Where I've been

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BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Where I've been

I'm a lurker .. hiding in the shadows! Ok, I'm not really all that creepy sounding, or maybe I am, I guess I don't honestly know. Before I start this journal, I want to share with everyone about me.

I have not always been kind and accepting, 10 years ago no one (including myself) would believe that I would become a counselor of any kind. I was loud, rude, judgmental, vengeful, angry, hateful, obnoxious, and cruel beyond your imagination. It was my way or face my fury.I was right, always, even if I clearly knew I was wrong, I refused to admit it.

Luckily, we all have the choice to change, and if we choose not to change we can keep hitting that "what am I doing" wall. I bet I hit that was a million times before I realized only I could change me, and only I could stop making my mistakes. It wasn't the whole world that was wrong, IT WAS ME!

A lot of things plugged into my bad behavior, I had a bad marriage, I was depressed, I had no support, and I felt trapped and helpless. I was in a little tiny box and couldn't figure out how to get out. I didn't depend on me, I depended on everyone else, that never works out by the way.

My husband and i separated, I began dating another man, and 3 months later I was pregnant. I couldn't get my divorce finalized at that time because of Ohio law, I decided I didn't like the man I was dating so I dumped him. Tangled up mess at that point wasn't it!

Jaden was my 4th child, but my first child not fathered by my husband at the time. I had a severely complicated pregnancy, and required total bed rest, I gave custody of my older 3 children to my husband, and to this day I have chosen to leave them with him. Jaden was born at 33 weeks, he couldn't breathe on his own, he couldn't suck, the poor boy couldn't even stay warm on his own. Very disheartening, especially when you are completely alone.

After he was out of the nicu, I informed the courts of his birth, they ordered DNA testing as my husband and I were in agreement that the child wasn't his. After the DNA results were in and showed a 0% probability that he could be the father our divorce continued. Finally in June 2007 it was final. I was pregnant with my 5th child then, and though I knew I was I told the courts I was not. In August 2007, I moved out of Ohio, and into Indiana.

In February 2008 I had my 5th child, Ben. He was born on his due date, He was healthy and nothing freaky happened, so even though I was still completely alone, I was coping very well.

In these times I was also learning, not only had I been wrong, but I could do the right things. I found good friends, and surrounded myself with wonderful people. I may have became who I originally hated, but i was totally fine with that.

At that point I had already my who would be my husband now, and I couldn't stand him. Arrogant *** was my exact words to him when he tried to so much as speak to me. Man what a creep he was, being all nice and smiling at me all the time, gross right!

I was pretty anti-men at that point, so as hard as he tried, I simply wouldn't have it. Then came summer, and things change when it's hot out, and everyone wears fewer clothes. Now I can't say it was the heat of July, or all the liquor we had drank, but somewhere in that I began dating my husband. We moved in together in December 2008, and by May I was pregnant with my 6th (and so final) baby.

My pregnancy with Joshua was complicated, and life threatening. I had a full placenta previa, I almost Bled to death twice, once in October 2009, and again in November 2009. I wasn't due until Christmas, but the second Bleed, which began on November 17 made my doctor choose to deliver Joshua before we both died. Joshua came via emergency C section on November 18, 2009.

I really think that was my major turning point. I almost died, GOD let me stay. Nothing that happened during that pregnancy was within my control, everyone made every important choice for me, and then I received a nice scar so I would never forget. Everything in this world, my life included, is due to the grace of God, not me or my choices.

I didn't get married until February 18, 2010. I wasn't ready before then. I took some online courses and became a certified doula and a lactation educator. I knew I wanted to help people. I do some work on the doula side now and then, but I was more into helping women breast feed, however it became too time consuming, and I wanted to broaden my possibilities. I then enrolled in college to get my bachelors in Human Services. Right now I have a general focus, meaning I can counsel broadly over the spectrum, but I fully intend on narrowing down to youth.

The case work I have done so far has been very difficult, it makes me glad my children don't have hard stories to tell, but breaks my heart that so many children suffer greatly. Ok so hopefully now you know enough about me. I can be found lurking on the boards reading about amazing feats of giving life and struggles with creating life .. and I'm also pretty fond of the coffee machine debate .. good stuff right there!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

So I was on facebook .. and looking at a page that belongs to a woman that I go to church with, and she posted this video


The woman is 40 weeks 3 days pregnant WITH TWINS! I only have 1 baby at a time, and by 30 weeks I can barely move, so imho this chick is AMAZING!

I just wanted to share because it is a truly awesome video, and this being a pregnancy site, lots of big ol bellys full of baby reside in these boards, and it's just fun to share.

Wait let me see if I can embed this link ..

I hope that works, if not just copy and paste! It's worth the watch ..

Ok I am off to mathlab to do homework before class tomorrow Smile

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Happy Saturday

If nothing else in life is for certain, The one and only certain is I do not want any more children. On the other hand, I am more than ready for my dog to have some babies.

Today I begin my search for a Male boston terrier .. I prefer one with a close temperament to my Brittany. She's very sweet, well mannered, well trained, and over all have no clue she is not people. The dog is spoiled, she wear clothes, has rain coats, witer coats, holiday dresses, hoodies, sweaters, sun dresses, shoes, and oh she loves swimming at the lake in the summer.

Ok so chances are I won't find an owner quite as odd with their dog, but I def do not want a nervous snappy dog breeding with her .. and I don't want a malnourished wreck, and I don't want a dog with fleas or worms! No ear mites either .. and hopefully I can find one with a good manicure .. cause I don't want my dog doing it with a dog that lacks grooming.

Do I sound completely out of my mind? :eek:

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Hello, my name is Brooke .. put me in the middle!

So I get to work today, and my chef is all crappy, bad mood, and an attitude to match, so i say ok let's hear it .. what is going on?

His reply .. grumble grumble Christen .. grumble grumble Fort Wayne guy.

Seriously? YOU control your level of happiness, YOU make your choices! Gosh!

So Christen shows up, and I tell her .. Nick is :violent2: at you right now. She wants to know why, so I told her .. FORT WAYNE GUY!


History here, Christen was my bar tender .. oh btw I'm putting myself through college working at a 5 star restaurant ..

Anywho .. This battle has been going on for what feels like 500 years .. Nick is in love with Christen, Christen just wants action when she can't find it anywhere else. I love both of these people, they are like family to me

And back to the story ..

Christen in turn gets :violent2: at Nick, he is not her boy friend, and he has no right getting angry, and now she wants to talk to him RIGHT NOW!

I tell him and he says he is busy, so there I am with Christen, and she wants to know why he is mad about this, why could this possibly matter ...

I tell her .. umm he wants to be with you duh!

She sends me in with a message, he sends me out with a message .. and it goes back and forth and FINALLY I say guys I have things to do, you guys talk you guys deal with this! Nothing stated is unknown to either party, nor to ANYONE around them!

Christen yells at Nick, and Nick yells AT ME!

At no point did i say to either of them this "we aren't together but we're doin it" was a good idea, infact I told both of them it was a BAD IDEA! Now here I am stuck in the middle, and I'm not knockin boots with either of them!

Stop killing the messenger people! If they didn't engage in this junk, there wouldn't be any problem, and Nick couldn't blame anything on me.

Yea, I'm Brooke, controller of the universe, the world sits in my hand and I spin it! AHHHH!

Yes I'm venting, and yall are lucky you aren't me!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Monday .. Monday

Oh boy, Mondays are always work. Jaden wasn't pleased to be made to get out of bed at 7 in the morning for school. He let his hot chocolate get cold, and refused to eat his banana or his cereal. Josh is now at the table next to me being grumpy and not wanting to eat his banana or cereal. Then .. just now .. he threw his juice and when the cup landed the lid popped up and juice everywhere. I guess it's safe to say that breakfast is over, and we are in for a true moody Monday!

