Well I didn't test this morning. I actually bought 2 frer on wednesday, and of course took one with DILUTED pee that afternoon. Much to my surprise there was a second line. HOWEVER! It was a faulty test. I have to say, I was shaking and freaking out, but I really didn't believe it. The line was SUPER faint, but obviously there, and I couldn't believe I'd get a positive with such diluted pee so early on. So I tested with FMU the next day and it couldn't have been any more negative. I was pretty relieved, but a touch disappointed at the same time. I guess it's still possible that I tested too early, but I actually think I'm just gearing up to O now, so we'll see. That's all... just a quick update.
I decided to test again tomorrow (sunday). I have been nauseous for almost a week now (that is what made me want to test in the first place.) The last few days it has been pretty bad. Now today, I woke up feeling terrible. I eat and it settles things for about 30 minutes, and then I feel worse than I did before I ate. My hips are hurting, and so are my boobs. I have to be honest, I'll be really surprised tomorrow morning if that test is negative... but the logical part of my brain keeps telling me... you can't possibly be! I just don't know. If it's positive, I'm sure i'll update right away in the morning... and if negative, then i'll be really worried about my health in general and try to make a doc appt.
It was negative again... HOWEVER! If it was an OPK I took, it probably would have been a blazing positive. I woke up this morning to a whole lot of "almost EWCM". So now I feel silly, but still am not feeling very well, so whatever. Hopefully its just a hormone thing, and nothing major that is wrong with me. I also don't think I'm going to be able to hold out another cycle after this one... i mean, maybe if I ovulate perfectly on time next time, I could hold out. But my cycles are more like 5-6 weeks long, so I don't think that is going to happen. I know i should wait though. I just ordered a new wakeboard, and if I wait until July to try, I'll have at least until august to use it!
A little update.
Well not much has been going on over here. We decided to start cloth diapering DS, so that has been an exciting change of pace. It's so easy, and not gross at all... plus the diapers are really cute :D So on the TTC front, things are going well. I had a little talk with DH and he said he'd prefer to wait one more cycle (AF just ended), but if I was ready to start now, then he's alright with that. I don't really want to TRY this cycle, but I still don't want to use protection. If we miss O, then oh well, no big deal. I can see my attitude changing around O time, and really gunning it, but the stress isn't there like it was last time. I don't really care so much if we miss it, but it would be a great "surprise" if we just casually timed everything right and got pregnant. I feel really good about trying again, and I'm feeling quite positive about everything. I think I just need to stay positive, otherwise I'll cause more harm than good. So anyways... here's to jumping back in the game with a positive outlook!
Today I'm really weepy. We should be having a baby soon (May 22nd was the official due date), and I'm just sad that we're not. It's strange because I never got a real due date with my last two losses, so it just feels like all three of them are hitting me today. I didn't realize I would take it so hard. I was dreading the first due date, but kinda put it in the back of my mind because it seemed so far away. I was also hoping to be pregnant, to sorta soften the blow, but obviously that hasn't happened either. Well, it has happened, but not lasted. I have been pretty down about it the last couple days, but it's just all hitting me today. Lurking on my old BB and reading about everyone having their babies is making me horribly sad (for myself). Anyways, on the TTC front... there's a whole lot of nothing. CM is pretty standard, i figure another week until O, which is good. We have a wedding to go to next weekend and that would be perfect timing. That way I can still have drinks and such :D Although I'd gladly not drink anything if it meant a healthy baby was abrewin. That's all for now. Concentrating on TTC (not obsessivly) helps me get through the tough times.
Still sick :(
I'm still sick. It's not as bad as it was, but I am still having a hard time keeping up with DS. If I even step foot outside, I get so disoriented, it's terrible. Poor Jaxon is getting so antsy being cooped up. On the TTC front, I'm thinking I might have a normal 28ish day cycle this time. Yesterday I noticed that my CM was a bit thicker and sticky. Now today there's more of it, and its creamy/lotiony. I'm thinking that if it was just because of my cold, it would have been there since the beginning... not just starting. So whatever! I'm going to buy some OPK's this afternoon... I know I said I wouldn't, but I also knew that I'd completely ignore that once it got to this point. I'm trying to time it right because even though DH is on board with TTC, he still would rather wait one more cycle. So if he KNOWS I'm ovulating, then he might try to prevent... which would be ok too. I'm not about to force anything on him, or trick him into anything, but I'm thinking we're only going to have one shot this cycle. Anyways, that's all. I'll update later if there's anything good with the OPK.
