Advice needed... Maybe tmi

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thinktink19's picture
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Advice needed... Maybe tmi

Need some advice or opinions rather. DH has been hawking me for sex and will just NOT let up and is really starting to aggravate me and I'm half tempted to give in. Only problem is last time I gave in i spotted the next day and am terrified it's gonna happen again. He doesn't see the big deal in it and why I get so annoyed and tell him no all the time. Should I say to hell and give in? I don't know what chances are that I'll spot again. I have been crampy but that may very well be due to gas today and haven't had any spotting issues since. I just don't know what to do. I have absolutely NO drive and couldn't care less about it but he just won't let up.

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I would say... Tell him no!!!! It'd be different if you were really in the mood, or you didn't spot... but... I'd think it's not worth the risk!!

I'd probably... buy him a magazine and some KY and say you did your part....

Not to be too detailed but maybe find a different way to pleasure w/o sex? If you were interested... Or tell him he needs to wait until you feel comfortable, think of the 6 weeks after the baby comes when you can't have sex... tell him it's just practice for then, and maybe wait and see until after your next appt!!

I'd be too scared that somethig might "go wrong" and I'd either blame myself/hubby for having sex!

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I would wait until I talked to the OB...and then at least till after the first trimester. I am not even spotting and wont let DH go there just b/c I am nervous! Lol I agree with trying some other "techniques" and then if that isnt enough tell him that he can take care of business himself! Wink

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I don't have a drive for anything, including techniques that's how bad it is right now. I told him last night he has a hand. I am all for him pleasing himself lol

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Well, that strong female part of me says, stick to your guns! But the wife in me totally sympathizes. I usually give in at least once a week because I feel guilty but I haven't had any spotting.

I think if I had fears of spotting again I would try to find 'other' ways to give him loving, IYKWIM. Maybe jump in the shower with him and just use hands?

In the end, do what your comfy with, not just what he wants.

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I feel so bad for any women who are having this issue. DH clearly either just doesn't understand or care about the way you are feeling.

I think it's really important for you to explain to your DH the very real emotions you have. Explain to DH how being pregnant feels as clearly as possible. Not just "I'm crampy, nauseas, tired and worried about spotting" but explain how debilitating these feelings are and how great the fear is. Any man worth a salt would understand. Maybe give him a timeline of when you expect that this may turn around. Perhaps 2nd trimester....something.

For these insistent men....When they have the flu do they want to have sex? If they had a growth inside their testicles, how in the mood would they be? I mean really!

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I had a problem with my first with spotting after wards.... but i also had a problem with having a period the first 4 months i was prego.... i would say if you feel like it go for it and if you dont feel like it tell him no that he needs to wait until you are in the mood... but i think you would just fine doing it even with the spotting.... i ended up having a healthy 9lbs baby after having a normal period and spotting after sex and spotting if i walked to much.... i have a crazy pregnancy with my first

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Me and my dh are going through something similar. I dont spot but I dont want that thing anywhere near me. He isnt enjoying his time and is always asking him I can "help" him. Considering how nauseas I am I dont think the alternative is going to be happening. And I knw he uses his hands better than I can use mine on him so I just tell him to appreciate the differnt textures.

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"AmberBella" wrote:

For these insistent men....When they have the flu do they want to have sex? If they had a growth inside their testicles, how in the mood would they be? I mean really!

LOL...Amber, my husband is such a horn dog that if we were stranded in the Antarctic, dying of pneumonia, his man parts were completely frostbitten, and there was a hungry polar bear circling us and licking his chops, my hubby would still be trying to convince me to DTD. Seriously.

Lisa - I feel for you. My DH wants to DTD CONSTANTLY (see above). We have gotten in some nasty fights b/c he would go into a sulk and give me the cold shoulder if I refused him, even if we had just DTD less than 24 hours prior. I absolutely hate when he gets like that, it makes me feel so used. But he has gotten better about it, we've learned to work through it. Unfortunately, for me that means every now and then sucking it up (um, literally) and doing stuff when I'm not exactly in the mood...and for him he's learned not to throw a childish tantrum every time he doesn't get some action. There are still tense moments though...it sucks, I think that's just part of marriage...learning to work through things and learning to give and take.

