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Joined: 08/04/03
Posts: 2

Hello, my name is Jacquelynne. I am going to talk about my sweet baby Rebecca . This will be long because it helps me to talk about her. Rebecca was born on March 26, 2004. This was her original due date. Labor was induced because the doc was afraid she'd be a ten pounder if we waited another week and he was booked solid for the next week. I am glad I had her labor induced, it just meant more days I got to hold her. She was born at 8:23pm. She wieghed 8lbs 10 oz her apgars were 8 and 9. She immediatly breastfed like a pro. She was my only child I was able to sucessfully breastfeed. She had jaundice due to her excessive bruising during birth. Even with her bruises she was beautiful. She was with me constantly. Her sisters and brother loved her so much. I hurt for them too. Rebecca started smiling true genuine smiles at 5 weeks. at 6 weeks I swear she was laughing. Her personality was developing she had her own little patterns. She was holding her head up and she looked like a turtle. On May 20th the impossible happened my beautiful child. My fourth baby the one who was to complete my family was gone. She was one day shy of 8 weeks . 55 days. the most wonderful 55 days of my life. Over before I knew it. My life is shattered my heart hurts. It is a struggle to function. Oh I do it and everyone says your doing so good. But I'm not. I am dying inside for just one more day with my daughter. Oh I love my other children and I am going, on laughing at thier antics.
But how do I go on when part of me has died as well? She has been gone now longer then she was here. I know I have bigger milestones ahead of me. I am so damn angry I don't know what to do. I look at her pictures and wish I could touch her, hold her,feed her. I isn't fair that her beautiful life had to be taken away. Why not me? She was a baby. pure sweet and innocent. She didn't deserve this. I know she is at peace but dammit I want my baby. okay well that all for now. I guess this isn't really about Rebecca but my grief. My daughter was taken away from me by SIDS.
thanks for letting me vent.

Three4MeNHim's picture
Joined: 06/13/02
Posts: 618

Oh Jacquelynne (((((HUGS))))) I'm am so truly sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through that.
May you find the strength to get through this.


Joined: 12/19/03
Posts: 1

Jacquellyne, I know there are no words I can say to make the pain go away. I just hope with time the pain may ease. God bless you.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852


Joined: 04/28/04
Posts: 8

:bluesad: I am so sorry!

Joined: 04/10/02
Posts: 26


Joined: 03/14/04
Posts: 1


I'm so sorry about the loss of your sweet Rebecca. She was born on the same day my son Ben was due by c/s. Ben didn't make it to his due date...he was born prematurely @ 22 weeks and did not survive. So, you see, I understand a bit about the pain you are feeling. I just wanted to send you {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}. I'm not sure if you still check this board out or not, but I just wanted to let you know how very sorry I am.

Joined: 06/10/04
Posts: 5


although I have never felt a pain as tremenous as yours, your feelings made me cry and ache in my heart. I am soo sorry you have to feel a pain as tremendous as yours. I believe you will one day hold her again, and see her cute little head Sad again I am so sorry for you and your family!!!
I know it isn't fair to you or to your other children. (((hugs)))
I hate SIDS, I don't know much about it, but It is one thing I truely despise!

Joined: 01/13/06
Posts: 8

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. remember all the good times you had with her and of the 55 days of joy. remember the good times and not how bad her death was.