:bighug: to everyone
edited to remove siggy! (sorry i forgot Karen! xox)
:bighug: to everyone
edited to remove siggy! (sorry i forgot Karen! xox)
My name is Lili and I am 39 years old. My husband is 43 and I have 2 kids, 19 and 8 years old.
I got pregnant rather quickly afte an IUD removal. Although we weren't trying for very long, we were all so excited. My hcg levels were rising nicely. On the first u/s we saw the heart beat and the baby. My dh and my daughter were so excited. I wanted to have genetic counseling (since my age) so my husband and I went to me with the Dr. I was only about 6 weeks at the time but I wanted to talk about amnio and learn all the risks and then make an informed decision. The Dr. wanted to do an u/s to see the uterus and he could not find a hear activity. He told my dh and I that he was sorry but that I was having a miscarriage. We were stunned. We went back to the Hospital to talk to my Dr. He did another u/s and the tech told me that there was heart activity, although very slow. The next 2 weeks was filled with prayers. On my next appointment my hcg was 69000 and I had another u/s and the tech told me that the baby had no heart beat. I had to have a D& C that day. I was so overwhelmed.
My name is Tori and I am 27. My husband, Jon, turned 28 in the middle of our story.....
We were married September 7, 2002. After a few years of 'lets wait until we're better prepared', we deicded it was time to try for children. I went off of BCP in Feb 2005. My cycles returned normally; however, I did not get pregnant.... Finally, on December 12, 2005, I took a HPT and it, very suprisingly, showed a BFP. We so shocked and happy since we had not been concentrating on trying that month. My first HCG test that day resulted in a 34. They said it was low and that they would be concerned. In deciding to change DRs, I was able to get in on Dec 19 and my test from then showed 4000+. From what they could tell, evreything was going fine..... Everything progressed just fine... I had very minimial pregnancy symptoms; however, attributed we attributed that to my genetics (my mother was never once sick during either of her pregnancies). I had finally told my self to quit worrying and to start enjoying....
My first ultrasound was scheduled for January 23. I was completely nervous going into and afraid of how I would react if they told us there was no heartbeat..... About 15 min into the appointment, I was in tears... The tech found a huge Ovarian Cyst. She did finally find the sac; however, they could not find any sign of a baby..... The sac also looked collasped... We were devestaed.... I was dignosed as having a Blighted Ovum. They ran a HCG test that day and on Jan 25 to verify that my numbers were decreasing...
I was scheduled for a D&C procedure and a laprascopy procedure (to drain the cyst) on January 31, 2005. Physical healing took a little longer due to the laprascopy. I am still working on the emotional healing....but it's coming along slowly... I don't believe that I will ever be the same person that I was before.....
Ok, I guess I’ll write my story. I have kind of avoided doing this but I’ll try to do it now.
Dh and I have been married for 3 years ( today!). Back in February 2001 I, much to my surprise, as I had never had normal periods at all ( maybe 3 or 4 a year), I found out I was pregnant. We were scared, surprised…all the emotions in the book. Oh yeah, dh (df at the time) is from Ireland and we were living in Dublin at the time. I knew absolutely nothing about pregnancy. But I read a lot and learned a lot.
We were preparing to fly over here (Boston) at Easter to tell everyone our news. But the Friday before we left I woke up with slight pink tinge and horrible cramps. At the hospital the dr said my cervix was still closed and I had a 50/50 chance of the baby being okay. They sent me home and said to come back on Monday for a u/s. We went home and I continued to have terrible cramps and bleeding until I miscarried. There was no doubt in my mind as to when I miscarried. I was 10 weeks.
We were married the following year on April 25th. We had moved back to Boston at this point. A few weeks later I found I was pregnant again. This time I had a great dr who I trust with everything. I was convinced I would not be able to have children, but February 15th, 2004 my daughter was born. Sometimes I still can’t believe she is mine
I was on the patch last summer but went off it after seeing the negative news on it and never really liking it much. But I hadn’t had a period since I went off it. We weren’t really trying so I didn’t think too much about it. In the beginning of January ( and probably the end of December but we were so busy I didn’t realize it) I had been so tired and realized my chest had gotten enormous, so I tested and got a bfp. We were really excited. I had no idea how far along was.
This time I was terribly sick all the time. I thought that was a really good sign and I never thought anything would be wrong. I was so sick I thought I might be carrying more than 1 ( runs in my family). I guess I thought I had already had my loss and it wouldn’t happen to me again.
I went to my u/s on February 7th that showed a 9 week old baby with no heartbeat.
I had a d+c the following day.
My first loss was easier to deal with. I don’t know if I just accepted it happened for a reason or if I wasn’t ready or what. But this time it was devastating. So painful. And I guess I felt I had no closure. They put me to sleep while I was pregnant. I woke up not pregnant. I still felt pregnant, I still had m/s. It was very hard to move on.
They ran tests this time and determined that there was a chromosome abnormality. My dr said this is good news and I should have no problem having a healthy baby. I thought this the last time.
At first I wanted to try again right away. My dh was very against it for at least 6 months. Now that it has been over 2 months I’m glad we waited. I think I really needed it to heal and be happy with my life before we try again.
I’m looking forward to trying again but I’m also scared to death. I’m not sure I can go through that pain again.
Tom and I were married in June 2003. In January 2004 I went off b/c and we did not use any contraceptives. We tried for 2 years on our own to get pregnant. When that didn't work we went through fertility testing and it was found that my progesterone levels are extremely low and I have annovulatory cycles. I was put on Clomid to help increase those levels and help me ovulate. After 3 months, 2 months on a 100 mg dose, we finally got pregnant. We were ecstatic. Sadly, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage. At 8 weeks 6 days, during my first ultrasound (done early because of the fertility medication) the doctor could not find a heartbeat. I had a D & C on Feb 24th. The loss of my pregnancy was devastating to me but I knew that I had to move on. It has been very difficult but I now have more good days than bad and what has helped my healing is knowing that we are, once again, trying to conceive.
My doctor has increased my dose of Clomid to 150 mg because my last blood work showed my progesterone levels only at 9.4, when they need to be 20 in order to sustain a viable pregnancy. They'll take 15, but they would like 20.
The whole process is daunting and frustrating. I have become so focused on getting pregnant again that it seems like nothing else matters. I don't care to talk to my friends, my work is definitely being affected by this fixation.
I've decided that I am going to do two rounds of Clomid at 150 mg (this cycle I'm on and then one more). If I do not get pregnant I am going to take a couple months off. I need a break from this process, emotionally and physically.....mostly emotionally. Every month I do what I'm supposed to do and when I start a period it breaks my heart. I cry and cry.
I can't help but feel like it shouldn't be like this for me. My faith has been tested a lot lately. I shouldn't question the Lord, but I do. I can't help it. Why would He do this? Why would He put us through all of this only to take away our baby?
My husband, of course, supports my decision to take a break. He knows how hard this is on me. I'm the one that has to take the pills. I'm the one that has to use the Fertility Monitor to figure out when I'm ovulating. I'm the one that has to get blood drawn every month and go to the doctor and have pregnancy tests done. I'm the one that has to lay in bed with my legs in the air (sorry, I know, TMI).
And then to have my sister due any day now, and a co-worker pregnant as well. Not to mention cousins or just people I see on the street. Some days I'm okay. Some days I want to scream, "Why can't that be me!?" It seems as if my family has forgotten about the baby I lost. No one mentions it. Are they sparing my feelings? No, they aren't. My feelings are hurt because no one mentions my baby. It's as if he or she never existed and that breaks my heart.
Thanks for letting me get that out.