Where the day takes me.....

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Joined: 03/16/15
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Where the day takes me.....

I dropped Zoey off at daycare today. She was happy. She layed down and I layed next to her till she started to fall asleep. I said Mommy has to go to work. She said okay and gave me a kiss. The days where she screamed and threw a fit when I left were awful. I longed for the days where she would understand I had to go. Now those are here and they just don't really feel any better. I want to stay home. Ah someday I know.

Well I am home now and off to play with the kiddos.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OKay picked a new title. I think its self explanatory. ANd I thank god its true.

Working out some icky feelings right now. My best friend left to go over seas. It was bad enough only seeing him once in the last 4 mos now I wont even get to talk to him for mos. This sucks. Oh well A friend suggested I write in a journal to give hi when he comes abck so maybe I will do that. I got an email form him today the last one for a while. I am not used ot not being able to talk to him whenever. you don't always realize how much you need people till they aren't around.

Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with people and why they are oblivous. Being proud of something they should be terribly ashamed of. What comes aorund goes around.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

We are walking 6 miles to raise money for march of dimes. Having a preemie baby who survived without any damage means I am lucky and need to help those who might not be as lucky as I was.

MY preemie turned out perfect.

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Posts: 53852

just testing my new siggy hopefully it works

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That is so awesome I rock!

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I am always amazed at people. This is not a good thing.


Wow I can't believe its almost easter already. I think I have bought enough crap for the easter baskets fiunally. LOL I lvoe buying the kids stuff. I do it in small amounts here and there without realizing how much I bought till its time to make the basket or wrap the bday or xmas presents. Ah well

I screwed up big time today. What a dumb ass I can be. Brad had my checkbook one day so I grabbed a new pack of checks and used two of them. ONe was for the gas bill. UH DUH read the checks Dawn it was off the other account I just use for spending money and it was EMPTY> THey bounced my check to the gas co. Dman. The bank will reverse any charges and I will transfer the money but I bet the gas co charges me. LOL thats what I get for keeping a checking acocunt just because of the account number lol. Brad s going to tease me for a while for this one. My 1st bounced check. I feel so proud. I knew I should have had overdraft protection on that acount as well. teehee


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

AH to be young and irresponsible again. If only I could live my life and pretend my actions didn't affect or hurt other people. That must be nice. I should make sure and ask around hat thatmust be like.

Please refer to the title of my journal

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Why do we have a comment thread if we aren't supposed to comment?

Joined: 03/16/15
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Sometimes I just want to look at people and say are oyu for freaking real???? GET A LIFE

I am cold why is that?

Zoey keeps peeing her pants. ITs frustrating.


DH wanted to goout this weekend but we have no one to look after Zoey. We wil only leave her with my mom or a couple of my close friends. Or her day care teacher as they are so bonded. BUt no one can watch her this weekend. SO maybe next weekend.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OKay I changed the name again lol I like this one I think I will keep it a while

Bad stuff happened today.

I got to the daycare to drop off Zo this morning and the girl who opens came out witht he phone in her hand waving at me shaking her head. SHe looked freaked. I opened the door and she said DOn't get her out don't bring her in. I said whats wrong??? She said theres a man in here. HEs slepeing in the play room. OMG we were freaked out. HEr kids were hiding around the building where she sent them out a side door.

Well to make a LOOONG Story short, He was a VERY LARGE homeless mentally ill man who broke in and spent the night and ate some browinies and drank milk. They have it all on tape. HE came in Zoeys class. They arrested him and are going to use the tape to try to get him locked up for a while since hes not mentally well. IW as so freaked. This man was like 6 ft 5 and probably 400 pounds. I kept thinking what if Melody had woke him up and scared him and he attacked her or something with ehr kdis there. Iw ould have walked right in on it. Shes only been there for a few minutes when Ig ot there. The police got htere anbout 4 or 5 minutes after me. Anyway the cop took us around and showed us how easy it was to pop the outside doors open. IT was awful. So they changed ALL the locks today and are installig metal strike plates to keep anyone form picking the lock the way he did. I was very unnerved the entire day. I couldn't even eat until I picked up Zoey. I stayed for like an hour this morning with meoldy until someone else got here and she was a bit upset as well. I was late for work but they ere very understanding. That was nice for a change.

I feel like I need to figure out a way to work only when brad is home because I feel so awful about her being somewhere where I can't protect her. I feel like a bad mommy. I wanted so bad all day to be with ehr but i can't afford ot lose my job. I guess I will start looking for soemthing else.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

taking Robin to thew movies tonight. Zoeys going to gmas. Thsi should be fun. Gotta go shower.