I guess tonight we get to go over to the mother in laws. UGH! It isn't her .. but her husband, drunken fool! AH! A little part of me really does not want to go .. but if I do go I get to hear weird little stories my sister in law makes up, and that's always fun. She's 7, so making up stories is ok, unlike those annoying adult sister in laws that are all dramatic.

In total I have 6 sister in laws, 4 of which I get along with well, the other 2 .. well :puke2: And we can leave those 2 at that. oh hey, really I have 8 sister in laws .. I always forget the women married to brother in laws, I have 5 of them, plus 3 more through marriage .. so 8 brother in laws total. My husband comes from a very big family lol. I have 15 nieces and nephews, going on 17. But not all of them are through my husband .. 8 of them are from my brothers and sister.LOL!

I secretly hope to be expecting my 18th soon. Last christmas I asked josh and madeline to have one in the works, didnt happen, 4th of july they said after they buy a house, well thats done, so HOPEFULLY I'll be hearing something awesome really soon.

Joshua is a very popular name in the family .. I have brother in law Joshua, and my son is Joshua. We also contain multiple Brandons and Alexanders.

Ok I guess this has turned into "strange facts about the Frantz family" lol

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Who has seen every episode of My Name is Earl?

Laugh if you must, but I have, twice .. THANKS NETFLIX!

That show is really onto something. Do good things, good things happen. Do bad things, bad things happen.

I don't believe in Karma, I'm no pagan. I mean that with sincerity not judgement by the way. I'm a Christ Follower, Do as Jesus did. Now, that isn't to say everything I do is great and right, I'm not Jesus after all, I'm Brooke.

So, I believe I have already said previously, I was indeed one of the meanest people I have ever known. Come to think of it, I probably was the meanest. I used to take the one thing that I knew would hurt you, and I would take it and cram it in your face over and over until you left whatever area I was in and you never came back.

I'm going to share something now, because I feel like I need to. Back before I vanished from pg.org, there were a ton of debate boards. Besides the general debate, there was the abortion debate, and the circumcision debate. Plus a ton more.

I stalked the abortion debate board like a rabid beast, I am, always have been, and always will be prolife. I have a limit, tubal or molar pregnancies, in both situation NO ONE lives, so save the life you can. These are my beliefs, so lets leave it at that.

However, I stepped over the line terribly. And for the last 7 years, it has haunted my mind.

There was a woman that frequented both debate boards I did, I also knew that she had aborted her baby because it had a serious birth defect. The brain stem formed, but the rest of the brain did not, that child wasn't going to live, period. Instead of showing her ANY compassion, I ripped into her, call her a murderer, told her she didn't deserve to ever have a child, I told her she wasn't worthy of being called a mother.

What I did was in fact colder than even the most brutal of murders.

Now I don't know if she still comes and posts, or reads, or even if she is still a member here, and I'm not going to give her name because that wouldn't be right either. However if she reads this she knows who she is.

I just want her to know that I am truly sorry for the pain I caused her. I never had the right to say anything about what you chose, and like all parents it is up to you to decide what is best for your child. It doesn't matter what I think I would have done, I never stood in your shoes, and if I ever had to I may not have chosen the things you did, but that would be because of what I believed was best. I hope where ever you are, whatever you are doing now, you have healed well, and have been able to throw away the heartlessness I showed to you.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

It's odd to me that people actually read this. I make a post, 30 people read. It makes me wonder who it is, and are they looking for something, are they curious, did they accidentally click, and how many times have they seen Shrek?

Today was ok, hung out with the Frantz in laws. Accidentally scratched my pregnant sister in law .. that sucked, i felt awful. Got to play with my youngest nephew calvin .. he is sooo sweet, and looks like his momma! I tried to sneak him some cool whip, but nooo Tiffany caught me, and my mother in law too the pepper piece it was on. No it wasn't a hot pepper, it was a green pepper and Tiffany lets him chew on them since he is teething.

Fannie Mae (skank) sold the house Josh and Madeline were trying to buy to investors. So no babies even being worked on from them. I totally forgot to tease them about being vegetarians, dang! I love teasing them, while I eat meat usually, it's a good time.

Grandma Frantz is doing very well, I think she is kicking the leukemias butt. You go grandma! She is one strong lady I tell ya what! I think Grandpa Frantz was on the verge of spanking some great grandchildren .. ie my boys .. because they wouldn't stop running, in the kitchen!

Brittany had a good time running and playing with Cookie. The Frantz Family loves their dogs, and always include them, though most people left their dogs and the mil and fils house, oops! Grandpa and Grandma didn't seem to mind, and our 2 dogs stayed occupied.

It was weird and lonely not being able to take veggies out to Star. That was my LLama, she died. She was the coolest Llama ever. She got worms from wild deer because they WOULDN'T STAY OFF HER SALT LICK! Stupid deer, I hate deer, i hate them so much I hit one with my car and didn't give a darn that I killed it, but I'm still pretty angry that the stupid thing dented my car.

My brother in law that can't stay out of trouble showed up, it sucked that he trash talked my sister in law the whole time. It isn't her fault that he does drugs and steals by the way.

Well I don't feel like I have anything else to add. It's 9:30 and I need to get the boys in bed, and then I'm going to watch some Netflix.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
I hid a box of ritz crackers!

Really I did, but just so I could have some with my cheese ball .. lol

When I got home from work tonight I found my husband on facebook and My 6 year old and 3 year old playing video games. It was almost 11, and their bedtime is 9! I should ground my husband .. from facebook! I doubt it would work, I'm not home enough to enforce grounding my husband lol! Of course the boys are in bed now .. they weren't too pleased being taken from their video game though.

I bought this movie, Evil Bong, I thought it would be interesting, but it wasn't. It is an independent film, but Tommy Chong is in it .. I let let lead me to believe I should buy and watch this movie! Live and learn!

At the end of the movie they advertised Evil Bong II .. I want to watch it lol! I know some independent film makers, and each new movie they come out with is always better than the last. So maybe the second will be better than the first .. I doubt I will ever know because I am not going to break my neck trying to find a second evil bong movie.

I was on the debate board and someone said they didn't know what Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is .. I didn't want to laugh there .. so I'm laughing here! Not because the lady said anything wrong, but I had no clue anyone had not seen that movie! It's such a funny movie. Basically, if the lady is reading, Harold and Kumar smoke the pot and go looking for a white castle lol! They get into some messes, and funny things happen, but really it might not be your type of movie. I know that debate was just a bunch of squeamish moms worrying about alluding to sex in a television show is bad and they should keep it from teens.

Isn't that silly? I mean my kids know tv is fake. They know elmo is fake, santa is fake, rudolph is fake, there are no dragon balls, and House isn't a real doctor. Some might think I'm bad because I don't give them false idols, and I don't shelter them from television shows, but I'm fine with it, my husband is fine with it, kids are fine with it, friends and family are fine with it, so really what I'm saying is, when it comes to my kids, only I need to be fine with it, well and other persons involved.

I also let my 13 year old play call of duty, and grand theft auto .. I know *gasp* When he grows up, he wants to be a military sniper *double gasp* and I support him in his choice *faint*

My 9 year old wants to be a veterinarian, my 7 year old wants to be a mommy, my 6 year old wants to be a fireman, my 3 year old wants to have big muscles, and my 2 year old wants Mommy to carry him everywhere. I also support their goals .. except I am hoping one day my baby will want to do something other than be carried by me, eventually he is going to be too heavy.

