Baby Jay~My 4th Angel

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SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648
Baby Jay~My 4th Angel

I don't think that it will ever get easier. After I lost my precious Twins in December 1999, I had my sweet Liam in October 2000. What a miracle. Then I had sweet Mikey in December 2003. I was so happy.

I was unexpectedly pregnant again in April 2004. I had a feeling from the start that something wasn't right. But, then again, how could that be? After losing 3 baby's, have 2, there was no way that anything could go wrong again. Wrong I was.

I need to have early US. As soon as I miss AF. Even though my dates put me at about 6 weeks, we couldn't see anything on screen that really resembled a pregnancy. There was something, but the tech couldn't tell if maybe it was just blood inside. I had another US booked for the next week.

This time, it did pick up something that resembled a sack. They told me to still not get my hopes up. It only looked like a 4 week sack {if that is what it was}. I knew I was pregnant though. You just know. Yet another US was booked for the following week.

This time it did actually finally appear to be a prenancy!! My dates would put me close to 10 weeks now. There was a visable heartbeat! The US was only measuring about 6 weeks though. I had a bad feeling, but I was pregnant!!! This time they wanted to repeat in 2 weeks.

One morning I was crouched down on the floor playing with Mikey. I stood up & felt GUSH. My heart broke. I knew logically not to worry, but in my heart, I knew. I went right to the emergency & my cervix was still closed, but my OB's partner knew it wasn't going to make it. I had a D&C that day. I lost another little Angel.

My fourth Angel flew to Heaven on June 4th 2004 :angel10:

1 week later, I got a call that there was something wrong with the US. I was told tht the outcome was probably not going to be very good, as my last US showed the baby had already begun to have heart failure.

The tech never told me. No, instead she knew I was worried, so she showed me the screen to show me the litle flicker.

I told the nurse on the phone thta I had had a miscariiage already. She was sorry for me that no one told me sooner. I still don't knwo why the dates were so far off. All my Dr. can think of, is the baby had chromosonal problems. That would make perfect sense~unfortunatly. But Mikey has problems that occured as a result of genetics. I am so worried that his Daddy & I will not be able to have more kids together. It hurts.

I know already what it is to have a child with birth defects. I don't care that Mikey is "disabled". I can handle it. I still wanted that baby too. It is scarey though, we were told Mikey would have all these major problems. Who knows.

I don't think the pain will ever ease. I still miss all my Angels. I still never thought though, after having 2, I didn't think I could MC again. We are not invincable, I guess.

Diane

Joined: 02/09/05
Posts: 5

Hi, I'm new here and you don't know me but I wanted to tell you that I'm terribly sorry for your losses. Nobody should have to go through the pain of losing their children.

Joined: 12/11/02
Posts: 485

Diane...

(((HUGS)) I am so sorry you have had to endure all your losses.

Joined: 04/10/02
Posts: 26

((HUGS)) I am so very sorry for your loss

Joined: 10/14/05
Posts: 2

I know exactly what you are going through...except count it a blessing that you have two children already.
I had 4 total miscarriages in one year, This past one occured in late October of this year, and it was twins. We do not currently have children. We are eager to start. We begin seeing a specialist soon.

I am so sorry for your losses! Thanks for sharing your story. It is very good to know that we are not alone in our grief and saddness!

ginajull13's picture
Joined: 11/17/02
Posts: 13

(((hugs)))

SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

Wow. 3 long years. 3 long years since Baby Jay went to Heaven. It still hurts. As I still miss the 3 before him, I know that the pain will never really go away.

I lost BeBe nearly 3 months ago as well. Not sure why.

Not sure if I should just stop trying. Everything hurts. Every option is a reminder. Ahhh, LIFE...

I miss you so much little Angel. I know that you are happy now & playing with your brothers & sisters. I know that you are watching over Liam and Mikey & I thank God for that every day...

Till we meet again,

Mommy xoxoxox

Diane

SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

Not sure why I've decided to post today. Just in one of those moods where I can't help but think of my Angels. I know that the pain and sadness will never go away and really, nor would I want it to.

I love you sweet Baby Jay xoxox

SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

Just another one of those days. I just finished looking at the tickers still going in the posts above & time really has flown by :sad11: