Anyone else on the fence.....

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FourMaybeMore's picture
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Anyone else on the fence.....

I'm being really honest here... I want more kids so bad but I am on the fence in a way..... I want a baby, like, yesterday. My daughters are even extremely excited about the prospect and know there may be a little baby coming someday. But I feel scared and worried and I don't remember feeling that when TTC#2 at all. Does that mean I shouldn't be TTC? Maybe I should just go about my life and LIH.... but then I remember life is so short and family is what's important. I want to lose weight and we want to vacation and enjoy our life together but I definitely feel incomplete (but don't want to take away from the kids I have now.)

So who feels the same or who has felt this way and what are your thoughts?

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I think it's only natural to be a little nervous/scared and even a little "selfish" when it comes to wanting a baby. I don't think it means that you shouldn't be TTC - I think it just means that you are remembering what it was like to have a baby, how it changes EVERYTHING, and at the same time, thinking about the freedoms & carefree lifestyle of not having a baby. It's okay to be torn.

DH & I have been married for year & half (today actually!) & we live a pretty fabulous life, and what I mean is that we go away a lot, go out to dinner, go on vacations, go to sporting events, go to parties with our friends, spend $ on whatever we want, sleep in on the weekends, and I often get super scared and nervous about how a baby is going to change this, esp the sleep part (I'm cranky w/ less than 8 hours of sleep!) plus I get scared about how a baby is going to change our relationship.....but I've always wanted a baby, since I was a child, but now that it has taken almost 9 months for us, I often think if it was truly meant for us.

I guess I have no real "words of wisdom" other than the fact that you aren't alone - deciding to have a baby (esp another one!) is a HUGE decision, and it's ok to have these thoughts; I think that it makes you a good parent b/c you have really put a lot of thought into this process Smile

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Sarah, this is me! Every month I wasn't preggo I was sad and disappointed, but also thinking, one more month to let it all sink in. My sons are very high needs and thinking that #3 could also be...... scary!!! But I think talking to your hubby and understanding that your family is a 'team' and everyone will work it out together is what makes me plunge forward. YOU aren't doing this alone. Smile Your kids will love their new brother/sister. They will bond together, and before you know it, you won't know how you got along without the new LO. Planning things is always harder b/c you have time to second guess. (((hugs)))

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"DrakePlusOne" wrote:

But I think talking to your hubby and understanding that your family is a 'team' and everyone will work it out together is what makes me plunge forward. YOU aren't doing this alone. Smile Planning things is always harder b/c you have time to second guess. (((hugs)))

This! When we first were deciding when we wanted to TTC (before medical stuff got in the way for a few months) I was beyond thrilled at the prospect of another baby, but then when it was a month away I was getting really nervous. I am over it now as we had to wait a while to TTC, it gave me time to feel more secure (?) but I still have days when I wonder how I'm going to juggle annoying pregnancy symptoms and DD, or a baby and her as she can be really high needs. It seems like a weird feeling to have when you want a baby so badly, but I think we've all been there!

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Thanks for the replies.... it's definitely nice just to know you're not alone when it comes to "the ugly" feelings of TTC. OMG Marie congrats on your +++++ I just saw it!!!

It's just such an oxymoron to me to not know which direction to put your energy. Like yesterday I tried to really focus on eating healthy and changing my mindset about it, but at the same time I was dwelling on due dates and CM and whether I should sign up for a race because it might be 6 months pregnant (and wondering if I will be sad if still not pregnant at that point or if I will have changed my mind....) It's such a strange mix of emotions to have at once but I appreciate everything you guys have said! :bigarmhug:

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"FourMaybeMore" wrote:

I'm being really honest here... I want more kids so bad but I am on the fence in a way..... I want a baby, like, yesterday. My daughters are even extremely excited about the prospect and know there may be a little baby coming someday. But I feel scared and worried and I don't remember feeling that when TTC#2 at all. Does that mean I shouldn't be TTC? Maybe I should just go about my life and LIH.... but then I remember life is so short and family is what's important. I want to lose weight and we want to vacation and enjoy our life together but I definitely feel incomplete (but don't want to take away from the kids I have now.)

So who feels the same or who has felt this way and what are your thoughts?

This is me exactly! Every time I get a BFN I think "well maybe i'm not supposed to do this... it's going to be hard" but then I remember how much i want another baby and I go for it again! I'm hoping I get pregnant soon so i don't have to think about it anymore and it will just happen.

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:lurk:

I'm not currently TTC, actually preventing, even if somewhat carelessly. Wink DH and I always talked about 2 maybe 3. Now that we have 2 he says no more but I still don't feel ready to let go of the idea. I go back and forth on it all the time because I know it will be hard if we have another one. We will have to reorganize how we use our space at home...some of the kiddos will have to share a room, etc. I don't have easy pregnancies and really don't care to ever be preggers again. But ultimately I am afraid of getting 5+ years down the road and not being able to get past a sadness of never having that third child. I figure if we do it, we won't regret having him/her once they're here.

I wish I knew the answer...I still haven't pushed DH for a hard decision yet. Although he's been put on notice that I still want another one. I am really just hoping for an "oops" and then the decision is made. Smile

I think your feelings are totally normal though. Hope you are able to figure out the best answer for your family.

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Well I just signed up for a late Sept. race so with my luck, this will be my month Smile But honestly, I just saw a lady ran a marathon and delivered 2 hours later this week so that's not stopping me either. I'll be pretty happy to stay in shape during the pregnancy for once.... lol

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Marie!!!!! I didn't know you got a BFP! Congrats!!!! Yahoo

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Awww thank you guys! Smile I'll be stalking you all like mad! Chanting JAN-U-ARY, JAN-U-ARY! Smile This little one is right on the crack too, so I might be a 'crack buddy' if you don't mind. (Sorry to hijack, btw!)

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Crack buddy is great....just don't say "crack baby"....not so PC lol

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OMG Marie!!! CONGRATS on the BFP!!!!!!!!!!!! Sooooo excited for you!!!!

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There are some days where I question whether we should try for one more or just be done. I know that when we found out our son was a boy, both of our families just assumed we were done. We decided to play it by ear, but most of the time, my heart feels incomplete. For the longest time, I've wanted four children, and DH is finally on board with that plan. Our last TTC was very long and painful, and I think that is part of what is holding me back this time. I do not want another experience like that, but I know that what is meant to be is meant to be. Good luck w/your decision!!

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"FourMaybeMore" wrote:

Crack buddy is great....just don't say "crack baby"....not so PC lol

Hah! Love this!!

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I think it's totally normal to feel that way. I often think I am crazy for wanting another... my DD is sick all the time, I swear she catches EVERYTHING ( darn daycare!!) and she's a poor sleeper. Add that to the mix of working full time.. I feel exhasted a lot as is, so to add another baby...oh dear!! BUT, I know that I would never feel complete without having another one. I have never regretted anything I've done in my life, I only end up regretting the things I DIDN'T do. (just my 2 cents!)

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I know I want another child, the thing that kind of puts me on the fence is the grief we will be getting from nearly everyone. I also feel a little guilty because my sister has been trying for over a year to have a baby. If we end up pregnant before her, she will blow her top. (she is single, 45, and doing IUIs + she has PCOS. There is a pretty good chance we will get pregnant first.

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