I just need to girl talk

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James87's picture
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I just need to girl talk

Ok this is me letting some steam off, but I would love some advice as well. I feel like such a horrible wife lately. I had to sit down and talk with my husband because I feel like he hasnt been doing his part at all. The nausea has really been getting to me and I've been xhausted and just trying to lay down and rest as much as possible. I cant even go outside cause it makes me more nauseated with the humidity and heat (not to mention the mosquitos love me) I'm the only one in this house cleaning, taking the trash out doing everything around the house. After we talked he has otten better with helping and he realized he hasnt been doing his part by not going to work and not fixing the car and always sending me out to the store. We are now behind on bills getting last notices and all. It is so stressful right now and im hoping he gets his *** in gear. Yes I understand I need to be working as well. And I've been in the process of transfering my nursing license except I have to retake the test for NC since this state doesnt have reciprocity. Last night he comes in the room when I'm trying to sleep and starts telling me he is jealous of the computer and upset that I dont sit outside with him more often and to me it sounded like he was just telling me he wanted all my attention...which later he admitted. He's become so clingy lately.... thats the main reason he hasnt been going to work cause he doesnt want to be away from me. I havent even been sleeping in the bed with him cause he just wants to lay on me. I dont know what to do. I dont handle clingy well. He was never like this before. He knows I'm independent and that its driving me insane to be at home. But is it really fair for him to get irritated that I fall asleep during the day? Or that I get on the computer to talk to my family and friends since I am 3000 miles away from them all? And the other night he kind of yelled at me and said if I got off the computer maybe I could go make some real friends.....I thoughtt that was hurtful. It was 11 pm, what am I suppose to do? Go walk down the road asking people to be my friend? Ok this is long enough, sorry its so much but I had to get it out before I exploded.

Alissa_Sal's picture
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When did the clinginess start? Is it new since your move, or new since your pregnancy? I love my DH dearly, but I don't think I would be able to tolerate him wanting to be by my side day and night - particularly at the cost of getting a job, particularly if we were already behind on our bills. That sounds maddening. I think that you guys need to sit down and have a heart to heart to figure out a couple of things:

1) Where all of his insecurity is coming from all of the sudden
2) Making a plan laying out exactly what you both need to do to get jobs and how you are going to pay your bills in the meantime

Sorry you are going through all of this stress right now. I totally understand being unmotivated to get a job when you feel like crap.

James87's picture
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Well he has a job at a graphics company but he just has been callin in instead of going. The clingyness started after we found out i was pregnant. He says he is insecure because of all the attention he's noticed that i've been getting. I love him to death and i know we will always be able to work through our problems unless it was something huge which I doubt would happen. He doesnt even want me to get a job but I need time away. We are trying to buy a house and i mean if he isnt going to work to save the money then how is he expecting to be able to buy a house?

Starryblue702's picture
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I was going to say, it probably came on after you found out you were pregnant. Men handle pregnancies differently; some shy away from you with the news and others cling like toddlers... it's weird. Obviously you got the baby of the two, although I don't know which one would be worse to put up with. You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, and let him know that he's not the only one with worries right now... and that you need a MAN around! Why is he calling in to work? Especially if you are struggling to pay bills (I'm with you there, girl!) he needs to get his @ss in gear. Let him know that this better not be what you can expect when the baby comes... which is absolutely NIOTHING!

Alissa_Sal's picture
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Yeah, if he has a job, he needs to start going to work before he loses it. That is not what you need right now.

James87's picture
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ya, we will be talking tonight. Thank you girls so much

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that sucks...sometimes having a husband can be like having another child.

my DH is guilty of being clingy too, so i understand how you feel. it is so annoying!!! i don't deal with clingy very well either, if anything it just pushes me away. you are definitely not overreacting.

it sounds like you guys are just going through a transition...those can definitely be hard. my DH went through a real clingy phase shortly after we got married...i guess once we got married, i didn't feel like i needed to spend every milisecond of my spare time glued to his side, seeing as how we had the rest of our lives to spend together. but i think he saw that as me pulling away from him, so he felt scared and ended up smothering me. we got into som pretty big blowouts. eventually it worked out though...we met somewhere in the middle. i try to give him some extra TLC (even if i'm not necessarily in the mood), and he doesn't go into a sulk just b/c i want to watch TV in a different room.

i think it's a good sign that your hubby takes your concerns to heart...it sounds like once you tell him what's bothering you, he responds well...maybe you just need to find a halfway point that makes you both happy.

oh, except for the job thing....i'm sorry, but that's just something that i could not tolerate in my home...IMO, a husband and father needs to contribute to the family household...if he's not working to put food on the table, then he'd better be taking care of the kids/house. some men just need a kick in the @ss in this department. but that's just me.

Jenn0113's picture
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I hope you guys were able to talk through things last night.

On the friend front - I don't think making friends is that easy - especially if you aren't part of a group or in an office. Do you just walk up to a random stranger and ask them to hang out?!

Why are you guys so far away from your families? Just curious.

My Dh is opposite in that he never takes off work to hang out with us unless its a vacation. He loves his job and hates to miss - its almost annoying at times. But, I'm glad he likes what he does (he is a graphic designer too) and is good at it.

Do you think he is envious that you get to stay home all day and he has to go to work?

James87's picture
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Thanks girls, you guys are very helpful. The talk did go well. Im hoping things stick. Ya I am he same way, when we got married I didnt feel that I needed to be by his side 24/7. I wouldnt say he's envious of me staying home cause when he does stay home he just sits outside and complains about me not sitting in the sun with him. I think maybe hes overwhelmed and just needs to chill out. He did go to work all his scheduled days this week. Hallelujah! He even told me that he asked for overtime and they will be giving it to him. We arent so far from our families. It's just me that's far from my family. He is actually from NC and my grandma lives out here and I ended up meetin him about 7 years ago when I was 17 while I was visiting my grandma and we have been doing this long distance thing and neither one of us liked it too much and he has a good job here (when he goes lol) and I was in the middle of going into a different job so I decided I would move. He's been at the same job for 6 years. We are working on me giving him more attention and him giving me my space.... if that makes any sense...