Well my horrible mood is back... I just feel really down and depressed. Ugh, I think I'm just anticipating testing this week and it's really getting to me.... it's coming up so fast, and I can't say I'm too excited about either option. If it turns out I'm not pregnant, I'll be so disappointed and will feel hopeless about ever having another baby, but will feel better about going back to school in the fall. On the other hand, if I am pregnant (I strongly suspect I am), I will feel really overwhelmed and guilty, but still super happy and excited. Oh well... Tuesday will get here fast. My plan is to limit fluid intake Monday night, but will probably include a small glass of wine right before bed... otherwise i'll be so antsy, I won't be able to sleep. If I end up needing to go to the bathroom during the night, I'll probably not use FMU, and just not drink anything after I go in the morning, and use that for my test later in the day. Although I say that now, and I know I'll still test first thing in the morning. If it's negative, I'll not drink anything and wait as long as I can to test after that. That's how I got my BFP last time anyways... negative at 10 dpo with FMU, but positive the afternoon of 10 dpo.
Anyways... back to my "symptoms". So I have the foul mood going strong. I also was absolutely LOVING the smell of gas for the lawn mower (no I wasn't smelling it straight from the can :) )... that is super weird for me because normally I hate that smell. I've been really turned off by other smells and food, so that's a little weird. So yeah... that's about all... I've been pretty sleepy as well, but that's pretty normal for me so I don't count that.
I've been thinking of how I'd tell DH I'm pregnant... he knows that I think I am. I was thinking of putting together some sort of montage with pictures of things we'll need with 3 kids... like a minivan. That's actually all I can think of, but then I could put other things in it like... "mark your calendar for "due date"", and show a picture of the pregnancy test. I'm getting ahead of myself here.
My foul mood continues... I feel so bad for my husband. My heart has been skipping beats the last couple days, and that usually only happens when I'm pregnant. I'm itching to test, but I figure why bother... it'll just be negative. I'm toying with the idea of getting a couple dollar store tests so I can test tomorrow and just get it out of my system. I will probably do that... then it'll get me used to seeing negative tests so I won't be so disappointed when it turns out I'm not pregnant, and just crazy :D I don't think I'd be obsessing so much if it weren't for that silly psychic prediction. I'm still having random cramping and discomfort in my uterine area, but my CM is pretty dry and usually I get an abundance of creamy/lotiony CM if I'm pregnant. Anyways, that's about where I'm at... still obsessing, but trying to tell myself that the chances are so slim that I'm actually pregnant.
Ugh! I went to two dollar stores and none of them had pregnancy tests! One store had about 50 OPK's. I should have just bought a couple of those! Oh well... I know I won't be able to hold out tomorrow morning... maybe I'll surprise myself.
9 dpo - bfn
Ok, I tested this morning and SURPRISE! BFN... I'm not discouraged though, as I knew it would be negative. Any possible symptoms are:
Headache (actually have had one for the last few days)
Abundance of creamy CM... to the point where I actually thought AF arrived because there was so much.
Super sore boobs... it goes all the way into my armpits.
So I'll test again tomorrow morning, or afternoon, and then again Wednesday morning.
I'm so nervous for tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is the first day that I could actually get a BFP if I'm pregnant. I can't handle getting a negative... I've spent the last week and a half convinced that I'm pregnant. Now, all of a sudden, I'm just not feeling it. I don't know if it's a defense mechanism or what! I just don't see myself with a BFP... and I'll be crushed. Symptoms for today include:
total meltdown in front of MIL
more pulling feelings in lower abdomen
food doesn't sound good at all!
wish me luck!
10 dpo - bfn
Ugh... BFN this morning at 3:30 (only held urine for 3 hours), and BFN at 9am (only held it for 2.5). Why I thought I'd get a BFP today after BARELY holding my pee, I don't know! I'm really bummed out about it though. I know I never get BFP's at 10 dpo, and the only time I have ever had the tiniest faint line is when I held my pee for at least 5 hours and tested later in the afternoon. I used up all my tests so now I have to go get more... maybe I'll test again this afternoon, but otherwise I'll test tomorrow. I hate this... I was so sure I was pregnant... now I'm thinking it was all in my head. Oh well, I guess I wouldn't be the first person to convince themselves they were pregnant, only to have it be false.
My boobs are KILLING me... I'm not even touching them and they're throbbing. This better mean good things are in store for me tomorrow morning!
This evening I've been having LOTS of pulling in my lower abdomen, and am super tired. My boobs are still very painful as well. I'll be so surprised if that test is negative in the morning... and will feel so stupid. Good thing I've recorded it all so I can go back and be embarrassed about it over and over :D
Well it's official, I'm CRAZY! I got a snow white BFN this morning. My boobs are still killing me and I'm still getting a lot of cramping and pulling, but maybe that's how my body is preparing for AF. Oh well, I'm actually not as upset as I thought I'd be. It makes my life easier with going to school, and everything. Maybe someday we'll have another baby, but it's just not the right time right now.
11 - 13 dpo
On the evening of 11 dpo Dh and I DTD. Afterwords I went to "clean up" and noticed there was blood on the TP. It was enough for me to think AF had started so I accepted the fact that I wasn't pregnant and put in a tampon and went to bed. In the morning, there was pretty much NOTHING on the tampon. I thought that was weird, but have only had 1 AF since Wes was born so whatever.
12 DPO - Absolutely no bleeding or spotting, but TONS of cramping and a really bad lower back ache. I seriously was thinking AF was about to start at any moment.
13 DPO - The slight bleeding I had really unsettled me, so I took an HPT this morning and at first there was nothing. I went back around the 10 minute mark and I thought I saw a faint line. I took the test apart and there was for sure a second line, but it's sooooo faint. I can't get my hopes up because having a line that faint makes me so nervous. I've already prepared myself for AF to show tomorrow and will just call the test faulty. I posted a picture on DYSAL and I have like, 30 views and no responses. That leads me to believe no one sees anything. I was hoping someone would help with inverting it since I don't know how. Oh well... here's a picture of this morning's test. I was thinking, that if the bleeding I had was implantation, then maybe I wouldn't be getting a positive test yet.