So I got First Response OPK's. I took one and it wasn't positive, but then again I didn't expect it to be. There's a nice dark test line though, so we'll see if tomorrow's is darker. Now I'm unsure if we should DTD tonight and then wait for the positive, or wait and see how things go tomorrow. If we're both feelin it, then I'm sure it will happen :D I'll probably post a comparison pic tomorrow if there's a difference.
Well DH decided to use protection this cycle. I guess I misunderstood or something. The OPK I took weeks ago was darker the next day, and then I got nothing a couple days later. I am not trusting OPK's anymore because I ovulated probably a week later, and let me tell you... there was no mistaking it. I haven't had such painful ovulation EVER! I could barely stand up.. let alone move for about 4 hours. I took 3 advil, and an hour later, I started to feel a little better. All I can say is at least I can read my body. Every time I think "maybe I'm ovulating", my body comes back and says... "I'll let you know when you're ovulating"! And it does. I don't know why I question it... every time I know at least 2 days before... with out using any tests or anything. And then the pain comes. So I am sad that we're not trying this cycle... I just have this horrible desire to be pregnant and have my second child. I can't get past it. I talked a little with DH today about it, and he said I have the "baby goggles" on, and it's so true. They won't go away until I have a baby in my arms. He also told me that he feels like I only want sex when I want a baby... and that is partly true. But I just have so much on my mind, that I can get motivated when I have a goal in mind! He said it's up to me, and that if I felt my body was back to normal, then we can start trying this next cycle... and I really want to. At the same time, I can't imagine having another loss... although I couldn't imagine having these last two! I really just hope it won't happen until it will happen right... all the way. I need to stop, and I'm sure I'll update after AF shows and we start trying again. My cycles have been about 35 days, so that sucks to wait the extra week... but then again, I'd gladly wait that week if I could have a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby in the end.
Well AF FINALLY arrived yesterday, which means we're officially TTC again! I am just so excited I can't stand it. Obviously very nervous too, but I'm trying not to think about that. I really think that if I get pregnant again, I just need to keep a positive outlook. I'm even considering turning down the initial blood work because if it's not PERFECT, I'll stress out soooo much. I guess I'd rather know how things are going, than not know... so i'll probably still do it. Anyways, I joined up just a bit on the March 09 BB, and am hoping to settle in there for the long haul! Otherwise, everything else is going well... DS is super cute and is such fun to be with. DH and I had a pretty heated fight a few nights ago, and things have been great between us ever since. We both just needed to get some things out, and have been living with terrible tension between us for a while now. So that's all, I'll update more when more is happening with TTC and all that obsession.
It's about that time!
YAY! It's almost time to ovulate! I've been having fertile-ish looking CM for a couple days now, still not EWCM, but it's getting there. I got two dark lines on my OPK's today, but it's the first response brand, and I'm used to IC's so I have no idea what that means. Last time I used them, I got dark lines about a week before O, and then a couple days before... absolutely NOTHING! I just used my last one though, and I'm not going to buy any more. It's just too much. I put too much expectation on a stoopid pee stick, and then am disappointed when the result isn't what I wanted. I also have been getting darker lines late morning, and lighter in the afternoon/evening, so I REALLY don't know. I just don't need any more confusion. I have actually been really laid back about TTC this cycle, and am really not feeling pressured or impatient (well maybe just a little impatient). I am so excited to O, and start the 2ww. We DTD last night, so tonight we'll take off, and hopefully I'll O on friday so we'll get in thursday and friday and be set! YAY! Of course it is possible that I'm totally misreading my body, but I feel good about things, and am just not going to second guess myself for once.