freaking myself out about getting bigger
Gosh, with all these things happening earlier than I expected (winded, bloating, swelling), I'm starting to really freak out about the next 23 weeks or so.
I read a LOT before getting pregnant. I thought I knew most things, but the "hormones make your insides relax so you digest more" thing I didn't know. So, that whole feeling full longer thing still freaks me out. Also, when I found out that the hormones that relax your digestion also affect your lungs, it explained why I feel so hard to breath sometimes. Because of my anemia before getting pregnant, I was used to getting winded going up stairs. Now it's twice as bad and I'm only just getting to 1/2 way through this!
Everything squishes my insides and I feel like I can't breath most of the time except when I wake up in the morning and I'm empty inside. Drinking water, clothing, bras, eating. All of it makes me winded. (I do need new bras as these are too tight in the band now as well). Even my maternity pants and underwear feel tight and make me feel like I can't breathe. I just want to wear a muumuu all day long with nothing under it.
And I have an insanely short torso. Even though I'm tall (5'7"), I'm ALL legs. One of my oldest friends is 5'11 and our hips line up but my torso is 4 inches shorter than hers!! On the sides of my body I only have 3 inches between the bottom of my lowest ribs and the top of my hip bone. I have no where to go but out!
I'm just scared. I don't have a hugely demanding job, but it's lots of work to commute and the rotating shifts and on-call are stressful. Sometimes I get no sleep (one week I work until till 12AM on the Friday night, then starting the Monday after I'm up at 4AM so I can get there for 7AM). Then when I'm on my "change" rotation, I do three weeks in a row of 5 days on, 1 day off. In exchange for that we get a 4 day weekend at the end. But I lack sleep so much during that shift that even before pregnant I wanted to die from the lack of relax time between shifts.
How am I going to feel when I'm bigger? I'm somewhat miserable now, how can I make it for the next 23 weeks? What if the swelling doesn't get better or gets worse? What if I end up with the same issues as my sister (she had pre-e and after 6 weeks of hospitalization due to high blood pressure, she had an emerg c-sec at 34 weeks)? What if I have to work from home or go on sick leave? My older sister gained 60lbs with each pregnancy and that scares me. I talked to my mom yesterday and she said she never had problems but both my sisters had lots of swelling (only the one had one pregnancy with pre-e though, and that's the one she started swelling really early with).
I was reading and there's nothing you really can do to stop high blood pressure in pregnancy. They believe that pre-e stems from abnormalities in the placenta (new research) so all we can do is control it? I was hoping if I ate well and didn't gain too much I would be ok. But now I'm slightly freaking out....