Hey all...You can call me Dae' Dae' if you would like. I decided to start a journal because there are some things that I wanna say or write, rather without having to actually hold a convo about them. So these are my thoughts/prayers to God while I wait for Him to bless me with a miracle...
CTC'ers you know what it is...you are always welcome to post where ever I post
A little about Me:
1. I love God/Jesus and all that it entails.
2. I am married to the best man that God couldve made for me. I like to describe it to an outfit. You can buy an outfit anywhere...but one that it tailor made is totally different. Its custom-made for your body and fits evry curve and lack thereof. This is what God has done for my DH and I...fits every curve and lack thereof!
3. Family is important.
4. Favorite colors is pink and green
5. I love CTC sisters and I dont think I would have made it this far without your assistance through these last couple of months.
6. I forget...lol
I generally am a chilled out person. very laid back. and unemotional. Needless to say, these last couple of days have been such a struggle. I have been very emotional and I am having a hard time hiding it. I see patients and they tell me there story and I cry. I listen to a moving song and I cry. I look at my husband when he gives me such a loving look and I cry. I long for a LO and I cry. Im on CTC and I cry. I am typing now and I cry. Depressed...nope. Just think I have held back so many tears over these last couple of weeks because I have been focused on my friends/families emotions that I havent properly had the time to think about me. Often I wanna just yell out my window for the whole world to know that I have feelings too. I am a strong person, but even strong ppl have weak days...otherwise, how would we know how strong we r. Dear God, when is this going to be over...you know what my heart is and you know my desires. Plz hear my cry...
While I wait,
As I take this ride of life up and down, through the loops, and round and round again I am reminded of Your goodness O God. I feel very upset at the way things go in my life sometimes. Other times I am just as happy and free as a butterfly with beautiful wings. What will it b like today God, huh?!? I ask because maybe you will answer me and I will be able to prepare myself for it.
Last night was something else. DH and I really had a chance to open up with each other and say how we really feel. I was taken back to the days when we were just "dating" and so immature but things were always open between us. I am so thankful that I have a husband who I can pretty much say anything, anyway that I need to and it not be misunderstood. We touched on the basis of my stinky job/co-workers, the bumps that they put on my face bc they erk my nerves lol. Moving to another state, which sounds really good to me by the way. And for all of my CTCers...Ive been suggesting places that I know u guys live in lol. Of course he doesnt know about that though
Nights like those really bring me joy, peace, happiness. I know that you are listening God and I know that You are watching over us even though I feel like I am in a desert. Everything dry and shrivled up. No flowers to bring love and beauty. No trees to feel Your beautiful breeze. No streams of water to calm a troubled heart.
So what will it be like today, God, huh?!?
While I wait,
Glad to see that the CTC is taking over the journals forum. Keep your chin up, k?
Today I am feeling GOOD! I am ready for a new start and I am coming out fighting. My countenances were down for the last couple of days but I really have had some "ME" time and realized that I am going to relax and let God take over. Yes I will BD around EOT (Estimated Ovulation Time), lets not b stupid here, but I am going to release some of the strain of trying to make it happen. I thought that I would b more let down from yet another bfn and an AF that really is treating me like crap...but now that it has settled in, I am going to b fine.
NEW MONTH. I am going to BD every time possible and I pray, o God I pray that DH doesnt have any shows around my EOT this cycle. If I O around the time I think I will, which is between Feb 15-22nd,that would b leaving me with a November baby. October was what I was shooting for since DHs bday is around that time, but Nov sounds perfect too.
NEW CYCLE. I am praying that this cycle will b a lil predictable...meaning that I will not have another 34 day cycle. I dunno if I can keep skipping months like this without peeing on something!
NEW HOPE. I place all of my hope in You O God! Take away my pride and my feelings and substitute them with faith and hope. I have such a hard time hearing and saying the work "Faith" since that is what DH and I named what was supposed to b our bundle of faith. But I am going to have HOPE that FAITH will abound this cycle and in Nov. I will have a LO to have. hold. wash. adore. play with. and travel with to my CTC girlies houses to show him/her off I am getting sappy right now...but HOPE is what I will continue to have this time around.
There's nothing I can do, nothing I can say
To make you love me more
Standing in Your grace, feeling Your embrace
Lord, I am secure
There's nowhere I could go
No place that I'd rather be
I want to stay right here in Your presence
I want to praise You forever and ever
You are the Lord, Most High, God of the Ages
I will glorify the Lord of Creation
Every breath that I breathe, You gave
Lord of Heaven let Your love come fill this place
I forget who sings it...i just know we sing it at church
Thanks for stalking me Jen Keep me in you prayers!
I went out this afternoon and spent some quality time with DH and it made such a difference in my day. The other day I had such a meltdown that I was even embarrassed to write it in my own journal. I was bottling things up from the past and they needed to b released. I am ready to move on!
I talked to a couple of my friends (<+>) and I am convinced that I am going to start temping tomorrow. I am going to need all of the help that I can get to make this happen for DH and I. He doesnt understand the measures that I feel as though I need to go through to make it happen. He just thinks lets have sex and make a baby WTFreak do u think we have been doing lol. We are talking about moving soon so this makes the decision of starting our family a lil more easier since we will have our own place.
Granted, sometimes we r not on the same page about the preggo thing, but he knows that he might as well jump on aboard bc its going to happen sometime or another. Some days he cool with saying we can try and some days he is like "wut u say, woman" lol like its foreign. But we understand each other. So it works.
Its official! I bought my first Basal Therm. I am nervous...no doubt. But i think that it will b something that can work. If it does I will b if it doesnt at least I will know more about my body than I did b4 Im guessing. I told DH and he was like huh...wut u buying a therm for again? I told him y and he said "ok. Im going to church to play ball with the men, have fun at Walmart" !!! So I am officially in the "temping crew".
I have a friend who is thinking about having kids some time soon and she wanted me to test this whole temping thing out, so then she will know if she wants to do it. And she figures once I get it down I can take care of her chart and all...laaaazy lol. Shes not into this type of thing, but wants to c some results so I agreed to help her and her husband out Im jst a lil nervous about having to put in how many times they BD and crap lol. I didnt really think about that until now....o dear
While I wait,
I am feeling extra muchy today for some odd reason! I love my DH so-so, so-so very much! He means a whole heck of a lot to me and he has such an amazing voice. I hear it all of the time, but for those who stalk me...here is a song that he has. He is the singer one! Love u Stinky! And no...that pic is not my DH. lol.