While I Wait on YOU...

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While I Wait on YOU...

Hey all...You can call me Dae' Dae' if you would like. I decided to start a journal because there are some things that I wanna say or write, rather without having to actually hold a convo about them. So these are my thoughts/prayers to God while I wait for Him to bless me with a miracle...

CTC'ers you know what it is...you are always welcome to post where ever I post Smile

A little about Me:
1. I love God/Jesus and all that it entails.
2. I am married to the best man that God couldve made for me. I like to describe it to an outfit. You can buy an outfit anywhere...but one that it tailor made is totally different. Its custom-made for your body and fits evry curve and lack thereof. This is what God has done for my DH and I...fits every curve and lack thereof!
3. Family is important.
4. Favorite colors is pink and green
5. I love CTC sisters and I dont think I would have made it this far without your assistance through these last couple of months.
6. I forget...lol

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I generally am a chilled out person. very laid back. and unemotional. Needless to say, these last couple of days have been such a struggle. I have been very emotional and I am having a hard time hiding it. I see patients and they tell me there story and I cry. I listen to a moving song and I cry. I look at my husband when he gives me such a loving look and I cry. I long for a LO and I cry. Im on CTC and I cry. I am typing now and I cry. Depressed...nope. Just think I have held back so many tears over these last couple of weeks because I have been focused on my friends/families emotions that I havent properly had the time to think about me. Often I wanna just yell out my window for the whole world to know that I have feelings too. I am a strong person, but even strong ppl have weak days...otherwise, how would we know how strong we r. Dear God, when is this going to be over...you know what my heart is and you know my desires. Plz hear my cry...

While I wait,

Dae'

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Emotional Roller Coaster

As I take this ride of life up and down, through the loops, and round and round again I am reminded of Your goodness O God. I feel very upset at the way things go in my life sometimes. Other times I am just as happy and free as a butterfly with beautiful wings. What will it b like today God, huh?!? I ask because maybe you will answer me and I will be able to prepare myself for it.

Last night was something else. DH and I really had a chance to open up with each other and say how we really feel. I was taken back to the days when we were just "dating" and so immature but things were always open between us. I am so thankful that I have a husband who I can pretty much say anything, anyway that I need to and it not be misunderstood. We touched on the basis of my stinky job/co-workers, the bumps that they put on my face bc they erk my nerves lol. Moving to another state, which sounds really good to me by the way. And for all of my CTCers...Ive been suggesting places that I know u guys live in lol. Of course he doesnt know about that though Wink

Nights like those really bring me joy, peace, happiness. I know that you are listening God and I know that You are watching over us even though I feel like I am in a desert. Everything dry and shrivled up. No flowers to bring love and beauty. No trees to feel Your beautiful breeze. No streams of water to calm a troubled heart.

So what will it be like today, God, huh?!?

While I wait,

Dae'

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Chadae'~
Glad to see that the CTC is taking over the journals forum. Wink Keep your chin up, k?
Love ya,
Al

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New Month, New Cycle, New Hope!

Today I am feeling GOOD! I am ready for a new start and I am coming out fighting. My countenances were down for the last couple of days but I really have had some "ME" time and realized that I am going to relax and let God take over. Yes I will BD around EOT (Estimated Ovulation Time), lets not b stupid here, but I am going to release some of the strain of trying to make it happen. I thought that I would b more let down from yet another bfn and an AF that really is treating me like crap...but now that it has settled in, I am going to b fine.

NEW MONTH. I am going to BD every time possible and I pray, o God I pray that DH doesnt have any shows around my EOT this cycle. If I O around the time I think I will, which is between Feb 15-22nd,that would b leaving me with a November baby. October was what I was shooting for since DHs bday is around that time, but Nov sounds perfect too.

NEW CYCLE. I am praying that this cycle will b a lil predictable...meaning that I will not have another 34 day cycle. I dunno if I can keep skipping months like this without peeing on something!

NEW HOPE. I place all of my hope in You O God! Take away my pride and my feelings and substitute them with faith and hope. I have such a hard time hearing and saying the work "Faith" since that is what DH and I named what was supposed to b our bundle of faith. But I am going to have HOPE that FAITH will abound this cycle and in Nov. I will have a LO to have. hold. wash. adore. play with. and travel with to my CTC girlies houses to show him/her off Smile I am getting sappy right now...but HOPE is what I will continue to have this time around.