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Posts: 53852

Went to see anger managment. It was funny. Robin giggled a lot and we tooka break form our diets to have popcron slushies and some candy. It was a good night. Zoey cried at first with gma. She was mad because she wanted to go.LOL Itold her next movie is for her too.

Robin won his soccer game this morning 3 to 0 so far they have won both games. Robin however chose just to stand on the field and watch today with little participation. We will have to practice being more agressive.

We are going to color easter eggs tonight with my mom. I am trying to round up all theeaster doody I bought but am missing a pack of playdoh egss. I bought one for eahc of them and can only find one damnit.

I think I spent like 50 bucks all together lol cause I was buying it in spurts here and there. I guess I should pay more attn next time. No way I am fitting all this stuff in baskets.

I think I bought Zoey 4 new dinos. Guess I will have to just buy bigger baskets.

Brad went to get a new motor for my sunroof and also for my flip up head light cause on of them sticks someties. The sun roof in my car was broken when I got it. It will be so cool to have it work.

Well off to pick up this hell hole I call a house. LOL my kdis are messy.


Joined: 03/16/15
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DH fixed my sun roof WOOHOOOOO

I am so cool now LOL

NOw if I could just get him to change so we could go shopping he would be perfect

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What I Mean

What I mean to give to your life
To your world
Strength and Wisdom
Hand in hand
KNowing when its better to relent
To be weak
And when to call the shots
I mean to show you empathy
Compassion as a part of who you are
That you are only a part of somehting
So much bigger
I mean for you to hold grace and true beauty
Charm and dignity
To hold yourself
NOt above
Not below
BUt to the level you deserve
That you achieve
I mean to teach you
Not only to talk
BUt how to listen
And listen well
And to take in
And learn
What you've been told
I mean for you to achieve knowledge
In more ways then books can teach
Then teachers can instruct
I mean for you to have love
Familial and romantic
Amicable and in a much broader sense
A sense of belonging
To where you live
And who you know
I mean to give you
All the tools oyu will need
To achieve success
However that means
To your endeavors
And I mean for the success
To bring you happiness
And most of all
I mean for you to have faith
In life in love in God in eternity
Whatever brings you peace
It derives form faith
And an emotional state
That holds you
In everything I mean
For you to be.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

To be a Man

For my son living in a world
Full of misguided ideas
Of what a man should be
I hold you close to my heart
Trying to protect you
From stereotypes
From images
Filled with violence and rage
Superiority and a contempt
For the weak
This is NOT
Who you will be
Your strength must posess the knowledge
That compassion and compromise
Sometimes, make oyu strong
That gentleness and affection
Willmake you a treasure
To those you love
And respect will only come
With the understaning
That oyu are so very special
BUt not better
For my son
Living in a time ablazed
With anger and hate
You must believe
That everything good will prevail
You musn't be angry
Or resentful
To a world
That seems to tear apart
Everything I try to teach you
Because out there
There are truths
And there are answers
I believe
As I try to teach you
To do the same
To give you the morals
It took me so long
To understand
And to hold
The values
You must always hold
Close to you
And I realize
Being a man
Will not be easy
IN a society
That doesn't even begin to remember
What exactly that means
But of the very few things in life
Where I hold my faith
The image of you
A man, a husband, a father
A leader
An example
I hold first in my heart
That you will be
The man I dream you can be

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

okay spamming to raise money for my walk I have posted this on all the boards I frequent so maybe it will help

I am going to go and get some pledges form friends this evening as well watch out poeples.

OKay guys I am walking this sat in the name of Pregnancy.org. My personal pledge site deosn't say sobut I worked out my registration with the march of dimes so all the pledges will go under PO. Heres the site

COme on guys my goal is $200 wont oyu help me out?? Besides thers a wonderful pic of my littel preemie on this page



DOn't make me send out presonal emails to you all

For everyone who pledges for me I am going to make a list of names and randomly draw one and whoever I draw gets a free portrait. SOund good?? then pledge. Any pledge will get you in the drawing for the portrait so get those credit cards out NOW.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

DH and I talked abotu me wanting shorter hair last night. HE likes long hair. HE said he understood and if I wanted to cut it he would be fine. HE even went with me today to get it cut and sat there and was very nice. HEs so sweet sometimes. I asked him to come home and kepe the kdis so I could go and he said no I will meet oyu there and go with you Then he took me to eat.

