Our beautiful baby girl Rebbecca Marcella was still born on Dec.2, 2005. She was due on Dec. 6. The pregnancy was beautiful. A little morning nausea and that’s about it. On Nov. 29th I had a check up and was 2 centimeters dilated. All was well. The doc and I joked that the next appointment a week later was just incase. Turns out it was never needed.
On the 1st of Dec. the contractions started. We waited till the early morning to go in as they were getting quite intense and my other two labors had been quite fast. The nurse tries to find the heartbeat and wasn’t having any luck so she called in the doctor. The doctor couldn’t find it on the monitor so she broke my water and tried to attach a scalp monitor. They thought the first one was defective so they tried again. No luck. Then out came the small ultra sound. I knew something wasn’t right at that point. They called for the ultra sound to be brought up and told me that they were preparing the OR incase they needed to do an emergency C-section. Once the ultra sound tech was there we knew it was over. She had no heart beat. It was decided that I would deliver her naturally as I was 3 centimeters and was contracting.
We were moved into a room at the end of the hall so that we wouldn’t be disturbed. I asked for a shot of Demerol for the pain and I took dosed in and out for the next few hours. While I rested my contractions almost stopped. With the threat of Pitocin my body went back into doing what it was to be doing. Had another shot of Demerol and rested for a little bit more. With four or five pushes our beautiful angel was born.
She was immeatatilly placed on my stomach and the tears started to flow. She was perfect in every way but one. She would never open her eyes and look at us. We spent the next seven hours with Becca. We had to call our family members and tell them what had happened when we didn’t have any answers ourselves. She was named after her two great grandmothers who are still both with us.
They figure she had been gone for twenty-four to forty-eight hours at her birth. During our time with her I was able to give her a bath and we were able to get pictures. Then we had to tell the two kids at home. We have a family picture of the five of us together.
Leaving her there in the hospital was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To walk out, with empty arms after carrying Rebbecca to full term was heart wrenching. The results of tests that they did are just starting to come back and there seems to be a reason why. As we get the information we are hoping to try again.
Please know that Rebbecca is in a wonderful place with her father in heaven, and is watching over you always. I am pregnant right now, and my emotions are all over the place anyways, but reading your story i have huge tears rolling down my face. This is your true test in life im sure. Rebbecca IS such a lucky girl to have such a wonderful, caring, sweet mother. I hope that it will bring peace to your life and your heart that you WILL see rebbecca again, and that she is in such a safe place where no one will ever hurt her. I pray for you tonight, and hope that you may find peace.
Sweetie... I am crying for your heartbreak. your little sweet angel , tiny little blessing now is playing in heaven with her angel friends as God is watching them lovingly.Rebbecca you are a beautiful little mommy's girl give mommy a hug and send her a ray of sunshine from up there, show her you love her!