Chomping at the bit to tell everyone - not me!

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Jenn0113's picture
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Chomping at the bit to tell everyone - not me!

My mom, MIL, and Granny (80 yrs old!) are all chomping at the bit to share my news. My granny and mom are dying to put it in FB already. The friends my mom has on her FB are mainly my family - so it wouldn't hurt I guess for them to know. MIL has asked if she can tell some of her friends at church. Originally I told them they could after my first u/s but now I am still feeling too cautious to tell everyone. I had my u/s, saw and heard the hb and was told everything looks great = so shouldn't I be ready to tell people? A lot of people I see on a day to day basis know - but something about putting it on FB seems strange to me - maybe b/c I didn't have FB when I had DS and so it was never an option for me?!

Anyone else have reservations about telling people - even after things are ok?!

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I'm not telling until after my NT scan/13 weeks and I know 1) everything is great and 2) I am out of the 1st trimester.

But I am the type of person who prefers to deal with things privately so if something happens I want to be able to choose how to deal with it rather than having worry about everyone else and how they feel/react.

lala122's picture
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I feel the same way Christina. I will definitely be waiting until after my first trimester to let it be known on fb.

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
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I won't tell the FB world until after the NT scan on June 6th but I am telling lots more people now. I was reserved the first time with Nicholas for a while because I wasn't sure what to expect but now that I've BTDT and all signs point to go (feel like puking all the time!) I feel fine telling people. I'm sure I would be more cautious if I had a loss.

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For me, I don't want to share on FB until I have shared with all of my close family in person. And I don't know when THAT will happen - I am thinking I would like to wait until after I am out of my first trimester, except that we have a bunch of family that is going to be in town the week of my brother's wedding in late June/early July (I will be 10-11 weeks then, so almost out of the first tri) and I was thinking that might be a good time, but then I also don't want to "steal the bride and groom's thunder". My brother and SIL are sooo not bride/groomzillas, and I am pretty sure they wouldn't mind if we announced it at some point that week other than the wedding, but I still don't want to make that week about me either, so I don't know. Unfortunately I only see some of those relatives (like my grandpa and my aunt and uncle) about once a year, so if I don't do it that week I won't be able to do it in person.

That was rambling. What I really wanted to tell you is that it is your news, and if you don't want it shared yet, no one else should be sharing it. I get that your mom and grandma are just really excited, but still.

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I feel the same about FB, I won't say anything on there until I'm 12 weeks and have had my scan, I have told only people we are close to and our families. After my CP's last year I'll be very nervous until 12 weeks at least.

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Personally, I'm not sharing with FB or even friends in general until I am 12+ weeks. I told my MIL, who I know wont tell anyone except FIL--not even dh's siblings. But she is a great mom to me and it is nice to have her support if I miscarry again. I guess since last pg it seemed everything was fine--I had major symptoms that I didn't even have with my others! I was so nauseus and even threw up several times, something that never happened my previous 5 pregnancies! I had a good h/b u/s at almost 7 weeks...and yet the baby died at 8 weeks--and it still took me 4 week to know about it. I'm sorry to be a downer--but I'm so scared to tell anyone this time. Support is nice of a few close friends maybe, or parents, but to have to tell the world (ie FB) that its over is something I'm glad I didnt' have to do (we had only told our parents and siblings and about 3 close friends last time)

Jenn0113's picture
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"~HollyBear~" wrote:

Personally, I'm not sharing with FB or even friends in general until I am 12+ weeks. I told my MIL, who I know wont tell anyone except FIL--not even dh's siblings. But she is a great mom to me and it is nice to have her support if I miscarry again. I guess since last pg it seemed everything was fine--I had major symptoms that I didn't even have with my others! I was so nauseus and even threw up several times, something that never happened my previous 5 pregnancies! I had a good h/b u/s at almost 7 weeks...and yet the baby died at 8 weeks--and it still took me 4 week to know about it. I'm sorry to be a downer--but I'm so scared to tell anyone this time. Support is nice of a few close friends maybe, or parents, but to have to tell the world (ie FB) that its over is something I'm glad I didnt' have to do (we had only told our parents and siblings and about 3 close friends last time)

I think this is what is in the back of my mind. Yeah - I saw the baby once and it was all great - but I have more times to see him/her and I am scared of each appt at what we may or may not see. I had told EVERYONE the first time I got pg and "untelling" everyone was horrible.

yellow.rose.of.canada's picture
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We're not telling anyone for a long time, but it's more because I don't want people to judge me for having babies 18 months apart. I'm pretty sure I'm being totally paranoid about this. I know I'll get a frosty reception from my parents, but I think everyone else will be fine.

I would tell my MIL, because she's awesome and super supportive, but she cannot keep a secret to save her life. The last two times she had told the entire extended family within 5 minutes, and that's with us asking her to keep it a secret. So, now she has to wait with the others. Smile

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I didn't want to tell anyone till after my first u/s and saw the heart beat but hubby blew it and told people on facebook while I was at work so I had to put it on mine or people would be upset that I didn't tell them. So the whole world knows!

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"yellow.rose.of.canada" wrote:

We're not telling anyone for a long time, but it's more because I don't want people to judge me for having babies 18 months apart. I'm pretty sure I'm being totally paranoid about this. I know I'll get a frosty reception from my parents, but I think everyone else will be fine.