Dae'

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Today's Song

There's nothing I can do, nothing I can say
To make you love me more
Standing in Your grace, feeling Your embrace
Lord, I am secure

There's nowhere I could go
No place that I'd rather be
I want to stay right here in Your presence
I want to praise You forever and ever

You are the Lord, Most High, God of the Ages
I will glorify the Lord of Creation
Every breath that I breathe, You gave
Lord of Heaven let Your love come fill this place

I forget who sings it...i just know we sing it at church

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Just popping in to say I'm stalking your journal! You'll get through this and it will happen for you girlie! Hang in there! Smile

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Thanks for stalking me Jen Wink Keep me in you prayers!

I went out this afternoon and spent some quality time with DH and it made such a difference in my day. The other day I had such a meltdown that I was even embarrassed to write it in my own journal. I was bottling things up from the past and they needed to b released. I am ready to move on!

I talked to a couple of my friends () and I am convinced that I am going to start temping tomorrow. I am going to need all of the help that I can get to make this happen for DH and I. He doesnt understand the measures that I feel as though I need to go through to make it happen. He just thinks lets have sex and make a baby :eek: WTFreak do u think we have been doing lol. We are talking about moving soon so this makes the decision of starting our family a lil more easier since we will have our own place.

Granted, sometimes we r not on the same page about the preggo thing, but he knows that he might as well jump on aboard bc its going to happen sometime or another. Some days he cool with saying we can try and some days he is like "wut u say, woman" lol like its foreign. But we understand each other. So it works.

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Its official! I bought my first Basal Therm. I am nervous...no doubt. But i think that it will b something that can work. If it does I will b Yahoo if it doesnt at least I will know more about my body than I did b4 Im guessing. I told DH and he was like huh...wut u buying a therm for again? I told him y and he said "ok. Im going to church to play ball with the men, have fun at Walmart" :yahoo:!!! So I am officially in the "temping crew".

I have a friend who is thinking about having kids some time soon and she wanted me to test this whole temping thing out, so then she will know if she wants to do it. And she figures once I get it down I can take care of her chart and all...laaaazy lol. Shes not into this type of thing, but wants to c some results so I agreed to help her and her husband out Smile Im jst a lil nervous about having to put in how many times they BD and crap lol. I didnt really think about that until now....o dear :eek:

While I wait,

Dae'

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I love you Stink!

I am feeling extra muchy today for some odd reason! I love my DH so-so, so-so very much! He means a whole heck of a lot to me and he has such an amazing voice. I hear it all of the time, but for those who stalk me...here is a song that he has. He is the singer one! Love u Stinky! Smile And no...that pic is not my DH. lol.

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That song so entirely rocks girl! I like your DH's voice! Praise God for a Godly husband!

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Thanks! YaY for Godly Husbands out there! WhoOt wHOot!!!

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Dwelling...!

Today, I realized that I am going to thank you, God, for the things that I do have. Sometimes I believe I dwell on the things that I dont have and I forget to take the time to say "thank you".

I go about my day as if the air that I breath is just "supposed" to b there...thank you

I drive to work carefree, sometimes I even stop to gaze at accidents around me. That couldve been me...thank you

I come home...to a house that has everything that I need in it...thank you, O God!

A warm and loving husband supports me in all that I do and most of all, he has a heart after You...Thank You.

I have a job that many ppl come in and apply for but dont get hired...Thank you.

My friends and family support is just the way that it needs to b right now...Thank. You.

Lord I just wanna thank you in advance for the things that I dont have yet. I want to get in the habit of thanking You daily for what I have, so that when I get blessed with some other things I will know that it is alllllllll on Your behalf and not on my own. Even the little things go unnoticed. So thank You!

I know parents are always saying "Why do you do me like you do" to their children when they are being rude and not being obedient. I know that You look at us like that sometimes and think "Chadae, why do you do me like you do".

I feel embarrassed when my parents ask me this but when I thought of it in light of You...my heart felt like it had a huge weight on it. Thank you for allowing me to realize that it is more to You than what I realize and obeying and loving on You is even more important than doing so for my parents here on Earth.

