Feeling Guilty *Vent*

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Joined: 04/30/09
Posts: 2257
Feeling Guilty *Vent*

Last night I went to l&d when I wasn't totally convinced things were fine. The contractions had been a bit better (not too painful or more then 4-5 an hour) but I was still having them and if I was up and about it was worse. My itching/ICP has been more prominent too and while he's still passing kick counts by ACOG standards (10 per 2 hours) he's taking longer to do them most days then normal.

At l&d my BP was a little high though I felt relaxed. He looked good on the monitors and I was just having mild contractions every 10-14 minutes. Nurse checked my cervix and we were both surprised at how posterior it was (she had to REALLY reach and kept apologizing) for how much pressure I was having with contractions. The on call OB wanted me to follow up with my mw because she knows my case best (I am keeping my appointment for that today) and to have another NST tomorrow so I'll have them every other day this week.

I know every day they bake is important and helpful (so long as the ICP isn't worsening) but I can't help but feel like he's better off being born soon. I am really hoping they'll agree to induce me right at 37 weeks on Thurs or Friday as every day past 37 puts them more at risk.

I wish I could be enjoying this last bit of time being pregnant and enjoying the time with DD more. I feel awful that she has to deal with a zombie mode sickly preggo mama. Beee

les27's picture
Joined: 05/21/08
Posts: 840

You don't need to feel guilty! It's for medical reasons like YOURS that inducing is necessary! I really hope you get some relief soon and you get your wish of inducing at 37 weeks! Wasn't DD already born at this point of pregnancy with her?

Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 1063

Obviously I am not dealing with all the medical problems you are, but I know I will get to my breaking point before delivery day unless the boys come quite early. Don't feel guilty. You obviously did the right thing going to L&D. One of these days your instincts will be correct - it will be delivery day. You've done great!! Already 35+5!! Don't feel guilty. And I wish my doc would agree to deliver at 37. It is not out of the realm of normal. They are considered full term at 36. I joke that I will induce myself if he does not. And it is truly just a joke, but the people where I work seem concerned. Smile


patricia2383's picture
Joined: 04/17/08
Posts: 458

Why feel guilty I had to induce at 37 weeks with Dylan because I had really high bp and it wasn't safe for either of us. he came out really healthy 7.11 and 21 inches perfect!

lby_mommyof3's picture
Joined: 11/12/07
Posts: 644

Don't feel guilty, Mia. You only want what is best for baby and to be a healthy momma! I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. (((HUGS)))

Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

Mia :bigarmhug: dont feel guilty !!! I too want my LO be ause of my high BP ! Medically you have a legit reason to be worried about laboring! I hope they still induce you because you need to make sure you and baby are healthy !

Holly_Anne618's picture
Joined: 04/03/07
Posts: 1271

Don't feel guilty! You are only wanting what is best for your little guy....no one can fault you for that. Hopefully things will go smoothly and in just a few days you'll be holding your LO! Hang in there Mia!

Joined: 04/30/09
Posts: 2257

Thanks ladies. I just was feeling guilty at wanting him out now in some ways. I do not want him to have any kind of respiratory issues and where as growth restriction is a big concern with this condition, he's more likely to have issues. I'm feeling better today it's just such a double edged sword of figuring out what's healthiest for them. Smile

xMyLovelyLadyBumpx's picture
Joined: 02/17/11
Posts: 1198

Dont feel guilty! THIS is why induction is around for women who NEED to give birth before it happens on its own! You're looking out for baby and yourself and thats nothing to feel guilt about. Good Momma award goes to you!!!

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541


First big hugs.

Second, as everyone else has already said, don't feel guilty. When I was pregnant with my son I developed gall stones at 24 weeks and his feet were at my gall bladder. My OB wanted surgery done ASAP but the surgeon would not do it as I was passing liver function tests. I was in severe pain and had a total of 5 admittances for pain control, most lasting almost a week. I had the steroid shots at 32 weeks and was told when I left the hospital that time if I came back for pain control after 34 weeks they would just induce at that point. I went back in on the day I turned 34 weeks. My OB decided to let Robbie continue to grow and me on morphine, I told him that was fine but I was not leaving the hospital without giving birth. At 35w6d they started inducing me finally, at 36w1d he was finally born. For those 12 weeks I beat myself up first about the pain meds and then about him coming a month early. Robbie was perfectly healthy but tiny (4lbs 12oz) and I followed what my doctors though were best. I got as much information as I could and made an informed decision. Was it the way I wanted? Of course not but what was important is healthy baby and mommy!

My son is now 7.5 years old and I am finally releasing some of the guilt from my pregnancy. It is not a good way to live your life feeling guilty.


Joined: 04/30/09
Posts: 2257

Thanks again ladies. I know it's not good to get all wrapped up in guilt. I've been trying to shift gears into more back positive thinking (which I've been able to do most of the pregnancy). It's just hard to know that we got so lucky with DD hardly having any issues (losing lots of weight in the hospital/not wanting to eat much, jaundice) but those were nothing on what could have happened.

I try to just tell myself that this little guy will be different. I know he'll be just fine whenever he's born, and I'm hoping my intuition is correct in that he'll be bigger then his sister which should make things easier overall. Smile

cindyanns's picture
Joined: 02/20/10
Posts: 775

I can relate to the guilty feelings. I'm sitting here at 32 weeks WISHING baby would just come because I've started having a lot of pain and they don't know what's causing it. I'm having major guilt, because I know my baby isn't ready and she's totally healthy baking. It's a really selfish wish. I feel like a horrible mother. Both to my daughter who I can barely hold now because of the pain and I only get to see for a few hours everyday and to my little girl that's just hanging in there as best she can.

Try not to feel guilty. It's normal to want baby out when you're not doing so hot. I know I need to take a little of my own advice too, I'm struggling with it. But hoping baby comes at full term, but ASAP is definitely not a bad thing.

Joined: 04/30/09
Posts: 2257


I'm so sorry you're in pain Cindy. As if you need that on top of the stress of hospital bed rest. I think a lot of my anxieties about giving birth if he came early are surrounding getting DD to my in-laws and all of that. We have a plan in place but when I'm in labor I don't like to be around anyone but my husband and my medical team just so I can focus through the pain. I also can't imagine how hard it must be for you being unable to interact with your oldest DD while you're taking care of your littlest by being on rest. You're doing fantastic and I hope this all goes by quickly for you. Thinking of you!