UGh sometime its so hard to make the right choices in life. So hard to know what the right thing to do is. You make a mistake at some point even though you feel justified its still a mistake. But it can't be undone. Nothing can take it away. Somehow it doesn't die. I wonder if I had a second chance now what would I have said? what would I have done. I have figured out in the past year how much I have grown. How much more of myself I have become to know. I have taken so many steps to become the positive person I know I should be. But things come back to bite you in the ass. It doesn't mean much to be sorry once its been done. But I still feel regret. I remember sparring with trotter. She got the best of me more then once. Then I posted with her somewhere else and all was good. Not sure where she is now. I look back now and she what she saw. See what Mollee saw. And its more clear. I look back now and see what Heather saw at BC. I am so not that person anymore. And it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter to me if people think I am one way or another. I know I have come to the point in my path where I AM better. I am reaching inside to find that part of me that I need to show to everyone. I am painting I am writing . I am living my life to the fullest. Even being sick these past couple months hasn't stopped me from trying to be what I know I should be. WHo I know I am. Its sad and its unfortunate that this can't be fixed but you know what I go out on a limb here.
It took me about 28 years to actually feel and believe and know that there is a God. That I do have faith. That my life is not random and meaningless. I have been searching for so long to find my place in the universe. Now that I am stumbling apon it I feel whole. I feel complete. Everything in my life is good. Every mistake I made in the past is just that A mistake. No one is perfect. I can't justify any thing I have said or done thats wrong. But I can know in my heart that it was a mistake and seek redemption in my soul the only way that matetrs. And I know thats enough. I know its okay. I can't take anything away thats been done. I am after all only human. But I look in the mirror and like what I see. I like who I have become. It took me 30 years to realize who I was. Everyday is a blessing.
I just finished my siggy for my walk amercis for march of dimes! COme one people lets get to 500$$$$$$
IS it really Saturday already?? Ugh theres 5 children in my house. Reminds me why I din't have anymore lol. Just stopped in to check some htings and now I am off to some relaxation with the worlds best DH!!!!!
Came home form work last night ot a clean house and clean laundry!!!! WOOHOO. If there was mt dew in the house life would be perfect.LOL Going shopping with my mom today. Have to get some new sh8irts and Robin wants rollerblades. HIS bday si in 3 weeks and I can't figure out what to get him. BUt we are going skating tomorrow for my nieces bday party so he needs new skates. His old ones are lost but I don't think they would fit him anyway. So I guess Iw il HAVE to go shopping as much as I hate it lol! My moms goig with me so it shold be fun.
WOOHOO friday! Oh wait I work all weekend lol.Getting ready to leave in a while to go skating with Robin. Valentines party you know! not too much going on. I got my taxes back today so thats good. I got pulled over last night my tail light is out so not so good. Other then that life is good and my sister will be here form Iowa tonight. tThey are moving back so they wil be lookign at houses this weekend.
BRad got me a beautiful card. and one for eahc of the kids. And tonight...we have margaritas!!!!! WOOHOOOOO
THis is the beginning of the end!
the last post in my journal. Its been fun but well its obvious its itme to end this now.