While I Wait,

Dae'

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Temping...Day 5

Today is onli my 5th (i think) day temping and I have no idea as to what I am doing. I just know that I have a routine that I am supposed to complete, so I do it.

I suppose the ppl that stalk my FF will tell me whats going on when I need to know the exciting stuff. I think I am supposed to b looking for spikes and drops in my temp. I got that so far. But this thing is harder than what I thought it was going to be.

Although, waking up earlier is pretty cool bcause I get to start my day off a lot earlier and I really dont have a choice unless I wanna possibly miss an important temp that day. I actually woke up the other day when I woke up and stuck the therm in my mouth, onli to find out that i was onli taking a nap. lol

Well, from here on out I will try to jot down how I feel during my temping journey. I think it will b pretty kool to look back on when I do get my BFP!

While I Wait,

Dae'

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Temping...Day 7

I have been informed that I was in need of a temp drop b4 I actually get a spike for my O.

And here I thought that having the temp that I got today was an error or something. Even if it is not the actual "gear up, Im Oing" I at least learned a bit of new info from me worrying this AM.

Thanks for all of your help. Please keep stalking me so I know wassup!

Dae'

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Daily Inspirational Song

This song and story ministers to me in soo soo many ways.

Here is the story of Horatio Spafford.

This hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy business*man). Shortly after, while cross ing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with an other ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telgram, “Saved alone.” Sev er al weeks lat er, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief be fall them on earth.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain

Hearing this song and reading his story gives me strength to know that all that has happened in my short life so far is ok bc I have placed ALL of my faith in Him.

It IS Well! Even when things stink and I wanna bail out on commitments. Or even on life. When I just wanna give up and throw in the towel, God throws it back. And It IS Well...and if not God will MAKE it Well...and that causes me to sing.

God you are my ALL!

While I Wait (And Know that "It is Well"),

Dae'

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Pissed!

Today was supposed to be a good day. Last night was GREAT! Dirol I got a "green light" on FF today. I had a party with my Sunday School girls...and then things slid down like ice cream on a cone in August.

My patience and efforts at serving You, God, is strong but doing so for Your ppl...lets just say that its running really really [FONT=Arial Narrow][COLOR=Sienna]thin. I am sick of being taken advantage of, especially by ppl who are my family and close friends.

I was made for You and I shall serve You, which I know requires me to serve Your ppl. This. Has. To. Be. A. Test!!!!!! Please dont let me have to live this lifestyle for the rest of my life. You have the power to fix it God

Fix. It!!!!!...plz Smile

I dont know how much of this pressure I can take. Plz tell me that it is almost over. We are to the point where we wanna move on from our current church and I feel as though You are leading us in that direction as well. Just be blunt and give me a simple "yes" or "no".

While We Wait

Dae' and DH[/COLOR][/FONT]

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Tonight's Song

I will praise you through this storm O God. Because I know that after a storm, the Earth yields great and beautiful things. So shall it be in our lives

Dae' and DH

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It seems as though my life really does consist of me waiting on God. I am cool with that though because my trust level that I have with Him has def increased.

In this time I need to trust Him more and its the little things that I have placed my faith in Him for before, that can help me to say that through the circumstances that I am going through right now will b okay. Maybe not ok on everyone else's terms but Ok on God's.

I havent been on my journal for a while because I didnt know how I would feel posting something that is very near to my heart. Not that TTCAL isnt, because it def is, but this is in regards to my family. My Aunt Aileen in paticular.

She has cancer, which I have come to terms with, but she had surgery the other day and the doc said that it looked like things were ok and she would b able to return home soon. Not that he cancer was gone but that her pain would be relieved a lil.

So the day that she got the notice of her being able to possibly leave, she went into a coma. It is breaking my fams hearts because we have never had someone so close to us, so close to death.

Please be praying for her and I know that while I wait on God things are going to b ok.

While I Wait On You

Chadae'

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Its official...MY AUNT WOKE UP!!!!!!

Thank You God for your love and faithfulness! I am so excited and astounded by our power that it just throws me back and confirms that everything IS in Your hands.

