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Thread: Hurt feelings x2 today :(

  1. #11
    Posting Addict Holly_Anne618's Avatar
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    Thanks for the support ladies. The woman at work at the gall to sit by me at lunch and say it again....I just looked at her and said, "You know what, we're thrilled and that's all the matters. Those that don't agree, we'll it's none of their business." You'd think she got the clue, but then she continued on with whether or not I was going to pick up a second job. WTH?!? I already have a second job, but it isn't one I need. I work one day a week to get out of the house and earn a few extra dollars to put towards house stuff that we want to do. I could have just smacked her in the face :angry:

    My mom got her annoucement yesterday, and she reacted the way I thought she would. I got a text saying, "Well, if you're happy, then I am happy, but I worry about what the stress of pregnancy and another c/s will do to your body." I just wrote her back and said we're happy and that so far this has been a very laidback pregnancy. Hopefully she'll come around.
    Holly
    Addison 6.1.2006
    Lauryn11.29.2007
    Cameron 7.23.2010
    Reagan 1.21.2013


    4.8.09

  2. #12
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    Wow. That is all. Anyway, hope you feel all the love and support coming from here.

    Tiffany

  3. #13
    Posting Addict Holly_Anne618's Avatar
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    I definately do. Thank you so much ladies!
    Holly
    Addison 6.1.2006
    Lauryn11.29.2007
    Cameron 7.23.2010
    Reagan 1.21.2013


    4.8.09

  4. #14
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    I'm glad you're feeling the love and support from us! Your co-worker sounds like she needs to learn some listening skills/manners. It's hard when your own family isn't more enthusiastic or when they do what you expect and it's not what you'd want. I'm sure your mom was just being blunt about her own concerns for you as her child, but hopefully she'll reconsider when to bring things up in the future. At least you can tell her that if your OB isn't worried, you're not worrying about it.

    As hard as it is to ignore all the negative comments, at least you know that what is happening in your life is nothing short of wonderful.
    Mia
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  5. #15
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    Some people are just....rude. Probably super opinionated about everything, and their way is right for everyone. But, I understand how it can affect you. It's hard to feel like you have to defend yourself for something that is just a personal choice. It's one of the reasons I don't want to really share openly about having IVF for baby #3. It seems like so many people think you should be done with two, and if you have a girl and boy you should really be done! Probably works great for a lot of people, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it's not right for everyone.

    Sounds like your mom is sort of worried for you, but I'm sure that she'll just melt when she meets the new little one!
    ~Kara~

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  6. #16
    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    *lurking* Hope you won't mind my weighing in. We have a (very) large family... and this is a battle that I have had for years. I have had notes left on my van, been confronted in stores, and -- the worse -- have had people say something not simply in front of my children (distasteful and that I correct) but TO my children (UNACCEPTABLE ) It is one of the reasons I love the Large family board here as it helps to connect with others. All of you here on this thread are AWESOME!

    Years ago, while in a store (and I didn't have them all!) -- someone came up to me while pregnant in front of the kids and told me (and them) that she felt sorry for them. We couldn't possibly love them all. One of my older sons did not miss a beat and shared "In our house, love is multiplied... never divided!" Think of a lit candle shared? Kwim? The light only grows stronger.

    My experience with dh -- at times, he definitely has foot in mouth disease. LOL I'll point it out later and share how it makes me feel and definitely I KNOW he loves ALL the kids and doesn't mean to be hurtful. He apologizes... and learns... until the next time. :P

    My mom and dad though....... definitely sound similar. I can share from my own experience is that I had to keep something important in mind. To them -- I am still *their* baby. They just worry for me, my health, and well-being. I tend to delay sharing pregnancy news until absolutely forced to as I HATE the lectures. They adore all of our kids and are a huge support for me -- after birth. LOL

    For your coworker, and those like her, I have some of the following "comebacks":
    • We aren't asking for you to pay for them. Don't worry!
    • This is MY "choice"
    • No, I don't need to be *fixed*. It all works just fine!
    • Yes, we know what 'causes pregnancy! We are perfecting techniques.
    • We have our priorities... and you have yours. It's all good!
    Gosh -- I could go on and on! :P I'm going to have to grumble about this some more on our "wall" to seek some more feedback!

    I seriously do not mind whatever each family determines as best for THEM... but strongly disagree with those that try to make that decision for you.

    For the gender reveal, do what makes YOU happy! If you are concerned that some may not "get it" or be happy for you... skip them! Maybe pick a few supportive gal pals and go out to lunch together. I love the idea of having a cashier put one in a gift bag for you (just make sure that the prices are EXACTLY the same or you'll guess ahead of time. LOL) Let your friends know that you want to discover the surprise with them.... and then wait until dessert before opening it up to build anticipation!

    HA -- and now *I* want to know. Have your tech email me!! ROFL

    ((((((HUGS))))))) Wishing you all the best!

    ~Missy (missyj@pregnancy.org)

  7. #17
    Posting Addict Jules's Avatar
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    As a mom of six...I've so been there. For your list of "come-backs:"

    • It finally gets down to BUTT OUT! This is my husband and my decision. I understand that you do not agree and might find it environmentally unsound or irresponsible. To work effeciently together, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this issue.

    My worst experience was in a Safeway store. A little background -- our family has always been a bit crunchy, definite advocates of the re-use, recycle (usually for another child lol) and reduce. We lived on a few acres, raised chickens, grew our own meat and milk, had a large garden, tried to barter and buy local. Sooooo, this woman, with a loaded cart, walked up to me. I had four kids along and a baby in a sling. She proceeds to tell me that all the children are harming the environment, it's irresponsible to have that many kids and how sorry she feels for them.

    Like in Missy's example, a child came through. I admit that her reply may have bordered on rude. "Our family takes care of the earth. I can tell by your clothes and the stuff in your cart that you don't make very wise choices."

    Others can think what they will. There are times that I'd rather they keep it to themselves.

    Your dh is thinking like a guy. Most of the other gender -- speaking of gender reveal -- are more than willing to enjoy anything baby especially if it means that you can get together for snacks and kibitz.

    As for moms, they do that. Mine did and she absolutely loved each child and couldn't imagine our family without a single one. However, I was her baby and she worried about me, my health, my time...it's part of a mommy's job. Now that I have grown up kids, I find myself biting my tongue every now and then (okay, more often than I would like to admit lol).

  8. #18
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    My mom told me I was stupid for having a baby and being married at my age. I completely understand about not getting support like you want.
    The Furtados since May 2012
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  9. #19
    Posting Addict Holly_Anne618's Avatar
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    Gosh...you guys are wonderful!! Thank you for being so supportive. I appreciate more than you know!

    My grandma called today. I love that woman!! She told me that she was happy for me and that I shouldn't let anyone else bother me. This is a time of happiness for Todd and me and that if people don't like it...it's none of their business. I couldn't agree with her more, but it's easier said than done. That's for sure. Thanks again ladies! You all are wonderful
    Clarkton likes this.
    Holly
    Addison 6.1.2006
    Lauryn11.29.2007
    Cameron 7.23.2010
    Reagan 1.21.2013


    4.8.09

  10. #20
    Mega Poster VixB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neoncandle View Post
    The only response I can think of is "Next time hubby and I will consult you with regards to our reproductive choices."
    Exactly!!!!

    Sorry you had a bad day and hope DH will be more enthusiastic about the party!
    Vicky
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