I am officially in LOVE

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lesleynka's picture
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I am officially in LOVE

So idk how all of you feel out there or what would be considered "normal" when it comes to how your feel about your little fetus.

This has been an extremely stressful pregnancy for me emotionally, support-wise from family (we've been & still are hiding it from people), money-wise, etc. There was a number of times I thought abortion would've just been the easier road, but as someone that is adopted it made me feel that I would be a hypocrite.

Anyways, I just wanted to share w/ everyone that today I had my moment. THE MOMENT! I got this crazy feeling around 9:30 this morning. I was sitting at my desk looking at my u/s picture & a huge, gushing wave of warmth & love came over me. Tears came to my eyes as I realized the extent of love for this child. It has come! I am so happy & relieved!! There have been times when I have wondered if all I would feel is resentment for this baby & now I know the answer is NO! I will NEVER resent this sweet child.

I am so happy. I texted my boyfriend right when I felt it.....HE is happy. SCREW EVERYONE! WE ARE HAPPY!!

Thank you for listening. I would love to hear other stories of how you feel now, whether you have reached this moment or not.....stories of the past....anything you want to share.

Jenn0113's picture
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I really hate to admit my feelings since I struggled with infertility for so long but I'll be honest. I am excited to be pregnant and I feel so so so so blessed by God to be able to have done it on my own without treatments....however, I feel really stressed at times about having another child. I haven't bonded with the baby and haven't really had that warm, maternal feeling yet. I don't resent the baby or dread it - I'm just like "eh, ok". I hate that I would even feel that way when this is literally my dream come true and my answered prayer. I think the surprise part of the pregnancy just caught me off guard.

However, after saying all that - after my 12 week NT scan I was looking at the u/s pictures on my way to work and I got all emotional and so excited to have a baby again. I felt a little overwhelmed with love at that moment.

I'm still nervous, still worried about how life will be with 2, still worried my DS will feel neglected, etc. I still don't feel a bond with this baby like I did with DS when I was pg, but I know that will come in time. I felt really bonded to DS during pregnancy but right after his was born I felt just "eh, ok, he's here". I think that had to do with my bad labor. Maybe I am getting that part out of the way now so I can feel "so in love" at the birth.

kridda_88's picture
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Honestly, even though this pregnancy was completely planned, I'm having a really hard time connecting with the pregnancy. As soon as I was pregnant with my other 2 it was right away connection, but this time it's just been so hard. Maybe it's because I've been feeling I'm going to loose the baby, which is why I had my nasty dream last night. But even with that I dream I was destroyed so I know there's part of me that is excited. I guess after it happened I just kind of went, "oh crap! How the heck am I going to handle 3 kids under the age of 4 and how the heck are we going to fit 3 car seats in the back of our truck!" Sometimes I feel it was a mistake to get pregnant again already but in the end something just keeps telling me things will work out. But I'm still having a hard time connecting with the pregnancy. I hope that changes when I get further along.

verdouxkai's picture
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I am embarrassed to say as well that I really couldn't say how I feel. After TTC for so long with DH...I guess part of me had resigned that it would always just be the two of us! I am so excited, but I guess since it was a complete surprise, and the fact that part of me is always scared that the bottom is about to fall out...I guess part of me is protecting the rest of me from getting too used to the idea that I'll actually end up with a healthy baby at the end of this.

Does that make any sense?? I feel awful...I can't wait for my own "moment!" :/

James87's picture
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This has been the most stressful part of my life. I am excited for the end result but feel extremely guilty for not enjoying my pregnancy thus far. Dh and I fight everyday. One day I want to leave, the next I think I can stick it out. Stress all the time and emotional. I just want everything to be perfect for my child and right now it feels like everything has just gone hay wire. I hope I develope a bond and everything just clicks into place where I know what I need to do and am able to provide the best life I can

Tanylisa's picture
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I feel the exact same way about this pregnancy too! I think for me it's being so worried like Jenn said about having a 2nd baby and so anxious about how I'll be with two and how I'll cope. I also feel worried about Jack and how a baby might make him feel left out. I really love being pregnant and am so happy I am but for some reason I haven't felt "connected" yet with this little one but I think as the weeks go on I'll become more bonded, it's just the worry and anxiety right now keeping me feeling distanced.

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i am so relieved to hear that there are others who feel the same way that i do. i too have not really "bonded" with this baby, i feel kind of ambivalent about being pregnant. i still have that protection instinct, and i cried like crazy a couple of weeks ago when i was having spotting issues and thought that i might lose the baby, so i know that i love him/her. but i'm not all over the moon about it.

i think that i'm having some of the same anxiety that you ladies have been having in terms of wondering how the heck i'm going to handle TWO little ones, when i can barely handle the one little monkey that i've got.

also, i am much sicker this time around and i have way less energy...which is totally taking away any possible enjoyment of this pregnancy.

but having said all that...going back to lesley's original post...let me just say how happy i am for you and glad that you have bonded with your little one!!! when i was pg with my DD, her biodad (not my current DH) seriously pressured me to have an abortion, and i almost caved...but my love for her won out, and i think that because i had to fight him so hard for her little life, i bonded with her very quickly. so i think i understand how you feel in terms of coming to that realization that you made the right decision. Smile

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So, I'm having a really hard time because I really hated being pregnant with DS and I had a really hard time with him as a newborn. He is the light of my life now and we are just SO happy as a family. Really my biggest fear is that this new little one is going to come along and ruin everything.

