The title may change. I wanted something funky and eye catching but I can't think, so it will do for now.
So, this is my journal. This is the first time I've ever done a journal so it will most likely be rubbish
First of, I will introduce myself to those who may be reading:
My name is Kirsten (Kirsty). I am 38 years old. I was born on St Patricks Day! My mum thinks this is the most excited thing in the world as her grandma was Irish.
I live in Wiltshire in England but I was born and raised in Somerset. Most of my famly still live in Somerset. My parents have been trying to sell there house for sometime, to move to a smaller property, and my husband and I want somewhere bigger (keep reading below for the reason why), so we came up with this plan that my parents will sell there house, we will sell ours, and we will all live together in Somerset. I have found THE most perfect house and I want it so very very much so we just need to sell our houses and hope that this one is still available then.
I met my husband in high school. We were in the same registration class. On our first day of high school, we had to sit boy-girl-boy-girl and in alphabetical order (did you follow that??) It just so happened that I had to sit next to him. I was also on the end of our row so I had nobody on my other side. We sat next to each other in registration for the next 5 years. For the first two years I did not like him one bit. He was the class idiot and all the popular girls fancied him. Something changed in Year 9 and we started talking more and became best friends which, during the summer between Year 10 and Year 11, developed into much much more...
We moved into our first house together in June 1994.
Our first baby, Amelia, was born in January 1999 followed by Laura in May 2000. Later that year, in September, Adam made an honest woman of me. Officially married, we decided on one more baby. Adam wanted a boy. He got his wish in March 2002 when Noah was born. In August 2003 and July 2005 we had two more babies- Lily and Bryce. Five was enough. We were done. Except we got pregnant with #6. At 12 weeks we discovered #7 was in there too. Identical girls, Hailey and Melissa, arrived in April 2007. To round up the family, we went for #8. We found out we were having a girl, named her Madison Ivy, and waited for her arrival. In August 2008 I went into labour and delivered....a boy. What??? After the shock wore off, we renamed him Alfie. As much as I loved Alfie, something was missing. I wanted my daughter. I wanted Madison Ivy. Shortly after Alfie was born, we discovered #9 was on the way. This time, we didnt find out the sex but secretly I was desperate for my Madison Ivy. Alfie was just ten months old when #9 was born in June 2009 (born one month early). It was a girl! I was so happy. But. The name Madison Ivy just didn't suit her. So we named her Daisy instead. We were soon pregnant with #10. Once again, at 12 weeks, we discovered a stowaway! Twins again!
This is where it starts going very, very wrong. I was due in July 2010 but my girls just couldn't wait. Charlotte & Heidi were born in May 2010 at 31 weeks. Heidi did remarkably well, and was allowed home at just 3 weeks old. Charlotte, on the other hand, was so fragile, so weak. She passed away two days after Heidi came home. I can't tell you how overwhelmed with grief I was, still am.
We had the shock of ours lives when, in August, we discovered that, yet again, we were having another baby, due in April 2011. Another small age-gap of just 11 months. Only a few days after discovering I was pregnant, I started bleeding. At 5w0d it was announced at the hospital that I was suffering a miscarriage. I must admit, I wasn't as shocked and upset as one would expect. I know this makes me sound like a truly awful person, but the timing wasn't right. We had just lost Charlotte. I couldn't cope with the children I had, how was I supposed to cope with one more?
A few weeks later, I was still feeling very sick and was incredibaly tired. It just wouldn't budge. Most people said it was grief. I knew it was more. I went back to the doctors and explained my symptoms. I was sent for a scan. There, on the screen, was a beautiful baby with a beautiful heart-beat. I was too far along for it to be another pregnancy. I demaned answers. The only explanation I got was I must have been pregnant with my THIRD set of twins and that I had lost one but the other was fine.
On November 5th at 17w3d I was walking down the stairs when I tripped and fell. I landed on my stomach. I felt fine but DH rushed me to hospital to check the baby was okay. They couldn't find a heartbeat so I was sent for a scan. At least 5 minutes passed before the lady turned to me, a grave look on her face. My daughter had died. I blamed myself. They said I would have to deliver as I was too far along for a D&C. I told them I wanted the baby out. Now. They asked if I wanted to go home and come back the next day but I just wanted her out. I hated myself for what happened and couldn't stand the thought of my dead baby inside me. Looking back, I was I had kept her with me longer.
I gave birth that same day. We named her Zoe. I don't remember much about those next few days but I do remmeber one thing. A doctor or nurse, I don't remember which, saying that my daughter was smaller than they expected for 17 weeks, and that it looked like she had died before then, around 15 weeks. I will never know for certain but I don't blame myself as much as I did to start with. I will never, ever, forget my angels.