My 9 year old is in the 5th grade.. why? Because she skipped the 4th! Yea that's right, call me bad all you want, I have children skipping grades so my parenting can't be awful, just saying. Most people can maybe say their kid is on the honor roll .. so is my kid and she skipped a grade. Ok I'm just bragging now, but you have to admit that is impressive. All 4 children that are in school are advanced and straight a's across the board, so much for television making kids bad huh. Guess you don't have to be over protective and sheltering for good things to happen hmmm. Maybe though, it's simply the fact that you don't have to approve of my way of parenting for it to be a perfect fit for my family.

Just something to ponder.

I'm shutting up now. I was just really offended by a few statements made to me .. Like my children should be taken away because I let them watch what they choose on the tv.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
And one more thing

When you use the words, porn, a reference to MY CHILDREN, and further reference to MY PARENTING in a statement, you piss me off and you won't get any further conversation from me. Some people are just too putrid and vulgar for my tastes.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Bipolar Indiana Weather

Yesterday was a beautiful day, warm and sunny, no jacket required, today cold and windy, and you need a coat! Indiana weather needs to go on a pill for weather illness.

my Chapter 5 exam score still isn't posted. Dang! I am hoping for a B .. a c would be ok too though, because I took my baby with me when I tested .. it was to see if my test score would improve if i wasn't so focused on me taking a test. It's only math that gives me the problem, and it freaks my instructor out. I can pop off answers that are correct all day long, but the second he hands me a test sheet, I become stupid. I've been trying a few different things, and taking the baby was my latest. If it worked, guess who is taking her baby to her final? ME! If it didnt work, crap!

I'm a stressed mess because of this math. Everything else, I get A's, math, C. A freaking C! Are you kidding me? A c in a class in which I should have a perfect A! It just makes me so angry. I am NOT average, I know this stuff, I can play in mathlab and get 100 problems right in a row, but forget it on a test? HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?

It's a conspiracy I tell you! Professor Lee is adding to said conspiracy by not posting my test score .. he wants me to walk into class Tuesday complaining that I don't have my score! He likes seeing me sweat! OK so I'm sure that isn't whats going on .. but we'll see.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

How is it that Gods chosen people can't even accept that there is more then their torah? Gosh it drives me insane. What's worse is Jesus makes it clear, there is only one way to God and that is through him, yet they don't accept. Too bad meaning well doesn't prevent you from eternity in the pits of hell.

It has been bugging the crap out of me all week. Jesus is where the Jews were supposed to change, but they didn't. I'm stumped as to why. God comes in the flesh, and they deny him? Why are they so blind that they say they love and worship a God they deny?

It just makes me sad.

I came back to edit this just to say, I'm not making a judgement on any person, I don't know who is or isn't jewish, and I don't need anyone to tell me if they are or aren't. I just put this here because it's something I'm struggling with through my bible study, a concept I am trying to grasp but can't.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Bombed Sunday

Immediately after church, my husband had to go to work, and will remain there until 7 tonight! While I realize radio stations operate 24/7, I also know they can run on the automated system! Ah!

The kids and I are still having a day together. We've been doing a little cleaning. My washer stopped filling with water, and the repair place is closed because it's sunday, so now our laundry is sitting in piles. This is pretty crappy. That washer isn't even a year old yet!

I just don't know what else is going to go wrong! At least when Jared gets home dinner will be ready, first I better pray my stove doesn't take a crap too! More so because it's gas! :eek:

I really don't want to grumble on a Sunday, but gosh really? I guess I could throw a Christmas Carol on the tv and finish hanging stockings, and complete the cleaning .. fun stuff!

MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3234


I can delete this later for you upon request but wanted to comment on your post # 11 above. I am glad that you found your way back after so many years away and I'm glad that your life has a number of positives going on now.

While we have a lot of great things happening here onsite, there are some things that remain virtually the same as when you were here before... including the Community Guidelines regarding being able to express your belief/point of view, (within posts, signatures, or comment areas), but with the expectation that you may do so without demeaning someone's views or beliefs. Remember - this is a public journal and, as you noted, others are reading that for the most part don't "know" you. They are using this as one way to learn more about you. Putting posts that declare another's personal belief system as "pointless" is targeting a whole (undefined) group of people here. Please remember to watch the blanket statements that do that.

As you stated that you were struggling to gain understanding within your Bible study regarding an aspect of the Jewish beliefs in God... maybe pose your questions on the General Religious Discussion board -- open to those of all faiths/belief systems as a means to learn about one another.

From a personal perspective, I can share that through all my years here at Pregnancy.org, I have found learning about others' belief systems (a wide variety!) has challenged me to grow and be strengthened in my own spiritual journey. This has been particularly true within my interactions (both public and private) of those of the Jewish faith (incl. Mollee's past. Smile ) Recognizing that Judaism is the root of Christianity, I've felt extremely privileged to be able to ask questions regarding beliefs, practices, holidays, etc. and be able to pass that along to my own children. Understanding your (general you) history can be paramount to creating a firm foundation to build upon -- kwim?

Seriously - know that I am *NOT* knocking your beliefs at all. Hopefully, you know me better than that. I'm also not suggesting that you ask questions in hopes of changing your own belief system. You are not called to accept someone else's pov as your personal truth at all. Still - you may find that by gaining an understanding of another's faith, that you will be challenged as I was... to deepen your own faith even more which should be a good thing right?


To Brooke and all reading -- while it is impossible for us to have a "one-size fits all rule" regarding discussing topics initiated on other boards, it typically is a bad idea to drag things from one board to another (and back again) as it simply creates too much drama. I'll post that reminder on the other board as well.

Anyone wishing to respond to this post - feel free to either send me an email or private message.

~Missy (missyj@pregnancy.org)

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
It's washer repair day!

I am sooo glad Monday is here! In exactly 9 minutes school kids will be heading to the bus stop, and then at 10 A.M. the magic happens, that's right The appliance repair place opens! It's better than sex! I have so much laundry to catch up on, ugh!

I was just told the funniest thing. Ben, my 3 year old, brought me a tissue and told me something was stuck in his nose. Let me begin by saying the boy has some fetish with putting stuff up his nose, his doctor gave me a tweezer 3 months ago so when I can see what he gets stuck in there I can pull it out, and I have used them multiple times. So I go get the tweezers and a flash light and tell him to look up, and for once nothing was up there! LOL! Just boogies!

According to my Aunt, i used to stick things in my nose all the time. I don't remember ever sticking anything in my nose, but I'm 32, and she said I was either 2 or 3 when I did it, so I guess my long term memory wasn't set up yet, and based on the fact that I did it several times my short term memory wasn't getting it either lol!

Little kids can be strange. He can read short words, he can write his name and every letter of the alphabet, he can count to 54, but he still sticks stuff up his nose! By the way because of this I can't buy certain cereal, like kix or cocoa puffs.

Ben also has a special attachment to an electronic candle. He carries it with him everywhere, he knows it won't burn him when it's on, but he thinks its magic fire. He's such a sweet boy, a little awkward though. He will not eat anything but eggs and toast for breakfast, he will however eat cereal for a snack before bed. I think I may have started this when he was a baby. From the time he was oh 10 months old, I made him scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. Then I would give him his baby cereal before bed. I did this with all of my kids, the rest like cereal just fine and dont have to have eggs and toast for breakfast, but Ben . .I mean it's like trying to take morning coffee from me, don't even THINK about it!

I'm skipping school today .. I took a head butt to the face last night .. my eye and cheek are swollen and I don't think driving with 1 eye is a good option. I've already hit 1 deer, and with no depth perception and partial vision .. uh yea not happening today.