Sometimes I think about how my life used to be and what I went through all the time. I see other people living in pain like i did and I wonder why I got so lucky. I think I just finally grew up and realized theres more to life then excitement and drama. Theres love and I am so happy I found it

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Posts: 53852

LOl weak. How funny of someone to say that divorce makes oyu weak. Someo people need ot look in a mirror. Most women need trmeendous strength to leave a bad marriage. I say kudos to any woman who ever left to simply make a betetr life for herself.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

wow it feels so strange to not feel hair on my neck. its been about 5 years since my last short hairdo. I feel prettier which dh says is silly. He says its just hair.
But it snot. Since I have lost this weight and changed my hair(which I am not done highlighting 101 tonight woohoo) I fele betetr aboutmyself. I am turning heads again and that feels good. I mean I always like myself and all that but its nice for others to notice. My nephew who is 13 told my sister that he was so proud of me for losig the weight he could cry and today when he say my hair he said Looking good aunt dawn and gave me a double hig 5 and a big hug. Its nice for peopel to keep complementing me but sometimes I am not sure what to say. But still feels nice

Well dh and I decided offically that memroial day weekend we would go to chicago. Can't wait to share my news. I am SO SO SO excvited. Thsi is going to be so fun. Its so ncie to connect with someone so well and I am so very glad we met. Well that we are going to for real. I have a feelign this is the beginning of a life long friendship!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OKay the punks in jail. Thast what you get jerk. Stay the hell out of our stuff. How stupid do you have to be to steal something in broad daylight while you have a large bag of pot in your pocket then walk casually down the street after you know I saw you DUMB ASSSSSSSSSSSS

The world is full of stupid selfish irresposible people who lack any type or morals at all. I see it every where every day and it make me want to barf. People have forgotten what it means to do the right thing. People have no convictions and don't think of anyone else but themselves and I am soooo very sick of not only hearing it and seeing it but realizing that these people seem to think they are owed. What ever. get a life, learn what it means to be a honest self respecting productive member of society. Stop being a dumb ass Stop messing up your kids. Stop acting like your the center of the universe.

I am narrassistic and I admit that. I work on it all the time. I think its better now then it used to be. I think I want to keep it at least a bit though as a foundation of my personality. But I can still look at myself objectivley and know I possess every trait I say every person should have.

I am a good parent. My children come first. Every decision I make in my life is made based on how it affects their well being. I never put their needs after my own. My pleasure and enjoyment come second to theirs. If you don't do this and you know you dont' then don't freaking preach to others about what being a parent means because your selfish, you suck and you know it so shut the god damn hell up. We are sick of your mouth.
I am a good wife. I love my dh dearly and together we make decisions. We put our marriage and our vows above other relationships. We are honest. We hold each other within very high standards. We love and respect one another and we share this love with the kids. We never lie to each other. If you don't do this and you know you don't then don't freaking preach to others about what being a spouse means because your selfish, you suck and you know it so shut the god damn hell up. We are sick of your mouth.
I am a good citizen. I don't steal and I don't do drugs and I don't try to cheat others. I respect my town my state my country and all those that govern it. WHile I may not agree all the time I still respect them. If I have a better idea about how to do things I will try to get that idea out or I will understand that if I have nothing to add then I have no right to criticize. If you don't do this and you know you don't then don't freaking preach to others about what being a good person means because your selfish, you suck and you know it so shut the god damn hell up. We are sick of your mouth.
I am a good friend. I repsect my firends and don't lie to them or talk behind thier back. I understand that they don't always think like i do or hold the same views as I do but respect them anyway. I love my friends and would do anything for them. INcluding being honest when they mess up or are being complete ass holes. I wont stand there and say oh yeah what your doing is great knowing in my heart its not. If you don't do this and you know you don't then don't freaking preach to others about what being a friend means because your selfish, you suck and you know it so shut the god damn hell up. We are sick of your mouth.

If you see yousele here in my little sermon in a positive way great be proud. IF you see yourself in a negative way then don't be angry. Just stop being a waste of space and learn to act like a decent human being.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

WOW I am hot did you guys see that avatar???

Dh went to pick upo the swing set we bought today for the kids I can't wait for him to get here then we are going to put it together and cook some steaks on the grill tonight. WOO HOO

LIfe is awesome

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

WOw I sound a little high and mighty there huh. Well I should sya by nomeans do I feel I am perfect. I am frequently making mistakes in life. BUt I try to do whats right. I guess people just iorratate me when they do whatever they want regardless of who it effects including thier loved ones.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Its 330 I am waiting for ds to get home form school and for Zoey to wake up. My sisters 3 kids are coming over about 4 as well. I hink we will make something today.

Zoey burnt her arm last night. I told her one more time and I wouldn't let her play with the lighter anymore

Am going to buy the tix tonight woohoo I can't wait less then 4 weeks to go. This will be so fun and I will take lots and lots of pics.