So whilst I say I am mother of 13, I only have 10 of my babies with me now.
December 16th 2010
Five children at school, two at nursery, three at home. I need to make the most of today as the christmas holidays start tomorrow at 3pm (Eldest daughter starts today at 3pm). Most parents dread the children being off school, but I can't think of anything better. I hate that we only have the weekends to do things when they are at school.
Adam finishes work on Wednesday 22nd and goes back January 3rd, which is the same day the children go back to school.
On Sunday we are going to view the house that I mentioned before. I love it so much and I've only seen pictures on their website! I spoke to my parents last night and they are very excited about the move. They have had 3 people view there house and 1 wants to go for a second viewing on Saturday. We have had people view ours but nobody has shown any interest in a second viewing. If my parents sells first then they will just move in with us which is easy enough to do.
Well it is now 9:57. Heidi (7 months) is asleep, Daisy (18 months) is scribbling on some paper and Alfie (2) is playing with his toy cars.
I'm disappointed. We were all set to go view that house. The kids were excited at the prospect of a day at the seaside (my kids do not seem to have noticed that it is winter!). However, we woke up to yet more snow. DH and I debated whether to go or not but chose not to as we didn't know what the roads would be like. We are going to re-arrange for the new year. I truly hope it does not get taken before then.
Instead, we took the children sledging! They had so much fun. Hailey endured an injury though, she fell off the sledge as it was going down and it jumped up and landedon top of her. Thankfully they are plastic otherwise it could have been much worse, but she does have a small bruise on her forehead and is complaining the back of her head hurts too, but I can't find any marks there. She'll be fine.
I think I'm pregnant. I had my period December 6th. On CD11 (December 16th) I had some cramping and TMI a lot of ewcm which makes me think I ovulated early. I woke up yesterday feeling sick to the point where I thought I was going to be, and my breasts are very tender. It is too early to take a HPT, plus I don't have any at the moment and I'm not going out and breaking my neck in the snow for one.
This is what dh and I want (though we did kind of want to wait until next month, but it's fine) but I am so scared after the losses we've had this year. I'm terrified of another loss
I will test after christmas, maybe Monday or just wait until the new year.
I tested first thing this morning, purely because I needed to know so that I knew whether to stay off the wine or not. I got a faint positive, but it's still a positive. I will test again in a few days, but based on the nausea and tender breasts, I think it's safe to say I am. I'm shocked it has happened so quickly, and we weren't trying properly until next month!
The downside is, I've spent most of the day either in bed or in the bathroom I managed to watch the children open their presents but that was about it. I feel so bad for ruining christmas They don't seem to have noticed though which is good (or bad, depending on how you look at it )
My house looks like a bomb hit. There are toys everywhere! I'm trying to encourage the children to take their new toys into the playroom but so far, it's not happening!
We are going to my mum and dad's house in a couple of hours. My brother Gavin, his girlfriend Kristin, their children Sebastian and Sabrina, my brother Lee, his girlfriend Deanna, their children Ewan, Brendan, Connor & Liam, my sister Diane, her children Corinne (and her boyfriend Craig), Russell & Eve, my 96 year old grandma and Adam's parents will all be there plus me and Adam and our 10 children! I LOVE having everybody together!
I won't be announcing the new baby just yet, it's too early. I'm not feeling as sick today as I did yesterday but it's definitely still there. I'm already thinking this baby is a boy, the only time I've had morning this soon is with my boys.
I tested again this morning, using one of those clear blue digital tests, and I'm definitely pregnant
My 19 year old niece, Corinne, announced at lunch yesterday that she is 5 weeks pregnant. I'm so excited that I get to share my pregnancy with somebody, but also sad that I have to share lol! This is Corrie and her boyfriend Craig's first baby. I didn't announce that I'm pregnant too, want to wait a little while. Plus it wouldn't have been fair on Corrie if I said "Oh, me too!" I'm going to let her enjoy these first few weeks without me butting in
Yesterday was a lovely day, seeing everybody and I'm so grateful that my grandma was able to come too. She is 96 and isn't doing too well, so it's nice that she got to spend time with everybody as there is a strong chance this is her last Christmas Makes me sad to think that
I'm so sad. Adam rang the estate agents about an hour ago to make an appointment to see the house in Somerset. The house has been sold!! Somebody rang first thing this morning and put an offer on which has been accepted I'm so upset that my dream house has gone
I'm now beginning to wonder if moving to Somerset is such a good idea. I need to speak to my parents to see what they think. I know they will be really upset