Man, I can't shake the feeling that I'm pregnant! I don't know if it's just because I've been lurking on the BB with all the new BFP's or what, but I've felt it for 2 days now. I am just happy in general (despite my mother trying to ruin my good mood, but that's a whole different book of issues!). I'm sure that I'm not pregnant just because i feel SO SURE that I am.. if that makes any sense. As hard as I'm trying to stay negative about this all, there's just something overriding that. I won't be terribly disappointed if I am not (it's only the first cycle trying), I'd just question my intuition, which is usually pretty good. So yeah... I'm excited, more because of the anticipation of any possible symptoms and a possible BFP! I guess I'll have a pretty good idea in a week or so. Count down to testing.... 8 days (I didn't count sunday because it is almost sunday ) Symptoms list: Serious smelling issues! I keep smelling poop, and checking DS's diaper, and in the grocery store it was just terrible! That's about all for now.
Alright, I'm still feeling pretty good about things, although trying hard not to. As far as symptoms go, still a little crampy and just uncomfortable in the uterine area. I can squeeze ample amounts of colostrum out of both nipples. Today I had a huge wave of nausea followed by a hot flash where I started sweating and shedding clothes (that could be from the diet pepsi I drank, but I only rarely react that way and only to mt. dew). This morning DH asked if I was pregnant because of my nasty mood, and because I've been going to bed so early. I now have my hopes up, and am resisting the urge to POAS tomorrow with my digital. I probably still will with an IC... I just have to get it out of my system. This weekend we're going to spend the night in a hotel with DS. They have a cute kid's pool with little slides and such. Our friends with a DD who is 2, and a DS who is about 4 months are going to join us just for pool time and all that fun stuff. I'm pretty excited for it. DS loves the water so I'm excited to see him swim and have fun. I am debating whether or not to take a test with me to the hotel. I should be around 11 DPO on sunday and that's when I got a BFP in the afternoon with a digital last time... hmmmmmm. I really want to, because if it is positive, it'll be so fun to have DH right there and we can have that moment together. On the other hand, I don't want to be depressed and have a negative ruin our fun weekend. I think I might wait until Monday. UNLESS! I get any kind of major symptoms or anything like that. That's all... I'll post some pics of DS in the pool when we get back.
Well we didn't go to the hotel this weekend. Jaxon ended up spiking a high fever and had a rash all over his body. We had to take him to Urgent Care, and then to the hospital to get blood work done on friday night. It was so terrible for him. He screamed and cried for about 3 hours... poor baby. We decided it would just be best to go to the hotel next weekend, and let Jaxon just relax and get better this weekend. I also POAS this weekend. I have determined I'm 10 dpo today, so I tested with an IC on Friday morning, and BFN. I used a digital yesterday with NOT FMU (I know, I just can't help myself!), and BFN. This morning I used an IC again and it was BFN but there was a faint line. It was gray though, so I'm sure it's an evap. I have never gotten a BFP on an IC until at least 11dpo, and even then it was SUPER faint. Last pregnancy, I didn't get one until 12dpo. So I think I'll do another IC tomorrow morning, and compare the one from today and hopefully there was a darker line I'll use the digital on Tuesday either way, and get my final answer. That is all for now. I'm trying so hard not to obsess, but my hopes are dwindling, and for some reason that fuels my need to POAS. I guess I just want to prove myself wrong.
Well yesterday I caved and tested and didn't even use the IC... I went straight for the digital! So here are the results!
I'm soooo excited, but so much more nervous. I went in for blood work today and at 12 dpo my HCG is 59, and my progesterone is 22.4, so that looks good. Last pregnancy my HCG was only 44 at 14dpo, so I'm excited it's higher than that. I know those numbers don't really mean anything until they're compared to the second set, so I go back Thursday for those and will know how well things are going. I just have a good feeling about things though. I did from the very beginning, doubted myself, but still felt really positive and good, so I'm going to try and maintain that attitude for this pregnancy. As hard as it is right now, I feel, in my heart, that things will be ok. Well that is all for now. I'll update after I get my numbers back on Thursday!
Last edited by lexirunner; 02-27-2008 at 03:56 PM.
I am so so so so nervous right now i can't even take it. I had my second BETA this morning, and the DR. will have the results by 2:00, and i'm supposed to call if I haven't heard from them by 3:00. I just have this terrible fear that the news is going to be bad. That I'll pick up the phone and hear my Dr.'s voice in stead of the nurse. The Dr. only calls if the news is bad. I'm afraid they'll tell me my numbers are good, but not fantastic. I should have an HCG of about 120 to be exactly 48 hours doubling time, but in my head if its not at least 150 i'm going to be worried and may ask for a third test next week. I just can't get past the thought that i WILL lose this pregnancy, even though I don't really KNOW that, I can't help feeling it. I took an HPT this morning, it was an IC, I don't know why I do that to myself, and it was maybe just a touch darker than 2 days ago. IC's are so unreliable with their darkening, in fact I don't think I've ever gotten a line more than half as dark as the control with my pregnancy that was successful. Anyways, I think I'm more nervous because in my head, I'm thinking, "I can't possibly lose another pregnancy, the news HAS to be good!" Well I'll update in a few hours hopefully.
