day.
IT is absolutely gorgeous here today so i am going to take the kids out for the afternoon. I think we all have a little bit of cabin fever... Well GG it's nap time for the kiddo's
up early in the morning down late at night!! Ahh so today is going pretty good but then again it's only 8 in the morning.. Micah was awake till 12:30 last night but then he slept til 7 giving me a good chuck of sleep. Landon's seperation anxiety is calming a bit. he's been better the past few days not much but a little bit...
Dh finally got a full time job that doesn't take him halfway across the country... so i am excited about that.. Maybe for once we'll be able to breathe just a little bit... Then we can pay off our van and our loan and maybe by septmeber we'll be able to look in to getting a mortgage.. It's frustrating sinking money into a house that you will never own.. I really want my own house that is my biggest dream.. Just to be able to do what i want to my house and have it functional for my family... not to complain but my kitchen has bearely enough cupboard space and my dinning room has carpet!! the carpet in here has cigarette burns all over it from the pervious tenant's but i can't rip up the carpets... i would love to have all hardwoord flooring!
today is well anotherday!!! and it's just hump day... Micah slept from 11;00 to 5;30 so i had a pretty goon nights rest!! my dad finally put up the laundry lines for me that he promised to make ... so now i can have air dryed clothes...hmm the smell of the out doors in your clothes gg
got through today. I think that i am having really bad hormones right now.. I am tired beyond what i have ever been. My kids are doing well today though. Micah has been fairly gassy so i know it'll be a bit before he drops of to sleep gripe water isn't seeming to help. On a happier note Micah has pooed 5 times since saturday!! I was worried that i was going to have to take him back to the DR's for his bowel issues. Nevaeh has been super trying all day and not wanting to share with landon at all ... She keeps screaming at him no mine!! It's frustrating b/c she is swating at him all the time ... That's why i have to have him in the playpen all the time. I feel so bad for the poor guy.
today is yuck out so my mood is seeming to match ... I can feel a migraine coming on b/c of it .. time to down so advil!! I can't wait till tonight . I am going to a bithday party so i may get to feel human again...lol... Last night was pretty good and i got lots of sleep. DD has been so bratty these past few day's. She is acting out b/c daddy is not home so this weekend should be great! DH is finally coming home . it's only been two weeks but heck it feel a lot longer. Then monday he starts his new job so he won't be gone over night!! YAY. WE ALL miss him .. The kids can just tell when he is home. It's nice that my kids love thier daddy . The other night Micah was "talking" on the phone to his daddy. DD doesn't really like the idea of the phone so all she says into the phone is NO ....lol.... Well gg the phone is ringing
OK so i have a vent and instead of posting a whole new thread i'm gonna do it here!!
today i bought t-shirts for mothers day and with t-shirt paint i put the kids hand prints on the the shirt and I love Grandma/ Nana. DD the wonderful curious child that she is messed the T-shirts up .. not the part i am upset about. They were not to bad so i could fix them up ok .. not as nice as i would like but then again adds a little bit of DD personality to the shirt. The part that i am mad about is that she decided to take what was on her hands and mix it in with the back of her hair... It says washable on the bottle so i threw her in the shower washed her hair four times . It wouldn't come out so. Her hair was clumped and gross .. so out came the scissors. Her hair was Just looking so good after the last haircut..( we won't go there). So now my Two yr old daughter looks like a two year old boy..... I know it'll grow but i am just mad .... Then my cousin and his wife were suppose to come over at 7:30 didn't show till almost 9:00 not a big deal.. My brother and his wife came as well. His wife was already trashed and my brother lost his license. My brother drove so i was not pleased about that. His wife told me that her is period in two and half weeks late. and she trashed... Not happy about that. Then My cousin and his wife brought thier nephew again not a big deal. But they refuse to put him to bed again thier choice but he is cranky and tired and getting on thier nerves. I offered to let them use the crib but they didn't want to .. All of the sudden i look out the window and my SIL is throwing up all over my driveway.. I go out to see if she needs any help. She is extremly rude to me demanding that i bring her her husband. So i go get my brother. He says he gonna finish his drink and then leave.. My cousin's wife has had enough of the drama .. Things that i am not allowed to say and don't even dare type.. And pack up and stands in the door waiting for my cousin. They leave and on the way out she makes a comment about SIL being drunk. I understand where she was coming from but at the sametime i can't control SIL. SIL and my brother leave shortly before my cousin does. With my SIL telling me how things are and dumping all kinds of stuff on me. My cousin and his wife didn't want to stay due to SIL condition which i understand and am not mad about. I just wanted a night to enjoy having some ppl over not this.. is it to much to ask for?? To be able to enjoy ppls company?? sorry this is so long i just had to vent and get it off me chest!
so if we all knew what dreams meant i would want to know!
Last night i had a really sad dream. I dreamp that i had given birth to a baby. A dead baby.. I was so sad and scared. All i really remember was being told to push and crying that i didn't want to. I dreamed that he came out and he was deforemed.. covered in white and still looking have human but still half fetus?? not fully formed and yet he had fingers and fingernails. He was still in his amniotic sac which they broke after he was born. I asked to hold him and they wouldn't let me. I cried and cried for my baby that never lived. Is this a sign??? I woke up in a cold sweat and tears. I went and Checked DD she was still breathing ANd DS he was still breathing. I have never in my life had such a bad dream. I loved this little baby.. I could feel it ... I don't know why I dreamed what i did but it still hurts even though it never really happened. I must sound like a crazy woman to be writing this but if i ever told anyone this they would think i am crazy. .... I don't know what it means if it even means anything.
Today i had a phone call from a very good friend asking why child and family services is going to be called on me ... I told her that i had no idea what she was talking about. My maid of honor had been talking to her and said that my house is a mess. That i never clean up dirty diapers , that i allow DD to run wild and do what ever she wants. That i treat my daughter with badly. That i yell and call her names. That my kids are always dirty and smell. I am so upset . None of it is true. The only thing that may be true is that my house is a mess but with toys... MY children need to be able to play .. I am so upset. I don't even know where to begin! Why would she say all these nasty things. Doesn't she realize that she is playing / toying with the idea of having my children taken away ( i know that it would never happen but still ) That in itself makes me hurt and upset. My children are my life!!! I would never hurt them or mistreat them. I am so hurt by the fact that someone who is suppose to be my friend ( not anymore) would say things like that. It really hurts. When i got off the phone i didn't know what to say or feel ... what do i do ?? DO i confront this person or do i let it go hoping that they don't call ?