Dh vent o/t

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les27's picture
Joined: 05/21/08
Posts: 840
Dh vent o/t

I just don't know where else to vent about this so sorry :rolleyes:

I live in a VERY rural town in the middle of Utah (the middle of nowhere). I grew up in the 2nd largest CITY in Utah, lived there my whole life. It is quite different to live in a rural town after living in a city your whole life. Russ and Savanna are the only REAL family I have in town, his parents are complete a**holes and they live 4 miles away from us. They are just BARELY starting to actually be grandparents to Savanna, but my MIL (Russ' stepmom) is a complete biotch and doesn't like me (can't say I like her too much either). Anyway.....we don't get along, and all of my family (who I am VERY close to) lives at least 2 hours, some upwards of 4 hours away. I really don't get to get out of town all that often to see my family, maybe once every few months. EVERYTIME I plan a trip to go see family, my dh has a complete tantrum about it....he says I go out of town ALL the time, and we don't have the money for gas, I just want to be away from him, etc. etc. etc. (he doesn't ever want to go WITH me of course)

Well this weekend is my grandma's 90th birthday party, my mom and her brothers and sisters planned a party for her and everyone is going to be there, my grandpa (who is almost 94), aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews, etc. and also my sister had a baby on March 30th who I have yet to meet (my sister and I are VERY close) so I was planning a 2 for 1 weekend, go up and go to the birthday party and meet my new neice. Well apparently that is too much to ask of my dh. He has known about this since February, and I have told him I was going no matter what. He has been an a**hole to me for the last 2 days, to the point that I started bawling last night. He just doesn't get it, he is not very close with his family, his mom died when he was young, and his dad pretty much just gave up on all 5 of his kids when his wife died. They had a terrible childhood. So he doesn't get it that I am super super close to my family and that I miss them living so far away from them....not to mention that the last time my sister had a baby, I lived a mile away from her, so was able to be there all the time.

I was planning on leaving tonight after work, so I would get up there late tonight, and I would be leaving Sunday morning. He thinks I should wait and go up tomorrow morning, meaning I wouldn't get there until late morning, just in time to go to my grandma's party, meaning all the time I'll get to spend with my new neice is a few hours if that (my sis and baby aren't going to the party, she's too young to be around all those people). He says I just make excuses to go up north. I said um....my grandma is turning 90....he said people have birthdays all the time.....JERK. Then I said, also my sister just had a baby who I have yet to meet....he said yea it's her 5th baby I'm sure you'll meet her eventually....REALLY?!! Oh my hell.

sorry this is so long, I just had to yell a little. I still don't feel better about it though Sad

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

Thats got to be rough! i'm lucky enough that most of my family lives within 20 minutes (even the ones i DON'T want to see) but when DH's dad and other family was living 3 hrs away he did make frequent trips to see them, even if i couldnt go, HELLO credit card debt! My BFF had a baby the first week of march and if her sister hadn't already planned a trip to visit us a couple weeks later that i was hoping/assuming my BFF and baby would come too, i would have gone to visit her- figuring that it was at least as important as all his trips to see family.

of course my DH and i don't fight about things like that, but we have a different fight... like what chores he should help with... where all his spending money goes... etc....

i feel sorry for your DH that he doesnt understand how close you are to your family and why you want to spend time with them, poor guy, its like on Hook when the little girl says "you need a mother very badly!"

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455

:bigarmhug: I'm so sorry he's being a PITA about it. :bigarmhug:

I hope you get to go this weekend and are able to have a good time and see everyone you need to see.

les27's picture
Joined: 05/21/08
Posts: 840

I just talked to my sister (the one who just had the baby) and I think we decided to change until next weekend and just make a special trip up to see our grandparents while I'm there (she wants to take the baby to meet them anyway, just not with a billion other people there, and I mean a billion, my grandparents have 9 children, about 70 grandchildren, like almost 200 great grandchildren, and friends were also invited....there will be a billion people there) AND my dh has drill next weekend so we can drive up together friday night, I can drop him off half way there for his drill, and dd and i can go the rest of the way to my sisters, and spend almost 2 whole days together. I won't get to see my other family that I was planning on but oh well. My biggest reasons for going up was to see my new neice and my grandma, and I'll get to do both next weekend.

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455

Glad it's working out for you! Yahoo

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

great solution! sorry you have to miss the party and the billion people though Smile

sandraleigh's picture
Joined: 11/23/06
Posts: 2672

Ah, poop. Glad you still get to see those you want, but sad to miss the party!

I don't know what I will do once we're far from our families. (We're all within 20 minutes right now) DH wants to move somewhere (and I do too) for him to do his masters or to try out a job somewhere else, at least for a couple years. We may end up back here, but I don't know what I will do being away from family during that time! It must be so hard for you to not see them as often as you'd like.

Have fun meeting baby Alexandria!

fittoac's picture
Joined: 05/05/08
Posts: 383

Oh wow, I would be so upset too!! Glad you've come to a good compromise-- sounds like it's really the best solution. Still though, it stinks that you're gonna miss the birthday party. Boo! Sad

mwilliamson006's picture
Joined: 09/10/08
Posts: 928

That's so upsetting! I'm glad you worked something out though.

les27's picture
Joined: 05/21/08
Posts: 840

My mom said there was SO many people there! I really don't do well in big crowds like that (anxiety) so I'm kinda glad I didn't go. and my mom said my grandma was so excited that my sister and I were going to come up and visit next weekend with our little girls (she hasn't met the new baby yet, and she's only met Savanna a handful of times) so I am super excited to get up there this weekend! Thanks for all the support guys, my dh just doesn't get it Smile I'm gonna have to find a pic of my grandma to share with you guys, she is just the cutest!

here is a pic of some of my family, I am pregnant with Savanna so it's a few years old, my mom, dad, 2 of my brothers, 1 of my sisters, and some of my neices and nephews, and of course my grandma and grandpa Smile

http://www.facebook.com/lesli.shields#!/photo.php?fbid=1018882558276&set=t.1412904055&theater

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