Everyone has been ommenting on my hair. SO far eeryone whos said something said it looks betetr. Ithink so too. I don;'t feel so washed out anymore. It does feel weird to not have it moving around lol

My butt hurts back to real life

Almost forgot I rubbed off on dh and hes wearing a bandana on his head. LOL he looks so cute. He also got glasses and now looks smart. LMAO Hes so darn cute sometimes. Zoey fell asleep early sta night so we cuddled on the couch and watched amovie It was a nice changeof pace.

Life is still awesome.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OH wait i have to do this

Lol :lol: Lol :lol: Lol :lol: Lol :lol: Lol :lol:


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Is it only tuesday?????

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I broke a tooth today. It sucks I hate the dentist. Damn potatoe chips.

A good friend I hadn't spoken to in over ayear called me last night. She had some personal reasons why she hadn't called and they were totally understandable. But she is pregnant and getting married and is so happy. I am so happy for her she deserves it. She always wanted a baby and was about ready to ttc when her dh decided he didn't want to be married anymore. HEr xdh is my xdh best friend since they were like 12 or something. I hated him all through high school and even mroe now. HEs such an ass. HE had a wodnerful wife who loved him more than anything and he threw it awa cause hes a horses ass.

BUt shes happy now and I am so happy for her

I am waiting for Karen to call and let me know if her sister had her baby. Her water broke at 5 am yesterday and KAren was so excited to be an aunt. She wil be great. Shes one of the few peopel I will elave my kdis with and Zoey loves her to death

I went shopping after work and splurged on sme neat things for the kids. NOW I can't wait for one to wake up and the otehr to come home so we can play

Crayola rocks but they suck cause they keep comeing up with cool stuff and I have to buy it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Reading on the site I see so many mature rspectful people. I see they have good opinions and a level head. Why then do some of the things that happem here,happen?? I think if wwe as ADULTS begin to demand respect and courtesy, it will be given. I see lots of people mentionging the me me me mentality. God I see that so much. I think it comes form age though that you leanr your not the only person in the world. I mean not every younger adult has the me me me but for those that do, most willoutgrow it. They will look back at themselves and be ashamed. ART least the should be ashamed.

If not we will all be ashamed for them I guess.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I streaked my hair today. I like it its cool.

Robin and I made about a million cookies. I burnt the last batch forgetting they were in the oven still LOL. We made oatmeal raisin with cinnamon chips in them and some choc and peanut butter chip cookies too.
They are yummy.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

just testing my new siggy and avatar

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ahhh where to begin???

Dh got a tatoo saturday Its awesome. He didn't even flinch

I got a cool new neon earring for my tragus it rocks.

I bought a dishwasher yesterday WOHOO

It will be at sears on thursday not a day too soon.

I got a call form the PA office today. They wanted me to come to the sentencing of the kdi who tried to steal the weed eater. I told therm if I didn't have to be there I wouldn't as its hard because of work. Then I thought screw it dh is off tomorrow I should just go then we can have breakfast but then we would both have small checks next week so I decided not to afetr all.lol

I was plannign to go apply to some other jobs todya but had to work later then usual and ds has a soccer game tonight so I w8ill go tomorrow. Itw orks out anyway cause dh will behome with dd anyway.


I am getting so stressed with work I am just freaking glad to not be there.

Have you guys seen they have new ORANGE mt dew???

WOW miracles never cease. Nwo if they could only mkae it in diet.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I have been neglecitng my journal I guess. I have some stuff going on that sucks though. I think I am ill. I talked to dh about my symptoms and I think we know what the problem is so now its off to the dr soon to find out for sure. I am hoping its just stress. But more likely its not. I hate hereditary illness. It sucsk to watch people you love suffer through something. Then to feel like your next, well it sucks. But I am strong and you know what they say about if it doesn't kill you.....

I am going to look for abnother job in a few minutes. Totally changing fields is very very scary but I think its needed. I have a few other prospects as well but who knows.

OKay I weighed myself this morning down another 4 lbs. Thast 33 in the last year 25 of that being in the last few months. This is hoipefully due to our new diet planning and not to the I might be ill thing. Man I don't want to find out though unitl I lose another 20 lol.

