Fear of puking? (getting it off my chest)
I was just wondering if anyone here has a fear (phobia) of puking.
I didn't realize how much I do until last Friday when I almost passed out while having a panic attack when the nausea took over and I knew I was going to puke. I couldn't breath because of the panic. The thought of puking scares me to death. I hate it. I hate the act of it. I am scared to leave my house when I think I might be sick. I don't like going anywhere unless there is a toilet in site at all times.
DH doesn't get it and just says, do it and get it over with as you will feel better after. But I'm so scared of doing it that I wait as long as possible hoping it will go away. It was so bad last Friday that I was sitting on the bathroom floor shaking from the panic, just waiting for it to happen, but scared to let it happen at the same time.
I'm having a bad day today. I haven't puked so far (and not since last Friday) but the excessive saliva and nausea is really starting to get the better of me and I'm having a mini-panic attack at my desk. Neither washroom on my floor are near my desk at work. The closer one is more public and I'm afraid of people hearing me throw up. The one that's more empty/private is a little farther down the hall in the other direction but I'm scared if I go that way, I won't make it. When I need to throw up it hits me and I have seconds before it comes up. And I take forever to throw up. My stomach doesn't stop until it's empty, which can include many many heaves to empty it and often quite a bit of dry heaving after. And it always goes up my nose too...and I start crying and shaking uncontrollably after.... not fun.
I broke down and chewed a stick of gum, even though it has aspartame, because I was desperate to get rid of the excessive saliva.
I think the fear comes from being very prone to stomach viruses as a kid. I would get the stomach flu all the time, especially in summer. I would puke for 24 hrs straight, then only after that feel better. It was horrid. I hated it. Throwing up in a bucket on the floor that my mom would leave for me "just in case". I was the only one in my family who ever got sick like that.
It also comes from throwing up in public twice as a child/early teen. Once in a grocery store, right in the meat department, and once was in a Canadian Tire (it's a Home Depot type store) in the tire section. To this day, the smell of tires still makes me sick. It was so embarrassing that I think it's a huge contributor to me being afraid to puke now. And I feel sorry for the staff who had to clean it up....