I figured since I was coming up on my second due date its time I should write out my story. Last November after I had messed up on my b/c I found out I was pregnant, while it wasnt a planned one we were extatic. Told everyone we new almost immediately! I called my ob and he had me come in when I was closer to 11 weeks. That way they could see the u/s better. Well the day came for my u/s and while my dh and I layed there waiting for the tech to turn on the monitor so we could see which never happened. She kept asking me if I thought I was wrong on my date and could I be less along than I thought. She had me get dressed and told me the Dr. would be in to see me. We waited for what seemed forever, and the fact that something was wrong honestly never crossed my mind. I was just dissappointed that I wasnt that far along and that I had to wait to see my baby. As soon as my OB walked in I knew there was a problem. I have been with him for years when my ex and I tried to conceive for 2 years. He had seen me through alot of test. He told me he was so thrilled when he found out I was coming in and he never wanted to tell me this but I had a blighted ovum. I just lost it. He actually came and just hugged me. He said that he couldnt be a 100% sure so he scheduled me an u/s the following week. I dont think I had ever prayed that hard. The following week was the same but he saw something on the u/s and was afraid of a molar pg. so he sent me to a specialist to double check. I dont think I want another internal again!! Well it wasnt molar just a blighted ovum and I was given the option to have a D&C or natural, my OB was leaving to go out of town the next day so he would do it at 6am the next morning, I told him I needed more time to think and declined. While he was on vacation I started to naturally and then abruptly stopped so the oncall dr took me and I had a D&C. Then tried to let life go back to normal.
We were told to wait till I had at least two AF's before ttc. And we were actually going to put it off longer but unfortunately 2 weeks after my d&c I got pg. I didnt realize it I was waiting for first AF. My dh suggested I might be pg. Well sure enough I was. So we again went in for an u/s....which by the way I have come to dread! Again there was no monitor turned on and she just said that I was too soon to see anything. We didnt know when we had conceived so we took it at face value. We made an appt for the following week to have another one. Again no monitor was turned on and she told us she couldnt see anything. We waited for the dr and and as soon as I saw his face I lost it. I knew my baby was gone. Here to find out at the first appt I was 7 weeks 1 day and no heartbeat. And at the second appt I measured the same. The only difference was that they saw a blood clot between my sac and the wall. I chose to do it natuarally and in the meantime saw a specialist for blood clots. I have a dissorder and have to take baby asprin everyday. I have to have shots everday of my pg the next time we get pg. I may never use birthcontrol, which I had gone on after the second mc or hormone supplements again. I think back on why would I have to go through this and the only reason I can come up with that helps make this any easier is that if I had never mc they would of never found the disorder. And I could of had a stroke or worse farther into my pg. Its been a year and we are finally ready to try again. Sorry this turned into such a novel and I understand if many couldnt make it through this big long story. I just had so much to fit in. Thank you somehow putting it into words makes it a little easier to deal with.
Edited by AChattyLady to remove signature: 12/23/05
My name is Kristen, I am 30, DH is 31
I went off the pill in May to give my body time to get back to normal and we offically started ttc in September. Much to my surprise and delight we got our BFP that very first month. Everything was going along swimmingly - I was never very sick but I had all the other pregnancy symptoms - extremely tired, sore bbs, having to pee, etc. Our parents were so happy - this would be the first grandbaby on both sides of the family.
I went to my 10 wk appointment and the OB could not find a heartbeat. I have a retroverted uterus so this did not phase me in the least. In fact, I was rather happy because it meant we got to have a u/s. When the u/s picture turned up I immediately knew something was wrong. The embryo was way too small and it was not moving at all. The u/s tech poked around a little then went to go find my doctor. Poor DH was so confused. He had no idea what he was looking at, he just saw me getting upset. My OB came in and agreed that the embryo was measuring 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat.
I had a D&C the following day. I was terrified - I have never had surgery before or been put under or even been in the hospital. I cried the entire time I was there - the hospital staff was very nice and kept giving me drugs to "relax" me. I am really glad I did it though. I am glad to have everything over with so I can begin to look forward.
Everything is just so strange. To go from being so happy and excited to being so sad and empty in a matter of moments is crazy. Not to mention the physical aspects - no more pregnancy symptoms, my boobs are shrinking, I fit into my pants again with no problem, not to mention the hormones running rampant. For now we are just taking one day at a time and looking forward to the future.
Edited by AChattyLady to remove signature: 12/23/05
My name is Shannon, 24, I'm married to Joe, 25. We have one daughter, Abigail, 22 months, and she was a welcomed surprise for us.
