first let me start off with an apology for falling off the face of the earth. i finally left my dh. Things got to be too much and since ive had cash my entire outlook on everything has completely changed. You all know my labor was a difficult time and after I had cash my dh (wes) left me in the hospital for a week by myself. he came for maybe 45 min around 10pm and one day he never even showed up. It was even worse with the baby. He went and saw him about 4 times for an hour the entire 10 days he was in the hospital. Great father right? All the nurses thought I was a single mom; it was quite embarressing to have to say no Im married. Come to find out wes was drinking all night and having friends over for steak dinners etc. My entire pregnancy i warned him that I would not tolerate drinking in the house once the baby was here and he told he he understood. well the 3rd night cash was home I woke up with him at about 430 cause he kept holding his breathe. I called down the stairs cause wes was still awake and asked him to watch cash while i went to the bathroom cause he was making me nervous. Oh and let me just say that wes has not once helped with anything with the baby at all. But anyways he said ya and he took the baby downstairs while I was in the bathroom. I get out and start walking down the stairs and immediatly smell the alcohol. I take one look at wes and see that he is drunk and i knew from that moment that I was leaving. I ended up taking cash to the hospital and wes asked if i wanted him to drive.... wow. I drove of course and we were at the hospital; wes smelling like alcohol and he gets upset cause I told him that i would be leaving and going back to az and im not sure when but that I have given him more than enough chances and this was just too much. Oh AND I brought cash home from the hospital for the first time ALONE of course. but anyways wes didnt like what i had to say so he stormed out of the er and called my mom which was 3am her time to tell her that he is buying drugs for me on the street... real appropriate huh? We get home and the next day I supppose he thinks that i wasnt serious with what i said the night before and he goes out and buys more alcohol and i go to sleep after I tell him I would be looking up plane tickets. I wake up in the middle of the night to doors slamming and things dropping. I grab the baby and walk downstairs at 3-4am and he is outside gettting in his car. I ask where he is going he says he didnt know and again is drunk. So he comes back inside continues to bug me about when im leaving how long ill be gone for etc. I inform him he needs help and needs to decide what he wants out of life but he wasnt going to bring cash nor myself down in the process that I have done everything I know hwo to do to help. so he tells me that he thinks i should just get the f out right now. he goes upstairs to pack my stuff for me and i tell him ill do it and i put the baby down and wes goes downstairs and starts breaking things. i yelled down the stairs that if he continued to act that way and break things with my son in the house then i would be calling the cops. so he takes it upon himself to call the cops. they show up and give me 20 min to pack mine and cash's things and leave. i will never forgive him. he said some really horrible things to me about myself and cash. i wont put my son around any negativity, i later come to find out that wes stole money from me while i was in recovery from the c section and gave it to his other babys mother. this was 800$. I was called fat ugly boring and an embarresment. I rather not say what was said about cash. Now wes is supposedly sober and wants us back and wants us to go to counseling. I can not trust this man and my son is the most important person to me and i will not risk putting him in a situation like that ever again. What kind of mother would I be? So that is, believe it or not long story short as to why i have n ot been around. Cash is doing great though. He is so amazing. We sleep good, eat good and things just have clicked for me. His bilirubin is still high but that will get better. he is 5.14 now. Im just a happy mama. I hope u all are doing good and happy and healthy babies are coming home to you.