You r holy God and my family is rejoicing because of the might work that You completed yesterday.

Thank you God for hearing our prayers...While We Waited!

Dae'

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My RL Friends Email to <+>

The other day I was having a little bit of a "slump" day bcause it didnt look like I was going to O at all this month. I got lots of encouragement from so many ppl on here and even some from one of my RL (Real Life) friends.

Her name is Karin and she is one of my friends that I can say that she will stick things out with you until the end. She has heard many of stories about pg.org, so I thought that I would post the email that she sent to me to be an encouragement to those who are TTC or those who are just trying to achieve something.

All things are POSSIBLE. Just keep believing and trusting. He'll do it.
You know He will. And out of love...don't let this be your focus. I
know it's a desire, but take Chadae out and let God do it. We already
made the request so just keep going knowing that He is Faithful and Able
to do what he said he would. Its' coming. I believe it with all my
heart. I'm not being insensitive (I hope you don't feel that I am cause
I def keep you and your eggs Wink lifted up in prayer). But I don't want
it to consume you cause then you'll start getting frustrated.

And thats why I love her.

She is straight to the point, but graceful about it. Thats my lovely friend.

While I Wait On You

Dae'

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awww, :bigarmhug: to your friend! That is such an AWESOME thing to say! It's awesome to have people like that to lean on!

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What a Day :(

Last night was off to a great start. I had extra time to spend with my sister. We ate snacks. I caught up on some convos with my friends.

Then, I got a call from DH that our friends son died... It was the worst phone call that I have ever gotten. My heart dropped when DH utter the words "His son died".

I was just talking to my friend on the phone, whom I actually put on hold to take DHs call, about how I am doing this "Positive Thinking" agenda to prepare myself for our baby.

Then, I thought that we can attempt to prepare a life for our babies, but we dont think of preparing for our child's death. At the moment that they r given life, they are presented with death sooo many times. This may sound crude, but this is my journal and this IS how I feel about it.

The world doesnt give us a manual on death, but luckily God does. His Word gives us so much hope that its so unbelievable what he is capable of.

God u are Sovereign...thats all that I can say.

Dae'

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Song of the Week!
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:(

It looks like I might be moving onto next month afterall.

I had big plans for DH and I tonight a-hem!, if ya know what I mean, but they were quickly snatched away from me when I got home. I just thought I was going in to do a number 1 and I had a surprise. Luckily, its just spotting so its just 95% over.

On the good side, DH told me that he is ready to start TTC again! It just came out of no where and I am really stoked about that. This month will b a lot of fun TTC with DH on board. He even asked questions about whens the best timing and crap. So, I have to school him, but Im def cool wit dat. He even took the time to figure out that we would have a Christmas baby if we got preggo this cycle.

Well, Im done rambling. Onto next month it looks like. But DH is def gonna b funny trying to make a baby. So many questions to answer, so much *fun* to take advantage of too!

While I Wait

Chadae'

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Its been awhile since Ive posted here...just wanted to do a quick update.

Im doing greeeeaaaat! Nope not preggo yet, but still being hopeful. God blessed me with a raise at my job, more working hours available for OT, and I get to work in between 2 stores. Which means even more hours available and I get to stay in contact with the ppl I work with now Smile Gosh I love some of them Wink

As for my Auntie who has cancer...she is always in my prayers. I cannot stop thinking about her when my mind wanders to what she used to b. She has decided that she is going to go with what her doctor recommended, going into hospice care. They are gonna have her drugged like 24/7, and they are doing this so when she goes on to b with God it wont b oh so much pain Sad O love her and it sucks to see her the way she is. She onli weighs like 90 lbs and she barely can eat anything...just too tired. BUT...Im not giving up on hope and faith. If its in Gods will to heal her, I will b happy. If its in Gods will to take her home to Him, I will b happy. I love u Auntie Biggrin

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Well I got my BFP! I will post pics of it later when I get home! Im sooooooooooooo excited Smile

God definitely answered my prayers on this one! I will cherish EVERYTHING with this pregnancy, since I only had a few wks last time Sad

Dear God,

Its Dae' Dae', please let this one stick. Pretty Pretty please?!?!

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Congratulations hon!!!! That is wonderful!!!