Well as you all know i posted on Saturday early morning if I needed to go to L&D because i had some bleeding; the night before I started having contractions but figure it was nothing but then there was blood and that totally threw me off. I called my dr and was told to come in just in case its better to be safe than sorry. I got there and was checked I was dilated and 50% effaced. Monitored and contractions were every 3 min so I Was given 3 doses of procardia which did nothing to stop the contractions then i was given morphine for the pain and that spaced the contractions out a bit more. A scan was done to see cash and make sure he would be ok incase he was born and everything came back good. Blood work came back good as well. So i stayed to be monitored to try to get the strength and time of contractions to change. Around 8 am sunday I sat up and gush there goes something so I get up because I am only allowed to go potty since my bag had been bulging and there goes tons of fluid and tons of blood and I start freaking out. Blood everywhere nobody could figure out where the blood was coming from and if there was even water in the blood. And after some calming time for me it turned out to be my water. I had to go to the bathroom a couple minutes after this happened and a clot about the size of a grapefruit flops out and the nurse comes runningin the bathroom thinking i was throwing up. Now they are concerned cause the blood wouldnt stop. Dr comes in and checks me and feels that there is a bag underneath his had that hadnt been part of the bag that broke so he ruptures it. Pain intensifys contractions are pretty bad. Babys heart rate drops after everyone contractions. They arent even spaced out just 1 on top of the other. Didnt want to start pitocin because of contractions are already there so gives time to see what they do but I do get an epidural at only 2 cm dilate. Dr comes back checks me and Im still a 2 this is buy 11 i think(keep in mind all this seems like such a blurr still) starts pitocin and heart rate still dropping. I get an amnio infusion and internal monitor to see just how strong the contractions are. nurse comes back in 15 min later and turns off the pit because my contractions are rating off the screen. I get checked again im at a 4 and fully effaced. stuck there will absoultely no change. 10pm they start talking about c section before itbecomas an emergency. I break down in tears and explain why I say no and that I think i just need more time. by 11 still no change. water has been broken since 8am and they said if there was even a little change they would be comfortable waiting but since there hasnt been any change and his heart rate got all funky then they have to think of why there hasnt been and progress. They know my contractions are strong and coming regularly, they know he isnt a big baby so they check one more time andhis head isnt dropped into my pelvis liek he was he seemed to have retracted. I say to give me a little more time and then receive some horribly dirty looks. There was absolutely no change so next time they came in I said if we had to do one then i wont fight them about it. I was taken into the OR strapped down to the table. Given medication still felt some cutting on the right side corner cried the whole time. I was scared, upset, sad that it wasnt the experience i wanted and instead of being part of bringing my baby into the world i was just laying there getting cut open. I was worried about my son, I was worried about becoming a mom and having no control over anything. Cash was born at 12:05 am on 12-12-11 He got pulled out crying and strong as soon as they took him to get cleaned up my body just fell apart. I could feel everything they Anestesialogist was trying to give me medication quickly The last thing I remember is my dh bringing cash in so I could see what he looked like and i kissed his face then the next thing after that was a couple hours later waking up in a room and not knowing anything thats going on. dh came in couldtell something was wrong he didnt wanna tell me. i was out of it still and felt like everyone was hiding something from me. Finally I get told that as soon as dh turned to walk back to the nurses away from me with cash that he turned purple and was imediatly taken from dh. There wasnt communication as to what was going on. Seeing ur baby not breathing and tubes and masks and everything is obviously really difficut and dh didnt know how to deal with it and didnt want to worry me now that cash seemed stable. they wheeled my to NICU to see him and I was able to gather some more info that he forgot to remember to breath and is on the cpap and will be on antibiotic till blood cultures come back and inside an isolate till he can regulate his tempon iv's etc. i wasnt able to hold him just touch him for a second and my heart was broken I didnt even feel like a mom. I went to my room and called NICU every hour to check on him. After I got some sleep I was able to wake up and go down to NICU and touch him and look then I was told that hes doing better and will take baby steps getting him off of everything. He is now 48 hours old and Off of all the machines and monitors. Fed a couple times now. just an hour ago he fed for 30 min all together. No infections no breathing problems weight is good he lost 2 ounces. Has pooped 3 times today. Only cries when he has a messy diaper. I def am feeling like a mom now. Its amazing. He is so precious. Im still in the hospital. Ive probably missed a lot of things that have happened or repeated myself. I feel like this has been such a long couple days. He may be able to get to go home with me this week. Im going to keep my fingers crossed for that. As long as he continues to eat and be stable then we will be all good for going home. Its about time for a pumping session. Thanks for reading. Hope it makes sense.