My biggest hope is that he/she will only add to the love and wonderfullness of my family and Nathan will love being a big brother and be a big help. I hope this one doesn't have all day colic and that I can maintain my sanity.

At moments I think that having another newborn will be wonderful and I get all excited, but mostly I fear it. Not quite dread...but definitely fear. How am I going to do this? Nathan was so much work...can I really do all that work again?

I'm pretty sure my "moment" won't happen until about 6 months or so after the new LO is born. But...at least I know that, and I'm prepared for it...and I'm kinda okay with it.

sometimes's picture
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Gosh, ditto to ALL of you. I have not yet had that OMG I love my baby moment... I guess because I'm still worried I'll lose it. I am so happy to be pregnant but keeping myself at a distance. I don't think I really bonded with DD until I felt her moving a lot.

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I don't think there is any reason to feel guilty, especially this early. It's still isn't 'real'. I think we'll all be singing a different tune when we get farther along. The fear may be there still but the bonding will have started.

lesleynka's picture
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Thank you all for sharing!! This has become an amazing post where we have all seriously bonded as women Smile

I didn't really have a "moment" w/ my #2. I think I felt the same way most of you do about your own #2's. Let me just reassure you that life will change in a drastic way, especially in the beginning, but as the ball continues to roll things all work out.

My #1 wanted NOTHING to do w/ my belly when #2 was in there. She put her nose up at it. Didn't want to feel baby or talk to baby or anything. I was heartbroken. But now, and yes it has taken a LONG time, they are always together. They fight just like siblings, but they are also amazing sisters. Violet calls Phoenix "Phoenix Mommy."

My children are my only blood relatives I know. They are the only true piece of me I see, will EVER see. I never had siblings close in age either. I love watching them together.

It is tough tho & I too am terrified of how we are going to pull this off. I am meshing new families, and VERY early after my split w/ my ex. We are not monetarily sound, nor have a cushion or a big enough car. But we still have more than a lot of folks & will work hard.

Nobody here will judge you. Let's all work together

Ventana's picture
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What a great - and real - post. I have to tell you ladies who are expecting #2 that your feelings are SO normal! I was not sure how I was going to survive with two kids, esp. since my hubby was deployed for the first 4 months of DS's life. I was scared and nervous. I was worried for my DD and for us as a family. But in the end DS has been a true blessing...and life for DD would not have been as fulfilling without him in it - none of our lives would have been!

That being said, I can completely relate to everyones feelings regarding my #3. Because this was not a planned pregnancy - and quite a surprise, I dont feel that bond yet either. Even seeing the ultrasound pictures...I just dont feel it in the same way I did with my others. I think with how badly I have been feeling and the resentment of me not being able to "get on with my life" have hampered me bonding with this baby. I am hoping that when my morning sickness lets up and I feel the baby moving for the first time, things will change.

I feel such guilt thinking these things. Im afraid I am jinxing myself for something terrible to happen. I just pray about it and know that God will get all of us thru it. On top of it all, I am now worried about DS...about him being the dreaded "middle child". He is the light of my life - my little man. I just dont want him growing up feeling left out and unimportant. DH and I have already talked about how we are going to make a concerted effort thru his life to give him that little bit of extra attention.

Hugs to you ladies - and thanks for the post.

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I definitely have not bonded yet. Mostly because I keep worrying I will lose this pregnancy. I almost bought some maternity clothes online tonight (big sale at the GAP) but I stopped because I am really not sure I will need them. I think once the 1st trimester is over and I can tell people and feel this baby move I will really bond. So glad to be sharing the board with all of you!

Renee595's picture
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Lesley it is so wonderful that you have been able to connect to your little one in such a special way!

I was a miserable prego with my DS and this time is worse. Between MS, tummy trouble, exhaustion, and being 5 years older it has been hard to connect to the pregnancy. I am constantly worried about the heath of the pregnancy and wish I had a belly flap I could lift to allow me to check on the baby whenever I wanted..lol

Good to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am sure as time goes on this will change!

ourfirstblessing's picture
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I've been kinda quiet lately and i guess it's because I am scared this is not real. We've told everyone and part of me is completely terrified that we are going to get a dating u/s and there won't be a baby there. I have no reason to really think this, no spotting/cramping etc. and i have tons of symptoms just like with my first two but really, just not having a for sure date right now is throwing me off. I am so, so irritated that they are waiting until next month but know that it really won't make a difference in the long run. I think once I have my u/s everything will feel so much more concrete and real! We have our list of things that need to happen before baby comes and are going to start checking them off, hopefully that will help too.