What Would You Do? (OT...LONG...XP)

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verdouxkai's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 826
What Would You Do? (OT...LONG...XP)

So, today I've been in a funk. I love my job, but I keep thinking about moving. Here is (what I'll attempt to be) a short version of where I am...

DH and are both from the DFW area in Ft Worth, but moved to Abilene Texas the weekend after we got married to go to college (we were young!)...so Abilene was pretty much "our" town. We lived there for 10 years, have lots of friends there, my BFF is there, etc.

So, in late 2009 I had my m/c, and DH and I were just...off. He got a job offer in Fort Worth and we jumped. Didn't put a LOT of though into it, I think we just wanted to get away from things that reminded us of being depressed. So we packed up and left. My brother let us move in with him while we tried to sell our house, got settled, etc.

Well, the job my DH got turned out to be totally misrepresented and was horrible...he made no money. We killed our savings and ended up declaring bankruptcy. DH was in sales and he hated it, I could tell he was miserable. I told him to go back to school and finish his degree. In the meantime I found the job I'm at now, which I love and had felt like it was going places. In the meantime, we found out that DH would have to go back to Abilene to finish his degree because so many credits wouldn't transfer here.

I decided to stay here, because I loved the job.

Flash forward to now. I still love my job for the most part, and my co-workers, but I'm starting to wonder if it's really going to "go somewhere" or if I'm just going to spin my wheels forever making others above me look good and never make any more significant jumps in pay, status, etc. On top of that I'm preggo...and do I want to raise a family here?

I've been thinking about Abilene a lot lately - it's a small town where everyone knows everyone, but not so small to be boring. It's also close to big cities. My commute there used to be 5 minutes and now it's 45 minutes to 1 hour. The schools are probably more one-on-one, but I probably won't ever make great money there. DH doing his masters work there as opposed to the Metroplex will also be insanely expensive.

So...sorry this ended up being so long...but what would you do? Would you consider seriously looking into moving, or stay the course? I'm still living with my brother, and don't know how long it will take once DH moves back in December to find a job, us have enough money to move into a place of our own, etc...I'm so confused, I just don't know what I want anymore.

Crap...I think I'm just hormonal. :help:

If you made it this far, congrats. Any advice is welcome. :/

lesleynka's picture
Joined: 04/26/11
Posts: 1845

I would do what would make you happy & what you are capable of. If you love Abilene, go back. Ideals & wants/needs change when you become a parent. Abilene sounds more like I town I would love to raise my kids in, not the urban jungle I'm currently living in.

But, you also have to think about the economy. Can you find a job if you move? Can he? Where can you exist easier vs where you will be more happy.

I don't think being rich is important to most people. I think most just want to comfortably survive.

Joined: 06/29/07
Posts: 144

When I was pregnant with my first, we chose to move back from NJ to our hometown near Buffalo, NY. I don't regret the decision at all, but we knew that there was a job for my DH so that we had at least one income. That being said, his pay definitely would be a lot more if we had stayed in NJ, so we did make a sacrifice there. But our housing costs here are about 1/3 of what it would have cost in NJ, so that cancels out the decrease in pay.

I would say that you should look into what kind of job opportunities are available back in your hometown, because if there is nowhere to work then it may not be possible to move back right now. But, that does not mean that you can't keep looking for work there, and move back when you find something.

Ventana's picture
Joined: 10/23/05
Posts: 187

I totally agree with Lesley. It seems from what you wrote that Abilene is a nicer town to raise a family AND that you enjoy. A job is just that, a job. What matters in the long run is not money, prestige, job position, etc...it is your and your family's happiness! If Abilene is where you and DH will be most happy - I saw throw in the towel and move back. Smile

I know that is written from a more emotional/happiness standpoint - not taking into consideration the job/financial aspect so much. I guess I would say, aim your sites there, and move when you can get things in order.

verdouxkai's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 826

Thanks so much ladies, I really appreciate it! I think must of yesterday was a crazy hormonal outburst, but I'm feeling much better today.

I think I'm going to talk to DH this weekend and maybe we can sit down and write some pros and cons and see how we feel now that we know we're starting a family. Of course I can't make any moves until LO is here (insurance!), so I am able to sit back and look at it a little more clearly down the road. I've had a good cry and feel a little more level-headed today, lol!

Thanks again!

AmayaNSugar's picture
Joined: 01/08/07
Posts: 267

You should definitely do the pros and cons of living in both places. I was in the same situation as you. I had to choose whether to move back to small town Arkansas to be close to family or stay in a Metropolitan area. I pick living in a bigger city because there will be more opportunities, diversity and better schools. Abilene is not too small of a town and would probably be a good place to raise your kids. I also think Abilene has high ranked schools. My brother works in Fort Worth but chose to live in Keller to raise his kids instead.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 148

No advice, just :bigarmhug:

Lately, I've been thinking I'd like for us to live closer to a larger city, not too close so that it would feel suffocating and like the neighbors could look over into our windows, but it seems like a roomy suburb would be really nice. Right now, we're about 15 min. outside of a small town and at least 1/2 hr. to 45 min. away from a decent sized city. There are definite drawbacks when it comes to wanting to take the kids to places like art/science museums, decent shopping, etc. as it takes awhile just to get there. Sad It wouldn't be a light decision for us though as DH has a dependable job that's 25 min. from home, our family is close by, and moving for 7 (when baby gets here) would be no small feat.

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1007

I have no advice for you either--we are kinda in a similar boat. we want to move back closer to family, but the timing isn't right right now. So we are sitting tight, but all the while our house is getting a tighter fit. I hope you can come up with a solution that's best for you and your family!

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

I would prefer to be near family. Right now I do a long commute to work but my mom lives in my neighborhood and can watch my kids for me. That is so nice - especially when I really need it.

lesleynka's picture
Joined: 04/26/11
Posts: 1845

Glad you are feeling better Amanda! Pregnancy is a *****. You would think us pregnant women would catch a break somewhere, but no....we have it all laid on us & all at the same time.

You are not alone.