I've wanted another baby for about a year, but Joe wasn't ready yet. He finally agreed in October, just days before I was to ovulate. I used the opks and we actually conceived the first month. I got a BFP Nov 19.
I never really felt pregnant. I had no symptoms, no weight gain. My doctor is very laid back and noninvasive, so I had a couple of early blood tests per my request. My first hcg was 241 on Oct 26, and the second was 1685 on Nov 3, so my doubling time was just under 3 days.
I work in a hospital, and some of the girls in the Xray dept will do an (off the record) ultrasound for you if you ask them. So I had one done at about 7 weeks. I could see the baby in the sac, but when she showed the blood flow, I didn't see a heartbeat. She said she could see flow to the baby, she just couldn't see the heartbeat. So I didn't worry at that time. She told me to come back in a week if I wanted.
So I went back to her at 7 weeks, 5 days. We could see the baby, and she said she thought it looked bigger. But still no heartbeat. We saw the umbilical cord, and could see oxygenated and deoxygenated blood flowing back and forth, so I thought maybe things were okay. Then I read on the internet that you should see the heartbeat by 6.5 weeks.
I called my doctor Friday and told him what I saw on the ultrasounds, and he ordered serial HcGs. I had one done on Friday - 9,750 (6 days doubling time from Nov 3), then another yesterday - 9930 (70-some days doubling time). I have another one tomorrow, and I expect to see it at less than 9000.
I don't understand why my body is still holding on to this pregnancy if the baby hasn't grown in two weeks. I'd like to be able to move on with my life and put this behind me. But I am hanging on to that bit of hope that maybe everything could miraculously be okay. I know it's false hope, and I'm afraid I'll be broken hearted all over again when I start to bleed.
Edited by AChattyLady to remove signature: 12/23/05
I have 4 angel stories to tell and I am finally ready to share. Sorry if I include TMI.
Jennifer Marie (9/2/83) born 20 weeks too early. This story is 22 years old but I remember it like it was yesterday. The pain goes away, but the memory will always be there of my beautiful angel.
I woke up in the middle of the night soaked in blood. Went to a triage station (I was in the military stationed in Germany). I was told the doctor would be called and they put me on a cot in a room by myself. After about an hour give or take the nurse came in and told me the doctor wouldn't be coming in. I was in the room until 8am when the regular OB/GYN came in for regular clinic. Once I was examined they medivac'd me to larger hospital with birthing facilities. They examined me there and said so sorry nothing we can do. They broke my water and I delivered a beautiful angel after a very short round of pitocin. She was 10 oz and about 6 inches long *the size of a emesis basin* By the time my then husband made it to the hospital since they wouldn't let him fly with me, it was over and done. I had a D&C because part of my placenta "looked like it might be still in there" and then I was sent home the next day and told to go back to work (I was in the military) after a few days.
Sarah Elizabeth (4/28/89) was a fighter *17 weeks when I started losing her*. I started having that "funny feeling - something's wrong" when I saw a smear of brown one day. Called the clinic, they had me come in for sick call *military again*. When the doctor examined me she immediately said I'm sorry your bag of water is hourglassed. *Now mind you I told them at my initial prenatal I a previous early loss, but they blew me off saying I had a regular pregnancy so it was a fluke* I went ballistic saying I told those so and so's in my first visit...they didn't listen etc. She calmed me down and tried to find a heartbeat, but could not find one with a doppler. She didn't give up there though, she had me transferred to L&D where they had an U/S machine. As she was checking everything out, she started to say, "I'm Sor--OOH LOOK IT MOVED WE HAVE A BABY" She was as excited as I was. I went from being the poor lady losing a baby to a viable pregnancy! I was put in Trendelenberg position, with absolutely NO getting up for anything. I was that way for about a week when they decided it was time to try and push her back into my uterus. (I got almost daily ultrasounds because in that position they couldn't find a heartbeat with a doppler.) They did a cerclage once they got her back inside. WE came through the procedure with flying colors, a round of IV antibiotics and another few days on my head in bed They sent me home with good wishes! Unfortunely it wasn't meant to be. About a week after I was sent home I started having a discharge that quickly turned into bleeding, heavily. I went to the ER, they shipped me upstairs to L&D, to a nincompoop, I mean OB doc on call. He removed my cerclage and she got stuck in my cervix because it clamped down. I was in L&D all night long with a pitocin drip and wait and see attitude from that doctor. My reg. OB showed up early that morning and began aggressive delivery *wont go into details, it wasn't fun* Of course my placenta didn't want any part of the delivery and began to hemorrhage. Had a D&C and was in the hospital for a few days on IV antibiotics due to the infection that killed her *it tried to get me too*. So for my birthday that year, I got to leave the hospital the day before my birthday. Happy Birthday to me NOT!!!!
