I've never really been able to write about the loss of my Twins. Why? I'm not sure. It doesn't hurt any more or less than my loss of Daniel, but it has been harder, none the less.
Here is my story.
James & I got married September 6th 1999. At the end of October '99, I was to go in and have laproscopic surgery to see if I had endometriosis. I was there on time, got admitted & changed into the gown & all the nessesary paperwork completed. This was October 23rd. Well, they had me do a routine PG urine test. Low and behold, it came back POSITIVE!!! James and I were so happy!! We couldn't believe that it had happened so soon!!
Needless to say, I didn't have the procedure!!
November came & my OB did an u/s on me. I am High~Risk, as I have two uteri. The tech was looking at the screen and says, "What?!! Is that two heartbeats I see?" We thought she was joking! She finished the scan & went to talk to the OB. He came into the room right away & started the scan over. I still never tought anything was worng at this point.
Then he turns the screen to us & says that yes, there are two heartbeats, but it isn't good news. I had a normal uterine PG that was progressing on schedule & a tubal PG in my left tube that was progressing on schedule as well.
This is a VERY rare condition, called a Heterotopic Pregnancy. It only happens in about 1 and 36 000 PG's. Of course it would have to pick me.
We knew right away that we couldn't hold onto the tubal PG & that hurt so bad. We don't know why the baby didn't make it down into the uterus to join it's twin. We never will know why.
My OB followed me very closly for the next 4 weeks. Usually when you have a tubal PG, you have it removed right away, as it is life threating for the Mom. In my case though, I told him to do whatever possible to help the uterine PG survive. We decided that he would hold off on surgery until the uterine PG was strong enough to withstand major surgery. And as long as I held up ok.
Both Twins grew and developed like everything was normal. Both were active & had strong heartbeats. This made everything so much harder for me. I couldn't figure out why my tubal was so healthy...
December 8th, I had yet another u/s done & my Dr. decided that we had waited long enough, as I was already past 9 weeks. I went in December 10th and got readmitted. This time though, I would be loosing a baby . I had another u/s done later in the afternoon of the just prior to going into the OR to see where things were. All of a sudden, my Dr.'s emotions changed. He looked at me & appologized.
I started crying because I knew something was wrong. The u/s revealed that my "normal" uterine PG wasn't so normal afterall. The precious baby's heartbeat had stopped. Needless to say, I went in for my tubal PG removal (I still have both tubes) & a D&C to remove my other Twin.
The only conclusion that James & I came to & the only one that offered us any peace, was thinking that our uterine Twin didn't want to live without his twin, so decided that he wanted to join her in Heaven.
Thanks for reading my story of my precious Angel Twins...
Angel Twins December 10th 1999
Back to top
Joined: 18 Feb 2003
Location: Central NY State
I am sooo sorry Diane.
Doesn't it seem sometimes that these babies have a surreal intelligence that exceeds the wisest human's intelligence?
What a comforting thought that they chose to stay together.
Doesn't make your heart hurt any less though.
I hope that your arms will be full again soon...
I'm sorry that I avoided you in December. The pain is still too real. I think of you two all the time. It hurts so much to not be with you. I thank you though for giving way for Liam. My life is so complete with him. I think you two knew that. That is why he calls himself my "Angel". I know that he carries a part of each of you & Daniel with him.
Thank you so much for watching over Liam & Mikey. I can't wait till I can finally hold you two in my arms, not only my heart.
Love you billions.
Sweet BeBe, Born to Heaven 08Mar07
Rest In Peace Poppa Tom. You are greatly missed 25Jul07
Back to top
Joined: 24 Apr 2002
Location: I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always, As Long As I'm Living, My Baby You'll Be