Fighting the tears today!!!

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meme84's picture
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/22/05
Posts: 62
Fighting the tears today!!!

Birth story soon!!!! My birth did not go like I had prayed or expected Sad and it's hitting me today !!! I feel like crying for hours !!! I need some help ladies. Went in hospital in labor 2 cen progressed to 4 cen in two hours they broke my water cause the chef of obgyn came in and told me I could not vbac Sad my doc said well she is !! Were refusing !! It really upset him !! He was just a jerk!! So when water broke baby heart rate decried which we all know is norm . I was screaming in pain w every contraction I mean screaming !! So I was being pushed hard for c/s told I was going to be the cause of my baby being mentally damaged or dead ( by chef ) my ob was in emergancy surgery !! so my midwife was doing all she could do .so after some small decals we decide to do c/s I was crying my mzdwife was crying cause we did not feel that it was 100% nesseaary . So today it's hit me all the work I did to help me vbac and now my chance is gone my hopes are shattered . I'm so sad inside . Action is being taken against the dr who did this to me . I'm just distraught today . I wish I was not in that much pain an could make a
Normal sain decision . I'm so mad at my self . I'm so thankful we are both healthy but the only problem was his cord was wrapped around his neck which we all know is normal . . I'm just sick thinking about this . Well this has gave me a boost in the but and I will be trying for vbac after 3 c/s next time!!! Screw the docs thy are
Selfish and uncaring they only care about money and there reputation. And I'm so sick of it !!!

simer1mh's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 02/27/06
Posts: 235

:bigarmhug: I'm so sorry things didn't go your way and you felt pushed into unnecessary interventions. I hope you are able to find some resolution, and peace with whatever that result is.

CharleneDokter's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 09/18/10
Posts: 250


OMG I feel so bad for you. But none of this was your fault and none of this makes you a bad mother, or a failure or guilty of anything. I know how upset I will be if my birth ideals are not met (this is my first) and I'm sure I will react pretty much the same way you are but I know deep down that these things happen. It sucks and it's terrible to feel pressured, but you did all you could. You faught hard for your rights and you made it a very long way. Sometimes we have to give up control when we don't want to or don't think it's necessary. It's not because of anything you did or didn't do. It's just the way hospitals work. Please, please don't beat yourself up about it. And don't take offense, but some of this super high stress could be hormonal. Try to give yourself a few days of healing and hopefully you'll get some distance emotionally and be able to accept what happened a little more. You did great. You and baby are healthy. Your not happy (I wouldn't be either) but you are committed to trying again already and to me, that says that the ordeal didn't deeply effect your sense of self, even if you feel consumed by it now. I hope I'm making sence and not just rambling. And I hope you feel better soon.

cgandtiff's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 04/17/07
Posts: 27

Awe, honey! I wish I could reach throw the computer and give you a BIG! That was not fair of the cheif OB to put you in that position at that point! I would be very upset too. I hope that you can find comfort knowing that the outcome is still the same... a beautiful healthy baby! BIG HUGS!!

peach74's picture
Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 05/30/05
Posts: 61

Aww, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't understand how some drs think they have the RIGHT to FORCE you into an action. That's abusive! My birth did not go as planned either and I never wanted a C-section and ended up with one anyway. I am trying to focus on the outcome, as I am sure you are also. Know people are here to support you as you deal with this. For now, try to enjoy that beautiful baby as much as possible. I know it i hard when you are recovering from surgery. :bighug:

libmarm's picture
Last seen: 2 years 12 months ago
Joined: 10/06/08
Posts: 16

I wish I could take away your hurt and cry with you. I know it takes a long time to heal from that kind of let down. I had a similar disappointment with my first birth experience, and really didn't begin to come to terms with it until after the birth of my second child. I think it's just fine to grieve for your lost experience and all that trauma. I think it's just awful that some people think they need to be the manager of other people's bodies. Good luck next time around! You sound like a really strong woman, and that you fought as hard as you could and had a supportive team. Labor is certainly not the time you want to have to deal with things like this.

Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 02/19/06
Posts: 126

All is can say is I am so sorry you didn't have the birth experience you wanted. To pressure you like that was uncalled for. Super big hugs to you! I hope you are able to heal from this experience.

PookieB's picture
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 09/05/07
Posts: 631

I'm sorry hun! Sounds like you went through some crazy power struggle between doctors. Hang in there and remember that your beautiful boy is here and healthy! :bigarmhug:

CaityA83's picture
Last seen: 7 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!! I hate that you had such a bad experience! I hope you are able to get past this. I would have been heart broken if I ended up with a c/s also just bc I wanted to bad to deliver vaginally. I hope you start to feel better soon!!

desmondkr's picture
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 114

I am so sorry! My birth plan also didn't go as planned yesterday. I also ended up in a c-section after laboring all day (I was also a VBA2C hopeful). There is absolutely no reason for you to be taking the blame for this! You are an amazing mother and woman just for wanting what is best for you and your baby! I too was pretty weepy last night after such a long, emotional day. Don't hold it in, it's ok to cry (just support your incision while you do it). Please feel my love and sorrow for you Smile

**Tiffany**'s picture
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

Oh gosh Meme that sounds awful. I am sorry you had to go thru that ordeal. It isnt fair to you at all. I hope you can heal physically and emotionally from this soon. Enjoy your precious little boy!

Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
Joined: 12/11/09
Posts: 76

Oh, Sweetie, I am so sorry you didn't get the birth experience that you wanted or worked for. Don't direct the hurt or anger towards yourself, but towards the doctors who put you in such a position. I can't believe they would tell you about brain damage and killing your baby while you are in active labor. What horrible scare tactics! You're right to concentrate on the fact that both Levi and you are healthy. That really is the most important aspect right now.