Fast Forward to 2004. NEW HUSBAND NEWSFLASH Karen can still get pregnant!
We never names our angels. They will probably be named one day.
Baby Boy 10/30/04 12 weeks 6 days he weighed a little more than an ounce: He was a miracle in the fact that we didn't think it was still possible! I was able to find a WONDERFUL OB. She listened to everything, said ok..CERCLAGE! Sadly 3 or 4 days before my scheduled surgery -- my cervix let go. I had rented a doppler so I knew he was alive that morning when I heard his h/b. I delivered him at home and he was still alive because I could feel very faint movement in my hand as I held him there so he wouldn't fall. A trip to the ER via ambulance and a CRAPPY ER DOCTOR@! If I ever get him again I'll slap him. He said everything "looked" like it came out and my body was reacting like it was all out, the bleeding had completely stopped, my cervix was closed. No U/S and I was sent on my merry way. So based on the ER doctor assumption that everything came out and the lack of symptoms my body was presenting, OB said to call if I had any problems and sent me home. Little did we know, my placenta was still there and as my youngest son called it...becoming the evil twin! Exactly 28 days later, thinking it was my first AF...having heard horror stories of how bad they were after a natural m/c... I started bleeding, alot more than a heavy period. I soaked doubled overnight pads every half hour until about 3am then I started having contractions with the bleeding. I finally delivered the placenta 7am and magically the pain and the bleeding stopped. Unfortunately I was trying to pass out everytime I stood up so my dh carted me off to the evil ER. I got a really nice ER doc this time and he pumped me full of fluids & meds and made sure all was well inside before sending me home. Regular OB doc put me on heavy duty antibiotics due to the length of time evil twin was in there doing no telling what kind of damage!
Baby Boy 5/25/05 13 weeks 3 days, he weighed 1 oz.
We came into the pregnancy with a plan. I had my cerclage placed at 10 weeks 3 days. My cervix was already slightly shorter than it should have been at that stage. I had my follow up after placement and all was well. I had my rented doppler again so I was hearing the h/b. I thought I made it. One day after sneezing I thought I wet my pants *just a little* didn't think anything of it since that happens sometimes when I am not preggers... That night we heard the h/b and I went to bed without another thought. The next morning I woke up went to the bathroom and had what I call a "WTF" moment. It was like dejavou. There I was in the bathroom holding my baby. I wasn't bleeding at all no contractions. I went to the ER, luckily my doc was already at the hospital and they sent me up to L&D. I had a D&C with no complications. She double scraped AND suctioned it out so we wouldnt have the same problem as last time. 2 weeks later I was back in the ER. Same problem as before heavy bleeding almost passed out in the ER waiting room, left a huge puddle there too, but the dumb triage nurse didn't think I was an emergency so I waited. By the time the nurse came to get me, I had soaked through one of those hospital heavy duty after birth pads and the pad the receptionist had given me to sit on while I waited, and I was starting to pass out. Once the nurse touched me things got kicked up a notch in speed. I was soaked from sweat and she saw my chair. They got me undressed and 4 vials of blood drawn and 2 IVs started all in a matter of 5 minutes(so it seems anyway). Amazing how fast they move when you scare them. I didn't see the floor but my dh said it looked like I murdered someone in that little treatment room. Luckily my OB doc was in the building again, she came in took out another hunk of placenta and my bleeding stopped. She kept me overnight on IV antibiotics and said I needed to stop scaring the ER docs. I scared DH pretty bad too, it took some convincing to try again.
We will try again and have a plan with the OB if I should be blessed again with a pregnancy.
My DH and I had been married for five years. Initially we didn't plan on having children, but then as I got older my biological clock started ticking.
I had back surgery in 2004 and my dr. recommended that I wait a year before TTC. So April 2005 was my last month on the pill. My dr. told me that I wouldn't be fertile for two cycles. In July, the first fertile month my thyroid levels were off so I knew that I wouldn't be able to conceive. In August, we got pg.
I sensed from the beginning that something wasn't right. I had all the symptoms, but I didn't get a + HPT until almost two weeks after AF should have arrived. But since I had symptoms I just went blissfully along. At 7 1/2 weeks, I had my first prenatal appointment. I was dreading it. Now I know why. They did an u/s and couldn't find the baby. Two different people tried and they couldn't get a clear picture. They kept asking me if I had conceived later than I thought. I didn't think so, but I wasn't sure. They decided to check blood levels and do another u/s at the hospital. I went to the hospital the next day. The u/s measured the baby at 5 weeks and 3 days with no h/b. Everything looked normal for a five and a half week baby. So, I went home and tried not to worry. I went back the next day for another blood test and was waiting on those results.
