Behavior issues

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jessant's picture
Joined: 05/15/07
Posts: 17
Behavior issues

Hi ladies! I'm looking for some advice. It seems like since the DAY Aiden turned 4 years old, he's turned into quite a little monster. He's not listening, talking back, and testing limits like there's no tomorrow. He's never been like this before. He's always listened fairly well (for his age) and not hardly had any tantrums or anything. Now you tell him to go on time out, and he starts back talking and telling you why he just can't do it. He's also started blaming the dog or imaginary kids for either doing something he's done or for being the reason he's not doing what he's told. Time outs don't seem to be enough anymore, so we've started taking away his favorite things (time on the Wii, computer game time, favorite toys, etc), and that seems to be helping. We don't want to spank him (just our parenting preference), but I'm looking for other suggestions. Any help or ideas would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance!!

kat83's picture
Joined: 04/27/07
Posts: 631

I dont have many suggestions but thats what it seems like here to. We barely do time outs anymore. If he hits the computer cuz we are on it and he wants it, then he gets no computer, if he draws on the wall, goes to bed w out books/cuddling, we take away tv, leapster, outdoor time whatever hes beggins us to do he doesnt get until afternoon if the offense is in morning or next day if its at nighttime. I think 4 is the worst age ever and no one ever talks about the horrible 4s or whatever...its really annoying.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

I think at this point they are old enough to understand taking privileges away and as Kate said, especially trying to make the punishment fit the crime is a good idea as much as you can. And they now understand if you talk to them about their actions which I think is important too.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

*lurker*

I really like 1-2-3 Magic. I thought it was a great book discussing the use of different techniques for what the author calls "start" and "stop" behaviors. Time outs are part of the system, but not the only solution. I also think it is important to remember that positive reinforcement for behaviors you want to see are a bigger motivator than punishment. Not that you do not impose consequences for unacceptable behavior. However, punishment does not really help you teach the behaviors you want to see from your child. It is important to incorporate both.

Power struggles are something to avoid at all costs. It is hard to keep oneself from getting caught up in power struggles, but it is important to remember to offer choices and allow independence when it is safe and reasonable. This helps your child learn to make good choices and feel important. It also reduces the "because I said so" references.

I also like some suggestions from this website. http://www.ahaparenting.com/ Good luck!

jessant's picture
Joined: 05/15/07
Posts: 17

We have a responsibility chart that we follow at home now. If Aiden gets all of his magnets, then he earns an hour of time on the Wii or computer for the next day. One of his magnets is for "Showing Respect," and he has yet to play on the Wii or computer this entire week. We are trying to reward good behaviors and discipline when necessary, but it has just been such a challenge lately. He even got some of his stuffed dogs (his most prized possessions) taken away for the day yesterday and didn't get to sleep with them last night. I honestly think my husband's expectations for him are a little high, and I've tried talking to him about it, but he's the stay-at-home parent, so I don't often get the final say on things. He is only 4, and he is mostly a very well-behaved child, but he's very much an active little boy, and DH seems to have a hard time dealing with things not fitting into a pre-conceived mold. That being said, we feel like we've tried a lot of things that have worked in the past that are no longer working. I'm just hoping we can find the right combination so all of us can be less-stressed out at home. Thanks for your suggestions, ladies! Helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Smile