I knew certain people would think these things, but to say it to me at work really bothered me I had someone come up to me today and tell me I was insane for having a 4th child. I'm trying my best to just let it roll off my shoulders, but I don't understand why people can't just keep these negative comments to themselves. It's none of their business.
Hubby hurt my feelings too. I figured if he's making me find out the gender, I thought it would be fun to do a gender reveal party. A few of you mentioned it a while back when I was trying to decide whether to find out or not. I asked if he would want to do something like that because I found some super cute ideas, and he said, "No one will come or care...it's our 4th kid." I want to celebrate this LO's arrival just as I did with the other little monkeys and I thought this would be fun but evidentally I'm on my own if I decide to do it. Okay enough of my pity party. Today was just one of those days...
You DH said that? I mean, it might kind of be true, but still... maybe you could do something with just family or a few close friends? Or maybe you could make it special without really sharing. I'm hoping with #4 to have the tech write down the info and put it in an envelope with a picture from the u/s so DH and I can open it together after the kids are asleep. I kind of want a surprise, but DH is dead set against it.
And I'm not looking forward to the "what, another? Are you nuts?" comments either.
big boy 12.8.07 @ 39+2 7lbs 8oz, 20.5" BFed for 13 months
middle boy 8.12.09 @ 39+4 7lbs 9oz, 21" BFed for 13.5 months
little boy 4.26.11 @ 38+4 6lbs 14oz, 19.5" BFed until 26mo and restarted at 30mo!
baby boy 10.25.13 @ 41+0 8lbs 15oz, 21.5"
8.16.12 & 12.16.12
Virgina, I really wanted to keep it a surprise, but DH i adament that we find out. I'm pretty sure that it's a girl, so I think he needs time to adjust to the fact. If it's a boy, I'll be pleasantly surprised
With Lauryn and Cameron we had baby sprinkles. Since they weren't the first LOs I didn't want a full-fledged baby shower, but something special to commerate their upcoming arrival. We went out to eat a a resturant with a few close friends and celebrated that way. I thought of something like that again, but then thought this might be more fun. I'm not sure yet what we'll do. And I contemplated not having the tech tell me either but writing it down and then going to the store and picking out 2 outfits and having the cashier put one in a giftbag while I'm not looking. We'll see how I feel on Thursday. To spite hubby I might just say she couldn't figure it out and let him guess for another 8 weeks until my 4D scan...Haha
People are so rude it kills me. I can't stand when someone else tries to decide what the right size of your family is. I'm sorry you've already had to deal with that.
I'd be pretty hurt if DH said that to me too, although a lot of times they really don't think about what they're saying or how hurtful it is. I think the gender reveal thing sounds so fun! I have friends that have had the tech put the info in an envelope and then had a cake made with pink or blue frosting to "reveal" it so that could work if you did another dinner party.
I am sorry you're not getting your surprise (unless baby sides with you ) but I'm sure once DH (and others) know the sex, they'll be more positive.
Please don't let that negativity bring you down. The people making the comments *may* not mean anything by it, however I think that you can have 4, 8, 24...whatever, as long as it makes you happy and you have enough love to go around (which I'm sure you do!). As for DH.. my DH can say some hurtful things sometimes without realizing it. When I bring it up to him, days later, he often apologizes and swears he didn't mean it to hurt me. I'm sure your friends and family are supportive enough to throw a fun gender-reveal party. I would definitely tell DH he hurt your feelings though. Good luck.
Oh Holly! I'm so sorry people don't know when to keep their mouths shut sometimes! I know what you are going through in that aspect...6 kids is a lot...and I've gotten my share of remarks from other people, and as hard as I try to not let it bother me, it still does. Hang in there! You just need to be happy with your decision and go from there--no matter how hard.
As for DH, I agree with Jessica, that maybe your DH didn't know he hurt your feelings...maybe he doesn't realize how important it is to you. And I think it would be SO much fun to have a gender reveal party--even if it is just with close family or friends or whomever you decide to invite.
Good luck! Hang in there, friend!
Don't listen to people who say stuff like that. I can't believe someone had the nerve to say that. That is beyond rude, really more like bullying. The only response I can think of is "Next time hubby and I will consult you with regards to our reproductive choices."
I think your friends will care what the gender is. Besides, it is fun to throw a party- and I think that is perfect as you are not asking for gifts.. just company. I play devil's advocate all the time at home (and everywhere else) so I might be guilty of saying something like that - but it is just how I work stuff out in my mind.
We are not having a gender reveal party because I cannot keep from spilling the beans. I guess we are going to have a "It's Fall" party or something like that.
P.S. you know what is funny; it is the same people who tell people who only have one child - don't you want to have another; don't you want to provide a sibling for _______. The nerve!
I cannot believe what people will say. Really a fourth kid not a big deal in our family my sister is on her 7th and already has a grandbaby so really not that big of a deal. But I know what you mean people really don’t know how to keep their mouths shut and know what they say hurts. I have had a ton of people ask if I was having twins or more. REALLY!!!!!!
As for DH I am sorry I really wanted a surprise but DH didn’t I think the party would be fun and a fun compromise for the two of you? I think men are just not as sensitive when it comes to this stuff and don’t really realize that the 4, 7, 10th kid is just as a blessing as the first.
I am in the same boat. After DD was born I had all sorts of people tell me how we should be done, even DD's pt (she had torticolis). She felt that the hour or so a week that she saw me and my kids a week made it her buisness to tell me that I shouldnt have any more, and a bunch of other baloni. I ended up complaining to her superior. I think People see a pregnant lady, or a "bigger" family and all tact goes out the window. I keep getting "now are you done?" I tell them well, we were done after #2, and then after #3, so I guess we will see. I saw someone's blinkie that I so want to get to put up in my sig. It says something about her having five kids, yes they know what causes it, they like it, and are good at it lol.
As far as DH goes, I would tell him how that made you feel. I only got one baby shower (well, 2, one for each side of the family) when I was pregnant with DS1. When we found out that we were having a girl our 3rd time, a friend of mine said that she wanted to throw me a sprinkle, and never did. My MIL even told me that they only do 1. For our gender announcement I made up an amazon baby registry with boy stuff on it... not that I expect people to buy off of it, but as a "heres what is gender specific for this baby"... everyone seemed to think it was cute... except my SIL. She emailed me *****ing about how rude it was to do it that way, and that people who are having a 4th dont make registries. I just told her that I was sorry, that I thought it was a cute way to tell people. And, what was the big deal? It had stuff I liked on it, and with xmas being soon after I am due, and people liking to bring gifts to the hospital, now they knew the kind of things I liked. Opinions are like a...holes... as they say.... and you cant please everyone.
I am just to the point that people can shove it. They dont like what we do when it comes to our family, thats on them. I am just going to live my life the best way I can, and not worry about other people.