I started to bleed the next morning, very light no cramping. I called my dr. who said that it could be due to having two u/s in two days. So I tried not to worry. The bleeding just kept increasing each day, but never any cramping or heavy bleeding so I tried not to worry. After 6 days of bleeding, I went to the bathroom that evening. When I wiped, there was a stretchy piece of gray tissue. When I left the bathroom, I knew that I had m/c because I felt so empty. By the next day, the bleeding had stopped. I finally got my blood results and they didn't increase very much at all, but by then it didn't matter because I knew I had m/c. I called my dr. who warned me that I was probably not done because I never had tons of bleeding. She was right. The next day I stupidly went back to work. I was standing teaching my class and felt a gush of blood. I started to bleed so much that I had to go home. I bled several more days and stopped. The dr. did one more blood test to make sure that my levels were decreasing and that was it.
I waited 9 weeks for AF to return. We are in our first month of TTC.
Hi. My name is Siobhán, DH is Kit. We had been trying for baby #12 all of 2005. We had two chemical pregnancies (pregnancies that end with a late AF after testing positive) and two m/c's, one at 6.4 weeks and our last one at 9 weeks. The pregnancy lost at 9 weeks hit us the hardest because we had already seen the baby on u/s. One week later, during a repeat u/s, the baby had no heartbeat. This was on the 11th of December '05.
The pregnancy had started out a little strange. I had several BFPs at home, yet the dr.'s office's tests said BFN, so they drew blood. The first beta was only 25 at 12 dpo. Four days later, the beta was 132 and 6 days after that the beta showed 1674 which was OK, since levels were rising appropriately. We always wondered though why they started out so low. I also didn't really feel pregnant like with the other babies. I had very few symptoms. Also, when the doc did the first u/s, I was already 8 weeks along, yet the baby only measured 6.4 weeks and I knew my dates were right. All of those things made us feel uneasy about the pregnancy, I think we both felt that there was something wrong with the baby...Well, this terrible feeling was confirmed a week later when the baby still only measured 6.4 weeks (at 9 weeks) and had no heartbeat. We were devastated. We opted for a natural miscarriage which started two days later, on the 13th of December. I had the most horrible bleeding and had to go back to the ER on the 14th. After giving me IV fluids they sent me back home even though I had lost a lot of blood. The following week I felt really weak and didn't want to get up. I knew Christmas was coming up and I had to do things for our 11 kids and a guest we were expecting. But on the 23rd I got very ill and my DH had to drive me back to the ER where I nearly died. My fever was at 106, my blood pressure 80/40, my pulse a constant 150. In the ER's intensive care unit they found out that I had strep A in my blood stream and my potassium level had dropped to 2.6 (severe hypokalemia), so they kept me there for 8 hours, filling me with IVs of antibiotics, potassium and saline. For two more days I was on the brink of death. Finally, I made a recovery and I'm feeling pretty good right now. But I must say that Christmas 2005 was the worst Christmas in my entire life. First the loss of our baby and then almost losing my own life. It was unreal. DH and I (and the entire family) really appreciate life a lot more now and we live as healthy as we can.
Our lost baby would have been due on the 18th of July (my oldest son's b-day).
My name is Heather, and I'm 27. Dh and I have been married almost 6 years. We ttc for a year and then I found out I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which was keeping me from ovulating on my own. We tried several different things, including clomid. I ovulated once on my own with that, but didn't get pregnant. Finally, almost 2 1/2 years after we started ttc, I was referred to a fertility specialist. He put me on Metformin and told me to come back in 6 weeks. I went in to have my bloodwork drawn to see if I ovulated, got the phone call back that afternoon to confirm that I had...and my numbers were WAY higher than ever before. I just knew this was my month! I took a pregnancy test while I was at home by myself one day and it was positive. I never really expected to see it. I had POAS so many times before, all with BFN, that I nearly passed out! We immediately spread the news! This was the best Christmas gift I could have gotten!
I called the doc to make my first appointment. We went in, he talked to me and dh, asked me if I wanted to get a sonogram (sis works there, so doc spoils me sometimes!) ...We of course wanted the u/s! There was our little butterbean, fluttering on the screen and you could see the little heartbeat! I was 7 weeks along, and we could even hear the heartbeat, but the u/s tech said the baby only measured 5 weeks, but that all could change as the baby grows. I'll be honest with you, that stuck in the back of my head and really bothered me...I knew 5 weeks wasn't right...Anyhow, we talked to the doc and he told us that statistics showed less than a 10% chance of miscarriage once the heartbeat was established....I tried not to worry about it too much....