I guess I should go hit the mathlab .. that's all online, and I only have 1 more class until my chapter test, then it's down to the grind for my final.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Jas is getting a heart!

Praise the Lord for the gift of LIFE!

Got this little piece of eye candy via facebook today ..

Thank you to everyone for all of the prayers. We are filled with joy and are praising God. He is so good and we just give thanks for this blessing! I have the donor family on my heart as I know that they are in pain. I am lifting them in prayer now and I ask that you join me. We just feel so blessed. They are telling us that surgery probably won't be until early morning so we are going to try and get a little rest. They said Jasmine is more high risk because of all her complications but He has brought us this far and we are placing her in His hands! Through him ALL things are possible! Giving praise and thanks ALWAYS! I will post an update when we have more information to share.

It might not mean much to any of you, but this baby girl was down to literally her last few days of life! There is a huge celebration in my very own heart right now. Not everyone gets to have perfectly healthy babies, some babies take a long journey before they get to be perfectly healthy, Jasmine just happens to be one of them .. and her journey is coming to a happy end! Finally!!! I knew God wouldn't keep letting her suffer!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Here's the thing ..

Ok so I realize that maybe I posted something that some one didn't agree with. I'm sorry you are offended by my thought, it wasn't what I intended at all. That said, when things like this do happen, I would appreciate that instead of you taking it to other boards if you could go ahead an message me so it can be handled privately, that would be great.

See even though you don't agree with what I think, it doesn't mean you should make me to be some evil monster lurking in the darkness. I'm not a murderer, and I'm not a saint either. Part of being a christian is admitting that you aren't nor can you be perfect. That's the motto of my life. Just because I'm christian doesn't mean I have to be some big beautiful display of loveliness and perfection, and when I am not displaying these preconceived notions you have it also doesn't mean that I'm a "bad" christian. I'm the prime example, I do my best and always fall short. Let's face it, I'm Brooke Frantz, not Jesus Christ.

I went to a board and saw myself being blasted, I was so disappointed that I couldn't even reply. So what, I'm not the Polaroid of perfection, I don't fit your extreme example of great mothering. I'm sorry I didn't get your list of guidelines. I'm not sorry for how I do things with my children because I have awesome kids, they have manners and they listen the first time, without me having to revert to whatever form of punishment you find to be fitting. I only have to say do it and it's done. They have good grades, they don't get sassy, and they go out of their way to be kind to others. Realistically, so do I, which makes it all that more heart breaking to be slammed around like garbage by women I don't know.

Then I see my blog posts go up by more than 100, and why? Maybe you want to find another point to judge me on, maybe another thought I have you don't agree with? Really? Are you so perfect that you absolutely have to come find every last syllable of where I'm not? I just don't think you're being too kind to me, I've judged no one, and as far as I can tell I haven't harmed anyone either. I haven't said anything bad about anyone, I haven't spoken down on anyone. I don't know anyone here enough to think either bad nor good of them. God says I have to love everyone, no matter what, that doesn't mean I have to think everything people do is good, it doesn't mean I have to think with the mind of the world either.

Now I am very sorry that my study on the jews bothered anyone, really I am. I know what the bible says though, and I know what it means, and it should bother me because I have a heart. My religion and my bible study doesn't belong in a debate, neither does anyone else. That's why I didn't make a debate about the reality of Christ, and the purpose of his life, death, and resurrection. Beside that, it was simply something I was struggling with, and I wrote it out to read it later. Formal understanding of MYSELF. Before you can know anyone else, you must truly know yourself.

I'm not defined by who I was 10 years ago, 1 year ago, or even last week. I'm defined by who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow, and by tomorrow who I am today won't define me anymore.

I'm writing this here because I don't know the 100 people who read this are, and even if I did writing the same email 100 times would simply be unrealistic. I simply ask that if you choose to read this, please do it with an open and non-judgmental heart. Realize that I am not perfect, and if something bothers you click my name and throw me a message. It's your own mind that tells you I can't be reasoned with or can't understand, or that I deserve to have bad things said about me ever.

I don't think I have anything else to say now. Thanks for reading.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Update on jas

Jasmine's new heart is in and beating. PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD!!!! They are waiting for her to warm up, which will be awhile. Thank you so much for your love and prayers. We remain overwhelmed at what God has done. Not done yet, but I can't tell you the peace we feel. We'll keep you posted. A very grateful praising Grandma

WOOHOO!!! Beat away tiny heart! Also prayers going out to the family who struggles tonight with the loss of their own child. May God shine his mercy and grace on your hearts and lives.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Occupy Brooke

It's been a while since I got an update on Jasmine .. I'm sure everything is fine, but this is some nervous stuff! So I have to do something to keep myself busy.

I've been spreading rumors about my Chef Nick. It's a funny joke we have .. someone told his dream girl that he had been dating all these girls, which wasn't true. So then he decided that every time i went upstairs I was making up rumors about him. I told him I was going home and spreading rumors about him on facebook. So the first one was that he cried as he held a deer he'd just killed, then I said he pretends to be eminem when no one is around. LOL! Good stuff. I haven't figured one out for today yet, and time is running out!

I'm looking at a dog for my husband. I have my dog, Brittany, who doesn't know she's a dog. She's a Boston Terrier. My husband doesn't like her the best because she's a little dog .. and I feed her beneful playful life .. which gives her tons of energy. She jets around like a mad girl! I'm looking at a shepherd husky mix for him. She's 3 years old, so not a puppy I have to house break .. and thank GOD for that! Gosh I really don't like house breaking dogs. Britty was a pia! I wouuld take her out, and we'd be out there for 20 minutes, and the second she'd get inside she'd poop on the floor. She needs a playmate .. if this dog doesn't come through though, I'm getting another boston terrier. It's a puppy too, and I'd have to house break it .. but Britty would love it.

Ok I need to find something else to do ... heart transplants take FOREVER! God is good though, and he is doing his will in his time not mine.

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Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

Latest Update: Grandma just sent me the text and I quote "Jasmine just rolled by with her entourage of medical personnel. She is out of surgery and back on the unit. The doctor came and told us everything went very well and the heart could not be more perfect and fit like a dream. We will get to see her in about 30 minutes or so. I am so ecstatic and grateful to God for this day."


BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Now that's what I'm talking about! (christian post)

I LOVE Christian music, it's all I listen to actually, Francesca Battistelli is one of my absolute favorite artists.

This is the moment
It’s on the line
Which way you gonna fall?
In the middle between
Wrong and right
But you know after all

It’s your life
What you gonna do?
The world is watching you
Every day the choices you make
Say what you are and who
Your heart beats for
It’s an open door
It’s your life

Are you who you always said you would be?
With a sinking feeling in your chest
Always waiting for someone else to fix you
Tell me when did you forget


To live the way that you believe
This is your opportunity
To let your life be one that lights the way


The only thing in my world that is absolutely perfect, is my love for Jesus. Good or bad, I turn and there he is, walking beside me, or carrying me, he's always the same.

I love this song, because this IS my life. Watch me, it's all good. My heart beats for my Lord, My God, Jesus Christ, who lived, died, and has risen for me, for my salvation. Through him I am saved, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me because I'm his treasure.

Do I want to hurt people? NO WAY! Do I want them to know how much I love Jesus? ABSOLUTELY! It isn't a judgment to say the greater good comes from acceptance of Jesus, it's a truth, and I ONLY want to share, I want everyone to love him as much as he loves them. I'm not the only one he died for, he died for every soul in this world.

I also fully know that what you choose is your choice, because you live your life.

With some of you I didn't have a blind shot anyway. I have spent so much time and energy carrying guilt because some one was offended, for my lack of or refusal to understand why anyone wouldn't open the eyes of their heart. One can assume that I do it to be mean, but the truth is, I just want us all to be with him in the end.