Well i got my numbers back and they're not the best. I am so upset right now I can't even stand it. I feel like my symptoms aren't as strong as they were, and the lines on my hpt's aren't getting any darker. My HCG was 98 which is a doubling time of 2.7 days, so at the very low end of normal. I just don't know what to do if I lose another pregnancy. I'm just hoping it will happen in the next week if things are going badly, I don't want to have another D&C. This is the very reason why I wanted to wait a week before calling the dr. Now I have to sit and worry and wait while the JERKS take FOREVER to call me back and let me know what they want me to do. The nurse said the Dr. is happy with my number, but I'm not. Then they said they wanted me in next week for a scan to see what is going on in there, but then the nurse said that she should check with the dr. because my numbers are so low that they probably wouldn't be able to see anything at that time. So that makes me wonder if she even LOOKED at my numbers! I'm just so angry and upset. I really hope I can write next week about how silly I am being about all this, and that things will start going well. I mean, I hear all the time about babies measuring small at early ultrasounds, and then the next week, they've made up that time plus some! I'm going to try to remain hopeful, but guarded. That's all.
DS Jaxon born 10/18/06 ** DS Wesley born 3/22/09 ** DS Henry born 6/11/12 ** 4 angels in heaven
HA! The nurse called back shortly after I wrote my last entry. I asked her through my tears if I should be worried that my numbers didn't double, and she said no, because it was only off by a little bit, and it was a nice rise. She scheduled me for an U/S in 2 weeks, dr.'s orders, so I really hope things pick up a little bit and everything is right on track in 2 weeks. I feel better about things now that I cried it out a bit, and double checked that my numbers are normal. Still much higher than my last m/c so that's my positive.
I'm feeling very antsy all of a sudden. I just want my u/s to be today. I am so tempted to call the dr. and just ask for one more BETA to ease my mine (for either outcome), or even go out and buy another pregnancy test just to see if there is a dark line! Everytime I go to the bathroom, I stop and brace myself before looking at the TP. I'm so weird, I know. I'm so nervous to go to the u/s next week, because I have to go alone. We haven't told anyone except my sister and DH's best friend, and neither of them are available to watch Jaxon while we go. The only thing I can think of is asking Jaxon's daycare lady to watch him for a couple hours that day, but I don't want to ask too far in advance in case something happens in the mean time. Anyways, onto my small victory! Yesterday was 4 weeks 4 days, and that's the point where I m/c'd last time. So I made it through the day, i was a nervous wreck though. I know I'm no where near the end of the "danger zone", but it felt good to pass that point with everything alright. We had a good weekend too. We went to the hotel and had lots of fun in the pool and hanging out with our friends and their kids. It was tiring, but relaxing at the same time. I can't wait to do it again! That's all for now!
I'm starting to feel better about this pregnancy. My hips have been hurting for the last week or so, and that's always a good sign things are growing in there. A couple nights ago, I had very vivid pregnancy dreams. In one, I was VERY pregnant, and was feeling the baby move around in there. I still remember that dream and how it felt, it makes me feel good and reminds me that I actually have a baby growing inside of me. Another one of the dreams, me and my sister were both very pregnant, and she was going into labor. It wasn't graphic, but I remember delivering her baby, and then I started having contractions and going into labor. I never had any baby dreams with my pregnancies that ended, so I am taking this as a good sign. I had TONS of baby dreams with DS. Only one week and a day until my u/s. I'm not sure it will EVER get here... even though I know it will. Tuesday will come quickly because we're spending tomorrow night at Brooke's parent's and then into the weekend. Then on Monday I go into the office, so all I REALLY have to get through is tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Oh yeah, and then most of next Thursday because my appointment isn't even until 3:00... BAH! I'm going to be a nervous wreck... heck! I already am!
Ugh, my nerves are getting the best of me. I have been doing really well with just letting all those bad feeling pass right through and think of the positives, but today is not one of those days. I'm just scared. I had been feeling really really tired and pretty nauseous for the last week, and today I don't feel it that much. I know you're really not supposed to feel too much of anything until 6 weeks, but it makes me wonder if everything is going alright. Every day around this time, I find myself wondering, and doubting that my pregnancy will be successful. I think it's because by noon or so I usually am hit with terrible exhaustion, and so a couple hours before that time, i sit here wondering if today it will happen, or if I will just continue on with my day and feel nothing. I think the hardest part about really feeling pregnant, is the fear that I will wake up one morning and NOT feel it. That is what happened with my last pregnancy. I was having some strong symptoms, and then one morning everything was back to normal, and then that's when I knew something was wrong. Now I just burst into tears thinking things might not be ok, which makes me feel better that at least i'm still overly emotional Ugh, i need to escape myself, I need it to be Friday, so I know if everything is OK or not. And you what is going to happen? They're going to tell me that it's too early to tell anything... i just KNOW IT! The perfect scenario would be seeing a heartbeat and a baby measuring 6 weeks.... but I can't expect that to happen. I hate that I am never going to get rid of this nagging worry. Oh well, I will think positively and hopefully things will turn out alright.