My Story of Loss

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Hannah502's picture
Last seen: 7 years 4 months ago
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 66
My Story of Loss

I have been posting on other forums this year that helped me at the time, but right now I don't feel like I fit in anywhere and I think I just want to tell my complete story. Mostly, I think it will help me to get it out.

My dh and I were married after dating for 4 years, so we decided to ttc and start our family right away. Not ever considering this would be such a long and hard journey. It took 1 year to conceive. We were so excited. I did not have an ob/gyn so I just called one that my sil had seen and made an appt. They could not see me for 2 weeks. After knowing for a few days that I was preg., I started spotting and then alot more blood. I had still not seen a doctor yet, so I went to the emergency room not knowing what to expect. They told me that I was having a m/c. We decided not to ttc at that time.

About a year later we were ready again and I advised my doctor of this. We tried on our own for a while with no luck. Then, they put me on clomid. After several months on that, nothing happened. So, we decided to stop trying again. It was too much of a roller coaster ride and we needed a break.

After another year, we started trying again on our own. And, finally in about a year it happened. I found out at an anual exam. The doctor did nothing special, no medicine, no other test because they thought this one would be fine. But, spotting started and they confirmed I was going to m/c. They did a d&c this time, but found nothing through any testing after that. They told me that next time should be fine. We took a break after this loss again.

About 6 months later, we stated ttc. And, we found ourselves preg. in about 6 months after that. But, spotting again right away and we ended up m/c naturally. My doctor did about 3 test with my blood work, but found nothing wrong. He said next time should be fine. My dh and I were having problems at this time, so we took another break.

It was well over a year before we tried again and luckly conceived within a few months. We had our first u/s this time, but really didn't see much. And, of course started spotting again and we m/c naturally. My doctor did suggest referring me to a specialist at this time, but we decided against that. I just felt that this should happen naturally and we shouldn't have to go through all of that. We took another little break after this loss.

Within about 6 months we started trying again and about a year later found ourselves preg. The u/s this time didn't show much either and spotting started. We did another d&c this time, but they found nothing again. My doctor re-suggested a specialist this time. But, I needed to take another break. I just couldn't beleive this was happening and I didn't know anyone who had went through any losses.

About 2-3 years later, we did see a specialist. The first specialist we saw only told us to ttc and take baby aspirin with no real explanation as of why. After 6 months of no luck, they put us on clomid. After 3 month with no luck, we stopped trying again.

Almost a year later, we decided to give this one more chance. We saw a different specialist this time who immedialty diganoiced me with PCOS and started me on glucaphage. I thought we had the answer. They also put me on Femara and then gave me the trigger shot. And, first month we got preg. I just knew this was it. We saw more on the u/s this time and even saw the heartbeat. One week later our 2nd u/s showed no heartbeat and very little on the u/s at all. We had made it between 6-7 weeks this time, but was told we were going to m/c. We did another d&c and were told that they also found that I have blood clots. So, they said next time we would take a blood thinner as well and that should work.

We only waited the 2 months after the d&c and then ttc. And, first month we found ourselves preg. again. This time, we were able to see progress on 2 u/s and even heard the hb. We made it between 8-9 weeks and then found out on the 3rd u/s that there was no hb again. We did another d&c this time mostly so that I wouldn't have to go through a natural m/c of not knowing how bad the pain and bleeding might be.

This was 2 weeks ago and I don't know any results yet. But, the pain that I saw my dh go through this time is making me highly consider not trying again. Especially if they find no more answers to this one. I can't keep putting him and I through this. I am beginning to accept the fact that we may never have a child here.

We even looked into adoption through the years, but those options seem harder and more costly than ttc. And, then to be told that there is a mother that is considering you for her child, and then later that she didn't choose you afterall can be heartbreaking in itself.

Anway, this is my story. I have had 7 losses, all under 9 weeks. I will be 36 years old soon and just thought that I would have a child here by now.

Thanks for reading.

Last seen: 7 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/12/05
Posts: 2

I just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear your story and that I hope that it works out for you one day, even if it does mean adoption,