My LOVE for my brothers and sisters is enormous. Your words hurt me not because I can't handle mean people, but because I am a lover. I don't have to know a single thing about you to know how wonderful you are, I know how much I am loved by Christ, and I know he loves you the same, and there is no river I wouldn't drown in to save YOU.

I have thrown myself on top of a woman being beaten, took punches and kicks for her. I did that. Why? Because I didn't want her to be hurt, I'd rather take the blows than see some one else take those blows and feel that pain.

So assume what you will about me, because unless you can open your heart and be accepting of some one that isn't in your tight packed can, then you won't ever know me anyway. You don't know who i am, you don't know my heart, and unless you can hold back your own preconceived notions, this is how your relationship with me will always be. You'll be nasty, hurtful, and judgmental, and you'll blame me for it. I'll continue to sit here with a sickness in my stomach and pain in my heart BECAUSE I CAN'T CHANGE YOU!

Jesus isn't just what I believe, he is who I try to be like. He was hated by many for his love, why should I be any different right? Why should I expect to not be persecuted? Say what you will, hurt me if you feel the need, but do know I still will stand firm in my love for humanity. I belong to Christ, not the world.

I greatly appreciate, and have saved emails from a few of you, just because I appreciate what you had to say, I also am thankful for the support I received via email, that was really nice! If I didn't reply, it's because you couldn't even show a single flicker of kindness, and you know what, I think it's best for me to say nothing outside of this public post to you.

Today I'm thankful and praising GOD for the wonderful gift of life he has returned to little Jasmine, that sweet baby girl, and the gift of 2 amazingly strong and extremely loving parents that sat through the struggle alongside their baby girl! I'm praying for peace and comfort for a family that had to let go of their baby, and still found the love in their hearts to share their loss by giving an amazing gift to other families so that their children may live. God bless those people!

Now I'm going to head off to bed. Much love to each of you, even those whom choose to hate me.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Bite me douche bag!

I had school today, on my way to school it's pouring rain. Cold rain for the record. I go to my math class, get out and between my math class and my human services courses I have an hour and 45 minute break. I decided to run to walmart, get milk and diapers and run them home. At this point it's a mix of rain and snow and a layer of slushy muck is EVERYWHERE. It took me a little longer to get home then normal, but nothing serious .. it's a 15 minute drive and took me 20 minutes because some people like to drive slower when the weather is confused, and I always get stuck behind those people. So by the time I got back to school the weather had changed over to all snow, big sticky snow flakes, and I'm like oh great, biolar Indiana weather! Walk into my class at 4, and out on break at 530, and I push 3 inches of heavy sticky snow off my car. I go back in and inform my instructor I am not staying for the next class, luckily she'd already decided to combine our 2 classes into 1, so we get right to the second class .. and walk out of there at 630. I go out, push another 3 inches of heavy sticky snow off my car, jump in and start driving. Before I even exited the parking lot I realized the roads were awful. I get on 30, a heavily used high way, and top speed of traffic is 25, and I'm shaking the whole time. I couldn't see the road, snow is dumping down, and no one was trying to pass me going 15 mph! It took me almost 2 hours to make it 6 miles! I'm praying liike crazy the whole time, and must have passed 30 off the road cars. I tried to stop for the last one I saw, because it was an suv teetering on a hill, but I started sliding and realized if I didnt stop sliding, I would assume his place and he would be going right into the lake.

It's awful out there, i was so happy to make it home tonight. Now I'm all cozy with my laptop and a huge mug of hot cocoa. I'm really hoping all chool is cancelled tomorrow so I can have a baking cookie day with the kids Smile

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Sometime I get my way

Today was a no school day, and we made chocolate chip cookies! Don't assume me a "Betty Crocker" though, it was pilsbury lol! I bought one of the big tubes, and didn't want to make a million cookies, so I only let the kids bake 1 pan, 18 cookies, and they ate every single one of them ! Little boogers!

I read in the news today about a woman who was shot dead by police after she was told to stop stabbing her little girl. Police were called after she threw her son through a window. The little girl died, and the boy is recovering in the hospital. It turns my stomach when I hear things like this. What was wrong with that woman? What could she have been thinking?

I then read another article about today being the funeral of a 2 year old girl, found in her car seat in a creek at a park dead, left there by her father, who by the way is still out there and being searched for by authorities. My heart breaks for her mother, she had to let the girl go with him because the courts said so.

Things like this happen far too frequently. I'm never going to understand why, but a lot of parents out there need some serious help. It isn't just killing kids, its changing their psyche for their entire lives. Abuse isn't just causing physical harm to a child, the words that come out of some parents mouths, the negative tones people take with children, it disturbs me, and most people don't even notice.

Have you ever stood back and just observed people, and listened? I do it a lot, and it seems that it is common for people to call their children stupid. It's also pretty common for divorced parents to say things like "You're just like your mom/dad." And they spend a good chunk of their time talking down on mom/dad.Nothing like calling your kid a worthless pile of flesh huh!

The follow up is too much attempting to validate their own comment and no repair. Poor children. No one seems to get it, or they say things like "all kids are different, my kid knows what I mean" Yea really, they know you mean mom/dad is worthless, ugly, stupid, any given derogatory name, and they are just the same. Brains are brains, and any well thought person knows you change the view of a child when you say dumb ****.

I can't even tell you how many times my mother told me "if you have nothing nice to say, just say nothing." She never took her own advice, however I took it very seriously, especially with my own children. When my ex and I were going through our divorce, boy did I hate him, but not once did I say a bad thing about him out loud. Not to anyone. I did this so my kids wouldn't hear bad things about their dad, and they wouldn't think anything bad of themselves.

I guess it's just something I have always tried hard to do, putting the feelings and thoughts of my children before my own, my mother didn't do it for me, and I know clearly the way her words drilled into me. I just wish people would stop harming their children, it's the only way this world will ever become a better place to be.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Got a new can of people-be-gone

Ok so really, I'm a little creeped out. The number of people reading just keeps going up and up .. over 400 .. and it makes me nervous.

I'm not trying to be cautious of what I say, because I like to be as honest as I can. However, with so many people reading it feels rather smothering. Why does anyone read my mindless banter? I don't really have anything important to say, and nothing I say really matters to anyone except for me.

Maybe I just have an incredible life. I don't personally think it's that exciting, my last post was about my freaky ride home, when I made that past i was still in the 200's. Maybe I'm just thinking too much into it huh.

Ok so I'm rather bored tonight. I was thinking about my fish, his name is Gary Boschain. He's a dark blue male beta, and he is named after my pastor. I had a deep red beta as well, Jon Hembree, he was named after my associate pastor, but he died. He being the fish of course.

Last year on December 6, our pastor died, he had pancreatic cancer. Our entire church family had gathered together for our Christmas dinner and program, and it had ended and we came on home. Almost as soon as we walked in the door our phone rang, it was an elder from our church. He said "Brooke?" I said "this is Brooke." Then he said,"We just got a call from Patty, and Ronnie has passed on." Ever have one of those moments when so many emotions come over you that you can't even breathe let alone speak? That was my moment. I said the only thing I could, "Thank you for calling." I hung up and my world crashed.

Important men are few and far between, but Ronnie was a special man. When i began thinking about joining our church as an actual member, I had a long and hard conversation with Ronnie. I was raised Luthern. If you want to go to heaven, this is how you must act, this is what you must do, this is what you must believe. Everything was written in stone. I couldn't understand how it was that all I had to do was trust in Jesus, put my faith in him, and try my best! I quickly found out that ronnie too was raised as I was. I connected with him in a very deep way, a way that i don't think I have ever connected with another person.