My boss has 4 kids all 18 months apart so if you were here everyone would think you are way behind already Wink

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I experienced almost the same thing that Holly experienced. U/s @ 7wks was fine. Found out @ 12 wks that they baby had miscarried @ 9 wks.

Also, I am in a CRAZY situation w/ this baby. A soap opera couldn't write this so I think that's making me be a little more quiet than normal as well.

His family knows, my mom & dad know, 2 of the guys I work w/ know & that's it. I am terrified to tell my brothers, etc. Gonna have to eventually tho.

Jenn0113's picture
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Want to share the situation? I could use something to read Smile

lesleynka's picture
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It's gonna make me sound REEEEAAALY bad. I don't think i am a bad person, just went about a lot of things in the wrong ways I guess.

So, my husband Blaise & I (we were together 6 yrs) moved into an apt in long beach. I was not happy in the relationship & I don't think he was either. We were mainly together because we felt we should be for the girls. Long story short, kind of impossible w/ this one, our neighbors were Ed & Holleigh. We became really good friends w/ them both. Their relationship started to get shaky all the while I am telling Blaise that our relationship is dead & I am not happy, etc. Well, Holleigh left & Ed was supposed to move up to WA to follow her even tho she had moved in w/ one of her ex's. She basically left him.

I ended up being the one that he came to to pick up the pieces. Eventually, even tho we tried long & hard to NOT let it happen, we hooked up. I just assumed he was leaving, but as the affair continued we started to realize it wasn't just some fling. It was amazing, we were amazing, but I was still w/ Blaise & he was not w/ Holleigh, but hadn't quite cut it off either.

Blaise found out, I made him tell Holleigh that his "new girl" was me. She flipped, he flipped, everyone flipped. Our families all found out how everything went down. Blaise called everyone we knew, including all of my family, close or distant. I deserved it.

Ed was supposed to get a vasectomy on May 1st. I didn't get on b/c because I only assumed there was only a brief time that condoms were going to have to be used. Well, here we freakin are. We found out Easter that I am pregnant. We just assumed we would abort it, even tho I have always been against abortions as a form of b/c. I don't judge others, but just have that as my own rule. I wasn't going to tell my mom, but did & she said I should keep it. Ed & I started to talk about it & we decided that it is going to be next to impossible to make it $ wise, but we are going to go for it. We have debated the abortion possibility back & forth, but he just can't seem to come to terms w/ it.

Soooo, now, here we are, 6 months into our affair & about 4.5 months into our open relationship & I am pregnant. Btw, I have 2 little girls, he has a 17 yr old son & we don't even live together.

Wow, so, what do you think?

Jenn0113's picture
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That is a little bit of drama! LOL (not laughing at you, I just half expected something like "got pg while still married" and scared soon to be ex-dh will find out). So...are you still with Blaise? Is he with Holleigh? What do you mean when you say you are in an open relationship? Meaning your spouses know you are still seeing each other and are ok with it?!

Do you mean he can't come to terms with having the abortion or he can't come to terms with NOT having it?!

I'm genuinely interested in your story. Its really complicated - I hope you are able to have a HH9M regardless of the situation.

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I think it sounds like real life. Complicated and messy and not always a fairy tale, but real. Wink

((((HUGS))))) It sounds like you've had a really tumultuous 6 months, and there may still be a few bumps in the road yet. But you know what, I think it's awesome that you found something amazing, even under less than ideal circumstances. I can relate - the circumstances that I got together with my DH were also less than ideal (although no one was married.) I hope that having this baby brings a little bit of stability and lot of joy into your life. (((HUGS))))

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Wow! :eek: But guess what, I was able to completely follow that story!!!

Great things come from weird situations so as long as you keep your chin up and take care of business, you'll be great.

I really hope everything works out for everyone.

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Blaise & I are split. We split end of Dec/beginning of Jan. It had already been over for me, and I made the HORRIBLE mistake of just being too weak & selfish to end it completely. I still really care about him. We are trying to work together to get a divorce, etc. He hates me, but what can I expect.

Holleigh is still in WA & still going somewhat nuts. She called child protective services on me, etc. She still calls & texts Ed & she basically won't go away even tho she left him. I guess it's one of those "I don't want a man until someone else does" things that people tend to do so often.

Ed can't come to terms w/ an abortion. He didn't love the mother of his son & the mother isn't even in the boys life @ all. Ed is older than me & feels that this is the last chance he will have to have a child w/ someone he loves & respects, & try to do it right.

I am adopted so I have always figured abortion would be a hard option for me if the situation ever presented itself.

Did i answer everything? Anything more you want to know? I don't mind answering or talking about whatever.

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THANK YOU ALL!!

Yes, Ed & I are AMAZING. We think about all the crazy stuff that had to happen for us to be about to be together & it seems like fate. We know it's a tough road, but we want to do it together.

He already knew my girls & I already knew his son so that kind of helps the blending that is going to have to happen.

I just always said i wouldnt be "that girl." GRRRR.

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I'm headed out the door - but I'm sure I will have more questions soon - I'm just super nosy that way.

Thanks for being so open with us - I love posters like that! I tend to over share and appreciate the openness from others.

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Have a great night Jen. No worries, Im not really ever all that shy.