We went to a big mall yesterday...the kind with a carousel.
Leah and Kieran had their first ride. They were just beaming and I beamed right along with them, waving each time they went by.
Then, as I spotted a few empty horses near them, I was struck by one of those moments that will sneak up on me until the day that I die.
I stood in the middle of a crowded food court, smiling one minute, tears streaming down my face the next. People must think I'm nuts.
They don't know that there should be a giddy 4 year old boy up there having his first ride too...
I shouldn't say that though. I'm sure that if there was a mom there that has lost a child, she knew. Life will be filled with band-aid moments. My heart got another one yesterday.
Maybe next time I'll actually be able to smile the whole time and take a picture with the camera hanging around my neck.
5 years tomorrow. Unbelievable. Usually 5 is a milestone birthday. I think it's made this anniversary a bit tough to swallow. Gone are the early weeks of feeling like I was just thrown out of a moving vehicle onto the center lines of a freeway...naked...just trying to hang on while the rest of the world whizzed by me. I have the occasional days where I feel that way, but for the most part I feel I am in a good place, or as good a place as I can ever be in. I'll always be 'a quart low', but I can still move along at a decent clip. :)
Kieran is excited for tomorrow. He said, "tomorr-er is my big brudder Kolm's birfday and we're having CAKE!"
So, tomorrow we celebrate my baby's short life, as we have every year. Maybe some day I will get through it without tears, maybe not. Either way, it's all good....
Happy (belated) birthday dear sweet Kolm. :happybday:
I was thinking about you today Lori. Happy belated birthday to Kolm
thanks for the birthday greetings, hugs, and thoughts Angie and Becci.
You made my heart smile today!
I'm literally holding back the sea of tears because I'm at work reading this. God bless you and your family. You are an absolutely amazing woman for not terminating your pregnancy. I would done the same exact thing in your shoes. EVERY baby is a precious gift from God, and you are an incredible person for going through what you did for your precious baby boy. For that I know God has a special place in Heaven for you, and Kolm will be waiting there for you with arms open wide.
I was just browsing the different forums on this site, and was drawn to this story. I have to say, it touched my heart so much. Kolm has touched my heart, even though I never met him, or you. I also came across this article recently, and feel compelled to share it...
You are such a strong woman, and mother. Your strength, grace, peace, and faith, are truly inspiring.