Every Sunday, he got up and he preached his sermon. He was so weak he could hardly make it up the 4 steps, the elders had to intervene and make him sit while he gave his sermons. He joked when he sat the first time, "Hey, even Jesus was known to sit time to time!" Haha!

I was baptized as an infant, because that my Dear is what Lutherns do! I spoke to Ronnie about it, and I realized that an infant knows nothing, good nor evil, so I decided to make my choice as an adult, Ronnie baptized me. He walked me to the potters wheel.

I miss him, I miss his wisdom, I miss his sermons. I have his last sermon on cd, I still haven't listened to it. I had to miss church that day. These things happen when you have babies, sometimes they get sick, and you just have to miss the wonder of a live sermon.

Many Sundays, and many sermons, have come and gone since Pastor Ronnie Samms went home to lay his crowns at the feet of Jesus. None as wonderful as the Sundays and Sermons before he left though.

Sure, Gary is a good pastor, he was the glue that held us together in those first months, without him our church family would have flaked away. Still, there's no "Titanic Security" anymore.

I believe I am done with this post.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Oh it's back

Nice to see the site back up and functioning! Yay!

So I went on my youtube and found a video of Mallory and Jaden from 2008 ... man they have grown so much since then!


2008 was a long time ago in kid years. I miss them being little. That was before either of them had school .. sheesh!

Guess the little boys want a bath now .. so good day all!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
... with a pocket full of my coworkers balls

How do you like that title .. seems a little sexual doesn't it? Well it isn't, they are foil balls .. I have a nice picture of them on facebook .. I'm saving up Nicks balls, and my plan is to save enough to one day be able to attack him with a bunch of balls. I wish I would have thought of this sooner, by now i would have had hundreds, but the idea only came to me tonight!

I have posted my plan on facebook .. he is on my facebook, and I tag all of my crazy plans to him .. so he HAS to know what I'm going to do .. what i didn't say is that if my plan fails .. I'm shrink wrapping his truck, because that is both mean and funny, also an excellent form of payback for having him throw these balls at me all the time lol.

I work at the Barbee hotel .. I just can't leave that job. It's fun, it's easy, and it's one big happy family. I am very close with all of my coworkers, chefs, bartenders, servers, and even *gasp* my bosses! I wasn't even there 6 months when I got my first raise. Everyone was shocked, we were going into the slow season, and Danny NEVER gives raises. I also started getting a lot of new stuff. No one could believe it.

I have found that in no situation is it ever impossible to get something. Sometimes you just have to prove the value, and threatening to run a particular thing over with your car helps too once in a while. I operate in such a manner that I can get everything that I ask for.

Danny even buys me drinks when he is there. I know, who needs their boss to buy them drinks right? In the case that I never openly said this, I love to have the occasional drink, I am not anti wine, the first miracle Jesus performed was turning water into wine. I'm not a drunkard, but if my boss offers to buy me a drink, I'm taking him up on it, and I want the $25 a glass wine, because it's good, and I like it!

I even go over board with it now and then. Yep, I've been drunk. I was drunk on Friday night. Stayed after work, drank too much, sang for everyone and then came home and fell asleep hugging a bucket. I didn't puke, I guess I didn't drink that much, but I drank enough to think I drank that much. I had a kid free night, and that's really rare, so i felt like getting stupid.

I'm sharing this because I think it's funny. Besides, it seems like here on all these boards are all these perfect parents, with their perfect rules, and their perfect lives, and hell I just don't fit in. I'm so not perfect, and my kids get to have an use their voice when it comes to rules I have, they are actively participating in their lives and they have important roles. I'm not a dictator, I don't operate a dictatorship. Apparently that's frowned upon. It's cool though, because not only am I one of the apparently crappy moms but I also hang out after work and get crap faced with my coworkers, and I don't feel bad about it, I'm happy to get the chance to be retarded drunk with people I love when they too are retarded drunk.

I realize this will only lead to more judgements of myself, I mean who else here lets all of their children leave for a whole night and uses that free time to act like kids themselves? I believe that I, the cheese, stands alone! :rolleyes:

So, what else have I been doing .. hmm woke up with a lovely hang over, drank some coffee, ate, and went back to work. I am spending my Sunday morning with my church family, and going back to the Barbee after church for a burger and fries, my children and husband will also be joining me, and that's the story of my wild and crazy and back to normal life weekend, thanks for reading!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
685 People have looked at my babble

Still makes my jaw hit the floor .. Hi .. I'm not exciting .. sorry!

Christmas was fun, I learned how to make jammies for American Girl Dolls, I bought a keurig and I love it. Today I am saying goodbye to not only 2011, which has been a bitter sweet year .. but also a big fat GOOD BYE to my laptop podium! I'm getting my desk today! Woohoo!

I'm not going to lie .. my house is still Christmas cluttered, new bikes, still in boxes, are sitting in my living room! My baby has been sick, we spent last night in the er .. his o2 stats, heart rate, and body temp were all very low .. he apparently caught up on some rsv and bronchitis .. they gave him a breathing treatment, some meds, and sent him on his way. Mean while, he has been a butt, throwing those 2 year old screaming fits, hitting his brothers, and being very selfish. I do not enjoy this new attitude .. what happened to my sweet, happy, oh so compliant baby boy??? Some one stole my little angle boy and replaced him with their satan spawn! That has to be what has happened, and I believe it's one of the 685 people that have viewed my journal. Yes, you need to return my child please! LOL!

I'm greatly enjoying my break from school, no rush to get to class is nice. On the same token, i miss my posse .. with the holidays we have had no time to get together, and no classes to force us! I made the deans list with a perfect 4.0 .. of course nothing but the best comes from me so I expected this!

Well the husband is home so off I go! Buh bye for now!

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Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

I have a sick kid .. and so my coworkers had to miss my rendition of 1999 .. awwwww lol! I can't believe I had to miss the party of the year AND didn't even get drunk .. and I couldn't even be there to get my newly 21 year old co worker liquored up .. don't worry I bought him plenty of liquor to do it without me, and I got pictures from my friends texr to me all night to show the awesome progress lol. Poor Zak!!

In a way I'm glad i wasn't in for the party, I mean I would have a terrible hang over today, and who wants a hang over? Not I!

My today is busy, going to the inlaws for a new years day party .. this means I have to say so long to my keurig for the day Sad BOOO! I hate saying good bye to my coffee. On the bright side I will be hanging out with some darn cool people. I'm lucky to have a good mother in law, my last one was a dumb broad and we didn't get along at all. In the end she won, and now her son is with a married woman .. LOL .. she doesn't like her either.

Well Ben is bugging me to go see Aunt Jessica .. my 8 year old sister in law .. aka Angelica .. aka the bossy boss .. hehe we love Jess. I'm out of here!!

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Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

Classes are back in session, and I think people finally realize that I am excessively boring. Home work is done for the week, except for anything that may be assigned today. Another semester, another psych class .. :puke2: I hate psyche .. I can barely read through the material, it's just so repetitive and dull. It's the same stuff I already learned in my Hums classes. It's ok though, easy A!

Last semester I had a killer math class, it was just really hard for me for whatever reason. There was one test that was given, everyone bombed, my very first f .. a 35% .. I was so embarrassed. I hung it on my white board anyway, I figured that if I saw it every day, I would remember every day that I indeed was not perfect. The instructor chose to give us a retest. I got a 97% the second round, and hung it on my white board next to my ugly failure. I explained to my children about the test (and the grades) and why it was important to me. Now every time Jaden looks at my white board, he points to my bad paper and says "That's an F", and then to my good paper "That's an A." "The F is bad, the A is good."

4 of 6 children are in school, 4 of 6 children are honor roll students. They don't know what it's like to get an F, and until that math class neither did I. It was the WORST feeling in the world, because I knew that not only did I have to personally deal with this and find a way to correct it, but I had to show this terrible grade to my family, and I had to take responsibility for it myself. Instead of admitting that I didn't get it, and going to the tutor, I told myself not to worry, because I ALWAYS GET GOOD GRADES. I was going to pull knowledge I didn't have out of a hat like a rabbit .. oooh magic! i worked harder and got it after the failure, my instructor dropped my F like it never happened, and replaced it with the retest grade, but I still have both papers on my white board, little daily reminders that I'm not perfect, but I'm in a state of constant improvement.

My social services instructor dropped our classes, and hired a new woman to replace her. The instructor took a job being our program adviser. I HATE the new instructor. She's an ignorant *****, no one respects her, and she has no control over the class room. It's a class of grown adults, and it took almost 2 hours to get through a syllabus that shouldn't have taken more than 15 minutes. People were interrupting, speaking over her, and didn't even care what she was saying. It was absolutely stupid.

I don't have time to finish these thoughts, so that's all

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with cookies and a six-pack of root beer and he started his journey….

….When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a cookie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, “What did you do today that made you so happy?

He replied “I had lunch with God.” But before his mother could respond, he added “You know what? God’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!”

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked,” Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?”

He replied, “I ate cookies in the park with God.” However, before his son could respond he added, “You know, he’s much younger than I expected.”
~Author Unknown

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Embrace all equally!

Joined: 09/29/05
Posts: 826

I so love reading your posts!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

Thanks Smile

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
An Invitation ...

I'm in the mindless phase of reading about reading, and I realize how very important it is for readers to comprehend what exactly they are reading. "Inferences about the writer's intentions appear to be an essential building block - one that readers actively use to construct a meaningful text." (Linda Flower) It makes me wonder, with all those reading my banter, most of which is not researched, biased, personal, and/or strictly opinionated, what exactly is being pulled from any of it.

Your interpretation may be what I have intended, or it may be far off. Information that is relayed may be completely unabsorbed. Is my writing passive, is it aggressive, is it drawing a painting or a cartoon within you mind?

I have been guilty of writing amazing articles and papers, much the same I have been guilty of writing complete garbage. The question really is what, if anything, does it change for the reader. Is a level of understanding reached? Is it offensive? Is it reaching the intended audience?

The problem within this blog is that the audience is wide, all ethnic groups, religions, education levels, ages, genders, everyone can be the audience. Most often you can not have a positive outcome with such a wide audience. Someone will always dislike the writing given, for a multitude of reasons. When reading any text, you have to be an active reader, ask yourself, who is the intended audience? What kind of text is this? If you are offended by a text, first ask yourself why. You can insist that the writer's goal was to offend you, or attack you in some way, but then you need to rationalize why the writer would do such a thing? Find the root, what word caused your feeling of happiness or of anger? Is your reading comprehension at the level of the writer, are you above or below the writer?

I write this here today, because I feel that if you are going to read what I write, you should be actively reading, getting something from it, and making moves within it, even when it's just me, the writer, throwing down some scratched up thought that I have. I never aim to make anyone think too much, but from reactions to previous writings on this particular blog, I see far more over thinking, from a personal stance, it is being read as a personal letter, instead of a simple text. I don't write personal letters on a blog, that would be foolish.

Usually, one would not allow others to post within a blog, however, for the next 15 weeks, feel free. When I post something, it is probably intended for some form of feedback. All subjects (including this one) are text book. This post to be exact is purely informational. It is a request for you to be an active reader, give active feed back, become a product of my words. If you choose to add to what I have written, I simply ask that you not be malicious nor snide in your comments. I also ask that you keep your comments specific to the text, and only reply to a text directly following that text, prior to a new text being entered. You will only be shown rough draft context, and not a finalized paper. Sorry but those writings are reserved for my professors, and they belong to the college when a final draft is submitted. You will be exposed to social service papers, psych essays, and writing essays, I hope over the course of the next 15 weeks, you gain something from what I write.

Thank you to everyone, regardless of your level of involvement, I appreciate your willingness to read.


Joined: 09/29/05
Posts: 826

I'm glad you like writing. I'm a psych major, and I hate writing papers.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86

writing is 9/10 of a social service job .. good times .. sorta lol

Joined: 09/29/05
Posts: 826

I know, right? lol I just hate all the research papers and the data analyzing. Let's just say I don't plan on being any sort of researcher. I love writing fiction papers and such. Smile

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
"The Coming Era of Energy Disasters

Recently I read the article ?The Coming Era of Energy Disasters? by Michael T. Klare, written June 10, 2010. In it he tells of environmental disasters such as the BP Deep Water Horizon Disaster, the sinking of the Ocean Ranger, Unified Quest 2008 A US Army simulation, and other potentially harmful environmental phenomena. He points out in the article that the Deep Horizon Explosion happened not because of corporate oversight, but because oil is being pulled from places it isn?t safe for us to be pulling it from, in his opinion. He also gives his speculation for what he believes could happen on a more destructive level, using what has happened previously as a point of reference. His concerns are those in which all humanity should have; these are situations we as a world have caused to happen, and his scenarios are those situations we are pushing ourselves into. He creates the scenarios of severe environmental damage out of fear with reason behind it. He also speaks of potential for wars over energy resources as countries fight for those sources because their demand for them is so high. A few of the scenarios are so possible, it seems they could happen as early as today, and they are ultimately worth thinking about and planning for.
To get to the bottom of all of this, one must start at the beginning, what once was a great idea, a pivot point in the history of the world, and the beginning of the road to our own destruction. Klare makes a bold statement when he says:
At the onset of the modern industrial era, basic fuels were easy to obtain from large, near-at-hand energy deposits in relatively safe and friendly locations. The rise of the automobile and the spread of suburbia, for example, were made possible by the availability of cheap and abundant oil from large reservoirs in California, Texas and Oklahoma, and from the shallow waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
Now, we have a start, now we should be able to understand how this all began. Oil was easy to access, and we used it, we then came to the point where a little bit not enough, demand and supply were, and remain on the rise. As the easy to reach supply of oil was depleted by our demands, so to the less possible supplies the companies went, as the world looked the other way as if to tell them if we cannot see it, it is not happening.
The Hibernia Oil Platform in Newfoundland seems to be one of the most concerning. It?s a staggering amount of oil, and a large number of people, sitting in severely choppy, glacier filled water. Klare points out ?This mammoth facility, normally manned by 185 crew members, produces about 135,000 barrels of oil per day.? (2010) so should it topple, all that oil, and all those people would simply drift away, washing onto shore wasted and lost for all eternity. The oil would take with it not only human lives, but also marines lives, not to mention the birds and other animals that would be effected, and the land it washed up on being destroyed. Then you have to ask yourself, does it provide any protection for the people working on it, the oil, the rest of the oil? ?Sixteen giant steel ribs protrude from the GBS, positioned in such a way as to absorb the blow of an iceberg and distribute it over the entire structure. However, the GBS itself is hollow, and contains a storage container for 1.3 million barrels of crude oil.? (2010) clearly it does, as well as a reserve of over a million more barrels of oil. Realistically, it is a little protection for the potential of unimaginable amounts of severe damage and destruction. Glacier chunk move freely through that water, it?s the North Atlantic so these are things we expect. The owners of this facility have created ?Titanic Security?. It is unsinkable, nothing can bring it down because we have designed it so well. It?s concerning that it could be brought down by a glacier, and it is completely possible on any given day, spilling 135,000 barrels of oil per day plus over a million gallons of reserve, in an instant.
To get into another risk that needs no scenario, you have to take a bit of a political twist. China and Japan have their mutual boundary set within the East China Sea. Under their mutual boundary lies a natural gas reserve.
Under the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea, which both countries have signed, each is allowed to exercise control over an "exclusive economic zone" (EEZ) extending 200 nautical miles (about 230 standard miles) from its coastline. But the East China Sea is only about 360 miles across at its widest point between the two countries. (2010)
We can now see 100 miles of fought over space because of a natural gas reserve. China wants to claim the water nearly to Japan, and Japan wants to cut it at the half way point, and neither side will agree on any term. ?Both sides have deployed military forces in the contested area, seeking to demonstrate their resolve to prevail in the dispute.? (2010) Potential for war as early as today is clear. Once again no scenario is needed; all that is truly needed is a single act by either side that leads the other to assume this means physical war. Gun fire and bombing destroy drilling rigs in place, gas is freely flowing into the China sea, the water turns to fire, ships are sunk, lives are lost, marine life is destroyed, land that gas and oil wash up on is destroyed, and the vicious cycle of destruction continues.
The need and want for natural resources is out of control, and it isn?t a scenario. It?s a daily threat. Knowing and accepting isn?t enough, thinking about it isn?t enough, surely there is something that can be done. This insanity needs to be stopped, and the risk needs to be made more public so that the human race knows what the likely outcomes are. We need lines of defense in place for when these things happen instead of pointing fingers and figuring out how to control it once it has already occurred.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Sitting on the side of the road