I definitely agree with Amber, you need to have a heart to heart talk with your hubby and make him understand how you are feeling.

And definitely don't do anything that you are not comfortable with...baby's safety comes first.

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"SlackerMom" wrote:

LOL...Amber, my husband is such a horn dog that if we were stranded in the Antarctic, dying of pneumonia, his man parts were completely frostbitten, and there was a hungry polar bear circling us and licking his chops, my hubby would still be trying to convince me to DTD. Seriously.

THIS is my DH to the tee! It's crazy! When I wasn't pregnant he thought every other day wasn't enough. That's plenty for me! Now when he doesn't get it he throws a tantrum like a child and that just makes me not want it even more. Thankfully he stayed w my brother last night just to get out of the house so i had a restful grope free night. He just doesn't realize how mad it makes makes me! I literally get angry cause he doesn't want to leave me alone! If u ever want to tick off a pregnant chick try waking up to your pants half down and him trying something. Ooooooo it erks me!

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I would give it to him Wink I would also assume the spotting was from a sensitive engorged pregnant cervix, which is a good sign.

Some woman are more sensitive than others when it comes to this, and although I would do it, I think that each needs to make their own choice here. I don't believe the act of being with your spouse can cause a m/c. Unless maybe your high risk? I can guarantee the pelvic exam/pap spear most docs perform in the first trimester is just as invasive as a little love making.

You are almost 9 weeks! That's great!! Have you heard your baby's HB yet?

Can you umm... satisfy your dh in another way?

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I don't think that having sex will cause a m/c - unless you are high risk and your doctor has told you to go on "pelvic rest." In which case, hells to the no, keep that thing away! However, emotionally, I totally understand. I'm not in the mood either, and I can't imagine that if DH was throwing a big hissy fit about it, that would turn me on any more.

I think a little compromise is good if you can manage it. Help him out in other ways if you can, but if you are too sick with m/s then he is just going to have to deal. I can't imagine being able to do anything at all for my DH when I am nauseas.

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No I am not a high risk, I had a m/c my first pregnancy but had a healthy pregnancy a year after and this one is doing great so far. I always spot after I get the first pelvic exam so it shouldnt really shock me i spotted after sex especially since he goes a little crazy sometimes haha.

No christy I havent heard the heartbeat yet, im having some insurance issues at the moment and so far have had to cancel going on 3 dr appointments ugh. Its getting very frustrating but I finally called the health clinic to get in there which I didnt want to do cause I really like my OB, but that will have to work until I get this stupid insurance stuff settled.

Alissa, i try to help him out in other ways but he takes entirely way way too long and I just start getting annoyed after awhile, this man wouldnt know quick if his life depended on it. lol

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Sorry you can't find a compromise. I guess he's just gonna have to suck it up!

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I may give in eventually, but anytime i think about it he does something to tick me off and then i decide against it, haha.

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"thinktink19" wrote:

I may give in eventually, but anytime i think about it he does something to tick me off and then i decide against it, haha.

Lol!!! I know how this is!

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"thinktink19" wrote:

If u ever want to tick off a pregnant chick try waking up to your pants half down and him trying something. Ooooooo it erks me!

i'm sorry, but IMHO i think that is just plain disrespectful. i totally understand where you are coming from and why you are getting angry with him.

i totally understand the frustration of being married to someone with a very high sex drive. they really need to get it through their heads that treating us the way that a dog treats a stuffed animal is NOT going to help their cause.

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"SlackerMom" wrote:

i totally understand the frustration of being married to someone with a very high sex drive. they really need to get it through their heads that treating us the way that a dog treats a stuffed animal is NOT going to help their cause.

I completely agree with you on that one! He has been good today thankfully! Maybe me biting him yesterday cause he wouldn't leave me alone opened his eyes a little LMAO!