The weeks went by, my belly started to grow! As I completed my 9th and 10th weeks I noticed that I wasn't having m/s anymore which I wasn't complaining about! I was midway of my 11th week on Wednesday. I'm a hairdresser so I'm on my feet all day. I came home on my lunch and went to the bathroom. I wiped and there was blood on the paper. I got really nervous so I called the doc. He wanted me to stay off my feet for the rest of the day and come in the next morning. I went back to the bathroom, nothing. The blood was gone...nothing even on the pad. I laid down on the couch thinking it was nothing and decided to watch a little tv. My husband works nights, so he came in the next morning as I was getting ready for my appointment. He was so tired, and I assured him everything would be ok, to stay home and sleep.
I got into the office and was taken to the u/s room...she couldn't see anything thru my belly so she wanted to do it vaginally. She hit the button to hear the heartbeat....flat lines go across the screen, and I knew at that moment something was not right. She probes around and started measuring the baby...I could see it, but I didn't see the baby moving, and no heartbeat fluttering on the screen this time. She went to get the doctor and he confirmed that the baby was dead. They took me back to a consultation room and thank god my sister came around from her office to be with me. I was a wreck. I had to call dh on the phone to tell him, and I could hear in his voice that he was in shock.
The doctor scheduled me for a d&c the next morning. I've never cried so much in my life. Going home and waiting...Knowing that I was still pregnant with my baby, but that it was no longer alive. It's the most difficult thing I've ever been thru. I didn't sleep any that night. I layed in the bed crying and watching the clock. Once we got to the hospital the doctor gave me a medicine to start contractions. They rolled me back to the holding area...up until that point, I'd just been kindof numb feeling. As I laid there on the bed, with nurses around me, prepping me, I just started to cry. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. Somebody slap me and wake me up. The doctor came back to see me right before taking me to the OR. He was about to cry when he saw me. I'm so lucky to have him for a doctor. He's the best in the world and is so sweet to me. I woke up in recovery, to the sounds of nurses talking. I was in so much pain, and know now that I was on a pitocin drip to control the bleeding and make the uterus shrink back down. After waking up from another shot of morphine, I was rolled back into my room where dh was waiting for me. A few hours later I was on my way home, empty, to face the baby things that I had begun to collect over the weeks. Empty is the only word I can find to describe this feeling....even now, 3 weeks after my miscarriage, I still feel this way. Thank God for friends and family. The flower arrangements and cards started to roll in. My sister came over with lunch and she cleaned my whole house for me. I never could have made it without such a great support system. Talking about it gets old after a while for someone who's never been thru it, that's why I'm here. I know that when it hurts, I have my extended friends and support group online to help me thru. Heather
My name is Lydia, and I am 21. My boyfriend, Ace, is 31. In June of 2005, we had our first miscarriage. Our baby was about 6 weeks, and we actually didn't know we were pregnant until we were losing the baby. It was the most painful thing I had ever been through, physically and emotionally.
In December of 2005, we found out we were once again pregnant. I was more excited than I had ever been...EVER! We thought of baby names and came up with a very unique way to tell my parents that they were going to have their first grandchild. It was the most thrilling time of my life. Then, before I knew it, I was on campus, in class, and I could feel it. I was miscarrying again. I went to the ER. There was nothing anyone could do for my baby of 8 weeks. It was just over.
This miscarriage was much more painful emotionally because we had known I was pregnant, and we were preparing ourselves to be parents. It's like someone had taken away all of my hopes and dreams. And no one could ever give them back.
So here I am, TTC again. Hoping one day I will be given the gift of a healthy child. I dream about my babies, and I know one day I'll see them in heaven. I just miss them so much. I know it sounds silly, being so upset about losing something you hardly had. But my angels were everything to me, and they always will be everything to me.
My name is Autumn and I am 27. My husband, Thomas also 27, and I had been married 3 years and decided to start ttc last summer (2005). We were so excited and suprised to find that we got pregnant the first month we tried. Everything seemed to be going fine and we went in for an ultrasound at about 9 weeks. The baby measured the right size, but there was no heartbeat. I had a d&c 2 days later. I never really had many symptoms, but I noticed that the symptoms I did have seemed to have gone away the morning before my doctor's appointment. In retrospect, I realize that this should have been a sign, but I didn't know that at the time and it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. The doctor said the baby's heart had probably stopped beating only a day or two before my appointment. I was relieved that we found out so quickly after something went wrong, but was still devastated. My friends and family are wonderful, but none of them could really understand what we had gone through, so finding this board four months after the fact was a godsend for me. Thanks for all the support and compassion you all have shown me.