Hello, my name is Jae and I am 26 years old. I am the mother of a beautiful little girl named, Emma 10.29.02 and I am expecting my second daughter, Tessa EDD 10.23.12.
Two weeks ago I was admitted into the hospital for a dynamic cervix, contractions and my FNM(I think thats what it was called) came back positive for preterm labor. I have been here two weeks, on progesterone, procardia, a mag bag, and the betamethsyne(sp?) for little Tessa's lungs. I was just notified today that, barring a miracle, I will be hospitalized for the rest of this pregnancy. I am STILL contracting on average of 9-12 an hour. This passed friday we found out from maternal/fetal medicine that my cervix had completely thinned out and was about 1cm dilated.
I did deliver my Emma early, but my water had broken and they delivered her within 3 hours. Tessa heart beat does have variables during severe contractions, and that is why they changed the procardia from every 6 hours to as needed. Which now seems to be about every eight hours.
The guilt is truly beginning to kick in. My little girl is so strong, and I feel as if my body is trying to kick her out. I had SO many plans for this pregnancy, as my husband and I just moved into our first home and we have not even started my ten year olds room, our master bedroom and the nursery. I wanted to truly enjoy these last few months that will be just my daughter and I.
It is just all so much, and more than anything I want to keep my little Roo inside of me. Every time I start cramping severely, I start my prayers and the fear that sets in is all consuming.
I have been looking for support from a few pregnant friends, but they just do not seem to understand in the slightest.
Well, thanks for letting me rant.