Its strange for people to be complementing me all the time again. This happen last time though. I am going to get a big head again. LOL Good thing I have brad to keep me down to earth again. It may sound concieted but it feels good to see men looking at me when I walk buy or drive by. I don't need it for my self worth but man does it feel good. I feel like I am 20 again. Its nice.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OKay so its validating
It gives you confidence
So what happens when its done
when its over
As everyone knows it will be
How will you fill that gaping hole it made
I know because I stillhave that hole
It definately gets smaller
but never closes
And never stops hurting
Never goes away
It becomes a part of you
A part of who you will always be
And its only you who feels it
Becaus eit was your fault
No one else will care
And you watch him walk away
Maybe not today
BUt someday
And its not the same
Because his reasons weren't as big as yours
HIs heart didn't absorb everything like a sponge
Like yours is doing
Like mine did
So he'll be untainted
And you'll be broken

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Okay feeling much betetr today. I think the way I have been feeling is due to my job. I went out and applied for 2 jobs yesterday and it felt very good. Hopefully something works out soon

Only two more weeks till chicago!!!!!


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

hmm Read an interesting post today. I pmed someone hopefully they will respind. I have a feeling something is not quite right. We'll see I guess

Well its late getting to bed I knwo robins waking me up fairly early early in the morning.

I have lots if suprises coming WOOOHOOOO

I am still waiting to hear about the job I am trying to get. I found out theough the guy who seemed to liek me so much the other day was the general manager and he has final say so whoo hoo there as well
The lady who hires said to call ehr monday. So maybe this might be my last weeke at that hell hole I am at now.

And less then two weeks till chicago WOOHOOO We are gettign excited Are you???????

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Almost forgot Zoey got her hair whacked today as well. We finally decided her hair is much to thin for it to be so long and ALWAYS inehr face. Its so cute now I will post pics soon!

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Posts: 53852

well I didn't get that job but life goes on. I guess I will concentrate on some other stuff I have going on. And be happy that at least as of now I am barely worklin 6 hours a day and getting paid full time.
After I got off work today I went to dhs work. I used to work there and know everyone. We went in through the building and around backto eat outside. It was very nice Sunny and 60 degrees. Everyone was saying hi to me and it was nice I sawmy friend Kathy I havben;t seen in mos. She said give me a big hug lol
SOme peopel said hey are oyu back to work here. I wish I was. I am trying. Hr said if they have something open they will def consider me. It would be fun to work with brad again. I miss all the time we used to have driving to work and having lunch together every day. We still have lunch most days sonce i am ususally off work by then though.

ZOey is sick I htink she has the flu I am going to call my mom and see if she can watch ehr tomorrow while I go to work for a little while. If not I will stay home I wont send her to daycare when shes not feeling good. Shes sleeping now I gave her a supposiory and I think it helped the vomitting. Poor girl. I asked dh to stop for meds on his way home and with him he brought a little stuffed kitty that purrs and a get wel balloon. ZOey loved them. Hes such a sweet guy.

damn my foots asleep

I have to write to Steve tonight. I haven't gotten emails form him in a while. Though he didn't sya exaclty hwere ihe is he did say its hot and sandy there so well I gues I can probabl figure it out. I miss him though. Hope it doesn't really take a year. I saw his mom at walmart and she had just talked to him the night before and said hes doing well. I can't wait for him to get back I found a girl to intro him too. WOO HOO

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Posts: 53852

I have an idea I have an idea I have an idea

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Wow we made it we must be doing much betetr woohoo

One week form tomorrow I am so excited. are oyu excited?? Don't make fun of the immagrants though or I will go home. OMG STOP LMAO

Hope the store has enough film.


job still sucks going to apply for one with my sister tonight. Will miss brad so much working opposite shifts but it willbe worth it for now.

Tlynn is working extra hard to graduate so that rocks. If she makes it I ma going to find ehr the best gift.

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ALi where are you????????

Off to dinner I guess it will wait till tomorrow

Dan has promised to finish the website by the end of may woohoooooooo

Oh wait I heard that line before.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OKay so yeah I am supposed ot be loading the dishwasher and here I sit lol.
GRRR damn computer.

Dh is working in hte yard he dumped tons of dirt out there so we no longer have grass in the back yard lol. It floods so hes leveling itout so the water drains right and it wont flood the back yard or the basement. Zoey and I planted flowers today. Tomorrow afetr work I will try to dig up the small bit of yard between the house and sidewalk and plant my sunflowers. When dh is done workign for the day we are going grocery shopping. See this is the thing. I know many women who "have" to do the gorcery shopping on thgeir own. For us its a time we spend together going to pick things out. Dh is really good at looking at whats in what and picking out the best things. We keep our meals low sugar. We spend alot of time comparing prices because anyone who has ever eaten low sugar diet knows how expensive it can be. SO anyway I look forward to grocery shopping is that geeky or what???

Man is tomorrow monday already? I know this week will be so slow and friday will never come !!!!