More than one child

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Joined: 11/20/07
Posts: 171
More than one child

I have been feeling soo down lately Sad I love my son soooooooooo much and he has quite an obsession with me (lol) and now I am worried about my ability to love another child as much as I love him. I am also worried that he will act out once baby arrives as he won't get as much attention from me. I don't want him to resent his little brother or sister. So BTDT mom's have you guys had difficulties bonding with your new ones after the first child?

RoniBoo's picture
Joined: 06/07/11
Posts: 903

awwww This is my first child so I don't have any advice really however I am sure things will work out fine Smile One Day at a time and lots of HuGS Smile

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
Joined: 10/20/08
Posts: 2479

I have the same feelings. I am the "favorite" right now between DH and I and Nicholas wants me to be everywhere with him. It is going to break my heart if I am nursing Emily and can't go play with him Sad Also at night we snuggle on the couch together just me and him and I am wondering how it is going to be having to make room for Emily too. I'm sure that we will adapt but I can't help but worry.

verdouxkai's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 826

I'm going to be a FTM as well, but just wanted to send hugs! I know my BFF worried about the same thing when she got pg with her second, and everything seemed to just fall naturally into place.

Joined: 01/19/06
Posts: 550

I went through the exact same thing when I was pg with DS#2. I loved my little Matty SO much and just couldn't imagine how I was ever going to love another baby as much as I loved him. Once Daniel arrived, I felt silly for ever feeling that way. It was instant love when I saw Daniel. It is totally normal to feel the way you are feeling and pretty much every Mom I know went through the exact same thing. Your heart and your love grow and trust me, you will have no problem loving this new little one as much as your DS. I was so nervous about the transition to 2 kids, but things just fell right into place. It didn't take Matty very long to adjust to his new little brother and for DH and I to adjust to now having 2 kids instead of 1. Now it's hard for me to remember what life was like before Daniel joined our family. You'll see, things will just work out. :bigarmhug:

AmberBella's picture
Joined: 02/15/07
Posts: 1831

I have the same worries...but we are talking to Nathan a lot about what it's going to be like with the baby here. We're preparing him that Mommy will be really busy with the baby but I plan on including him a lot in the helper role. Hopefully that will make him feel less left out and more loved, needed, and wanted.

I'm sure he's going to get jealous....but hopefully when the love for his sibling takes over the jealousy will go away.

Nathan is such a wonderful, clever, and well behaved little boy that I sometimes worry that there is no way this new child will be able to live up to what he has done and that I will constantly make comparisons. But I'm pretty sure that thought is just crazy and paranoid and I'm just going to appreciate and marvel at the differences between them. I a teacher I never wonder why can't so and so be more like so and so....there's no reason to think I'd be that way as a mom.

yellow.rose.of.canada's picture
Joined: 01/13/10
Posts: 1173

I felt the same way before I had DD. DS is very snuggly/clingy and always wants to be with me. He had absolutely no issues at all. I worked pretty hard to make sure he still had one on one time, and we did some special things with him right after she was born and he did great. I think I struggled the most because I felt so guilty. Then DH reminded me that he had 3.5 years alone with us, and none of the other kids would ever get that.

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

I know this is silly - but I have tried not to dwell on those feelings when they come. I know once this LO gets here that it will all fall into place perfectly so I am just spending every spare second loving all over Deacon now so he feels excited about the baby instead of dreading her.

AmayaNSugar's picture
Joined: 01/08/07
Posts: 267

I have the same worries too! I have been talking to my daughter a lot about what it is going to be like with a sibling. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I think it will be because she is so attached to me.

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1006

I think every mom feels that way when #2 comes along--I did! But like someone else said--it all just falls into place. There might be some behavior things as everyone adjusts, but it all works out in the end.

"AmberBella" wrote:

Nathan is such a wonderful, clever, and well behaved little boy that I sometimes worry that there is no way this new child will be able to live up to what he has done and that I will constantly make comparisons. But I'm pretty sure that thought is just crazy and paranoid and I'm just going to appreciate and marvel at the differences between them.

So on this side of things--I have some experience! So my first was only 20 months and not really even talking yet when dd came along so there wasn't worry at first of "comparison" problems. But as they have grown, I just marvel at how different kids can be! And the comparisons are definitely not there, because they are each their own little person. Ds1 didn't really talk until after 2, but learned to read at 3 and ride a bike at 5. DD was talking full sentences and had 200 words we understood from her at 18 months, but didn't know all of her letters until almost 4 and she was reading the next month and riding a bike before she turned 4! Ds2--he could CARE LESS about letters or numbers and he is 3 now, but oh boy--he is SOOOO coordinated I bet he'll be riding a bike soon--he jumps off everything where ds1 was never interested in physical activities and is still my bookworm. They are just all SOOOO different! And you love their unique personality traits and talents. And I put these examples out there because it DOES NOT stress me out that ds2 doesn't know more than 3 letters of the alphabet when ds1 was reading at this age--because ds2 has his own "things" he is working on/interested in and I just can't compare them because they are apples and oranges!

lesleynka's picture
Joined: 04/26/11
Posts: 1845

I am working on #3. I don't even KNOW how that's going to flow. And my SO & my family just meshed so it's going from me & my girls to me, Ed, girls, Ed's 16yo boy & soon the newborn. IDK how that's going to work. Like Jenn, I guess I don't really think about it. Too busy maybe. =/

But, I completely agree w/ Holly. Kids are SO different!! Everything will fall into place. Nobody ever goes rotten b/c they got a sibling. Most of the time we can't even IMAGINE life WITHOUT our siblings!

My oldest wanted NOTHING to do Violet when I was pregnant w/ her & now they are inseparable. My youngest calls my older Phoenix-mom. lol. Yes, Phoenix can be mean, downright cruel, to Violet, but that's nothing new w/ siblings or familiy.

You guys are going to LOVE seeing your children bonding. Even if it takes months, maybe years!