My Story...
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Thread: My Story...

  1. #1
    Prolific Poster
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Plaistow, NH

    Default My Story...

    I had a m/c about two years ago and I realized, in visiting here, that I have never told anyone about it. It has been a trauma that me, and my SO, have dealt with alone. Maybe its time I do...

    First of all, this was actually my second m/c (even my SO doesn't know about the first). I was only 17 and didn't even find out until I had missed two periods. I was young and confused. Everyone around me pushed me for an abortion. I just couldn't. When the bleeding started, I was so afraid, I said nothing. My mom took me for my appointment and they said I had a complete m/c- no D & C was needed. I don't think I ever really dealt with that...

    Fast forward six years later. My son was four and I had been with my SO for over two years. I found out I was pregnant and things were very stressful. My SO haden't planned on being a Dad yet- he was scared and acted very distant. I felt very alone. The doctor confirmed my pregnancy and we figured I was over six weeks. At 10 weeks I went in and heard the heartbeat- I was alone at that visit and it was there that I fell in love with my unborn. I knew Andy would come around, that he just needed time to digest, and I told my close family and his. After I told him about the heartbeat, he was so excited! He threw a party and told the rest of his family. I was floating on air. I wanted that baby more than anything else I had known. I dreamt every night of holding her...

    At 13 weeks I went in for an u/s. We wanted to make sure development was ok. Andy's mom came with me, psyched about her first grandchild. When they started, I knew something was wrong. The "sac" was tiny- they couldn't find a heartbeat... They took blood and the results came back bad. I needed a D & C. The idea of it freaked me out. Wasen't that what they did to women getting abortions?? My OB/GYN warned me that being so far along, trying to m/c naturally could be dangerous. I felt, mistakenly, I know, like I was making some choice to end the pregnancy, even though logically, I knew it was over. Andy came with me and I cried the whole time. When I woke up I felt so empty- that empty feeling has never really left.

    The drugs made me sick and on the way to our 2nd floor apartment, I collapsed. Andy carried me in and took care of me all night. He felt so guilty for his first initial reaction- stilldoes, really, like he jinxed the pregnancy for not being grateful for it. My heart still breaks for his broken heart.

    I am now actively TTC again. I am so scared. I fear another m/c to my bones. Every piece of me aches for a baby and every fiber of me is in fear of losing another.

    Thank you for listening. Telling that story has been a long time coming...

    ~ TTC since Aug 05 ~
    ~ TTC After Three Losses ~
    Last Angel Lost: 10-27-2007

  2. #2
    Posting Addict SparkleMomma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always, As Long As I'm Living, My Baby You'll Be


    Melissa, thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear of your losses.

  3. #3
    Posting Addict lj365's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006



    I happened to look on this board today because I was feeling sad about some stuff in my life and I found your post... I am surprised to hear of your losses as I have seen you post on TTC board for awhile. I think it says a lot - you are so full of courage- to try again even though you feel like a m/c could happen. Did they ever determine what caused the miscarriages? I wonder if you could look into that so you could possible prevent the same circumstance? I have never been a mom but I can see how much you loved your unborn children - it shines through the words in your story. I pray that you will be able to become pg again soon.

    Last edited by lj365; 11-05-2007 at 05:03 PM.

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