I have spent weeks praying, crying, and searching my soul. I work hard, I take care of my children, I do well in school, I have went far out of my way to try to make my life .. good. Even a few inches closer to acceptable, if you will. All the while, my family life has been literally a living hell.

I have learned to smile even when inside I'm a sobbing mess. I put on one of the most believable fronts anyone has everything. Oh life is great, things are going well, I have never been so happy. I'm a liar, a total fraud.

I love my husband, with every fiber of my being, but he is narcissistic. I'm not saying that in a manner of harshness or cruelty, I'm making an honest statement about his mentality. He truly believes he is Gods very gift to the world. He is wonderful and perfect, and nothing is his fault. I'm a *****, a ****, a *****, stupid, worthless, lazy, bi polar, crazy, a bad mother, a poor excuse for a human being. These are his words, words that he says to me EVERY SINGLE DAY EVERY CHANCE HE GETS.

I don't believe these things to be true. I work a full time job, pay all the bills, go to school full time, carry a 4.0 gpa, spend every spare minute I get with my children. I freely give kindness to everyone, regardless of whether I feel they deserve it. I have put up with being called these names, I have been beaten multiple times, I have pressed charges, and then dropped them, more charges are currently pending and I'm not asking for the latest ones to be dropped.

In his mind, I caused him to strangle me, I caused him to hit me with a bat, I shouldn't have called the police because in his opinion I wasn't hurt badly enough.

I left once, when he was in jail, I had my cousin come, we loaded her trunk with stuff and she took the boys, I loaded my car and I left. For some reason, my own feelings of obligation to this man mostly, I came home. It's a decision I have spent almost 4 months regretting.

I have thought it through, and I am leaving again. I have some friends that are willing to help, and by help I mean spur of the moment I will call them and let them know he will be gone for x amount of hours, and they will come grab my stuff and move me out. This will be happening in about 2 weeks.

I have told him that I am leaving. His response was that if I take the baby, he will hunt me down, and no one will ever find my body. He has also threatened to take off with the baby and I will never see him again. I fully understand and accept the risk I am taking. I am receiving help from victims assistance, they will be helping file my divorce and applying for an emergency restraining order that will HOPEFULLY protect my children and myself. I'm a social services worker, I know that protection orders don't work, and the risk is high with or without one. I'm not allowing myself to be concerned. I know if I worry I won't follow through.

Honestly, from my own mind, I'm at the same risk of serious injury or death, here or gone. However, at least if I'm gone I can create a line of defense. Such as I do not have to allow him to know where I live.

I am putting this here because it needs to be somewhere. Please make no comments. Pray though.

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
Advice on miscarriages

It's always sad when a person doesn't have the ability to be a parent to their child the way those of us with children do. I talk to people regularly that have miscarried, or had a still born baby, their pain is immense, and the same statement is repeated over and over, "It just seems like no one cares, they don't even mention it." When my Dad passed away, I was given so much love and support, people would tell me stories of my dad, they would ask how I'm doing, they openly talked about him. Yet when someone loses their child, it's tucked away, it's undesirable.

I have celebrated with people things that would have been. "Emily would have been 3 today" .. it's sad to a point, but it really helps the healing process. Emily of course is a fictitious name, but the client that chose to celebrate, we went to a really nice local restaurant, even ordered a birthday cake. That baby is so very important, the concerns are that everyone has forgotten her, or simply never cared.

I'm a helper, it's my job to walk with people as they go through their personal feelings and what bothers them. Still, we are all people, and we need to remember grace, love, compassion, and show our fellow humans that we do care. Step out of your own box now and then, it doesn't matter that you aren't comfortable, because these people are hurting so badly, personal comfort should never come before easing pain.

Of course there is a time when this isn't as good to do, like directly following the loss. I just think that some things in life we all need to learn, and one is that even though someone cries doesn't always mean that you have mentioned something they are trying to forget, in these situations its that you have touched on something that will always hurt them but they are grateful you haven't forgotten.

To anyone reading that feels the pain of loss along with the pain of their child being forgotten, God never forgets. Sometimes, you have to tell people that it's ok to talk about your own Emily, let them know it hurts you to live without her, but its so joyous to know people remember her, and have an "Emily would have been" party. Let me know when it is, I'll send her a card!

I'm out of here for now, have a blessed day!

BFrantz's picture
Joined: 11/14/11
Posts: 86
8 year ago TODAY!

On this very site, it was announced that I had my 3rd child, one of the biggest blessings I've ever received, a 7 pound 4 ounce 36 week gestation baby girl, with lots of beautiful thick black hair, with apgar scores of 10 and 10, and also the worlds worst breastfeeder ever .. I briefly nicknamed her razor gums! She has grown up so much in the last 8 years, she is truly one of the most amazing people I know. She still believes that everyone, even the fattest, smelliest, most disgusting person in the world is BEAUTIFUL. She has a kind mind and a huge heart, and don't even get me started on how smart she is! I try not to brag about my children too much, because I think they are all the best in the world, and I don't want to put another child down! Today, however, is a special day, and I am here by bragging about the Amazing Mallory!

My top 10 reasons why MALLORY is the best 8 year old girl in the UNIVERSE!
1. She's sweet to everyone, and knows no boundaries with kindness.
2. She is the best big sister, she loves her little brothers and is a good leader for them.
3. She doesn't believe in ugly, she has won 17 pageants in 6 years and still thinks everyone is as beautiful as she is.
4. She is the best girl scout ever, she loves earning her badges!
5. She has awesome personal values, she doesn't care about what she keeps, she cares about what she can give you to help.
6. She believes being rich is showing grace, mercy, and love to everyone.
7. She is pro life, and she's proud of it, babies are people too.
8. She loves disabled children, and loves to encourage them and believes they can do whatever they put their minds to, even when everyone else says they can't.
9. Her best friends in the whole world are Mommy and big sister Nikki.
10. She's MY daughter! It doesn't get any better than that!

Happy Birthday to the BEST 8 year old daughter a mother could ever ask for! I love you as much as Jesus does!